Without you, I've lost my way

I'm so sorry for the inactivity! Blame it on school and life =) I'm trying to get back in the saddle here, though.

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The morning sun was just peaking out over the horizon as Julooke's paws crossed over into Dragonwatchers territory. Every night since Verrine's disappearance, she would go to the spot where his scent stopped and call for him. She had searched for days when he went missing, but came up with nothing. Nothing. Not even a patch of fur was left of him. His scent had mingled with unfamiliar smells and she feared the worst. But, that did not stop her from going back and continuing to call for him. It would be his beacon; his light to show him the way home.

Every morning, she returned to the pack. She hadn't eaten much since he had gone, but she hunted for the pack; still doing her part for the group of wolves. She didn't mingle much, really only when she had to. She was an empty shell of what she used to be, just going through the motions now. The group she had come with had all but disappeared. They had come in strong but were now just a fraction of themselves. But, Yildun... He had prospered here. He found his niche within this pack and was excelling beyond anyone's dreams. Julooke had known he would eventually find his footing. However, it meant he didn't need her anymore. He was doing great within the pack without her. But, she wouldn't leave. Not with the hope that Verrine might show up one day.

Her paws led her to the lake and she drank a little from it before lying down. With her head on her paws, her empty gaze stared out over the water. She never bothered to go to a den to sleep and the bags under her eyes showed it. She didn't want the comfort of the space without Verrine.

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*pounces*

After spending the morning hunting out on the flatlands, Koontz padded back toward the plateau with a fat groundhog tucked into her jaws. She climbed up the pathway leading to the upper plateau, then set off into the woods in search of a place to cache the meat. She located a suitable stump, lowered the carcass into it, then gathered a few fallen leaves to cover it. The Alpha female squatted to mark the spot with her urine, warding away intruders of any species from her pack's food source.

Feeling accomplished but slightly weary from her exertions, Koontz loped toward the pack's main water source, a sort of thin lake near the territory's easternmost edge. When she arrived there, she discovered that she wasn't alone. Her silver tail waved when she recognized Julooke, though it stilled a moment later and her brow furrowed when she saw the other wolf's condition. Her ears flattened somewhat as she recalled the haunting howls that echoed through the park every morning.

"Julooke, are you okay?" Koontz queried, stopping to stand near the prostrate Kappa. Intuiting the cause of Julooke's lackluster demeanor, she frowned thoughtfully and said, "I know you must miss your friends." She wanted to ask, Do you have any idea where they all went? Yet she knew it would be an insensitive question to ask. Julooke wouldn't call for her friend each and every day if she knew where he'd gone and why.

Slowly, the Alpha female lowered herself to her haunches. She didn't say anything else, letting Julooke speak if she wished. Koontz would certainly offer a listening ear. Although not as deeply affected by the wolves' departures, she nevertheless felt the effects of their mass exodus. She focused less on that, though, than on the fact that others, like Julooke and Yildun, had stuck around for her. Without them, the Dragonwatchers would have gone under. Really, it was the least she could do to sit here quietly, her presence a gesture of solidarity for the mourning she-wolf.

Thanks for joining! I needed a Koontz thread!

[size=medium]She had been laying there a little while, heavy eyes hardly blinking, staring at nothing. Her chest barely moved with her breathing. A sound brought her head up and her ears perked. Of course, she would always hope the next sound would be him. Seeing her Alpha, her ears folded respectively as her head lowered in submission.

She hesitated in answering the first question, but nodded when Koontz stated she missed her friends. It was true, she did. She was glad Yildun was here with her, but she wanted, needed Verrine back. He was her rock. Her savior. And he was gone.

She hadn't opened up to anyone since the start of her depression- her parents' passing. Everyone pretty much knew how everyone was feeling, so it was pointless to ask. The only thing anyone could do was give her her friend back. "I miss Verrine." She said softly. "I was just starting to be myself again... Then he disappeared." And her depression had come back ten fold. She didn't know what to do.



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Koontz wondered if Julooke and Verrine had shared a romantic relationship but did not prod the Kappa. Instead, she queried, "Is there anything I can do?" She also wanted to ask, You aren't going to go looking for him, are you? but, again, refrained from posing a question she thought was inappropriate in the circumstances. The Alpha female felt a little apprehensive as she considered the possibility, then reminded herself that, if Julooke had intended to go after Verrine, she would've already left.

"I know it's going to be hard, adjusting to life without him here, but I really hope you will still be happy and at home with the Dragonwatchers," Koontz said after a short, thoughtful silence. "We need you here," she said softly. Yildun needed her to stay more than anybody else, yet Koontz knew Julooke already knew that and didn't need the Alpha to remind her; that would be patronizing. She just wanted—needed—the Kappa to know that she was a valuable asset to the pack.

