Chimera Fields I never meant to call you out

Where was he? She had lingered for a few days in the Sound, somehow thinking that if she waited long enough, he would return and everything would be happy and they could live out the winter, maybe join one of the shore packs...

But she lured him somewhere. She figured it was somewhere inland, because no matter where she looked along the coast, she couldn't find them. No, she wouldn't do that. Maude shuddered at the thought of air without the tinge of salt, but for @Kjalarr... She found herself in the grassy plains beyond the shore, trying to find any trace of them, no, just him.

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Kjalarr had not lingered long in the deserted Sound. When he realized what had become of Saltwinter he had roused Ondine from her sleep and led her inland, to Neverwinter. Kjalarr had never thought the day would come that he would ask if their offer still stood. His and Ondine's position within their ranks was unclear without Scimitar to assign them and holding to the hope that his adoptive father would reappear with his missing son in tow. That had yet to happen. Ondine had begun to show symptoms of pregnancy and though he wouldn't dare say it to her face he could swear that her belly looked to be a little bit ...rounder. There was no mistaking that she was with child, showing or not, and fatherhood loomed over Kjalarr — a dark and terrifying abyss. It was not a monster he thought he was ready to face but he had no choice and he would do the best he could...for whatever the effort would prove to be worth.

The fox he'd been hunting for Ondine had drew him out of Neverwinter Forest's territory and into the neighboring Chimera Fields. His prize hung limp betwixt his jaws as he loped around, heading back to Neverwinter before a familiar figure came into view. He'd know Maude's silhouette anywhere, but her scent also gave her away. For a moment, Kjalarr's steps ceased, his eyes narrowing as they locked onto the pirate remembering the last time they'd been in proximity to one another. Admittedly, this meeting was missing Ondine but Kjalarr did not forget the way Maude had launched herself at Ondine's womb, drawing blood. As if Maude had wanted to murder his children. Perhaps she did. For a second, Kjalarr thought of avoiding her all together but he was not a coward. His grip tightened on the fox as he watched her, waiting for her to take note of him.

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She didn't know where to start looking, only knowing that he must have gone further inland...Ondine must have lured him away from the sea, knowing that Maude loved it. She thought she was smart. She thought she could fool Maude into thinking that she had no interest in Kjalarr, whilst casting some kind of sea-witch spell on him. Maude gritted her teeth; yes that was it. That stupid heat-stench. It captures all men's hearts, the dirty trick. She doubted Ondine had any true love for Kjalarr; this was only a game to her. It wasn't a game for her; Ondine made it so.

She jerked away from her fuming, a familiar platinum figure in the distance. Kjalarr, She whispered, hopeful. She trotted towards him, her tail wagging furiously, almost hindering her movement as she approached, a giddy smile on her face. Kja... She grew closer now, close enough to see the three scars on his face.

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It did not take Maude long to notice him. Kjalarr watched her approach with weary eyes, ears pushed forth atop his skull before they slicked back to hear his name leave her lips: a hopeful whisper, followed promptly by a giddy smile, her tail wagging furiously behind her. She was thoroughly joyed to see him and it was ...perplexing. There was a certain amount of relief at seeing that she was well and yet their last encounter kept replaying, over and over like a broken record and he was perplexed that she dared to approach him as if it had never happened. He wondered if she would have done it if he hadn't intervened, if Ondine would not have been able to fight her off. Granted, there probably hadn't been a whole lot of anything within Ondine at that point — the time frame of forming of fetuses and such was all foreign concepts to Kjalarr — but still. She had sought to end something before it could come to fruition.

While Kjalarr struggled with his fear of the unknowns of fatherhood it was evident that the dormant paternal instincts had begun to kick in as he fell easily into the routine of tending to Ondine as she cared for herself and his children within her. Their children. Perhaps Maude had forgotten but Kjalarr did not forget. He laid the fox at his paws at her approach, greeting her with a simple, “Maude.”

