to love is to destroy

*Shadow* · (This post was last modified: November 09, 2014, 12:39 PM by Shadow.)

He'd known for sometime now, he supposed. And that made it hurt even more, realizing he knew that she was unhappy and still not doing anything to help her, ask her what was wrong, try to understand and perhaps change his ways. But no, he'd done nothing and she was gone. Where was she? The youth had left before dawn, tracking her scent trail to the edge of the borders. And she would most likely go to Swiftcurrent Creek, her previous home, why wouldn't she? And be greeted with open arms by Scimitar and Bazi who would snicker silently to themselves that they had been right, that he was a terrible mate and that Paar would leave him. Quisquilans, every single one of them.

So the silver outrider made his way back to the entrance of their den, no, their previous den. Her scent was still strong and he was drowning in it, drowning in grief and self hatred, drowning in realization, drowning in her and what she left behind for him. Why did the gods give with one hand and take with another, why were the fates so damn cruel to him? His father was right, for once. To love someone was to destroy them, and to be loved by someone was to destroy yourself. Never had the Roman let anyone near him, never breaking the wall he built around him, until she came and tore through his armor and tugged at his heart. The battle hardened youth had let her in, let her explore his heart and soul, showed her everything he had. And when she left, she took it with her and left the shell of the wolf he was behind.

Tears threatened to spill but the ashen male refused to let it flow. The lesson his father taught him ages ago was still hammered into him. The boy never cried again and he never forgot what he learnt. Aku might not be the bestest of fathers, but Shadow should never have forgotten this particular lesson for it destroyed him now, just like he said it would. He wanted to snap at first, send out wolves to track her down and bring her to him, then he wanted to find her herself and make her come back, then he let her go, his love for her was too strong for him to chase her down and bring her back to him, against her will. It never showed before, how deeply he loved her, he was never one to show his emotions, but now, he was just a shell of who he was and his heart stolen and broken, and he let her go.

The greyscale male slumped down by the entrance of the den, silver eyes weary and empty, his normally sleek fur ruffled and untidy. The Roman shuddered, wishing desperately to cry, for the salty tears to slide down his cheeks, but this lesson stayed and though he shook and shuddered, seemingly crying, he never did. He was the boy who never cried again, and he intended to keep it that way, for now.

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: November 10, 2014, 03:59 AM by Crëyr.)

The Welsh wolfess was wandering aimlessly around Bypass territory with a fish in her mouth— she would eat it later on, when others decided that they weren't hungry and was fine if she ate it all.

For some reason, she could sense it, the uneasiness in the air, as if something, a bad something, had happened in the Bypass overnight and was now looming down on her, hovering over her so that she wouldn't be able to spring up and swipe at it.

The petite girl moved over the remnants of the grass, her paws soft against what remained of Autumn. The leaves were dry, crunchy, peeling at their brown stems. Winter was approaching, was very clearly approaching. Not only did she know it now. Nature depicted it.

Something... was hollowed out. Crëyr felt something empty in her body, had already felt it once she had stretched out in her cozy den and had the early Winter sun shine down on her.

The grayscale female paused. She stopped, turned towards the direction, and had her limbs move again. They were carrying herself towards a place she had briefly caught sight of... then left. The Alpha and the Alphess' den. Swiftly her paws took her towards Shadow and Paar, the Bypass' leading pair.

She did not know what the point was.

When she stopped, a distance away from the opening, did the feeling grow stronger. The den... Again, it looked like what Crëyr had felt inside of her. Empty. Hollowed out. Gone. It might've been the dreary, bare thought of Winter slowly stripping the branches of its leaves, but it clearly was something else.

Only then did she caught sight of Shadow did her heart drop to her stomach. He was slumped against a side of their den, his sleek, silver fur now scruffy, his eyes wary and deprived of life. Shudder after shudder, wave after wave, did rock his body, his limbs occasionally twisting into a spasm, then all was peaceful.

It was never peaceful.

Crëyr doubted that he had even noticed her approach, but she knew he did. Shadow always did. Shadow was aware of every movement, even when he was collapsed against a corner, looking as if he had been defeated.

Paarthurnax.

She closed the distance between herself and the Alpha in two leaping bounds. Normally she would take close attention to her body and her posture when she was around him, but she didn't think it would matter much now. "Shadow,"
She said, her tone and her expression frantic, something normally unseen on the girl's gentle, calm features. She wasn't about to make assumptions as to what had occured over the night.

