Silvertip Mountain Crippled Beyond Repair

@Ezekiel Would You Kindly?

The grey wolf went right to the falls before dawn. There was something about that place. It was where, or so he guessed, many others went to talk about their feelings. Chaska stared at the reflection. He had not seen his reflection since before he reached his target. And he was horrified at what he saw. He didn't see Chaska, but instead a ragged looking wolf, two scars down his left eye and the top half of his left ear gone.

His mouth hung agape at what he saw, not wanting to believe it. He waggled his left ear, not noticing until now that something felt like it was missing. How had he not noticed this in the fight? Had he been so blinded by his rage? No, he couldn't believe that. That wasn't him...Was it? Chaska smacked a paw against the waters surface, distorting the image. Not seeing the anger he never thought he had right there on his face.

I'm so sorry for not posting before! I've been swamped in replies and forgot I had to post in here, thank you for waiting!

Ezekiel walked along through the territory. Breaking his usual route, from border patrol to his den, he swerved to go exploring. Surprisingly after all his time here, he'd never seen the falls. So he thought he'd go seek them out. He padded along, sunlight heating him under his thick grey coat. He wished summer wasn't as hot here, but at least now there was leaf cover to protect from the full blast he'd gotten during the famine.

After a while of walking, the soldier boy found the falls, along with Chaska. He'd liked the older male last he'd seen him, but hadn't seen him since. Chaska seemed to be inspecting his reflection in the falls, and looked horrified. Worried about him, Zeke padded forwards cautiously and chuffed to get Chaska's attention. You alright sir? He asked, hoping the scarred male wasn't going mad or anything.

As the grey wolf stared at the rippling waters, it felt like it beckoned for him. His rational mind said otherwise. Reminding him of his talk with Steady. And since then, Chaska had felt less guilt, he was sure of it. So what was the other feeling her felt? Regret for leaving? Shame? Remorse? It was something for sure. He had killed before, so what made this quest of his so much worse?

A voice startled him that he almost slipped in, a single forepaw dipping into the water. "Ezekiel...No. No, I am not." Chaska recalled not having told Ezekiel anything about what had happened. But he barely knew him, and Krypton and Steady were exceptions. If he wanted to know anything, Zeke would need to convince him.

No he was not. Ezekiel eyes him cautiously, the older seemed unstable. Physically and mentally at the moment. Zeke certainly didn't want him to fall into the pools of water, so he sat down where he was so as not to startle Chaska further. He wasn't sure yet, but Ezekiel figured Chaska's problems had something to do with his scars and what had caused them. Zeke had scars of his own, and they had stories behind them. Surely Chaska's had stories as well, and by the way the other eyed them, Zeke was positive. Now intrigued, the Manchester glanced over Chaska again.

Zeke made his posture as relaxed and comfortable as possible, hoping to relieve any tension that Chaska still held and then spoke again. Can I help you? If you'd like to talk about things, I will listen. Ezekiel was an avid listener, one of the reasons why he was going for the trade. He only hoped Chaska would allow for his help, the grey male didn't look so good.

Chaska hesitantly nodded. The good thing about his other two talks with Krypton and Steady was that it made it so much easier to talk about it. "I did something. I-I've talked about it with Krypton, with Steady. And this feeling, it leaves. Until I sleep. Until I see him again..." He paused, still staring at the water. "That young boy." A sob escaped his mouth, and he closed his eyes and tucked his muzzle into his chest.

Chaska at first seemed hesitant, but he spoke. His words were choppy, and he was clearly broken up about whatever it was. I did something. That didn't sound good. By the way Chaska spoke, it almost sounded like he'd killed someone. Ezekiel knew the guilt of killing someone, and it made him instantly sad for the other. He himself hated the feeling of guilt, it had made him want to cry many times. Chaska tucked himself away into his chest, stifling his sobs. Zeke thought about his words, not wanting to make anything worse. What happened to him? He didn't want to ask who the boy was yet, who usually was touchier than what had been done to them.

"So young, he was...H-He did what he th-thought was right..." Was it not right to exact justice? Obviously to Chaska it was, as he had done the very same thing. And almost started the cycle all over again. But he didn't make the same mistake. He killed the one who would exact revenge. Yet in doing so, he made another mistake. He had hurt himself in doing so.