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At this point she did not care whether or not he had forgiven her; she was simply happy to see him, away from Ondine's physical presence. She sat in front of him, holding herself from pouncing on him and covering him in kisses — they never got that close. She had declared her love in the worse way. The pirate looked up at the Viking, trying to find some semblance of happiness in his piercing eyes. Crew's all gone now; none o' 'em came back, She declared, though she figured Kjalarr already decided that the pack was dissolved. It was the only reason why she hung back (the only reason she would admit). Yew in another pack now? She asked, her head tilted slightly as she tried to avoid everything but the siren.

you get my 400th post! :D

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Kjalarr watched as Maude sat in front of him, his gaze sweeping over her once more before it settled above her head, his left ear twitching in her direction as his gaze refocused upon her family, scraggly form when she spoke. “I know,” He had not lingered very long to ascertain that any would return but he doubted that they would. He'd done what any responsible captain had: gone down with his ship as it sunk to the depths but Saltwinter's end did not mark his end. His saga had much to be written and Kjalarr was not the type of play “woe-is-me” that Saltwinter had crashed down around him. He kept moving forward. The viking persevered. “Neverwinter Forest,” He confirmed with a sage nod at her question and gestured in it's direction with his muzzle. “I have family there.” He told her though he wasn't very sure why. Did it matter? Would she attack them too (despite that there was no blood shared between him and the Frostfur's)?

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With the disappearance of Caiaphas, Maude's interest in the pack had waned. While she continued her duties as Beta, whatever that was, she only went through the motions. The only other thing she cared about was Kjalarr...and getting rid of Ondine as soon as possible. But now they weren't forced to conflict. Kjalarr wasn't in her grasp...at least...

She ignored his talk of family, only bristling slightly at the thought of Ondine being a part of his...family. They's big, then? She asked. Is dere...is dere still room?

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Her question of Neverwinter's size was tossed about for a moment as he did a mental head count of the wolves he knew and knew of. “About average size, I guess. Bigger than Saltwinter.” He told her — in the sense of children they were an average size seemed like a good estimate. He was pretty sure that he'd met all of the adults, at least, if not all of them. “Yes,” Kjalarr hedged at her question if there was still room. It reminded him of the elephant in the room they seemed determined to circle around. “Maude,” He beseeched. “Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Well, they were gonna talk about it, regardless. Ondine would soon be a month pregnant with his children and the two women were going to have to come to terms with one another eventually. “You have to talk to me. So I'll start,”

“Ondine is pregnant. Her and my children aren't going anywhere, so if you join Neverwinter you have to know that. And you can't be fighting with her. They might do what I could not.” He warned her, giving it plenty in advance and a chance to change her mind on following him if she wanted.

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She simply wanted nothing more than to join the pack, to be with him. Ondine was a problem, yes, but a problem she could ignore...she supposed. As the bitch grew, she'd spend more time lazing about rather than hunting and patrolling, like she would be doing. It would work out. If it didn't....if it didn't she'd move away. Yes, that was a solution; just ignore her. All that was binding them

He brought it up, and Maude tilted her head back to meet his gaze. I'm aware, She said, regarding Ondine's...condition. She would be showing well by now, a thought that only infuriated her. Kjalarr was so devoted to her... She ain't yer mate....is she? The thought of them being lovers, of this relationship being more than her surrogate status...Maude's lip wanted to curl at the thought, but she tried her best to keep stoic. Yew don't...love 'er?

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Kjalarr simply stared down at Maude when the pirate posed the question to him, asking if Ondine was his mate but in a way that sounded like something of an accusation to him. He swallowed and his ears slicked back to rest at half mast against his skull but not in shame. “I did what I had to,” He told her vaguely. “I did what was right, Maude. How would it have looked to my family if I showed up with her pregnant with my children and not call her my mate? It was wrong to let my instincts rule me so entirely and take her but I did and those children are mine. She is the mother of my children. What else was I to do?” He didn't necessarily feel like he had to justify anything to Maude but he explained nevertheless and told himself it was because he felt like she was accusing him (even if she wasn't) and he was defensive. Little did Kjalarr know that Ondine was not the only woman that could claim she was the mother of his child but he remained blissfully unaware of that and though sometimes he wondered back to that lust induced meeting he did not ever dwell upon it for too long.

The next question was regarding if he loved Ondine. He found that he didn't really have an answer. He didn't know her well enough to be able to claim if he loved her or not. Their coupling had been out of hormone ridden desire and their mateship was out of necessity, out of Kjalarr's desire to do right by her and the children she was carrying even though the mere thought of fatherhood was enough to cripple the viking with terror. “I don't know.” He told her honestly, simply.