Crëyr knew Shadow was a strong-willed, steely man who would make it through even in the darkest of times. She knew it. She didn't even know if it was appropriate or if he even wanted her to ask, but still she went ahead. ”Shadow, is everything okay? What happened? Can I do anything for you?"

She lay down the fish in front of him, offering all of it to the Alpha, if he wanted it. ”Are you hungry?"

*Shadow* · (This post was last modified: November 10, 2014, 09:14 AM by Shadow.)

Despite the grief and pain he was in, his senses were as alert as ever. The scent of a familiar wolf came, Crëyr. The welsh wolf and the one he knew he could trust. He was not blind to the friendship she and Paar had and wondered if her loyalty to her friend was stronger than her loyalty to himself. His heart (or whatever remained of it) clenched painfully at the thought of the crimson healer. Healer. They had not only lost a valuable wolf and his wife, but they had also lost the only healer they had. And now, they had to depend on him, he was more of a warrior himself but Father had taught him a bit of the arts of healing and it would come to use in time. How he wished Aemilia and Valerius and Scipio, all his siblings were here with him. Noctisardor Bypass was his family and home but they were his blood.

The welsh wolf closed the distance between them as he exhaled softly, his head lowered, utterly exhausted and defeated by the woman he had loved, and still loved. "Shadow," she spoke and he finally lifted his head. Silver eyes tired and weary but without tears, his attempt at not crying had succeeded, for now. He doubted he could keep it in for long, everything needed to be expressed one way or another, either he killed or physically did something or he cried, and crying was currently not an option. Neither was hurting Crëyr, she was his packmate, his friend and his family. Shadow even ignored the fact that she was not submitting, he didn't even notice, too busy drowning in grief.

”Shadow, is everything okay? What happened? Can I do anything for you?" he shook his head. "Paar left," he whispered, "And this time she left for good, she's not going to come back. I can feel it. I know it." the offer of fish went completely unnoticed as he gazed at the horizon. The Roman really wanted to cry now, to just whine and throw a tantrum, but he knew it would get Paar back and it would just throw the pack into chaos. That, he couldn't have. "Will you go with her? I'm pretty sure she's gone to Swiftcurrent Creek." he murmured as he lowered his head again and weeped. Shadow cried without tears, wept without salty liquid running down his cheeks. His body shook violently and he rocked back and forth but no tears came from his silver eyes. Father taught him well.

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: November 10, 2014, 09:12 AM by Crëyr.)

lmao using humanities stuff on wolf rpg

Never had she seen, in the entire time of her being in the Bypass, had she ever seen the Alpha look so... dim, so defeated. The light was out of his eyes. He was completely destroyed, collapsed, crumpled against the side of his den, his and Paarthurnax's den.

Soon enough, Crëyr came to know that it was past tense. The den stayed in the past, while everything slipped into the present.

Paarthurnax was gone.

The petite silvery female froze, her body turning to ice in a matter of seconds.

Her mind was a hurricane of thoughts then. They were swirling around her brain, attempting to either make peace with each other or dissipate. Like a tropical cyclone, how it usually came to disappear when it reached land. The ashen leader's words had stunned her, shocked her into a silence in which even she had no words for the occasion.

Crëyr had came to know Paarthurnax, the previous Alphess and the mate of Shadow, the only wolf in the Bypass who she truly considered a friend. The grayscale girl knew— she always knew Paar was kind-hearted and cared to great lengths— a perfect leader and a perfect friend.

According to what Shadow had said she had done, yes, Crëyr was shocked. It was something Paar wouldn't— but yet would— do. Crëyr knew Paarthurnax was a passionate, determined wolfess, and was somebody who would work hard for what she would have, even when it came to making decisions like these. She was very sure there was a reason, and a good one at that— in cause of her departure.

Crëyr would miss her company, so, so much. Before her thoughts could wander towards where she would have gone to and why, she came back onto Earth and faced towards the Alpha, pondering on whether to offer him a shoulder to lean on. Knowing Shadow, he would not appreciate it at times. But he truly looked as if he needed it right now.

She knew it was not any of her business to ask about what had actually caused Paar's departure, but from what she could tell, it regarded their relationship. Relationship issues, to be more specific. "It is not your fault that she is gone, Shadow," She said softly, calmly, though her insides felt as if they were frozen blocks of ice that would suddenly shatter any moment. "It is a decision she has made, and decisions come with reasons. Coming to know somebody like Paar, her reason is a good one at that." Crëyr paused. "I know she was your mate, Shadow, and that you know her like the back of your paw, but they are assumptions you make. I do not think that you have been expecting something like this to happen with her, which proves that the predictions we make about her then and now will not be what we expect."

