kiss me like you mean goodbye, said the spider to the fly

Set in the plains between Duskfire Glacier and Nova Peak.

To the south-east, there was grassland - and in the distance, glowing faintly in the cold midday light, was Duskfire Glacier. Bazi had walked for over an hour to reach this point, cutting a path through the ocean of yellow stalks. The shorter grasses irritated her increasingly sensitive underside, and it was with a sour look on her face and a burning hatred for all things pregnancy that the Nova Peak Alpha slumped into a sit and waited for the rage to subside. Already, the brood of pups growing in her belly were stopping her from going about her daily business - and she wasn't even showing. Permanent exhaustion rooted the Alpha to her home territory. On those rare days when she managed to overcome the nausea, something else would flare up - like crippling heartburn, or an aversion to the smell of pines (no easy thing when your home was roofed with the stuff). Everything sucked.

It was no use - she would have to return home.  Bazi heaved the loudest, most petulant sigh she could muster, and turned to follow her own trail back home.

well oopsie ;) gonna be vague.  Hope you don't mind me <3 

Though Danica had taken up Shadow's offer to stay in the Bypass, she had not joined per say.  Yes, Shadow was a friend, but she had no real interest in signing herself on to a pack, even in her sorry state.  Spring was here, her injuries had for the most part healed, and despite not really putting on much weight, her head was clearer for the few good meals she'd gotten down.

That meant it was time to see what was happening back at the glacier.  She doubted she would pledge herself there again, either, but she wished to know if the ones she'd grown fond of were doing well.  Namely, the Sveijarns.  When she had left, that had not been the case.

Her courage failed her, though, as the glacier came to view, and instead of heading towards it, she skirted round.  She had jumped ship right when things got rough... How could she expect them to be glad to see her?  Others she wouldn't mind, but still she held a soft spot for Tuwa, and for Mae, and to have their dislike wasn't her idea of a good time.

Little did she know, in passing the glacier, she would run into someone she really did not want to see.  When that familiar white figure ghosted into view, a heavy 'shit' was breathed, and immediately she turned round, an attempt to get away unnoticed.  What the hell was she doing here?!

We're going to be secret lovers, OBVS. Yay Danica!

The quietly hissed shit did not go unnoticed. Bazi whirled about to face the source of the sound with a dexterity that would soon be a thing of the past, eyes wide and ears standing high on her head. "Hello?" she declared, scanning the gently dancing tops of the reeds that surrounded her. It took a little while to isolate the golden body responsible, but when she did, Bazi felt an overwhelming sense of relief. She's alive. Bazi had vague and shameful memories of wishing the Duskfire wolf a speedy departure to off the face of the planet, and the thought had been one of many to resurface and gnaw at her over the past few weeks. Pregnancy forced the mind into all manner of uncomfortable extremes.

Bazi took a step forward, crossing into previously unflattened territory. The grass grazed uncomfortably against her belly. "Danica?" she demanded a little louder.

well duh :D haha I'm assuming she isn't showing enough yet for Danica to notice (unless I'm wrong?)

No such luck on the escaping front.  Apparently Bazi had ears after all, and the golden wolf's own tipped back with annoyance when her name was firmly called.  On the list of wolves Danica had wanted to see upon her return, Bazi wasn't exactly near the top.  In fact, she may have been somewhere around the bottom, outweighed only by the witch from the coast.  Though really, perhaps Caiaphas deserved a bump.  She'd had a lot of time to think, doing her loner thing, and where Bazi came in her mind had hardly been charitable.

"Bazi."  She delivered this neutrally, with no greeting attached.  Last time they had spoken, the white wolf hadn't exactly left on friendly terms, so Danica wasn't exactly sure which Bazi she was getting this time.  Secretly she hoped the one who would tell her to screw off, that way she wouldn't have to stick around.  She still looked far from ideal, sunken and mangy after more than a month of little to no food.  She had thought about mentioning that Bazi was no longer at Swiftcurrent, but now that she'd regained some footing thanks to Shadow, she didn't want it to be known that she'd been anywhere near the Creek.  Why let slip that she'd gone there for help when she no longer needed it?  Especially not to the one who, only a few months ago, had said she hoped she froze.

