Blacktail Deer Plateau One

ooc: @Dante 

A day or two had passed, since Osprey had found her way back home and once again joined the ranks of the plateau. She had not done much and slept most of the time. When she did not, she spent her time wandering around the outskirts of the territories. Somehow being so far away and all alone for a little more than three months didn't let her go back to the old life that easily. Even if the fate was to blame and not her own choices, she could not shake off the feeling of being an impostor here. Someone, who did not deserve the favors leaders had shown to her.

There was another thing... and a reason, why she found herself sitting not far from the place, where her stillborn children were burried. Nothing there reminded of the tragedy that had taken place months earlier, except for the memories. The wound had healed by now, but scar was there forever. And maybe because of that and maybe because exhaustion had made Osprey more susceptible to strong emotions, there were tears welling up in her eyes and rolling quietly down her cheeks.

thanks for starting! :)

His intentions had been to once more head for the coast after a few days back, wishing to explore more thoroughly the area he and Lasher had traversed, but those plans were on hold for the time being.

It wasn't just because Osprey had returned.  He found himself uneasy at the thought of going so far so soon for some reason.  Likely it was how quiet things were.... The lands rested too silently for him to like leaving them unwatched.  Lasher and his family were here, as were Pearl and Malachi.  But they were rather small even so.  He contemplated as he walked today, wondering if the time had come to call a summons and gather together.  Announce their intentions and bring others in on the plan.  He would need to discuss with Lasher.

He wasn't expecting to run into Osprey, but he wasn't surprised to see her either.  She had kept to herself and he had let her, needing his own time to get accustomed to the idea she was back.  After the initial shock had faded, gladness did come.  But it was a muted sort.  After so long, it was hard to recognize in her the same Osprey who had left.  And he knew he was different as well.

He was not actively avoiding her though, so didn't bother changing his direction when he saw her ahead.  They hadn't spoken much last time, and he wasn't sure there was much to say.  But he felt a sudden ache for the friendship they had once had, and it made him stop.  He could not see her face to tell that she was crying.  "Hey."  He greeted her tentatively, not positive on what sort of reception he would recieve after his cold welcome a day or so ago.

How old would they be by now? Six months, maybe more - already on the road to the adulthood. Osprey wished her imagination could come up with, what would they look like now. But all she could see was the four small bodies resting in the moss. Unmoving, lifeless. She had not wanted them in the first place and, even though this kind of unfortunate event could happen to anyone, she blamed herself for their untimely deaths. Maybe things would have turned out differently, had she accepted the inevitable and rather than wallowing in self-pity, would have taken action to ensure that they would arrive in a safe and happy world. 

In the end it was too much and she was about to leave, when someone spoke to her. Osprey sprang to her feet and snapped around, fur bristled and a growl forming in the back of her throat. Her eyes were wide open and, if one had a careful look, they would notice the milky shade. Just as she realized that the tall shadow was Dante, she eased up immediately and took a more submissive stance, gaze now directed at her feet. "Hey," she said quietly, trying to put in as much of an apology in her tone as possible.

He bristled on instinct when she whirled on him, his muscles tensing as he prepared automatically to be attacked. Had she followed through he would have met her physically without thought, but as soon as his mind caught up, she backed off, and his expression dropped to confusion. He hadn't expected a warm welcome, per say, but that surprised him. Had he spooked her so badly?

He wasn't yet observant enough to catch her afflicted vision, but he knew something was off. She had been alone a long time, he could assume, so perhaps he could attribute it at least in part to that. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to ask outright. Instead he forced his body to relax. "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." Maybe this was a bad idea. She stared at the ground, but he stared at her - curious and a little wary, ready to bail if he was dismissed as expected. He might be alpha but he wasn't about to stick around where he wasn't wanted.

"It's ok," Osprey mumbled, still not daring to lift her gaze and wagged her tail a bit to show that it was no fault of Dante's that she had reacted that way. In the world of blurred shapes and solitude it was difficult to tell a friend apart from a foe. Besides she had been on her own in the wilds for so long that the very concept of "being safe" seemed odd and unusual. 

There was a moment of an uncomfortable silence, where she really did not know what to tell him. She knew nothing of what had happened here during her absence and the fact that she once again did not know, where her place was within the plateau, did not help much at all. Eventually she decided to be honest. "I... came to see, how are... they doing," she beckoned to the place, where the grave had once been.

He hadn't thought as to where they were, but when she said it, realization dawned upon him.  He could not understand how she felt, nor would he ever be able to - obviously it was an experience he would never need to go through.  And he had no idea what to say in response... as happened often, nowadays.  He sometimes wondered if he shouldn't shed his title of counselor for another more suited to him.  He hadn't given adequate counsel in a long while.

