Hushed Willows pillars of salt & pillars of sand

hopefully for @Stark whenever you have time! :D

 

after her child had sought comfort in her, the touch between mother and daughter in defense against her son, she felt nothing but warmth. it was in that seemingly eternal warmth that she emerged from the den she had spent the last few days holed up inside with her thoughts and sought out the giver of her home, stark. never had she properly thanked the man for his efforts and his empathetic heart though she should have so long ago. perhaps it was her encounters with men that had shaken her to the belief they were only looking for one thing, but, stark had never invaded her privacy nor alarmed her in any way. aaron had treated her as a trophy, a thing he could call to his side when he needed it, nothing but a pretty face to match his ego. he had left her completely alone and without anything in the bleakest point of her life. her husband had abandoned her in her greatest time of need after all she had done. nothing would ever come close to the devastation she had felt, the realization that she had given herself to a man who would later ditch her when she was at her lowest. but of course, none would know. they would look at her as a sad, pitiful girl; weak. stark had not, he had simply let her in. she realized it then at that moment, that she had so much to owe the man but little did she truly speak to him. it was a thing worth changing, even as she still struggled to bring her life together. 

Stark's thoughts circulated frequently towards his pack and the winter that was fast approaching. It was almost like he was obsessed, the young Alpha still trying to find his footing. Despite months of his rule and the pack not crumbling Stark was still obsessed with the thoughts of failure. He'd fail the Keep, he'd fail his pack, and what would happen then? He had downed a turkey, carting the stuffed bird back to add to their caches when he stumbled across Amara's scent. 

The young mother worried him. She was still fairly reclusive and after the last time he'd visited her and the children she'd bolted. He had expected in some ways that she might leave - he'd tried not to spook her. He chuffed around the bird's neck, blue eyes trailing across her form. She seemed healthy, at least, and that was good. He just wondered what she was thinking and had no idea how to ask her without overwhelming her again.

"stark," the woman called out to him as his presence was made known, traveling to him with a light pace in signal she was in a good place at that moment in time. she knew the last time he had seen her was the night at the den; the feeling of strangling overwhelming was still something she could recall. no matter the past mistakes of a new and reluctant mother, she was willing to become who she had used to be; the healer, the caretaker. it seemed decades ago, yet only months in reality. however, thinking back on her previous lifetime no longer induced a pain in he heart but a reminder that trust was a fickle thing, yet, the thought came and went. she would not delay on the thoughts of a forsaken past. instead, a light smile danced across her maw as she met stark's company, though nervous eyes did not meet his own. mentally, she reminded herself that he likelihood of him judging her of her fleeing actions was not likely, the idea that her moment of moral frailty had somehow damaged any positive image he held of her scared her to the core. "i.. i'd like to apologize," the petite woman breathed out. "for my actions, that day," there was no doubt in her that he knew that she spoke of. "i did not mean ... i was scared," admitting it was not the hardest part, but the knowledge that it truly was the emotion of terror induced by her own children that had spooked the woman to her core. it was a feeling she wished to never experience again, but kavos's hatred of her was something that mirrored the qualities of his father. and that was what kept her up at night.

Rather than run, she actually approached him and Stark let the bird fall to the ground and a smile graced his lips. It was good to see her about and to memory, her spirits had lifted from what he'd seen them before. The first time they'd met and then the next encounter that had lead to her arrival - all of it seemed so distant. It was barely the same wolf that she'd met standing before her now. "I understand," He said quietly after a pause between her words and the thoughts that hit him after. Hadn't he considered the same sort of thing when Octavia had died and left him the sole parent to Tambourine? 

"Parenthood is not something to be prepared for. Either you're naturally good at it or you struggle to find your place - I feel I fell into the second category with Tambourine." He admitted. "He's taken a liking to one of your boys - I think it's Kavos." The Alpha offered, hoping to disarm her some. It would be good for her to feel like she belonged, truly, and Stark realized that in his quest to not upset her again he'd only served to potentially alienate her further. 

he was understanding, as she had hoped. little to nothing did she know about parenting, true, and neither had she been prepared for the coming of children. it had all been but a blur leading up to the children's existence. a fit of anger and sorrow and pain and eventually, nothingness. it was a consolation that she was not a sinking boat on her own, that it was not only her that faced the troubles of being responsible for beings so much smaller than herself. however, it was the mentioning of the son that hated her the most that sent a chill down her spine. never had she known such resentment until kavos had laid his eyes on her. "oh, k-kavos," uncertainty was laced in her tone to the utmost extent, unsure whether the child was a good influence on stark's son as he had shown all the qualities of his savage father towards her. she feared not only for the life to come, but what her son may become; the likeness of him to Kierkegaard scared her more than anything else. looking away, she was unable to gather the words to warn stark without seeming as if she was slandering her own child; kavos had silenced her before and she did not doubt he would continue to do so as he grew. "kavos," the woman repeated; the slightest flicker of a quivering lip later. while she was making progress to win over the assurance of her daughter, kavos would eternally hate her, though he knew nothing of the morally shattering trials that had come to break the expectant mother. experiences did not excuse how she had treated the brood, but yet, amara had come unto the teekon with hope in her heart and a smile on her face, and had staggered away with nothing. "i have failed, stark. he will always hate me," she did not cry, but glassy eyes looked unto the bleak sky above. perhaps it was not a good idea to share such private confessions to the man that was her leader, but, amara had little to turn to in her life, calling for a need of comfort she would not get from her children.

Stark wasn't expecting the way that Amara reacted to the mere mention of her son. While Stark tended to be excited to hear the ways that Tambourine grew and shifted into his own being it seemed the opposite for Amara. She seemed almost unsettled by the mere mention of the boy, young as he was. "He is so little." Stark wasn't sure how a child so small could know the hate that she described. "There is time to work on your relationship with him." Stark countered. "With time, I'm sure you can find how to mend the bridge between you two." 

stark did not understand, nor could she ever muster the words to make anyone understand exactly why her worry was perfectly valid.  averting her eyes, she spoke timid, as if unable to bear the shame of her "no, he grows more like his father, it scares me," the woman shuddered, and truly, she had every reason to be petrified. kierkegaard was a monster, and these were his spawn. eventually, she had come to let go of her detest for the result of their coupling, it had happened in a mere moment and there would be nothing she could ever do to take it back, but nevertheless quaked in fright of what was to come; what kind of souls the young children would develop. it had been the thing she had sought to end at their birth but had been unable to do so, and now, left open the possibilities of yet more great and terrible beasts to roam the wilds. however, shaking her head, she instantly felt uncomfortable with sharing such things with the alpha; she did not want his pity or his judgement, whatever his prudence may be. "i am sorry.. i did not mean to share such things," the woman took a step back, glancing anywhere but stark for she knew there was little he could say to consolidate her, he surely felt as awkward as she did.