Well, maybe she couldn't quite leave it at that.  "Disappointed?"  There might have been a hint of ice behind the word, but for the most part, she kept casual.  She wasn't much for forgiving, but she also wasn't feeling a fight right now.

Bazi struggled to remember her last words to Danica before they parted ways, but they had not been kind. 'I hope you freeze to death'? Something along those lines. Bazi cursed her own poisonous mouth. It was clear from Danica's expression that whatever had been said had not been forgotten - but at least she hadn't actually died out there, though the state of her suggested that winter had been tough. "Disappointed?" she asked. Bazi's lips tightened. She took a step forward, but the feeling of grass tickling her underside was all but unbearable and she retreated with a wince. "No," the mother-to-be replied a little sourly, "Are you?"

Bazi was right in that... not forgotten in the least. Though more held onto at this point out of stubbornness than any sort of real malice. She knew the words hadn't been meant, but she was determined to keep her guard up regardless. This bitch woman had burned her before, and jumping into a happy feel-good friendship with her didn't feel like much of an option at the moment. Verbally (or literally) slamming her into the ground? Tempting.

She snorted at Bazi's question. "Wouldn't you be? Seems to be my natural state nowadays." An allowance on the ice, at least, though her eyes still burned into the other warily. She didn't miss the wince, but assumed it to be a reaction to her words rather than anything else. "What are you doing so far from your Creek?" A roundabout way of asking what the hell had happened to Swiftcurrent.

"Wouldn't you be?" Danica shot back, albeit with a wearisome note among the venom. The corners of Bazi's black lips turn up to form a grim smile. She could not imagine their positions switched, but guessed that she had saved herself a lot of bitterness and anger by being the one to inflict hurt. The scuffle with Fox was her only point of comparison, and that had been an even fight. She thought about her Alpha sometimes - missed her, even. "I suppose I wouldn't be thrilled," she agreed. With a toss of her head in the direction of Nova Peak, she added, "We moved. Me, Scimitar, Kaskara, Kieran.. a few others." Bazi's ears twitched. Did Danica want to see them? "There was too much going on with Shadow and the Blackfeather wolves, so.. here we are. Are you.." She trailed off, her eyes following the line of Danica's body from shoulder to tail. She had seen better days. "How did you survive?"

If Bazi would have asked, she may have laughed at the prospect of seeing them.  Even in Swiftcurrent she'd had few friends, though she had no reason to dislike them either.  Her faith and pleasure in others, at some point throughout the last few months, had been shot to hell.  This was one of the reasons she had jetted out of the Bypass so quickly.  For so long she'd sought a place to stay only to come up empty, and now she felt hardly suited to any sort of company but her own.  Nor did she really desire it.

So they had moved, and presumably northward if Bazi was hanging around here.  She accepted it without comment, though it did surprise her.  For some reason she had thought them rooted to that creek.  Though she wasn't much for socializing, it had been so long since she'd been in the constant company of another that she wondered if she actually wanted Bazi to leave.  Churlishly her foremost instinct was yes, but it was a tired yes, and behind it was a hint of anxiety at the prospect.  That she would drive all previous friends away and be back in the same boat as last winter was a frightening prospect indeed.  This fear made her angry, though at herself, not Bazi.  If she was to be weak, what was the point in hiding her mistakes?

Somewhat wearily she sat down, Bazi's roving eyes bringing a wave of self-consciousness despite herself.  She had never been particularly vain, nor thought herself a beauty, but she was aware of how she looked now.  "I did alright the first couple months, but found no packs.  None that were taking joiners at least.  Then I came across some prey I really shouldn't have tried to take down myself.  Kinda hard to hunt when you've been kicked by a moose.". Her ears tipped back.  The blow to her pride had been as bad as the one to her shoulder, at least now. At the time that likely wasn't the case as she'd been more concerned with dragging sorry self to a sheltered spot.

"I almost didn't... But Shadow found me."  This was delivered a little softer.  She'd come so close to dying... She knew if it had been another day, Shadow would have found a body, not her.  She couldn't shake that moment, the moment she had accepted it, and it was as though it were burned into her mind.  It was frightening how easy it had been to give up.