He did take her friendly wave as an indication it was ok to move a bit closer, It had been so soon after that the fire sprang up, he hadn't really known how the loss had affected her.  And he hadn't needed to wonder, after she disappeared.  He'd all but forgotten them.

"How are you?" It wasn't a particularly insightful question to ask, but it was the only one that came to mind. He couldn't comprehend what was going on in her mind right now, both with this past loss and her more recent return. So it was the best he could do. Then it was his turn to look down. "I'm glad you're back. That you found your way home. I realized I didn't say that, the other day."

"I am fine, I guess," Osprey shrugged and then looked up at Dante with a sad smile. "You would think that after a while it gets better. That you can go on as it never happened, but... they never really leave you. The dead, I mean..." Then she went silent and her expression became thoughtful, as if she had realized that the subject was a bit too personal and might not interest the other party that much. 

The fact that Dante was happy for her return was something that warmed her heart. For a moment she pondered, whether she should tell him that during her travels she had thought about him the most and one of the many reasons, why it was hard for her to stand here and have an easy conversation with him was the fact that she felt bad for disappointing him. Even if leaving had not been a voluntary action. 

There was an opportunity to tell the simple words of "I missed you very much" and they would probably either complicate things more or - quite the contrary - make everything easier. And she felt she should say it and was about to do it, but the moment passed, she sighed and looked away. "Shall we walk?" she offered instead. "A lot must have happened, while I was away."

They never really leave you.. It was true.  But he had never really tried to forget.  For as long as he could remember, those who had died had driven him - to seek justice, to seek revenge, or to simply be better so the same would not happen to him.  Now he wondered momentarily which was better.

She didn't look particularly 'fine' but he didn't press, since he knew it wasn't a conversation where he would have much to offer. Just a listening ear if she wanted to say more.

"Sure." A walk sounded good and would give them something to do alongside conversation. Which... Wasn't awkward per say. But definitely wasn't as natural as it had been before. Time apart tended to do that. He no longer blamed her for her disappearance... he had thought back to his fight with Charon. The boy's view had been childish, blaming Dante for something he could hardly control. And this had made him realize his own hurt feelings as being childish as well. How she left didn't matter - what mattered is that she'd come back.

He thought about what had happened since she left, wondering. She hadn't remarked on his altered appearance, but he hadn't on hers either. So again the thought that her sight might be affected did not occur to him. "Not a whole lot, actually." He said after a moment of thought. "We have had some come and go, but other than that..." He paused, wondering if he should tell. They were going to call a meeting regardless. Perhaps it was better if word got out before them. "Lasher and I have been talking. And exploring. We are thinking of moving the pack." As he delivered it casually, he wondered if it would be taken well. There were many memories buried here, including the ones they had just visited. Would Osprey wish to stay? Or would she be glad for the fresh start?

They were thinking about moving the pack and there was Osprey, who had returned here in hopes that she would be able to escape changes. Just for once, just for a while at least. But when you thought more about it, it was clear that, what she had longed for all these months while being away, was the company of people she knew well and felt safe with. And it was not for the first time, when she realized that a place did not matter that much as the people, who made it feel like home.

"Why so?" she asked, wondering, what was driving their decision and why. Why would any other place be better than this? Had something so bad happened here that the collective decision to leave was the only way to escape bad memories?

Her response was better than he had feared, but she still wished to know why.  It wasn't something he had needed to definitively put words to yet - Lasher had brought it forth with little need for explanation.  They both felt it.  "Partly memories, yes."  He glanced at the trees around them thoughtfully, trying to find a way to define his thoughts.

"But moreso just a new start.  Ever since we started here, it seems bad luck has followed us.  Hardship after hardship.  There has been some peace lately, yet... It feels less like home.  Like we will always be looking backwards, here, instead of forward."  He glanced at her and smiled wryly.  "Perhaps we would just be running.  But it sounds good, doing so." Did she feel it?  The displacement here? the pack made it home, but he couldn't help feeling they would be better off finding a place of their own to claim, one with no history outside the one they wrote for it.

"It feels less like home..." Osprey repeated Dante's words and stopped to lift her head and look at the distant tree-tops above them. And just as she did so the sun peeked through the clouds and she had to squint her eyes against the bright light. Sad memories aside the plateau had been the first true home for her after leaving the Flightless falcons. Dante spoke of hardship and series of unlucky events, but he forgot that the whole picture was not painted with such dark colors. There were bright colors here and there, marking every single good thing that had happened here too. Yes, this place had a history and the legacy was not an easy burden to live with, but in her eyes it made it even more special. 

"You can't run away from your problems," she said eventually, looking at her friend. "By doing so you just postpone them, but they are still there. They are like a cloud above your head that gets bigger and darker the more keen you are to escape from them. So... I don't believe that the location is cursed... rather people are flawed..." And changing the place won't particularly change anything. This did not mean though that she was going to stay behind. These people aside she had nowhere else in the world to go. "I will be sad to leave, but I will go wherever you go," she promised.

