Phantom Hollow Lose Your Head

Sometime after Malice's visit, I am assuming. @Mitanni

The half-eaten hare lay off to his left, flesh and skin sagging off. Every time the tan halfbreed looked at it, it brought more emotion. They angered him. They upset him. They made him snarl, and made him cry. And at some points, just at the tipping point of the two, they made him laugh. The puddle still remained, but this time he did not see the face there. Instead, he saw it in the eye of the hare, staring back mockingly.

"You should have killed her. Then your mother-"

"You have no right to speak of Mother" he snarled, not letting it/himself finish, turning his head at the reflection. "Don't you see? We have misunderstood them...You lied to me, all this time." Judas felt that if he could be convinced, perhaps the old Judas could as well. It/he scoffed mockingly. And then, there was a long pause of silence. Finally, the voice kept quiet. Before a dull chuckle arises.

As much as she now preferred the quiet, solitariness of the Healer's den, she couldn't continue justifying to herself hiding there. Injured or not, Mitanni was a part of this pack, a member who was valued enough to be defended when she'd needed it the most. For them, because of the pack, she couldn't allow herself to wallow in her fear, her confusion, her self-pity. She needed to get herself back in working order. The faster, the better.

With the help of the plants in the den--somehow she'd need to figure out how to replenish those herbs despite knowing so little about them--the lithe little wolf was able to start moving again. The pain was dulled by the medication, but even walking, applying pressure to her injured forelimb, left her feeling drained and helpless after a while. She was getting better at it, and ultimately rest was needed most but she continued to push herself, working to strengthen her injured leg so that she could pick up her duties where she'd left off.

She'd bound the wound with cobwebs the best she could on her own and the bandage was rudimentary at best, but it did its job and kept the injury covered and held together while it healed. Mitanni suspected it would have been better if someone with training in that area had seen to it, but Veritas was long gone by now. Ready for her exercise, the mottled black and brown wolf left the Healer's den and began a circuit of the pack lands.

Judas' exact location was unknown to her since she'd been holed up in her own hiding spot while he was taken care of, but she still managed to find it--and him--by accident. As she walked, limping, she heard his voice snarl at a distance, and flinched before she could stop herself. He's here, where?? Her amber eyes darted, seeking him out, but she couldn't see him. He was close though. He was here...somewhere.

It made the most sense to leave. After what he'd done, why would she wish to be in his presence at all? But Malice had let him stay. For some reason, he was still here. Why? It was clearly a question for her leader, but Mitanni followed the sound of the crazed wolf's voice until it fell silent, but by then she'd spotted the den. With difficulty because of her injury, the anxious female crept closer, peering for a look at her attacker confined within. You shouldn't be here, leave while you still can! Despite the warning, she didn't leave but stopped outside of the den, peeking within and watching Judas with every ounce of caution.

Judas glowered at the chuckling, not realising it was coming from him. As he did, it stopped. His face twisted to a mocking grin in a second, the evil Judas now in control. "I didn't lie. You did. To yourself." The tan halfbreed began shaking his head. He didn't want to believe it. The one he believed he was speaking to, it was someone else. Yet he knew all too well what stared back. That menacing grin, the calm words and evil look. That was him. "No." He continued to shake his head in disbelief until the other voice came.

 "Yes. You killed. For coyotes-" "No." "For Mother-" "No!" There was a short pause. "And now, you will kill these wolves, just like all others." That was the last straw. "NO!" With a feral growl, he leapt at the corpse of the hare, ripping it apart until the reflection in it's eye was gone. Until that mockful laugh in his head was gone. Until this nightmare of his was gone. But this nightmare, it was his life. He was just about to heave, feeling sick with guilt.

