Bearclaw Valley Monster,how should I feel?

@Onyx perhaps?One last thread before major plot stuff?

He'd ran away like he always did, leaving his daughter on the ground bleeding and seething hatred. The stench of her blood choked him as he ran, throat tight and lungs heaving with the pain from the encounter. He hurt. More than he had when Olive had shunned him for unseen deities, made him aware that his love wasn't enough for her, that everything he had been through meant nothing to her. It hurt more than when he'd had to leave a seriously ill Sirius behind in teaghlaigh. The knowledge that his children placed all the blame upon his shoulders and held their mother to high esteem had crushed him. 


As he ran through the opening to the valley he paused, finding a patch of snow and rolling in it. He rolled and thrashed around until every trace of every scent was washed from his body leaving him soaked and crusted with melting white particles. Then he stood up and stared down at the pink hued ground with blank eyes. He felt so much hatred, for blackfeather,for Cassiopeia and Aries, for Olive, but mostly for himself. For being the same monster that every Svartell man eventually made themselves into. He didn't regret Olive, no...he regretted making choices that altered his life so that in turn it had caused her enough pain to turn him away. While everything was Ultimately his fault, it didn't excuse the deeds of others. Olive had abandoned him,turned him away and then given him false hope on that one night, only to snap at him and deny his love. Olive had allowed Cassiopeia to grow up holding the belief he'd abandoned them without ever speaking of what she'd done.

Now what had he to live for? If he did as he had promised and ended Lonzo, would that really be enough for him and Onyx to be together? Would he really be able to simply start anew and move on with a new period of his life? His anger had simmered down and left him with an empty hollow feeling, yet he stood up and went toward the dens, searching for Onyx.

As the day wore on, doubts crowded her mind, yet she pushed them back, trying to busy herself with other things. The familiar scent, him, had caught her nose early that morning, and she had froze. Pacing the den, she mumbled to herself, frantic, scared, angry, aching sadness, and more doubting. It couldn't be him..right? If it was, what now? Nothing seemed to work as an idea grew in her head. Yet the thought of it sent her soul into agony. She just got Mawk back. And his beautiful family. Then there was Dakarai. The thought sent waves of spasms through her body as she fought hard against the agony and tears.
Growling, her tail lashed as her ears flattened. She had done it. Her worst nightmare, worst fear had come true. She would have to hurt the ones she loved to protect them. She would have to leave. Why could she do nothing right? Was she born underneath a vengeful sky?
Her paws stamped the ground as her anger grew, her loathing of herself clear on her features. Why? The question kept time as her heart cracked, the idea the only thing that made sense. She would have to. It was the only way. Turning again, she stopped as she saw the man she had confessed her love to, and her breath caught in agony as she studied him, memorizing his features. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Her brows furrowed as she felt fear prick her, trying to breathe as she hesitantly stepped towards him, her voice small, concerned. Dakarai? What's wrong?

And in his search he came upon her yet even as he paused at her question he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Paranoid that he still reeked of cassiopeia's blood he gave himself a quick sniff check, relieved to find nothing but the stench of wetness upon his fur. He opened his mouth to reply, blue eyes usually filled with warmth seeming icy in their hollow stare. "She let them believe I abandoned them. That I'm a coward. They hate me....I'm no longer their father" was all he could bring himself to say, yet as he looked at Onyx it was as if he was elsewhere in his mind.

Would she end up hating him in the end? Would he do something yet again to ruin his own life and drag others down with him? Perhaps he would be better leaving now and hunting the dangerous man named Lonzo himself and once he found Lonzo and rid the world of him, he could simply vanish as well. Then he'd have fulfilled his promise to Onyx and made her safe, plus he wouldn't bring his own tainted blood upon her. As he began to think those thoughts he slowly came back to reality and really looked at her. Onyx....such a broken and troubled woman who still took the time to be concerned for a monster such as himself. He loved her so....but perhaps Cassiopeia was right in a way. Was he just using Onyx to make his own life better, to prove to himself only that he wasn't a bad man? The thought brought immediate disgust and he shook it from his mind. He was with Onyx because he cared for her and truly wanted to make her safe and be beside her. Screw cassiopeia's cruel words. Screw whatever Olive had taught her to believe of him. Screw them all. "I happened upon my daughter. Apparently Olive let her believe I abandoned her and was cowardly. Didn't tell her the full story. Put all the blame on me. Some harsh words were said and she smelled you on me. Called you a bitch. Then attacked me. I put her down, opened a wound, and said that i was no longer her father because I chose not to be." he spoke in a brisk and seemingly cold way, trying to cover his pain in a manner very unlike himself yet it was written all over his face plain as day. 


He swiped his tongue over his lips and was revolted to taste the girl's blood upon his lips. He squinted his eyes shut as a tremor shook him "The hatred she had for me....she attacked as if she wanted me dead....what did Olive tell her, what was she lead to believe of me? It was...it was like she heard nothing of anything I ever did right." and there it was, a few cracks in his voice before the tears began to flow and he broke before Onyx, the strong man who was to provide safety now crumbling into a mess of shattered pieces.

He wouldn't look at her. A feeling of dread crawled over her. Was it her? Her brows furrowed, and she hesitantly raised her paw to go towards him. She clamped her feelings back. He needed her. Yet he began to speak, and she drew in a breath as she saw his eyes. Empty. Cold. A shiver went down her spine. Something happened. Something bad. Her eyes went over him almost frantically, but no wounds were seen, and a sigh of relief came. Then the words came.

And she froze, her eyes going black with anger and pain. His gaze was on her, yet he was somewhere completely different. And it frightened her slightly. What kind of woman would turn their children against a man such as him? Calming herself, her eyes were still black as he came back. And spoke again. And her muscles grew tense with rage. Olive. Even the thought of her now brought a bad taste in her mouth. Yet the anger turned to sadness as she heard the way he spoke. His face said it all, and she stepped closer, longing to take the agony on it from him. She paused, trying to wait for him to finish..