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It was for his family that he called her his mate. Maude sighed in relief, though Ondine might think it something else. She had no idea how the witch really thought about Kjalarr — whether she claimed him just to spite Maude or harbored some feelings for the Viking — but her thoughts seemed irrelevant. She did not matter; she was merely an obstacle. 

I don't know was preferable to yes, but it wasn't a no. She gritted her teeth at the thought that Kjalarr had some feelings for her — was it out of duty? Did it simply make caring for her easier? Maude looked down for a moment, contemplating whether this was the right thing to say, only to turn her head up, and make his gaze, her eyes burning intently. I love yew, Kja,

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Her eyes were intent as they met his and her declaration froze the northman. "I love you, Kja". It rang in his ears, like the chime of a large bell too close. It echoed, nonsensical at first until his brain processed that yes, Maude had just declared her love for him. Love. Maude loved him. Would he not have been entirely too confused about what they'd been to one another before Ondine's estrus cycle and the chaotic hurricane that had followed after he might have snorted. He remembered, distinctly, when they hated one another. He stared at her, as if the plains of her face were going to tell him what he should do with that knowledge because he didn't know. He didn't know how he felt about it, or even what he felt in return. Guilt balled in his chest and he swallowed against it because what use was him knowing this? Other than to make him feel guilty? It changed nothing. It just served to overwhelm him in the flood of everything else. “You attacked Ondine. Went for her womb. You tried to kill my children.” Granted they hadn't been children at that time but still. And perhaps that was ironic since he was afraid of how he'd fail as a father, afraid of everything that came with it but if he and Ondine chose to end them then that was their choice. But what did it mean that he knew, in the marrow of his bones, that if anyone — Maude included — tried to kill or hurt them he would not hesitate to maul and kill, if necessary. Deep down, Kjalarr wanted them, wanted his children to live and to grow even if they terrified him. He hadn't really addressed her declaration of love but he didn't know how to. And he couldn't help but feel that what she probably wanted him to say he couldn't.

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She stared at him with baited breath, awaiting his answer. His expression was a familiar one: confusion. Had anyone told him that before? Someone who wasn't a relative? Had Ondine told him that? Or was it the fact that she was the one to tell him this? She was not sure when this feeling of love first came to her, but once it did, it consumed her soul in a fire of passion and obsession, fueled further by Ondine's actions. She was desperate to have and hold him now, but he was pulling, straining away towards the unborn children in Ondine's womb. He mentioned that first, before his answer, his reaction to her declaration. Her brow furrowed. Aye, I did, You could have more. She wanted to say. But to a young new father, was that the best thing to say? I wanted t' 'urt 'er, not ye kids.

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Kjalarr struggled to process it. It was simple really: Maude loved him. Yet...it was so complicated. Complicated and strange for the viking. It wasn't like he could ever recall anyone ever telling him that. In fact, as the raging sea of emotions settled he was still left perplexed. A singular question rose above all the other's. Why? It wasn't that he didn't see himself worthy of love, necessarily. It was just a ...strange concept. Bizarre. Likely, this perplexity stemmed, he considered, from the fact that he knew very well that he was hard to get along with. He'd picked fights with all of his biological family until none of them would even associate with him besides Floki. As Floki was the only one Kjalarr could honestly say that he loved he wasn't particularly bothered by his emancipation from them. Floki was the only (biological) family that had ever mattered to him outside of Ragnar but his father had died when he'd been barely a month old and had never been there (and thus barely counted).

“By hurting her, you could hurt them.” He told her sharply, his ears fanning back before they fell against his skull and he inhaled deeply and sighed. He was scared, he realized. Of fatherhood he was already aware of, but he was scared of being loved and of ...falling in love. With Maude. With Ondine. He, admittedly, didn't understand why he couldn't have both but fell under the distinct impression that neither woman would go for that arrangement. Maybe he loved Maude. Maybe he loved Ondine. And then what? What use was love if it threatened to tear you in half? “And what of the others I've bedded? Will you attack them and my children they may be carrying?” He inquired. He'd never know if Potema (though he did not know her name) had his child or not but that was besides the point. He was proving to be quite the libertine and if she went around attacking every child he sired then she was a threat. To his bloodline and to him.