She paused, moving closer to her Alpha, who had began to shake like the Earth which was cracking into sections. An Earthquake, she would call it. He looked so much in pain, so much that she could not bear to just stand there helplessly and do nothing.

Crëyr supported him up with all her might, wondering if his head would come to rest on her shoulder. Swallowing, she begun to speak. Even though her mind waned towards the thought of herself and a few others, finding Paar and seeing the beautiful, kind, passionate crimson-furred friend she would ever yet to meet again, she knew she could not.

"No," She whispered, her own azure eyes beginning to glaze over. Realizing this, she snapped back into reality. She could not afford for this to happen."My bonds and my loyalty are tied with Noctisardor Bypass. They are tied with you, Imperator. Whatever that happens, I will stay, follow and support you. I do not think Paar wishes for herself to be found, as rarely does that happen when wolves just vanish without a trace." She stared blankly at the sky, one paw on the ground before the abandoned fish. "If you wish to find her, to look for her, I wish for the very best of both worlds. I will do nothing that is going to be against both of your wills."

*Shadow* · November 10, 2014, 10:56 AM

There was silence for a few minutes as Crëyr processed the information he had abruptly thrown in her face, but Paar didn't care how hurt, how much grief she would put him through when she left did she? But he still loved her, even if she didn't love him, and she had taken away his trust for anyone now. It would be even harder than before to get him out of his protective barrier, the shell that shielded him from hurt, that blocked others from getting close to him. He'd let Paar close and she had walked away, taking his heart with her and ripping in in pieces as she did so. Shadow wondered if Aku had loved once, like he did but had his heart torn apart too and had changed into this cruel wolf he was nowadays. But the silver boy swore to the gods to never be the man his father was, and the gods strike him down if he broke his word.

He continued to rock back and forth like a mental patient, and it was her gentle voice that broke through his thoughts, "It is not your fault that she is gone, Shadow,". That was exactly how he felt, it was something he did wrong, obviously, or why would she leave in the middle of the night, without consulting him or even talking to him? Did she fear him? Or hate him? "But it is my fault, Crëyr. Perhaps if I was a better wolf and asked her about what was bothering her, she might still be here, and I might still be whole. Its all my goddamn fault.". The gods were still good to him though, for he did not know of his unborn children's existence, if he did, it would've been a lot worse and he would probably have been reduced to a raving maniac.

The welsh wolf moved closer then and he lay his head on her shoulder, glad for the support. "Thank you." he murmured, almost inaudibly. Shadow coughed and looked at her with bright silver eyes, filled with grief and pain but without tears. "The Bypass will need strong wolves like you, and Flash." he coughed again. "She might not want to be found, but I'll go to the edge of the world if I have to see her and speak with her for the last time, but I cannot go as long as the Bypass has no other leader." but he had already had some wolves in mind, wolves he planned to promote to Centurion on the next pack meeting where he would announce his intentions. It was much too soon to have another pack meeting, but it was needed.

Finally, he sat back down again, bright platinum eyes gazing at Crëyr, "There was once a boy, a wolf who lived in a pack with his father, mother and siblings. He loved once, cried, played, did everything a normal kid did. But he grew older and things changed, his father taught him to fight, to kill, to hunt, to survive, to torture, to heal, everything." he paused. "One day, one of the wolves in the pack caught a pup, small thing, couldn't even speak properly and it was to become the boy's apprentice. He was to teach him to use all he could do, and become the best wolf he could be. And the boy did, the pup was playful and healthy and loving, like all kids should be. But a month later, his father came and watched and killed the pup. His father told him that he hadn't taught the pup to become the best wolf, best warrior he could, but had taught the pup to love him. That the wolf nature in the pup had not been trained, but broken. The father left and the boy cried over the pup until his father forced him to go training again." a sardonic smile now spread across his features. "The boy never cried again and he never forgot what his father taught him, that to love something was to destroy them and to be loved by someone was to be the one that was destroyed." He left it to Crëyr to figure out what he meant, it was pretty straightforward enough though, the moral of the story. And it was true, this lesson that his father taught him was true, it was real and the ashen outrider sighed, wishing he had took his father's words to heart.

