Blacktail Deer Plateau I'd Rather Not

Kisu stood and looked to the world outside of the pack. He'd never truly thought about the way he had preferred his life to be, he just lived it. But now, his silvery golden eyes scanning over everything in the world, he... felt just a little bit empty. He looked back behind him, as if he would see his children standing there, only to turn his head back in the direction it face before. Of course he'd thought about his children... but they were better off with the others. The normal ones. Not some old wolf with a serious face.

The grey wolf sighed (what a surprise), and thought hard. Was he fit for a pack? Was he meant to be a lone wolf? Or was it the fact that he was born to be Alpha and could never let go of the fact that his pack (and family) was destroyed by his brother. He'd never really picked himself up from the long ago events — which left him wondering: Should I stay here, or go?

I think this is AW? If not, lemme know and I'll delete this post. Gonna say this happens prior to the Ferdie/Hawkeye thread, for timeline's sake.

Fox was spending the day scouting out the plateau. She still didn't have a very good handle on where everything was, and a majority of her time was spent getting lost and then finding her way back to the rendezvous site where Perry, his children, and his—sister's? aunt's? cousin's?—children hung out. Thanks to Peregrine, she now knew some of the wolves by sight, but names were, unfortunately, lost on her. Those she would have to learn herself.

On her fourth (or was it her fifth) expedition into the plateau, she spotted one of the wolves she had seen at the meeting. From what Perry had told her, this was the father of the other pups: Saena and Pura. “Excuse me,” Fox greeted, tail wagging slowly behind her. “What’s your name?” She felt decidedly odd about asking him that, considering she was his superior, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Kisu turned, focusing on the red fur and holding back a sigh. She was probably the last wolf he wanted to see. Like everyone else, he disagreed with her presence. Kisu was once an Alpha himself and would have never imagined leaving his pack to go to another, especially just because of a lover.

"Kisu," the rusted grey male spoke. "And you are Fox," he stated rather than asking. He did not want to talk anymore, as it felt like an overwhelming effort to do so; yet, he did so anyway. "How do you like the plateau so far?" His voice rumbled from deep within his chest, the low and slightly raspy voice sounding dull to himself.

Completely devoid of the "sixth sense" that others had, Fox didn't pick up on the tenseness that surrounded Kisu. She nodded to confirm his statement. "Fox Redleaf-DiSarinno," she thought, smiling when she remembered that she now had a last name to give out. It felt so strange to know that she was now officially mated to Peregrine. Their courtship, though unconventional, had been in the works for several months. Basically ever since she had squatted on his borders like a pissant. They had, of course, started off as friends, but what couple didn't?

“It is… pleasant,” she replied after a moment of pause. “Much different than anywhere I’ve lived before.” Being raised up above everything was something that she was still getting used to, but she would adjust in time. “I know it’s belated, but I’m sorry for your loss. Peregrine told me what happened to the mother of your children.” Fox couldn't recall the girl's name, nor the specifics, but she did know that much. Considering she had lost somebody close not so long ago, she knew what that pain felt like.

Kisu wondered where the very small wolf could have lived before if not in the woods. Most, if not all, places he had lived were in the woods. Being a lone wolf most of his life let him explore plenty of territories, but no pack lived on open lands. Kisu knew that some wolves around here lived in mountains, so maybe she had come from there. He simply nodded at her response.

He stiffened when Fox apologized about the loss of Pied. "Thank you," He quietly and succinctly said, seeing as Fox had no right to comment on his dead mate; she hadn't even known who he was moments before, and now she was using an apology of his mate's death as an ice breaker? Kisu would take his frustrations out on something later, though his anger was at a breaking point. He'd gone through so many things lately that he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with his suppressed emotions.

Feeling silence fall upon them, Fox took a moment to look over Kisu more thoroughly. The scars might have been a discussion topic to some, but considering Fox had her fair share at less than two years old, she didn't think much of it. He was tall, burly, and decidedly handsome. Whoever the mother of his children was, she'd had good taste in appearances. Not only that, but Kisu seemed to be a wolf of few words, something that Fox appreciated.