Apparently she did not feel it, and this led Dante to wonder if it was maybe only he and Lasher who were stuck in the past. Would the rest of the pack feel the same? And if so, were their explorations for nothing? Her opinion meant a great deal, but so did Lasher's. Likely the decision would fall to what the others said.

"We still need to bring it before the pack. You are the first we've told. I intend to call a meeting." If his betas agreed the time was right. They needed to get the rest in on the decision before it went too far. It would affect them all considerably.

He still wasn't sure running was the proper term. Or maybe it was. But not the way he, and she, had put it previously. "Running away might not be right, but what if we are running towards something better? Not to say that I know it will be. I cant really explain why it feels right, leaving, but it does. Still... if most want to stay, I will not argue. Perhaps the problem is my own. " And if it was, he would need to get past it. He definitely had his flaws - she was right there. Everyone did. Maybe nothing would be different, even there. Yet he really wanted to see for himself if that was the case.

Being a leader was a hard work in many ways - and one of them was giving up your personal interests for the benefit of the group. If people chose not to leave the plateau, they would stay here. And yet it was not hard for Osprey to imagine him having the same longing for something different. There would always be this "what if..."  It then occurred to her that her friend was not entirely happy here and that it would only be fair to give him a chance of finding out, if the grass was truly greener on the other side of the fence.

"What does the place you have in mind look like?" Osprey asked partly out of politeness and partly out of genuine curiosity. She then stopped and said: "You speak and I will close my eyes and try to imagine it."

He was hearted a bit once more by her desire to hear about the place, though he wondered if he could do it justice. He would try, and maybe sometime she could come and see for herself. "It lies in the south, and on the coast. A large forest directly east of the ocean. The trees are massive, far larger than the ones here, and food seems plentiful. There is a meadow nearby, and the ocean has it's own offerings." He smiled. "I had the pleasure of trying some of it, although I haven't yet had the chance to ask Casmir what it was exactly. It was good."

He'd never been the best at flowery depictions of a place - naturalism obviously wasn't in his blood. But he tried. "Standing in the forest, near all of those huge trees, it's... comforting. A bit. Like they guard over you. And while the storm seems to have toppled a few of the older giants, the rest stood firm. I do not think they would be easily felled." It occurred to him that the storm had happened after she disappeared. But it hadn't seemed worth mentioning since the Plateau had not been scathed. "I would not normally choose to live on the coast. But after a few days I found it soothing." he admitted, closing his eyes. "The scent isn't too overwhelming within the forest, and the sound of the waves when you get closer is worth it."

Dante was not a story-teller by trade, yet the way he described the place, the emotions he put in his words, made all the difference. It had been a while, since Osprey had imagined something, but her mind knew, how to draw - make words into pictures - and soon she saw, what her friend had seen. In a way it was something familiar, because both her birth place and Stavanger bay, which had been her home for a month last year, had been located near an ocean. So... all in all... the move would take them to a place, which was new, yet a bit familiar at the same time.

At some point through his speech she opened her eyes to look at Dante and had to smile, for he was caught in the moment and day-dreaming alongside her. The sound of his voice was suddenly mesmerizing and while she observed him, wishing very badly that her poor sight offered more detail, she was mesmerized by his voice and part of her wished that he would continue to tell the story and not stop.

When he had finished, having reached the end of his limited experience there, he glanced at Osprey to catch her looking at him. His smile turned sheepish at being caught getting so into the telling, but he was glad she seemed to appreciate it. However, in their closer proximity and his more observant look at her, his smile soon faded as he finally noticed that which so far had been hidden to him.

"Os.... Your eyes." He stepped in closer, concern knitting his brow as he stared into their milkier hue. It was subtle, but as light caught them, that was not the color they had been. "What..." She wasn't blind, was she? She did not move as if she were, so he doubted it as soon as he thought it. Surely she would not have made it back to them if that were the case. What had happened to them?

Dante was smiling - that much Osprey could tell - and she smiled back at him too. Ready to praise him for the excellence at the story-weaving, when suddenly the air around them changed and the magical moment was gone. As if someone had popped a colorful soap bubble, by simply touching it. 

She did not turn her gaze away, while her friend took his time to realize the sad truth. There was no point in lying or hiding - it would become evident sooner or later. "The fire," she told him, "I think I should be grateful that I see anything at all. It's not that bad - the world just lacks the sharpness of the edges. And... I can't read facial expressions and I hate very much, when people sneak up on me."

"Don't worry and don't point it out either - I am well used to this state now," adapting to the change was the route to go and mourning for what was lost forever did not help Osprey to move on.