Shadow scooted closer to Crëyr, and leaned against her, hoping she wouldn't push him away. He wanted the physical comfort of another wolf, something that Paar gave him often, but now she was gone and she was the cause of this, he needed to find a substitute didn't he? And Crëyr was one of the nicest wolves he knew, one of the most loyal and intelligent ones. He was glad she would stay, that she was still loyal to him despite the firm friendship she had with Paarthurnax. Because sometimes friendships were stronger than pack loyalties, he should know.

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: November 11, 2014, 05:11 AM by Crëyr.)

The Ashen leader was silent for a moment, silent before he started to speak again. His voice came out croaky and dry and slightly broke at the end, but it was impossible not to hear what he had said. Shadow pressed himself downwards, further downwards, lowering himself with words spoken from his own mouth. He was accusing himself of not being a better wolf, of how the burden deserved to be laid upon his shoulders.

"Shadow," She said gently, her paw hesitant upon his other shoulder. "You are always a good wolf, one of the best I have ever seen, no matter what you do and what you think you do. It was perhaps what was bothering her surpassed all limits and is beyond reach. Maybe you didn't know."

The Alpha rested his head on Crëyr shoulder willingly, his skull lolling about, a hoarse cough following that escaped his lips. He fixed his platinum eyes on her, normally steely, now clouded about with sadness. Then he started on about the Bypass and its condition, then proceeded to the condition of he himself. He told her how he planned to find Paar and talk to her again, no matter what the cost was. Part of her mind wandered to what she thought he would say to her, but that was not the point right now.

When he told the silvery girl that he thought of her as a strong wolf, a small smile graced her lips. She was still in the procedure of deciding whether or not was she proud of what she had grown up to become, and others' opinions valued the most. Yet still she was grateful of what she knew was the gift life was, and she would get through and treasure it, even in the darkest of times.

Following that, Shadow began to speak. It caught Crëyr by surprise, the sudden, startling story, the tale spoken which was both chilling and fascinating at the same time. The words that slipped from his tongue spoke of a boy, a young male wolf, one who had been brought up as a warrior, later on given another small pup to train as an apprentice. The tale spoke of the youngster, who had been joyful, merry, everything a pup wanted to be.

Later on, the boy's father broke the pup's neck as he hadn't taught it to be "obedient". Instead, had he taught the little pup to love him. She caught a flash of Shadow's smile, then, appearing on his features before quickly flitting away, the grin that came before the words that would be burnt into her head.

The boy never cried again and he never forgot what his father taught him, that to love something was to destroy them and to be loved by someone was to be the one that was destroyed."

In this case, who was the quote directed towards? Paarthurnax? Shadow himself?

The girl froze. Had she seen him earlier, trembling, lying on the ground, his face contorted in a expression of grief, yet had she seen tears running down his cheeks? No.

The boy never cried again, and he had learnt his lesson from his father.

It wasn't hard to guess, not at all.

"Another good quality about you, Shadow," She said quietly. "Your heritage, your previous family, your siblings. They are all a part of who you are now. The story is beautiful, mystifying and chilling. Thank you for sharing that with me, although..." She swallowed. "To me, crying does not mean you are weak. It means you have been strong for too long."

When the Imperator came closer and leaned his weight on her, she did all she could to support his weight so he was comfortable. A distant look fixed on her face, her cerulean eyes blinking out, her orbs fixed at some point far in the distance.

*Shadow* · November 11, 2014, 08:29 AM

"You are always a good wolf, one of the best I have ever seen, no matter what you do and what you think you do. It was perhaps what was bothering her surpassed all limits and is beyond reach. Maybe you didn't know." he exhaled softly at that. "Some would say different, I am not a good wolf, Crëyr. Even I admit that. I'm reckless, stoic, sarcastic, snarky, merciless at times. This isn't a good wolf." he grinned briefly now, though it was one without humor. The previous sarcasm and humor that possessed him had vanished, it was quite amusing how he could be sarcastic and snarky when he didn't want to, but when he truly needed it and truly wanted to, it left him and vanished.

She listened quietly and attentively to his story, then spoke, "Another good quality about you, Shadow. Your heritage, your previous family, your siblings. They are all a part of who you are now. The story is beautiful, mystifying and chilling. Thank you for sharing that with me." The Imperator raised his head to gaze at her with chilling silver eyes for a brief moment before allowing the faintest of smiles to slip onto his features. "Strong for too long, eh? Perhaps so, but the boy from the story had been strong since the beginning of his years, and he never cried did he? Perhaps he was stronger than the rest, but I doubt it." He hadn't cried for a year or more now, and it was one of his greatest accomplishments, along with getting his littermates safely away from Noctisardor Bypass and successfully became mates with Paarthurnax. Though their relationship ended a few months later.