So I got unbanned from my computer earlier than I thought. Also, just to clarify speech in italics is other Judas

As she watched, Mitanni couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. Judas may have spooked her from the start when she'd first met him, but he'd never really struck her as mentally unstable--at least not until he'd attacked. Now, however, she could see it so plainly. He changed, conversing with himself as both a repentant sinner and then a smug deviant, seamlessly alternating between the roles like a skilled performer. Only he wasn't performing. This was him, unguarded and open, unaware that he was being watched.

It was frightening. How had he managed to hide this for as long as he'd been with them? Why hadn't she been able to realize this was what had unsettled her about him all this time? She fidgeted, still warring with herself not to run away and hide from the world again and won, if only temporarily. This was important in knowing, important to understanding. She needed to know.

But she still wasn't prepared. The accusatory conversation Judas carried on with himself at last broke with a startling snarl as he leaped forward and attacked the half-eaten hare his gaze had been riveted on. Already as nervous as a cornered hare, the noise and reaction were enough to scare Mitanni into jumping, flinching, and shrinking back. As she did, she yelped, the sound drawn from her against her will, and as she quickly tucked herself out of sight she bit her lip and held her breath, now to keep herself from making any further noises as her injured leg protested the sudden movement she'd made. He didn't hear it, Mitanni told herself, pleading for it to be true, he doesn't know I'm here. Please don't let him know.

Judas huffed and puffed, shaking all over. Then nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a yelp. He whirled around to the entrance. malice wouldn't yelp like that, and he doubted any male would. So that left two options; Sage, or Mitanni. Either way, he was sorry. For both of them. For having seen what he had done, and one of them experiencing his savage side first hand. 

"You shouldn't be here" he spoke almost in warning, turning away from the entrance but directing his voice toward them. Then he sighed "But since you are...I am sorry. For what you witnessed." For a second, he glanced over his shoulder. "And if that is you Mitanni...then I don't deserve to be called friend. For what I did, I deserve no forgiveness." He shuffled forward to his little corner, being startled by that little voice. "You need not apologize."

She closed her eyes as she waited, listening, trying to gauge whether the wolf inside the den had heard her. Still clinging to the hope that he hadn't--he'd been snarling pretty loudly anyway--Mitanni shook in place, carefully holding her injured forelimb up and slightly tucked against her chest. Please, please...

Her ears perked as his voice spoke loudly enough for her to hear. Which meant he knew she was there and that she'd played witness to at least part of his nonsensical conversation with himself. The hope she'd been clinging to slipped out of her grasp and she sighed gently, accepting that Judas now knew she'd wandered right back to him again, despite everything. You're stupid, Mitanni, she scolded herself, he's right and you shouldn't be here. And yet she was.

But he didn't know it was her. His statements made that much clear, though rather than trying to finish what he'd started he only apologized, accepting his fate as a traitor and liar. Mitanni's eyes opened as she listened to his comment on forgiveness, judged by the sound of his voice that he was somewhere toward the very far end of his den, and though she didn't bring herself back into view, didn't move away from where she'd tucked herself against the side of the den's entrance, she spoke up, loudly so he could hear and in a voice that only slightly shook, "Who said I forgave you?"

It probably wasn't the smartest thing for her to bait the wolf that had already attacked her once, but the little black and brown female couldn't help it. "Why'd you do it?" She followed up her first question with a more direct one after a short pause, and even though she asked she was dreading whatever answer he was going to give.

Judas slinked back in shame, trying his best to remain hidden from his last victim. Yet she seemed to speak without any fear whatsoever. He began to feel less pity for her and less sorry at her for not being fearful one bit. He prepared to unleash a snarl before realising she must have been fearful, hiding like that. 

"You want to know?" Judas murmured in annoyance, before sighing. "Very well. I did it because of a promise I made...You want to know more? Then please, show yourself." He wanted her to show her face so he could see her face. He wanted to apologise to her in person, to see her face. All he wanted was to see her for what could be the last time he was ever going to see her. For it would be very possible that these would be his last days, having betrayed them. He did not know that in fact was not the reasoning behind him being kept here, and for now he would not know.