His tremor broke her, and she didn't wait for him to finish, but stepped forward and nuzzled him gently while tears fell. A low growl escaped, a mixture of anger and pain. Her voice trembled as she licked his tears, her eyes closed.

I don't know, love. I don't know. It was wrong of her. So wrong. She fought the growing rage for this woman, the idea crossing her mind. Pushing her own problems and emotions harshly back, she nuzzled him, feeling hopeless in her efforts to comfort him. Quietly, she spoke. Prove to yourself that you aren't that man they believe you are. Prove them wrong. I believe you're a good man. A strong man. You aren't that man.  I believe you aren't. Show me, love.

Looking into his eyes of blue, her heart broke for him and herself, yet she smiled softly at the one who had her heart. Soft kisses were laid on his jawline, then she pressed herself into him, hoping to help, longing to take it away.

He could feel her nuzzling him but it didn't register right away. Everything around him was dulled by the pain that throbbed and caused each breath to almost wheeze from his lungs. What else had Olive convinced others of? Aries hadn't seemed to think much of him at all though he'd ran away before he could witness what Cassiopeia had. Had Olive gone mad? How could she place all of this upon his shoulders when she'd been witness to all he'd sacrificed, when she'd be dead as of now if he hadn't used his body to protect her from harm? Onyx's voice roused him from his thoughts and he focused on them. Wrong....yes Olive was wrong for this but he'd been wrong to run so far to begin with. Even intending to come back to Moonspear, he shouldn't have ran so far from the mountain to begin with. But he knew this, he regretted it every day, yet Olive seemed to regret nothing she had done wrong. She chose to take the easy way out and make it all his fault.



"There won't be any proving. I'm done with them.... I want nothing to do with them. I'm here for you and I'll prove to you I am not that man. I was Olive's protector once, I threw myself into injuries so many times...yet she pushed me away. She...she abandoned me." he ended in a much calmer voice as she kissed his jawline, bringing a hint of warmth to his hurting and broken heart. "For you I'd do it again. I will protect you even if it means my death. I will love you and shelter you and keep you safe at any cost to myself." he whispered as he wrapped his head over her neck and pulled her in close against his chest.

His words pained her, for she could not imagine denouncing her own children. Yet the agony and brokenness she heard and felt in him would not let her move from him as she felt his heartbeat against herself. The bittersweetness of his next words made her nuzzle him, and as he wrapped his neck around her, she closed her eyes. And with strong convictions, her voice was quiet, yet steady and determined, a pain underlining it as she leaned into the comforting chest.

You are the one I love, Dakarai. You and Mawk and his family. I have no one else. I need no one else. My family is my world. And I don't want my world to be taken away because of my mistakes.

Her heart was sharp with agony yet love as she tried to convey a hidden message. She wanted him to figure it out, but not until after it happened. Listening to his heartbeat, she smiled slightly, the beating of it comforting, and she committed it to memory and pressed closer. A soft whimper escaped her lips, yet she clenched her teeth together, cutting off the unwanted noise. Looking up at him, her dark eyes searched the depths of his blue ones before speaking softly, gazes locked. I love you, Dakarai. I will not replace Olive or your children, but I swear... Her eyes blackened as she hesitated for only a moment before continuing. I swear, on my children's graves, I will stand by you, and be here when you need someone until I am gone. I love you...you know that...right?

The question came out in a whisper as she blinked back tears, yet she would not let them fall as she smiled tremulously at him.

Through the pain his love for this beautiful pale furred woman began to soothe him and he held her close listening to her voice with all of his focus. Here was where he belonged now, perhaps before his chosen path had been to protect and shelter Olive but that had changed. He was needed here more and he'd rather be here than back at Moonspear anyway. Her words made a hint of confusion grip him but he didn't dwell on what she'd meant. He opened his mouth to say sweet words. You won't lose anyone...I'll be here for you but he was well aware just how easy it was to be ripped from this world. If Lonzo was as bad as he was fearing then he'd be a great challenge to Dakarai who hadn't had a real battle in many years.

She pushed closer and he lifted his chin to draw her closer to his chest where she leaned against him, ear to his heart.She said it again, that she loved him and he smiled, the expression sad as she spoke of Olive and his children. "You aren't a replacement, you're my choice. You are...who I have decided to spend my life with, you are who deserves my love and I hope I can prove worthy of yours." he breathed out softly against her fur, eyes closing briefly before she pulled away and looked into them. He returned her look and he gave a blink of surprise. Of course he knew...or he'd hoped at least. She had said it before that she loved him and he'd accepted it immediately because he loved her too, more than anything. "I know Onyx, i hope you know just how much I love you too" he said gently and stepped forward, running his nose along the fur of her cheeks pausing to place a kiss behind her ear.

Smiling bittersweetly at his words, she closed her eyes and sighed softly as he brushed her cheek. A happy noise came from her lips as she felt his kiss, and she nuzzled her love. Taking a breath of his scent, she closed her eyes. His smell lingered, and she tried to take it to memory. It was the scent that reminded her of protection. Of love. Of Home.
Blinking back tears, she smiled tremulously at him and, for only a moment, her composure slipped and her fear and sadness broke through. Yet it was only for a moment, then it was gone. Swishing her tail slowly, she tilted her head, a loving look on her face. Behind it, thoughts shot through her brain. "My life." "...deserves my love." "Worthy." Of course he was. Sighing, she gave him soft kisses on his muzzle and cheek before speaking. Would...you like to lay down with me? You look exhausted, love. There was no way she was going to sleep, but maybe curling up to him would help them both.