Redhawk Caldera A change of heart

@Peregrine (and possibly @Fox @Finley @Elwood )

Sebastian trotted through the the caldera as he wasn't really happy but he also wasn't really unsatisfied either. He tried to feel at home in the Caldera but somehow it didn't really work for him. Maybe he had grown up in such a dysfunctional pack that he felt out of place in this one. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't get their jokes or how he hadn't really connected with anyone. It was his fault, that was Sebastian's reasoning. But before he would leave he wanted to thank Peregrine for his hospitality and the chance to try and built a life within a pack. Sebastian was relieved he at least contributed a lot with hunting daily and prattling the borders. He hadn't been a slacker that ate all their food and was sunbathing most of the time.

Maybe the grey tank was too serious for this pack that was as tight knitted as a real family, somehow it just didn't work for him. His howl sounded through the air, hoping that Peregrine would react since he had met up with him the most or maybe one of the Beta's. No that wouldn't be right he would need to search out Peregrine before he would leave the pack and find his home somewhere else. 

The kids were at the rendezvous site, as usual, with Dove and Magpie. It was incredibly useful having them around, as they seemed to be excellent babysitters. At least, Fox considered them to be excellent babysitters, and that was all that really mattered, right? The two of them had come in handy on more than one occasion, and just as Fox was getting to the outer reaches of Redhawk Caldera, she heard a vaguely familiar howl. It took her a better part of a minute to recognize the voice as Sebastian's. Curious, she began making her way toward his call.

Her route took her through a thick patch of forest, but she made decent time. Before long, she was standing face-to-face with her pack-mate. "Hey, Seb. What's up?" she greeted in a casual manner. Her tail flicked this way and that, wondering if he'd just called for a chit-chat or if it was something more serious. Perhaps he'd gotten the word that they were looking for more warriors, and he was looking to sign up. Fox hadn't had a decent spar in quite some time, that much was true.

Sebastian didn't expect this to be so difficult. Was he maybe attached to the pack anyhow? Now he was doubting if he should leave. Maybe it was because Fox had instantly responded to his call. The tank of a wolf cleared his throat. "I wanted to say thank you and goodbye. But it is more difficult than I thought," he admitted and glanced his pale eyes at her. He didn't feel like he fit into this pack but maybe he hadn't realized that he had made some bonds already. He might be the most sad to say goodbye to Wildfire. He kinda liked that little girl, even though he should hate pups after what happened in his past. He just couldn't hate her, or any of them really.

"Be honest. Do you think I fit into this pack?," he asked then, sounding a bit desperate as the wolf didn't know what he was searching for. But he was searching for something. He felt like he was hiding in the Caldera while he should confront his father and resolve all these angry feelings inside of him. The thought of his father hurting any of the alpha pups here as a revenge made his body shudder.

When Seb spoke, Fox was puzzled, and it showed clearly on her face (where she tended to show her emotions freely as a rule). "Seb," she began, "I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. I know I gave you a bit of shit when we first met, but I only did so with the best intentions." It was kind of him to seek somebody out before he left... but perhaps he had only done so in the event that one of them could convince him to stay. "I think you’re the only one who can decide if you fit in or not. If I didn’t like you, I would’ve kicked you out a long time ago." Fox was notorious for doing just that. She didn't beat around the bush like some others might have.

"So if this is your goodbye, then you can get on outta here. But nobody’s telling you to leave." Once he was gone, though, he was gone. He couldn't flip-flop right away. Doing so was just too dang rude. The alpha let him chew on that for a bit, eyes level with him as he made whatever decision he was about to make.

Sebastian was usually too hard on himself. He was always looked down on and in this pack he just wanted a break of that, now he was only doing that to himself. His pale eyes glanced at the alpha female. He pondered about what to do but technically he didn't really want to leave. Maybe he should try harder in making friends. In a new pack he had to adjust again. He was glad to hear that the female talked about indirectly accepting him in her pack. Otherwise he would have been kicked out already, well he wasn't so that was good news. 

"I'm not sure I want to leave," he admitted then, looking a bit guilty. He was sometimes such an oversized puppy. "I just... I am not sure what I want and I think that is confusing me." But there was also this thing with his dad. He wanted that appreciation and he thought he would get that by confronting the male but Sebastian was becoming less certain of that. The dark pack he lived in and the fact that he had a new batch of kids he did care for. Maybe he just needed to accept that his father always disliked him. "I'm sorry for being some troublesome," he apologized, while he was far from being a troublemaker. 