There was silence, and Shadow raised his gaze to look at her, she was pretty in her own way. Silver graphite fur and vibrant, azure eyes. Like the color of the sky between the end of sunset and night. Mysterious and ethereal.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're pretty?" he murmured softly, almost inaudibly. He didn't really care whether she heard it or not, but he felt like that had to be said. Paar had a different kind of beauty, a more gentle beautiful kind. Crëyr's beauty was an ethereal kind, the more warrior-like and stronger kind of beauty.

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: November 12, 2014, 08:49 AM by Crëyr.)

well... not sure what to do with crëyr right now. :L

"And that makes you the wolf you are now, Shadow," Crëyr responded, again caught by surprise. She didn't think Shadow would say this much, probably allowing whatever wisp of pride and reputation he himself contained wash away.

The Welsh girl rolled a slim shoulder as she watched a grin icily slip across the Ashen male's features. "I do not wish for you to change, Shadow, if you have the beginnings of a plan for that to happen, as again, those are who and what you are. In my eyes you a good leader, a firm leader for the wolves of the Bypass. I wouldn't ask for anybody else to lead our pack."

Then he commented on her interjection to the story. "Strong for too long, eh? Perhaps so, but the boy from the story had been strong since the beginning of his years, and he never cried did he? Perhaps he was stronger than the rest, but I doubt it."

"He may have been strong, the strongest, and he is still strong right now," Crëyr said quietly, her blue eyes turning to Shadow. She was pretty sure he himself was the boy in the story— everything fit the description. The Welsh wolfess watched him now, a sudden curiosity spreading over her body, taking over her brain, wanting to know all the answers to the questions her mind was subconsciously generating for Shadow. She wondered when, where, why. How was it like, where he had originated from? How much had he sacrificed? How far had he come?

Shadow spoke then, saying something Crëyr did not expect. His voice was small, barely audible, but still Crëyr could hear every word. Has anyone ever told you that you're pretty?

Her heart skipped a beat.

Nobody had ever, neither did she. Words like those were reserved for beautiful wolfesses like Paar and Draenen. Sure, her parents and a couple others would occasionally call her "fair", but that was about it. Truthfully Shadow was the first to say that. She was surprised, yes, and did not know how to prevent the rosy taint that had begun to spread across her cheeks. She knew the blush was there and it was beginning to show, and she despised herself in the moment for that.

"No," She said, her voice merely a whisper, unsure of the appropriate way to respond. Had he saved that sentence for how long, just for this very moment? Had he chose to speak it when his mate was gone? Had he simply said that just... to tell her? "You are the first one to say that. Thank you."

*Shadow* · November 13, 2014, 08:56 AM

Sry short post

"And that makes you the wolf you are now, Shadow," he shook his head, smiling though it was a smile without humor. "You are right, Crëyr. It makes me, me. This brilliant awesome wolf here that takes captives and slaves and is harsh and cruel. Great wolf here, eh?" a coldly amused smirk spread across his features. He used sarcasm as a defence mechanism when needed, and it was a way to exert all the hatred and anger and negative emotions pent up inside him.

"I'm honored you wouldn't want anyone else to lead the pack, I wouldn't either because that would probably mean I died or something and I don't want to leave the world when I haven't won enough battles yet." he said in a rather bored tone though he was still grieving inside. "He may have been strong, the strongest, and he is still strong right now," nothing showed on his face, he was really a master of emotions. "Ah, but you do not know where he is now, do you? Is he even rea;?" he left Crëyr to ponder over the answer though he knew that she probably knew who the 'boy' was now.

Shadow chose to look at her at that exact moment and noticed the faint blush spreading across her cheeks. He resisted the urge to raise his eyebrows in a charismatic way, instead looked at the distant horizon once more. "No," she said, "You are the first one to say that. Thank you." . The Roman looked at her and tilted his head in a birdlike manner. "Really? A pity, then."

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: November 15, 2014, 11:24 PM by Crëyr.)

you on your fking jace herondale motives now shadow?

Shadow's voice was once again, harsh and cold. She watched as a sarcastic half-smile spread across his features, though it pretty much leaned towards a smirk. Crëyr's expression remained neutral, though her eyes were turned to her paws, trying to interpret the meaning to what her Alpha had said.