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She watched his expression. He was conflicted. Why should he be? It was a simple solution really; keep the kids, boot Ondine. All she was was a surrogate at this point. He didn't love her. She knew it. He just didn't want to hurt her feelings. That was it.

Her limbs moved awkwardly as she was filled with shame. Not with her actions, but the fact she didn't take into account his feelings. She didn't know what these kids would be like, perhaps nothing like their mother, but she felt guilty now. She wanted to apologize, but knew that no amount of kowtowing and apologies could hide what she did.

Her ears perked up, widening slightly at the thought of others. He had touched other women. Part of her wanted to spit at him in disgust, but she held it back, tying it with all of the other feelings she had wanted to slip out during their conversation. Wot 'bout 'em? She shrugged. D'ye even know who dey are?

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He had no answers. He had no right answers. He had no one to turn to for guidance in matters such of these. Ragnar was long dead and Scimitar now joined his biological father. The phrase “follow your heart” was no help and would only elicit the viking's scoff. He doubted he had much of a heart. If he did, if he was selfless, he might have cut them both free since he knew that he could never have both of them. Yet Kjalarr wasn't selfless and thus he dallied in the grey area of “i don't know” as he would until something forced him to decide otherwise. He brought the other women up to see how she would react, and to communicate that he had no true desire to change his ways. He did not see why he should deny himself the call of a woman's body in estrus if she did not spurn him (perhaps that was the biggest indicator that he wasn't ready for any kind of relationship, oops). It was only nature. Could she stand there and tell him that she took no lovers? That she held herself pure and innocent before him? Somehow he doubted it.

“No.” Kjalarr admitted. He knew neither of the woman's names he had though he doubted the first had resulted in any of her children being his as he was too young to actually reproduce at that time.

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He didn't know them. Maude relaxed then, shrugging. Den dey don't matter, right? It didn't even seem like he cared for them, both mother and children. Maude was fine, she supposed, with Kjalarr having children, but it was his love that she wanted. Love, she thought, could only belong to one thing. She found that, once children were born, mates shifted their love to their offspring, or somewhere else entirely. She wanted Kjalarr's love, reciprocated, away from Ondine. The child didn't matter. Let me join,

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“No,” Kjalarr drew coolly. “They don't matter.” And they wouldn't, lest they made themselves matter to him. This possibility he doubted as he had not seen hide nor hair of either woman since their intimate nights though he was not so foolish as to entirely write it off. Things in the past had ways of biting him in the ass later on in life and thus he felt the need to be honest about what (who, in this case) he'd done and acknowledge that there may be living breathing consequences because of it. Maybe it wouldn't ever matter but Kjalarr had learned the hard way that the past could not be forgotten and transgressions couldn't be swept under the rug as if they'd never happened. She asked him then to let her join. He wasn't so sure that she wouldn't attack Ondine or the babes she carried but there was a part of Kjalarr that hoped Maude's declaration of love true, believing that if she truly did love him she wouldn't hurt him like that. Perhaps it was a vain hope and he struggled to give her the benefit of the doubt but he was not the sole leader and if she wished to join Neverwinter she would have to do it as all the others.

“Then you know where to find me.” He told her simply with a shrug of his broad shoulders.

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She was glad they didn't. Had she known where the wanton women lay now, she would have been less concerned. Far away from Kjalarr, with little regard for them. They were nothing. Ondine on the other hand...

He was granting her leave to attempt to join, which was enough for her. The chance to be with him again was enough. Maude smiled, nodding vigorously. I do,

last post from me & kja. feel free to archive as is or reply once more if you want too. ^-^

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Kjalarr had nothing else to say. He gave a stiff, slight nod to Maude’s own vigorous one and her confirmation that she knew where to find him. There was nothing else to say, really. “Then I’ll be seeing you.” He replied, a bit awkwardly. He still wasn’t sure what to make of Maude, if he could trust her in the inexplicable way that he had before. A lot of things had changed and though he could not speak for anyone else Kjalarr knew that he was not the same as he’d been. He couldn’t be. Not with children on the way and his ascension to Neverwinter’s throne. He owed it to Scimitar, to the Frostfur’s, to Ondine and his unborn children to adapt. He offered a terse smile that did not touch his eyes to Maude before he turned and went back the way he came, heading back to Neverwinter Forest’s borders.

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