Golden Glade coming undone (who am i?)

@Jhala & @Reek

All that she knew was pain.

The pounding of raindrops against the broad leaves of ferns, the screams of birds atop their perches — it all hurt. It had long since gone beyond an aching and had grown into a nauseating, head-pounding, heart racing throb which coursed steadily throughout her frame. She needed to rest, though there was nowhere to go where she would be safe from the outside. Her ears flat against her head, she wandered near a border which wasn't far from the river where she'd spent her first few nights.

She wanted to howl and have someone come to her aid, allowing her to lean on their shoulder as she limped along. But as she craned her head back and began to release her call, she was stopped by a stabbing in her skull, so painful that she could do nothing but buckle down onto her knees. Hopefully her screech had been enough, as she wasn't sure she would be able to call again.

the rain didn't bother her. it was nice, and she actually liked it. she was out on the borders now, doing a quick patrol, when she perked her ears. there was a stranger-- the first of many-- at the borders. the pack was healthy and able-bodied, and she hoped that whoever called was the same. she was worried though, the wolf didn't actually call... they screamed. she didn't like the sound of it, and she wasn't sure that they had the medicine stocks to heal them.

when she arrived, there was a fae. she was already lowered respectfully, but the closer she came the more she realized that the stranger wasn't bowing respectfully... it was out of pain. her ears leaned forward, tail flicking. "what's wrong with you?" she asked, her voice suspicious. she didn't like this.

Another was soon with her, though she exuded the dominance of a leader. As the question was asked, the cowering woman flinched and took a deep breath to ease the discomfort. I don't know, she whispered, though the sound stung with a furious rage. A shaky whimper escaped her as she lowered herself onto all fours and slowly managed to roll onto her back, showing her full submission, while simultaneously taking the chance to find her equilibrium.

I can't...I can't remember anything. Can you help me? She was pleading with the woman, praying that there would be some bit of sympathy in her heart.

the thought of tapat cowering on a strangers borders, scared and lost and confused pounded on her skull. this was different, this was not tapat, and as she stared at the stranger she tried to remember that. "we don't have much for healing, we're new. i don't know how to help you," she said, honestly, her tail holding steady as it was still arched. the girl had fallen to her back, a much more submissive posture, and jhala studied her. it seemed counterproductive to let this stranger into their borders, but all she could think about was tapat.

unable to come to a logical conclusion in the moment, the alpha let out a long, loud howl for her husband. @Reek was more experienced in leadership, he was her rock. he'd know what to do. she hoped he would come.

As the words spilled from the leader's mouth, the fallen woman could feel a whine beginning to form. There was a lump which held its ground at the base of her throat, momentarily taking away her ability to speak. Please, she whispered, her mind still pounding though to a much lesser extent with her head balanced on the ground. It didn't matter what herbs they could give her or what therapy they could try; all she wanted was somewhere to rest. 

Somewhere where she could remember.

A howl was released for someone else, making her cringe in pain and lift herself slightly to her side. As she sat there in silence with her eyes clenched tightly shut, she thought of this being the end. She considered what would happen if this pack wasn't as accepting as she'd wished (which she understood, as it was the more reasonable way to go about things) and what that would mean for her life. She sighed but remained submissive all around, waiting for the final judgement.

reek was by no means magical, but it still upset her when he didn't teleport right by her side the second her howl left her lips. instead, the other wolf instantly cringed and cowered to the ground. she winced, still worried and still confused. what was wrong with this woman? truthfully, jhala wanted her nowhere near her babies, for fear that she was ill and would give whatever weird, writhing illness she had to them. but she didn't smell sick, she just seemed like she had bees in her brain-- or something.

"i.. i don't..." she let out a noise and checked around her, her ears raising and falling as she fell in and out of decisions-- she was still kind of poor at making them. "fine. fine. but-- i'll get my husband to look at you, maybe he can heal you. i dunno if you're sick or what but i don't want you to get my children sick, they stick to the center of the glade... so... maybe-- maybe stick to border patrols or somethin'," she finally said. eyes narrowed.

"stand up," she then commanded, still glancing behind her occasionally to check for reek, "my name is jhala, this is the golden glade. i lead it with reek. if you can't remember that just remember we both have uneven ears. mine's all floppy and he's missing one." that was easier, she thought, than names. it matched.

"do you know your name?"

A flood of relief washed over her as her acceptance into their pack was solidified. I'm not sick, she murmured to Jhala as she stood, It's my ears. As she settled onto all fours, she could feel a thick bolt of nausea in her stomach, though she managed to hold back the bile. There's...there's something wrong with my ears. It had never been like this before from what she could remember, but she couldn't remember anything from before this conversation.

No. She was nameless, as far as she knew. That being said, she couldn't help but shake the feeling of something more. There was something that she should have known but the harder she fished for the knowledge, the farther it seemed to swim away.

jhala stared at her. her ears looked fine. reek was missing an ear, and her ear flopped like a golden retriever. they had something wrong, her ears looked completely fine. she didn't really understand what the other was saying, and she looked around uneasily. then, at the next comment, jhala turned and stared. her mouth parted, slightly, then closed. parted again, closed again. she mostly asked as a joke, like a cruel 'haha you forgot everything about yourself i bet you don't even know your name' even though she probably did know her name. she just stared.

then, her good ear fell. what if tapat forgot his name?

"right. well... can i call you something?" she asked slowly, searching through her mind for words. she stepped forward, a silent invitation for the other to come into the borders. the rain still came down around them, but they had better coverage in the borders. "i... uhm..." she stammered, still stuck on the thought of tapat. "i don't know what to call you."

Taking the invitation, she winced with each step she took toward Jhala, her ears still flush with her skull. It was no longer the rain which hurt the most (unless it was the rain that hit her on the head, in which case it hurt like a bitch), but the voices being exchanged and thrown between the Alphess and herself. Anything. I don't care. Though her voice was still at a constant murmur, it carried a bit more bass in it. She just wanted the border business to be over so she could go and think. She was convinced that thinking was all she had to do for it to all come back to her, but how could she think in the midst of a storm, inside and out?

jhala stared. "fine, make yourself acquainted with the others when you get a chance," she said, unable to find a name to call her. everything she thought of sounded just flat out mean, and she was no good at names. tapat and astik she'd thought of for reek, who was important to her-- reek deserved a meaningful attempt at names. this stranger, whom she'd just meant, did not earn this loving response from her... not yet.

she nosed for the woman to be free in the territory, and went her own way to inform @Reek and @Dagfinn of the newcomers acceptance into the pack.

last from me! tagging reek and dagfinn merely for visibility. an official welcome!