“I lost somebody close to me recently,” she said, not sure if it would hurt or help her situation. It was the only thing she could think of that they had in common, sans the numerous scars and the fact that they both occupied the same territory. Perhaps it wasn't the best ice-breaker, but it wasn't this was his first impression of her. No, that had been when she was standing aside Peregrine at the meeting, all eyes on her and Lasher.

Kisu nodded to Fox's words, not interested in continuing a conversation about someone she had lost. To him, it would never be anything compared to what had happened to him, and how so tragically and quickly she was gone. Not only did he have scar tissue from his first mate, and, even worse, two of his pups, but the wounds were fresh and unhealed, being ripped open again by any reminder, including the one Fox had just given him.

The male was unsure of what to say — he was never a wolf to tell anyone to leave him alone, and he never would be. The female before him hadn't given him anything personal for him to dislike her, but a general dislike was due to the fact she abandoned her pack. Kisu would not bring this up unless needed, so he tried to focus on something else. "Have you met anyone else here?" He was grasping for something to discuss other than her past, which would bring up the things he had just discarded as conversational pieces.

Kisu changed the topic, and although Fox felt like she was trying to open up to him and show him that she, too, had experienced what he had, he didn't seem interested. She wasn't about to push the topic, and answered his question with ease. "Yes," she replied, "Peregrine and Lasher, of course. And the children." Fox wondered if they were even considered children now. They were nearing the age Bones had been when she had arrived in the creek, and nobody had thought her a child. Which was peculiar, considering everybody seemed to think that Magpie was one, and Fox had thought the girl to be of similar age. Strange how their views were skewed.

"Rina and Finn, too." Fox did not think it necessary or pertinent to mention that she had known both of them from before. Rina had briefly been a member of the creek, and Fox had flirted with the suave Finn while he had been a lone wolf. She hadn't spoken to Finn since she had gotten here, though she figured she would run into him eventually. They had gotten along, that much was apparent, though Fox wondered if he would be hurt that she had taken Peregrine as her mate.

When Fox mentioned the children, Kisu felt adrenaline fill his chest and limbs. He thought it was wrong to expose such young wolves to something like this. Peregrine was thoughtless to do so in Kisu's mind, and he would have liked the Alpha to discuss it with him first, considering Pura Virtúte and Saēna were his children. Everything came down to Kisu having traditional views and the desire to have his own choice in what his children were and weren't exposed to. He wondered what Pied would think, and he wasn't sure. The male though that his mate would have probably sided with him, at least since they were still kids. If they were adults, Kisu wouldn't care much.

He nodded to her announcement of meeting two other wolves. He'd never met them, but he saw them at the pack meet. "How did your conversations with them go?" Kisu asked this not only to create conversation, but in curiosity in how they felt about the situation. They probably didn't tell their new Beta to her face," he thought. All of this wondering as of late also had Kisu wondering about the decision Pied and himself made to have the pups here. When Hawkeye was in charge and Peregrine wasn't... strange and demanding everyone follow him or leave, he would have said he made the right decision. Now, he wasn't so sure. He wasn't sure about anything — the confusion with Saēna, the complication with Amelie, the events that had been going on for the last couple of months. A sigh came from him without Kisu even realizing it.

“The kids...” Fox trailed off, “They didn’t have a whole lot to say. I don’t plan on being their mother, since they still have Hawkeye, Peregrine, and you.” Thankfully, Fox would be relieved of that duty. Of course, when spring rolled around, she would doubtless have her own little ones to look after. Some may have been terrified at the thought, but Fox had known for as long as she could remember that it was her duty (and now her right) to bring life into the world. The children who were already here had parents, and Peregrine had told her that there was no need for a fourth.

“As for the others, I had met them previously,” she confessed with a shrug. “Rina was a short-lived member of the creek some months ago, and I met Finn when he was searching for a place to belong.” They were both newcomers to the plateau, so they did not have the same alliances as some of the longer-standing members did. Fox was well-aware that there would be tension as they accepted her as their new leader... or left the pack entirely. She wondered which category Kisu fell under. Considering his children were here, she doubted he would leave them.

He glanced at her face. "As it is not your place to be their mother." It was a sensitive spot for Kisu, but no one else could vouch, since no one else knew. His friendly conversation with his daughter turned into him almost breaking down and crying for the second time in his life — the other had been when two of his sons were slaughtered and one went missing.