He listened as she described what it was like, his stomach twisting in sharp regret for her. He would not show sympathy, and would abide by her wishes, because in truth he would want the same. The fire had marked them both, but her scars were undoubtedly worse. It made sense now, why she'd snapped at him when they first met. She hadn't recognized him then.

He leaned down and pressed his head to her shoulder, a gesture of solidarity and the only one of comfort he would give. She didn't need pity or sorrow since it was obvious she had come to terms with it. He would do the same in deference. "Not a word." He promised.

Then he stepped back and smiled once more, a bit tentatively, as he offered a suggestion. "You may want to consider telling Lasher or Blue, though." He wondered if he should explain why, for this news he really didn't want getting out until the time was right. "It's my turn, I think, to ask you to keep a secret for a bit." A slight laugh came behind that statement, for this secret was of an entirely different kind. Some might think it bad, but he found it delightfully freeing. "I am stepping down. Lasher has accepted this and agreed to step forward instead." Perhaps he had had more to say than he thought, when she asked what had happened while she was gone. Yet most of it, in fairness, had yet to actually occur.

Osprey did not plan to keep her diminished eyesight a secret - if anyone noticed and asked, she would give an honest answer. If not, she was not going around the world telling everyone, what was wrong with her. Blue and Lasher - being her closest friends at the plateau after Dante - would get to know this in time.

"You are stepping down," she repeated and for a moment she feared that this would mean him leaving for good too. But judging from the tone and what she knew already about his character, it did not seem likely. "Decided to take a well-deserved early retirement?" she cracked a joke. A tired one though - but there was a hint of humor.

He laughed, a slight and quiet one, but genuine. "I suppose you could say that. I don't think I'm the best for the job. Lasher is what the pack needs." He had the future - children and a mate - and a caring soul that Dante admired greatly. He would lead well and the pack would likely flourish. "I don't think I've ever been so happy to call myself inadequate." He grinned, making a joke in return that poked fun at his reasons. He did not think that he had done poorly - just that Lasher would do better still.

He would be lying if he said the prospect of a back door, the ability to depart without the pack suffering, was not an attractive result to the change. He wasn't holding any plans to use it, but he had felt trapped so long, the loosing of responsibility was extremely freeing.

Osprey did not think that Dante had failed them as a leader. He had been a very good one for a little over than a year. He lacked lacked faith in himself though and a good and confident mate could have fixed that. She did not think that Lasher would have ever climbed that high, had he not had Blue willow. Love and children gave purpose in life. Aspirations even.

"Well, I see the first white hair here and there," she said, pretending to study his muzzle and area of the head carefully, while a smile was tugging at the corners of her lips, thinking about the irony in the very sentence. "You will be an old and scraggly man soon - last chance to enjoy the life to the fullest, before morning stiffness and grumpiness catch you," she said with a wry smile. "Believe me - it is no fun."

"I'll have to defer to your years of experience," he returned somewhat cheekily, not bothering to hide his smile as he did so. Truthfully they weren't terribly far apart, but he knew she was older by some. Age had never been something he had tried to outrun, but as he thought on it, he guessed it had snuck up on him all the same. He was not by any means old, but half a lifetime was still a long time to have accomplished none of the standard "fulfilling" milestones. Would he carry regrets? He assumed he'd find out someday, for fate had a way of turning out the way it wanted.

"We'll be the terrors of the pack - two old grumps sniping at any around." He couldn't picture the other adults, Lasher or Blue Willow, aging so indecently. But himself? At least it would keep things interesting, as he assumed once the stiffness did set in there wasnt much else to do with a day. "they might even try to give us away.". Now that was an amusing picture.

"I would want to see them try," Osprey cracked a grin, thinking about the very image of them being old, thin and cranky wolves, grumpy about every single thing and finding flaws in every person they would meet. She thought that Blue willow and Lasher loved them enough not to kick them out even if they were the "biggest pains in the ass". 

They had arrived to the temporary den Osprey had taken claim of and she stopped there, suddenly feeling very tired again. As much as she enjoyed Dante's company and wanted to continue their friendly conversation, sleeping for few hours straight seemed a very nice option too. So she first casted a glance at the den and then to her friend and said in an apologetic manner: "I would like to take a rest now. You are welcome to join, if you wish?"

ooc: another thread? Pretty please? :)

ofc! I can start if you wish :)

He couldn't even picture it, Lasher or Blue trying to get rid of them. He doubted there was anything (short of more serious slights) that they could do to warrant such a reaction. Even if they were downright awful in their later years. It still posed an amusing thought.

When they reached her den, she requested a rest and he nodded readily, understanding. He wasn't sure for himself... but soon decided that anything that needed doing could be done after a nap. The break sounded good to him too, and so did further catching up with Osprey. Even if they wouldn't do much talking. It would be nice to rest next to someone again, something he hadn't done since she'd disappeared all those months ago.

Everything else could wait. "Sounds perfect.". There'd be plenty of time later.