After a while, Danica sat down. Bazi waited for a few seconds before copying her, sinking slowly, heavily onto her haunches. Constant vomiting had so far balanced out any pregnancy weight, but her joints ached nonetheless. Everything ached.. but at least she hadn't been on the hoof end of a moose. Her eyes fluttered across Danica's body a second time, looking for any signs of of a moose/wolf altercation. No part of her was obviously stoved in - if the moose had left a permanent mark, straggly fur covered it now. Against all odds, Danica had survived.


Bazi's tongue darted out to wet her nose. She dimly recalled Shadow coming to Danica's defense after The Incident, earning himself the boot right alongside her. In one fell swoop, Bazi had founded Noctisardor Bypass and damned Paarthurnax's family to a splintered, turbulent start - one that haunted them still. Danica's life hadn't turned out any better. Bazi's refocused her attention on the wolf opposite, brows crinkling in mild confusion. "But.. you didn't stay at the Bypass?"

Most of the hurt had healed, the kick luckily not catching a solid hit.  Cracked ribs had mended over time, and though her shoulder still twinged, the limp was only slightly worse than the one she'd carried since her former injury.  A part of her wondered, if she kept at it, whether she'd ever walk and run normally again. She had never been great at the whole optimism thing.

"Much as I appreciate Shadow, I don't think I'm ready to join a pack just yet." This was twice now her friend had backed her up, and she did feel indebted. But it was a debt she would need to attempt to fill later. After so long alone, the pressures of pack rank and being around so many had made her skin crawl. She'd need to ease back into that.

"So you guys picked up and moved. Where to?" Unwilling to dwell on her own unhealthy conflicts of interest, she turned the ball into Bazi's court. She was mildly curious about that.

Bazi nodded slowly. She wondered how much of Danica's reluctance to settle down was just her nature, and how much Bazi herself was to blame for soiling the very idea of co-habiting. "The  mountain just behind me," she replied quietly and without turning to indicate; Nova Peak stood tall and uncontested in the background. She debated sharing the news of her pregnancy, but couldn't imagine a scenario that wasn't awkward - what on earth would she have replied to that, had their positions been reversed? 'Yay'?


 "You.. live around here, then? Do you know what happened to Njal, and Maera?" Do you want to see Scimitar, and Kaskara? Do you want something to eat? Bazi shut her mouth before the words could come out, chewing uncomfortably on the inside of her cheek. It sounded too much like charity, and as a proud woman herself, Bazi did not think it would be well received.

She looked where Bazi indicated, a nod all she gave in response.  She supposed it was as good a land as any, though what had possessed them to leave the land they had was beyond her.  It seemed rather a wasted effort, but then again, home had always been a rather transient term to her anyway.  And now it was moreso than any other.

"In a manner of speaking, I suppose."  Did she live around here?  Moreso passing through.  After all, she hadn't really paused in one place for more than a day or so since leaving the Bypass.  Her ears pricked when Bazi spoke of Maera and Njal.  "No.... I haven't seen them."  Her ears splayed briefly before returning to neutral, but a ghost of a doubt had entered and could not be rousted now.  Anything that had befallen them was partly her fault.  She had left at such a horrible time.... and she could hardly remember why.

Suddenly she didn't want to hear anything about Duskfire, or the inhabitants she had come to care about.  Instead the fur along her spine rose, though she remained seated, and her gaze sharpened on Bazi.  "So, help me out, because I never understood.... you show up half-dead after falling in some damn hole and suddenly the stick's fallen out of your ass?  What the hell are we, Bazi, friends again?  Because I'm going to be honest with you... I have a hard time accepting that at face value."  Her tone was impatient, but not angry.  It was a question that had been bothering her since she had first met with Bazi again after her expulsion, and it was an issue she was done dancing around.  True, the last time they'd spoken she'd taken it back.... but it wasn't a good enough explanation for her.  She wanted to hear it, outright and clear.  Where the hell did they stand?