He felt for a brief moment that he should maybe apologize for his words, even if they were spoken with a mostly gentle, but also stern, tone. Instead, though, he nodded at her words. "Are you making the rounds, then? Trying to find everyone to meet and introduce yourself." The male intentionally stated the last sentence rather than asking it. "...to clear the air" would have been an add-on to his words if he was more bold.

Fox nodded slowly and blinked, unsure why Kisu felt the need to remind her where her "place" was. She knew that she was not their mother, nor did she intend to be. The girl rolled her shoulders, though, and listened as he continued. “Yep,” she replied, “It’s one of those essential leader things I actually don't mind doing.” Despite her harsh (and often judgemental) personality, Fox really did enjoy getting to know her pack-mates. Now that the plateau was her home, they were her new comrades.

“Anybody I should watch out for?” she asked, curious to know what Kisu's opinions were on his fellow pack-mates. Perhaps there were some who were less welcoming than others. Maybe one or two of them were flighty or had quirks she should know about before she went up and introduced herself personally.

Kisu just decided that he would stop scrutinizing the red female — not because he had come to terms with her abandoning her pack, her rising to the near top without any work, and several other things he just wanted to push to the back of his head. It was due to the fact that if he kept dwelling on everything, he would have an aneurysm — from all of the stress and anger — and die.

He shook his head. "I do not know many on the plateau. I keep to myself." The male paused. "Amelie is nice," he added a little more softly. Well, Hawkeye would have an interesting discussion with her, he thought.

Fox wondered if he had been different before the death of his mate. Perhaps he had been more jovial and less... stoic. She wasn't exactly the most jovial wolf herself, but she was definitely social to the core. Without interaction with others (be it good or bad), Fox would quickly crumble. He did mention somebody—Amelie—and Fox nodded. “A friend of yours?” she asked.

Although she was sure this Amelie had been at the meeting, Fox had yet to acquaint herself with that particular pack-mate. It was all part of the "settling in" portion of her time in Blacktail Deer Plateau. Fox knew that before long, she would come to know the ones who stuck around, and perhaps even those who did not. She was eager to make her mark here, and wanted to make sure that she had the support of as many as possible along the way.

Kisu had only half-noticed that he had spoken aloud. He nodded in return and tried not to act nervous. "Yes. I mean, I suppose so. We have interacted a few times, but I am not sure how she feels about me." The words stumbled neatly from the male's mouth before he quickly cleared his throat.

"She's —" The colored wolf paused. What exactly was she? He decided against describing her character and went for her look. "She's about a year. Dark, with black coloring topped with brown and grey flecks. Her eyes... they are bright like the stars. A yellow that could light up the night." Kisu didn't find anything strange in his speech, for he was a romantic at heart.He was also a weirdo to everyone else.

Fox listened as Kisu spoke of Amelie. The way he stumbled over his words made Fox pause to consider just what kind of relationship he had with this girl. The fact that she was younger wouldn't have made such a thing odd, for Fox knew that age mattered very little beyond a certain point. Fox was but a yearling herself when she had taken a liking to Njal who was four years her senior. Peregrine was older than her as well, and although she did not know Lasher's age, she doubted he was a youngling. Not that they had anything together, but the possibility was most certainly there, and Fox was unlikely to refuse it.

Her suspicions were only strengthened when he spoke of her eyes. It reminded her of the way Peregrine would wax over how pretty she was. Fox had never understood it, although she did have to admit that it was flattering. “Why don’t you ask her?” Fox offered, “How she feels about you, I mean.” It seemed a natural step for one as bold as Fox, though she did not realize it was too brash for some.

Kisu looked away, not in embarrassment — it was moreso bashfulness. He had realized his words, but not what they implied. "I do not believe she sees me in that way. She is young, and it would be a surprise if she even considered an old wolf like myself." The male spoke the words confidently, as if he knew the future

He thought of Pied and if he'd had enough time to mourn. With Red Heart, he had waited a little over a year, but it had been mere months since Pied. Plus, he had lived there with her and their pups were a constant reminder — the size and stark white on his daughter, not to mention the indigo from Pied's heterochromia; and his son, with the blue-grey spots like his mother.