Rustling back near the tree line made the yearling turn her head, her ear pricked. "Excuse me, Julooke," she said, padding toward the source of the noise. The sound demanded her attention as both a protective leader and an opportunistic hunter. Almost immediately, she smelled the scent of a squirrel. It was screened by some low-growing shrubbery, yet nonetheless startled when the she-wolf came closer. It bolted up the nearest tree.

Instinctively, Koontz snapped into action, lunging at the rodent as it scurried upward. Her teeth clipped an inch of its bushy tail and she growled savagely as she yanked. She flung the squirrel toward the ground, opened her jaws and then administered a crushing bite to its head. The carcass slumped lifelessly to the ground in a pool of blood and gristle.

After cleaning the mess off her teeth and muzzle, Koontz plucked up her fresh kill, strode back toward Julooke and wordlessly dropped the squirrel between them. Just to make her intentions crystal clear, she then nudged the dead squirrel toward the Kappa and backed off a few feet, resuming a position on her hoary haunches.

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Julooke's mind could not filter her answer before her muzzle open. It was the most sincere reply she had given in a while. "Can you bring him back?" She asked emotionally, her voice catching on the words. Her eyes met Koontz, forgetting rank and social order and respect. She had asked the question, knew the answer, but still had to hear it, if she was going to give it. The filled with tears before she averted her gaze.

It was good to hear that she was needed, wanted. She knew life had to get on, but it was hard... She was here, physically, for the pack, but she knew integrating herself in as part of a group, a family, took more than that. She also knew she couldn't get by for very long without changing her ways. But, for right now, she could only offer up, "I'm committed to the pack... I promise I'll do more to help out." Which would be a promise she kept. In the back of her mind, unconsciously, she felt Koontz might turn her away if she didn't start improving her social skills. She didn't know the Alpha on a very personal level yet, though. And that was Jules' own fault.

Before the conversation could carry on, however, a rustling caught their attention. Julooke's ears perked up in the direction as Koontz excused herself. Jules stood, facing the spot where her Alpha had disappeared. Should she follow? They were well enough into the territory that she was confident it wasn't an intruder. If it were, Koontz would vocalize her need for help, she hoped. Then, she heard the chatter of a squirrel, a growl, and the chatter was gone.

When Koontz came back into view, the squirrel hung from her jaws. Julooke sat back on her haunches, showing the proper submission once again. She had expected her superior to eat it, but instead Koontz dropped the lifeless body before her, nudging it in Julooke's direction. Before she could decline, her stomach growled loudly. It would not let Julooke protest a free, fresh meal. "Thank you,' she said graciously. She made quick work of the carcass, showing her hunger. Once finished, she licked her chops, her gaze going toward Koontz. If circumstances were different, and Julooke was a little more herself, she felt they could have been real friends. It was Jules that was holding herself back. It scared her to become close to someone else for fear of losing them. Soon, she would have to get over that. In an effort to be social, though, she tried to start a conversation that didn't have to do with Verrine or missing him. "So... Yildun has really prospered here. He wasn't like that back home. He wasn't... as sure of himself." Seeing him so happy eased some of her fears. He had made this pack a real home, a real family. She needed to do that, too.

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Julooke looked like she might decline the meat, yet her stomach snarled in protest before she could even think of it. Smiling sideways at her, Koontz remained quiet as the Kappa ate her fill. Her lips twitched downward when she replayed Julooke's question in her head. Her gaze dropped contemplatively to the ground. I wish I could, she thought but she said nothing. She figured the question had been entirely rhetorical, a desperate inquiry sprung from a heart wrenched with grief.

"You're welcome," Koontz said only when the Kappa was done. "I recently decided to take on the Boneknapper duty, so it was good practice," she said, lips twitching upward this time. "When you're up for it, I'd love to talk about what duties might fit you. That would be the best way to help out." The way she spoke made it clear that she didn't hold Julooke's lack of activity against her, though there was the unspoken expectation that all members of Dragonwatchers contribute.

At the mention of Yildun's name, Koontz's eyes lit up subtly. "I thought so too but I'm glad to hear it from someone else," the young Alpha female said, unaware of the broadening smile creeping onto her face as she spoke of the Gamma. "I didn't know what to make of his blindness when he first came here but I see now that he's more than made up for his lost sense. He kind of helps me look at the world in an entirely different way when I'm with him..." Julooke surely knew what she meant. Koontz's pale eyes found and held hers, glowing almost conspiratorially.