The answer she'd been dreading wasn't nearly as in depth as she'd been anticipating. With an irritable tone, he vaguely let on why it was he'd attacked her, though it was in no way a satisfactory answer for the curious, albeit nervous, little wolf. Promise to who? And what kind of promise would make him single her out to attack?

She frowned where she hid, disappointed despite being slightly relieved that she hadn't heard the whole thing, but he offered to tell her more in exchange for her coming into view. Once more Mitanni bit her lip, and had to take a moment to stamp down her natural inclination to run. She didn't want to show herself. She didn't want him to see her or what he'd done, and she certainly didn't want to provoke him into trying to attack her again. Malice and Issun weren't here, and she knew already that she wasn't enough on her own to keep Judas at bay.

After a great deal of hesitation, and a lot going back and forth on whether she would even answer him, Mitanni at last moved. Still holding her injured leg to her chest, the black and brown female straightened and limped out from around the side of the den's entryway, standing just before the opening so that she could be seen. She didn't dare venture any closer and stayed poised to leap away if Judas made any untoward moves, but with a nervous twitch of her tail she stared at her attacker and waited anxiously for him to continue.

Judas began to think after no response, worried she would leave. The traitor did not want to be left alone, and desperately wanted to see her face before an imminent death that he believed would come. He sighed sadly. But what else could he do? He had attacked her. It was not surprise.

And then, he ended up being surprised when he saw her come out into the open over his shoulder. He couldn't help but smile to himself. The voice inside began speaking of how he should finish her, but this time he made not snarl against it, knowing it would scare her. Even though he wanted to ridicule the voice so much. That voice, it angered him so much. Made him turn on others.

"I promised myself, on my mother's soul, that I would avenge her from wolf kind. I believed them...you, to be monsters hiding behind a facade. Yet now, I see differently. I am the monster." He peered back, a look of regret all over his face and his ears wilted back. Unlike Malice, he would share every single detail. "Mitanni, I am sorry for the wrong I have caused you. I-" He stopped short as he turned around, eyes on her wound. Had he done that? He had no words, just like with Malice and her wounded eye. A single tear of regret fell to the den floor.

Her eyes never left him as she stood just outside of his den, within plain sight and far too exposed for comfort. She fidgeted on her feet and her tail continued to twitch nervously, but Mitanni didn't leave or run away. Judas had said he'd finish explaining himself if she came out where he could see her; she wanted to see if he'd make good on his word.

Surprisingly, he did. It was an act of vengeance, made to honor the memory of his mother, and though he didn't outright say who had killed her she was able to piece it together after a moment's thought. A wolf. That was why he'd done it, why he'd infiltrated Moonlit Hills and attacked her. It didn't explain why she'd been singled out, but it at least explained why he'd done it. And she hated that it seeded a little piece of pity in her for him and his misguided life.

When he turned around, the words stopped, and Mitanni fidgeted anxiously again as he finally got a good look at his handiwork. She resisted the urge to turn and hide her leg from his view, to shield her newfound insecurity from him, and instead held her ground, owned what had been done. Yes, you did this, she thought, accused with her eyes, but she said nothing about it as he stared, only offering a quiet inquiry after a moment of silence, "Why me?"

Judas gulped with guilt, still staring at the wounded leg. He remembered now, only barely. He had done that. It was what he aimed for. And he knew that if no one had ever intervened, none of this would have happened. He would have remained a killer, having got away. Something he wished he did not think on.

He replied after some hesitation. She deserved to know. "Truthfully, I saw you as weak. A target...but also out of anger. Upon meeting you, I felt things I had not before. Companionship, even some joy. And pride, in being part wolf. I hated it." He continued his words in a quiet murmur, his gaze at the ground. "And now, I am not sure if I still do." Judas looked up once more and lowered himself to the ground, almost begging. "Mitanni...will you forgive me?"