Fox grinned, remembering how young she had been when she had fancied Njal. Of course, the moment she'd realized he was already—ahem—taken, he had lost his appeal. “Many girls seek a stronger, more stable wolf like yourself,” replied Fox. Settling down with somebody her own age likely would have been acceptable to Fox, and yet she had always been drawn more strongly to the older ones. Haunter was no yearling, and Peregrine had already spent a year raising children.

“The young ones are often fickle and hot-headed,” she said, realizing that she, too, fell into this category. Not all of them had the same fiery spirit, but Fox had grown to notice that the younger they were, the less they felt they had to lose. Njal was stable, stoic, and cautious. Razo, on the other hand, had always been a bit of a spitfire. The yearlings that she'd been drawn to had either left or not been quite as desirable to her. Not that she would have outright denied a younger mate than Peregrine, but the older ones... there was something about them.

A somber smile touched Kisu's face. "Yes, younger mates are more brash. My first mate was more than a year older than I when we were joined together. I was shy of a year. She was very quiet, but very sweet." Kisu paused a moment, reflecting on his life before his brother's slaughter. "And Pied... she was adventurous, outgoing, very kind and open. She made me feel young again, but there were also frustrations in the mix." This was the first time Kisu had ever talked about such things. He was one to keep to himself.

Taking a slow breath in, and releasing it just as slow, Kisu looked up. "I feel I am too old and boring to keep up with a young mate. I did not intend to have feelings for Amelie, they just happened." His brow furrowed in confusion and frustration.

Fox idly wondered what kind of "frustrations" he spoke of, but she did not pry further. She knew that if she had been on his end of the conversation, the last thing she would have wanted was to have a near stranger ask about the specifics of her relationship with Peregrine. Or worse: Haunter. He felt like a slowly fading memory, and on some level, Fox was okay with that. Theirs had been an unconventional courtship, but she had liked it all the same. She wished, even now, that he could have one day stood beside her in the creek, but Fox was well-aware that it could only ever be a dream.

“Too old?” she asked, “How old are you, exactly?” Lecter had been old. Fox had thought nothing of it when he had taken Jinx as his own, simply because at a certain point, age wasn't a factor. Kisu may have been older than many of the wolves here, but she thought him to be in his prime years.

To Kisu "prime years" were ages one to three. Where he was strong and healthy and able to fight several wolves without dying. Scratches were given, though. By the time he had turned five, the age he was now, he felt like his bones were starting to creak, he was walking slower, he was more tired. He hadn't given it any thought that he might be depressed, but would have wiped the idea away instantly. He had more energy when he would see his children, but it didn't dawn on him that he did.

"I am nearly six," he spoke brusquely, feeling more than a little self-conscious, like he could be the grandpa of the pack. (And he could be a grandpa if his son had produced any litters).

Fade with your next post?

She squinted at him when he answered, as if to see if he was telling the truth. “Well, if it’s any consolation, you don’t look it.” If there was one thing that could be said about the young leader, it was that she was not a liar. Sure, she omitted certain truths from time to time, but she wouldn't outright say something that wasn't true. Fox had a feeling she would be looking quite a few years her senior when she got up to his age if she kept going at her current pace.

Deciding that he would either believe her or not, and that she had given enough advice and encouragement for one day, Fox stood and shook her coat. “I’m gonna get back to scouting out the rest of the plateau. You should totally tell that girl how you feel.” She doubted that the man would take her advice, but she offered it again anyway. Pausing briefly to see if Kisu had anything more to say, Fox took her leave with a slight dip of her head.

ooc: Suuuuure thang! This was fun :) didn't think Kisu would open up to her like that

He had a strange state of mind when she said he didn't look "old". It was only after she left that he thought on it, and he then wondered if feeling old was all in his mind. He had taken two (almost three) mates in his lifetime, had two litters, one being three years before the other. But Kisu felt like maybe the mental toll was affecting him physically. I simply have to overcome it. He thought with a smile. He also thought that wearing glittery shirts and becoming a motivational exercise dude would be an excellent idea.

He'd nodded to Fox when she left, staying wordless once more. The words she delivered about Amelie shook him a bit, anxiety taking hold of his body. Fox had been right, though. Kisu set off to look for the girl and express him feelings, no matter how uncomfortable he was.