Fox shrugged at his apology. She had never been sure how to handle awkward situations, and her typical response was to lash out and get defensive. "Why did you come here again? I mean, why did you join Redhawk Caldera?" Truth be told, she'd mostly forgotten why he was in the area at all. Some kind of family drama was assumed, if only because she vaguely remembered him talking about his mother and father.

It seemed like most wolves had some kind of family drama. Fox wasn't completely sheltered from it, of course. Her own father had tarnished his family name behind her mother's back... though Fox and her sisters who had come here were the only ones that knew. Thankfully, the drama between Peregrine and Fox had been kept to a minimum. They had their spats, but Fox had vowed to work things out with him no matter what. Their family would succeed, despite any and all odds that were thrown at them.

Sebastian cleared his throat because the reason he joined into the beginning had been a rather cunning one. He felt like a changed man. Maybe the Caldera did that to him and he hadn't even realized it. "The plan was to join a pack, yours, for wolves to have my back when a confrontation would happen between me and my dad. Only, after getting more information I am not sure if I want that confrontation. After I found him it was like my life's mission was gone. I know where he is and I know how he behaves. I don't want his wrath directed to the Caldera."

Sebastian let out a sigh. "Peregrine told me that I shouldn't create drama, and I didn't. But the assumptions I am making are slowly making me more insecure about myself and my role in this pack." Maybe he just had been frighten of the true things he was starting to feel for his packmates. He was starting to bond with Wildfire the most, but also the Beta pair he liked. And even though he felt that he didn't bond with anyone... maybe he was wrong about that. He realized that now. "Maybe I am closer to the pack than I realized," he breathed. 

Fox listened as carefully as she ever did (read: not that carefully) as Sebastian explained himself. It was a good thing she had never claimed to be a life coach or therapist of any kind, because she would have made a fucking terrible one. What she heard was something like "blah blah caldera blah blah dad blah blah insecurities blah blah tell me what to do." The last part was something she could actually help with, so she did.

"Redhawk Caldera does not lack protectors or hunters," she began, "What we do lack are the more… intellectual sorts. Those who know of healing, those who might resolve conflicts, and so on." Fox lacked the mental muscles for healing, and she was wary of such things anyway. Her social and diplomatic skills were complete shit, which likely explained much of the tension between herself and a variety of other wolves who resided in the nearby regions. "If you want to make yourself valuable, focus on those things. Leave the fighting and hunting to those of use who’ve already mastered it."

Sebastian thought about the trades in this pack and maybe they didn't need him to protect the borders or gather food as he just did. Maybe that was why he felt like he wasn't doing a good job. Because there were already so many of them. He would be more valuable if he would concentrated in other trades. This gave the young man more ambition and definitely a bette reason to stay. All he needed to do was to connect more with his fellow packmates and search out better trades instead of the ones that were already in use. 

"Thank you, Fox. That was quite enlightening," he spoke with a hint of a smile. Maybe leaving wasn't the option. Leaving was something that a coward would do. He just had to find his place within this pack, his new home. He would need to think about which trades would fit with him instead of the ones he had planned on getting before he came to the red female. 

Lol, pretty much all of what she said goes out the window after the incident, oops! But Seb should totally still pursue those more intellectual trades, because we lack them! :)
Last post for me, unless Seb stops her. ^__^

If he still intended to leave now, he didn't show it. In fact, it seemed as though, for once in her life, Fox had inspired somebody to do something. Now that wasn't a feeling she'd had in a long time. It was a funny one, and one she would likely gloat about down the road (oh, how she loved gloating). Fox had a good feeling that Sebastian was going to stick around for a long time. Even if he didn't stay here until the day he died, he could at least make a difference.

"I must be getting back to the firebirds," Fox said, pausing to hear any last words that Sebastian might have to say. She would listen with an open ear if he had any more concerns, of course. If he had none, she would vanish back into the brush and tend to her family.

I know right? haha. He might do healer, counselor and Warden haha.

Sebastian nodded with some appreciation to the alpha female. She had advised him well. It made him trust more in her leadership. If only he knew that soon she would be the only leader of the Caldera. Sebastian nodded, knowing that she was talking about her young. Wildfire was as red as her mother. Sebastian then decided he should stay. He should put more effort into the pack than only doing his tasks. Plus the tasks he had been doing were rather mindless, now he had some others to focus on. 

'Bye, Fox," he spoke in a thankful tone and moved back into the territory, to dig a more permanent den.