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Her question was left unanswered, but she knew it should be anyways. After all, there was only one answer she wanted to hear, and that was unrealistic.

When Koontz began talking about co-ranks, Julooke felt guilt of her own making. She knew she should be concentrating on the pack's needs, not her own. She would not stop her calls for Verrine, but she would make more of an effort for the good of the pack instead of sulking around here. She just may not have a smile doing it. She nodded, "Thanks, that's a good idea. I'm a good hunter, and I'm... Well, I was a really good greeter." It was obvious her skills needed a little polishing.

Jules could sense the change in her leader when she brought up Yildun. Koontz spoke highly of him, and for that she was glad. It seemed the pack was loving Yildun as much as he was loving the pack. It was a perfect fit. When she mentioned the way Yildun made others see things differently, Jules nodded. "He does that without even knowing. It's his gift." Seeing Koontz look, Julooke cocked her head a bit, not understanding it. She blinked a few times before letting her gaze fall.


She wondered if he even knew he did it.

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Koontz suddenly grew aware of the goofy look that must be on her face. With a slightly awkward chuckle, she pressed her lips together and let her eyes drift to the side. She wanted to keep talking about Yildun, yet she didn't know what else to say about him except that she was growing very fond of him. Not the type to blather on like that, she decided to revert back to the topic of duties.

"We could always use a more experienced Boneknapper," Koontz said. "You mention a history as a greeter. What about guardianship?" Dragonwatchers did not have a duty specifically dedicated to welcoming visitors and newcomers at the border, though perhaps Julooke's experience could be tied into the Leviathorgan duty... especially now that Verrine was gone.

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As quickly as the look came, it went. Julooke had no idea what it had meant, but she figured maybe Koontz had triggered a memory in her head. Julooke did that sometimes, and she would space out and forget her own surroundings.

While Julooke was an experienced hunter and greeter, a fighter she was not. She frowned, "Um, no, not really... I have no experience with fighting at all. I was always more of... the playful one," she replied. Her words grew softer at the end and her eyes shifted downward. She almost felt like she was lying. The wolf that stood before the Alpha today was only a shell of what she used to be. It almost felt like it was a whole different life- like the wolf she was talking about was almost someone else.

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Julooke explained that she wasn't much of a fighter, which didn't make for a good Leviathorgan. Instead of being disappointed by this, Koontz brightened and waved her tail at the word playful. She hadn't really seen this side of Julooke since her arrival, yet she hadn't seen much of Julooke, period, so she didn't doubt that the she-wolf possessed such a side.

"What about a Nanodragon? The Nanodragn is the wolf responsible for keeping up the pack's spirits and looking after the young. I suppose a Nanodragon could also take on the role of teacher as well. Does that sound like it might be up your alley?" the Alpha female wondered aloud, hoping that Julooke didn't feel overly pressured to choose something. Koontz just wanted to find the right fit for her.

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Koontz took her words and ran with them. Julooke's ear perked slightly at the mention of a potential duty that seemed perfect for her. Well, perfect if she was still her outgoing, playful self. She took a moment to think- debating in her head between who she was right now and who she wanted and needed to be. She could not survive within this pack if she continued down this same path. It would not bring honor to her family, this pack, or herself.

She needed to make a solid effort to bring out her true personality. Sitting a little straighter, she looked to her Alpha, and nodded, "I think that sounds perfect for me." After all, those were her exact duties once upon a time. It should be too difficult to continue them, right? The first thing she needed to do was socialize. Scrambling her brain, she tried to come up with a quick idea. "Um, what do you think about a fall activity for the pack? I think I could come up with something..." Her voice gave away the fact she was a little unsure, but that did not mean she wouldn't try her best.

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Let me know if you want me to officially title her. :)

Edit on 11/06: Sorry, I'm going to conclude and archive this.

Whether she truly felt the duty might fit her well or she was simply tired of Koontz pressing the issue, Julooke agreed that Nanodragon seemed rather perfect. The Alpha female tried to gauge her expression and tone. Julooke seemed to be sincere, so Koontz decided to take her at face value.

"Great!" she replied simply. She brightened again at Julooke's next inquiry. "Sure! What did you have in mind?" she wondered, silvery tail stirring. Judging by Julooke's words, she might not have any ideas yet, so Koontz added, "We could brainstorm together if you like."

When Julooke seemed to cotton onto this idea, Koontz settled herself in more comfortably. The two of them spent the better part of an hour proposing various ideas, scrapping some and fine-tuning others. Between the two of them, they would ensure that Dragonwatchers would have a very festive fall season.