"H-He came after me. And I...I k...I killed him." He whispered those last three words. They felt like poison in his mouth, eating away at his sould. Those three words. If he had done something else, they would never have been spoken. But he did do that. And he had to live with that. All he had to do was finally get over it.

The subject of Chaska's guilt was a young boy. That was hard. The younger the victim the harder it would be to get over it. Zeke still remembered the girl he'd been in a fight with. They were the same age, only a year when it happened, but Zeke had overpowered and killed her. He still remembered the look in her eyes, the fear and anger mixed in one. But what he remembered more that that was the blankness after he'd killed her. They still looked so scared and angry, but she wasn't alive. They had a completely different meaning then, instead of a wolf fighting to win, he had seen nothing in her eyes. She had become nothing because of him.

Zeke could hear the malice Chaska held against himself. He felt bad for the grey male, and wished he could help. He came after you, why? If Zeke knew a bit more he might be able to understand better. There was surely a good reason for Chaska's actions. The older wolf was so kind it seemed, not a killer. He trusted that Chaska hadn't killed a young wolf out of the darkness of his heart. That couldn't be it.

Chaska gulped back bile at gruesome thoughts before continuing. "I-I went after his father...I never thought h-he would have a f-family." The sobbing just couldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. It was odd he had not sobbed this much when talking to the others. He took a few deep breaths, which helped to make him more clearer. "His father killed mine. I wanted justice." And instead of justice, he got revenge. And that only made things worse on him.

"Am I a bad packmate, for turning away from this pack to pursue my own personal vendetta?" he asked, turning a sad-looking gaze at Ezekiel. One that guessed an answer all on it's own. That showed what he thought of himself. He took another glance at the water. His gaze almost wanting.

Ezekiel was going to ask why Chaska had gone after the boy's father, but the older male explained quickly. Revenge. Justice, they had never been differentiated to Ezekiel. Both ended in blood and were spurred by resentment in one way or another. Zeke knew vengeance too. He was silent, allowing Chaska a moment to recompose himself. Then Chaska asked a question. A reasonable question that Zeke had asked himself many times. No. You did what you felt you had to, you followed your heart. It lead you to something awful, and you returned heartbroken. But that only proves that you have more heart than many. Some don't even feel remorse for their actions, some hide the guilt and do nothing to make up for it. Others let it eat away at them until it kills them.

Ezekiel had let his guilt eat away at himself for too long. But coming to this pack had helped him. He wouldn't let Chaska feel the same self loathing he had for some time. He would help this. You acknowledged what you did, you admit it. Even I couldn't do that. You are brave, kind and that's what makes you a good pack mate. All you have to do is get past what you did, and realize we all only care about who you are, not what you did. He didn't smile, for a smile was a trivial thing when talking about death. He knew happy smiles wasn't going to help Chaska get over his issues. He wanted to let Chaska know that he was completely serious in what he said.

Chaska knew he was right. Just as Steady had been right. There was nothing he could have done, nor could do despite how much he wanted to. It was all in the past. He had held his guilt inside. And not just for the boy. But for abandoning his family, his pack. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

He imagined letting go of something holding him down. He admitted to it. And yet he had not been ridiculed, judged for it. He knew it wasn't that easy, just like that. But he did feel better, to get it all out.

"You're right. I need to get past it." Why hadn't he listened when everyone else told him that Not right away, for it would take time. But Ezekiel was right. They only cared about who he was, not what he did. There was plenty of proof on that. "I..I need time to think on some things." He started to turn away from the water. "Thank you."

Fade soon? Thanks for the fun thread btw <3

Chaska seemed to feel a little better, at least the sobbing had ceased. Ezekiel nodded, stepping back and giving the older wolf some space. He understood, sometimes thinking alone is more therapeutic than talking with others. Ones self is more critical on them self than his or her peers, and sometimes a judgmental eye can help. Now he offered Chaska a small smile, one of his rare genuine ones, and he bowed his head. No problem, if you want to talk about anything just howl. I'll give you some time then. With that, the blue eyed boy turned and trotted away, feeling better about his counseling ability. The feeling of usefulness was sweet, and knowing he was appreciated was even better.