Weak. She'd known it all along, had accepted from the start that she'd never be as strong as Malice and Sage, or as driven to fight as Issun, but she'd never anticipated it making her a target in her own home. With their skills making up for what she lacked, Mitanni had only viewed it as a means to do something different, an opportunity to excel at something they couldn't or wouldn't excel at. Just a little she wished she'd taken more interest in the art of fighting.

That wasn't all, however. Maybe it was because she'd known him before entering Moonlit Hills that she'd been able to cause him to think without his traitorous thoughts, to instill these feelings of companionship and joy that Judas mentioned. She wasn't sorry for it--she'd been trying to be a welcoming member of the pack, even setting aside her own unease around him in order to do it. Who knew that uneasiness was actually grounded on something true and now just in my head?

He surprised her yet again by lowering himself to the ground, a gesture that furthered his apology and the request for forgiveness that followed. The gesture relaxed her, emboldened her, and with just a little bite to her words, she muttered, "I shouldn't." He'd attacked her. Misguided or not, he'd betrayed her and used her trust in him against her. "What you did...I shouldn't forgive you."

Had the rest of the pack forgiven him? Had Malice? He'd gotten her too as Mitanni recalled, but she hadn't seen her leader since the events unfolded. "How do I know it won't happen again?" she asked softly, wishing she didn't sound so anxious as she said it. It was her biggest fear, that she'd be singled out again and that the pack wouldn't be there to defend her. She wasn't big, she wasn't strong; she'd always be an easy target.

Judas remained on his belly, forepaws stretched out. Just as he expected, yet the tan wolf wished, hoped that her answer would have been different. Malice had kept him alive, and for a second he believed it was forgiveness that drove her to do so. He made no move in protest to her answer.

With a sigh, he answered in full truth. "You don't. And neither do I. If you want, you could stay far away from me." He suddenly felt some annoyance. "She made you beg. And she turns you away!" The voice furthered his annoyance, for he sensed some 'truth' in it. "If that is all you want then leave." He stood and turned, once more looking at the corner. His ears flicking and his tail flicking a bit in strained annoyance. But before she could leave, he gave some final words. For all he knew, these would be his last days on this world. "I am sorry. I mean it."

It was unfortunate that he couldn't promise her there wouldn't be any further attacks. She'd have liked the reassurance, even if it came from him and even if she didn't quite believe it all the way. The best he had to offer was the suggestion of staying away from him. Just like I've been telling myself, Mitanni thought, afraid that she was again ignoring that little sense of warning and leading herself into a new trap. Maybe she really shouldn't have come here...

The inflection he put on his statement, combined with his movements to rise again to his paws, made the little wolf shrink back instinctively, just barely stopping herself from darting further away as if he intended to make her leave instead. But he didn't come after her. He didn't even look at her but instead turned to look back at the far corner of his den, and she suspected he would retreat to it to continue waiting out his confinement. How long will he be here? Will he be let free into the pack, or will they make him leave? All questions better suited for Malice, and for that Mitanni kept them to herself.

Judas' voice addressed her again, reiterating his apology. She swallowed nervously as she considered his words and whatever honesty they'd been spoken with. Could he be trusted? Could his apology really be sincere? "I can't forgive you, Judas," Mitanni answered honestly, pausing for a few seconds before adding, "I can't. Not yet." She wasn't entirely sure if she could in the future either, but there were too many unknowns in that direction to make any predictions with certainty. For now, this would have to do.

Perfect ending

Judas sighed for the last time during their meeting. He wished that none of this had happened. Wished that he had not become a killer. Wished that he never met Mitanni. But there was such a thing as too late, and this was one of those moments. He stared after her, feeling the urge to help her with her injury. With Veritas he gone, he knew no one who could help. Indeed, all he knew about was herbs that cause hallucinations. But he knew a select few, the common types, that could heal. 

With her gone, Judas knew what came next. The ridicules were endless, and he once more spoke to himself over and over without realising. If he would ever realise, he did not know. His replies were filled with anger and hate, as if the other voice was the cause of it all.