Danica brushed the small-talk away with a single stroke. Bazi was simultaneously relieved not to be skirting around the elephant any more and anxious about how the conversation would end, as she lacked any prepared answer to the questions being posed. She enjoyed and missed Danica's company. Her disgust at the golden wolf's confession had been short-lived - like the flare of temper that had caused her to banish a loyal pack mate for no good reason. But she had said all that, hadn't she? Bazi studied the other woman's cold eyes, wondering if anything she said would ever make things right. "I.. don't really know what to say," she murmured tiredly, "I'd like to be friends, but I don't think the Bad Guy gets to decide. I regret everything I said." Bazi shrugged, watching Danica's face for her reaction. This was not news. "The stick is well and truly out."

She listened silently, stoically, as Bazi gave exactly what she asked for.  Straight up, not a trace of insincerity.  Yet Danica was skeptical.  How could she not be?  Her entire life had lent her to believe one truth... people didn't change.  Minds were like stone... you could wear them down, perhaps, and shape them some with time and patience.  But you couldn't change the essence, and Bazi's opinion had been so clear that day.

She wanted to trust her.  Despite her bitterness, and her anger, she missed the friendship they'd had.

It was a reaffirmation of what had been said before.  But could she believe it any more now?  Her wants had nothing to do with it... if she couldn't accept it, no amount of wanting would fix this.  She would always mistrust, on some level.  "I'd like to believe you."  Her ears tipped back.  Really, though, what did she have to lose by doing so?  She'd been reject so many times that by now it had to be somewhat of second nature to her.  So what if Bazi changed her mind in a week, or a month, or a year?  She'd just be in the same place she was now, only she would have had that week.  She'd take it.  When you spent a lifetime catching bridges on fire, you got pretty damn good at watching them burn.  The rebuilding, though... that was harder.


"I can try."

[i]"I'd like to believe you. I can try."[i]

Bazi could hardly believe her ears, but veiled her surprise effectively. A fragile smile twisted the corners of her lips. "OK," she said with a single wavering nod.

It was not in Bazi's nature to think too much about the how and why behind another creature's choices. She clashed horribly with Scimitar, whose glacial approach to problem-solving were very much at odds with her own quick-fire methods - but she was more patient now, and a little slower to anger. If minds eventually turned to stone, hers was still lava.

Bazi took a hesitant step towards Danica, wanting to nudge her nudge her shoulder or kiss her nose, but stopped short. "Will you be around..? Do you-- I mean.. you're welcome to visit. Or stay. Whatever you want," It'd been a long winter.

Her noncommittal answer was met with acceptance, thank goodness, rather than resistance.  She was glad Bazi didn't push for more, since it would have been a request that would have driven her backwards rather than forwards.  She noted the other wolf's start forward, then her pause, and wondered if they'd get back to that point where physical proximity hadn't even been thought about.

She deliberated on the next statement, but after a length, shook her head.  "Not yet.  It's not you... there's just something I have to do first."  She needed to see if she could find Maera or Tuwawi, make things right with them.  She'd left without a word to the latter, and a simple heartbreaking goodbye to the former.  She wasn't sure they wouldn't be angry, but she felt the need regardless.  They'd done nothing but good for her and she'd repaid them by bailing.

"But I'll be around."  She had no plans of leaving the area anytime soon, nor could she really even if she wanted to.  She had a ways to go on bulking up before long-term travel was possible.

Bazi nodded an answer, and watched her go. She would not see Danica again for several weeks - by which time she would resemble a snowball more than a wolf. As she studied Danica's retreating back, Bazi wondered if she should have shared the news of her pregnancy and mateship. Would it have changed the outcome of today's encounter? .. does she still like me, even a little bit? 


When the fire had died down and the stick had dropped from her ass, Bazi had been quite flattered to think that someone like Danica had considered her worthy of attention. When she thought about it objectively, attracting a male was like attracting a fly. There were phermones involved, and the natural urge to procreate.. but Danica had just liked her. For no normal, natural reason. It was as twisted as it was beautiful.  Bazi's thoughts had never gone quite that far, but they had strayed in that general direction.

Slowly, she turned for home. Everything ached and itched to varying degrees, and she was desperate to sink herself into the Bitcurrent.