She didn't really know what he was actually trying to say, but she had grown accustomed to Shadow's smirking ways and blatant sarcasm. She'd briefly seen the couple slaves and captives around the Bypass, though she hadn't had the proper chance to thoroughly meet them. Shadow didn't seem to be in the mood for Crëyr's "attempts" at reasoning, and neither was she herself, anyway, so she didn't bother to start. Instead she did not respond, as she barely had the idea how to.

The Welsh girl blinked with uncertainty as all the raw emotion from his earlier outburst begun to strip from his voice and flutter towards somewhere far away from here. Promptly he made a couple remarks, sarcastic or not, which led Crëyr to her thoughts. She knew Shadow was keeping everything concealed, though she was skirting the edges for the reason to why he was starting to do so. She had a brief idea, though.

Slight irritation had actually begun to build up, though she didn't dare let any of that show anywhere. Yes, she knew what kind of a wolf Shadow was and what she had said earlier about how those qualities were who he was right now, but nonetheless it blossomed in her chest. Shadow was Shadow, her Alpha was her Alpha, and again she hated herself for that to happen. But to somebody like Crëyr, it was inevitable.

Why, one moment he seemed to be genuine, the other he wasn't. First off he had even admitted it himself and had even stated that being "sarcastic, snarky, reckless and stoic" didn't make him a good wolf, and here he was, displaying all four qualities at once. Right the second after had he said it.

Or maybe he was trying to prove his point.

Well, Shadow was Shadow. He was strong, and was raw at times, but to Crëyr, he was a very good, a natural leader. That did not affect whether he kept wolves as "captives" or "slaves" or anything he had mentioned earlier. "Yes, I may have a slight idea of who that 'boy' is right now."

When she turned to look at the horizon while the blush was still light across her cheeks, did she hear his voice once more, stating that it was a pity that nobody seemed to have "complimented" her. A pity.

His sentence really had multiple directions where it could take to. He could have probably meant that it was a pity because nobody had ever really complimented her, or that it was a pity that he was the first one to compliment her. Or he was being sarcastic. But she could always tell, couldn't she?

"I wouldn't be pitiful about this, if I were you."

*Shadow* · December 07, 2014, 08:59 AM

Ugh, sorry for the delay dude

Shadow was a lot of things, but he had never been a player, disregarding one female just to go for another. No, when he loved, his love was true, and now, gazing at Crëyr's pretty face, he found another female's face swimming in his mind. One with beautiful copper eyes. It pulled painfully at his heart and dragged a faint gasp out of his mouth. He doubled over, wanting to throw up but nothing came, so he simply stayed there and let his thoughts wander.

The battle hardened Roman had been trying to prove his point when he spoke sarcastically and rudely to his subordinate, but the need for comfort and the fear of it stopped him from speaking in that manner now. Shadow moved cautiously away from her before exhaling softly and leaned on her. "He would have thought you, a brave, strong, courageous woman. And perhaps, in time he would learn that to love might not always end in death and destruction.

He smiled then, and lowered his massive silver crown. "What do you think, silver princess? Does loving end in destroying or does it make you stronger? It seems to always bring either yourself or them to their deaths, don't you think?" He genuinely wanted to see what she thought and felt. It wasn't everyday you saw the heir to the Angelus Mortis line collapse in grief.

*Crëyr* · (This post was last modified: December 12, 2014, 09:35 AM by Crëyr.)

Shadow let out a gasp, the previous hardening of his expression falling away all at once. It was like the mask had cracked, revealing his face raw. He wasn't nothing without the mask, though. Barely. Crëyr preferred the Shadow without the mask.

He had his silver eyes fixed on her. Perhaps he had seen something that had triggered an emotional breakdown— she didn't know nor could she guess what, but right now, in this moment, she did not want to know yet.

His large, strong frame came to lean on her again, and the grayscale girl decided to relax and release the tightening of her limbs. What he then said surprised her, like everything he had said in the past twenty minutes. Right now he didn't seem to be being sarcastic.

She didn't think it was, anyway. Brave, strong. Perhaps they were words to describe Draenen and Gwilym— she was cautious and noticing, though she did not know what type of "brave" and "strong" Shadow was talking about. Or preferred. Was that brave or strong to him? She wasn't exactly wild or reckless like Draenen— she knew what a gift like was, though she preferred to show it in a different way.

"Perhaps, in time he would learn that to love might not always end in death and destruction."

"He would have been willing to?" Crëyr said, her voice drifting and light. "Yes, he would. Perhaps I see it now."

He continued to speak, asking her for answers and her opinions. "Both," She replied quickly. "Both. Love makes you strong, builds you up, fills you with the... well, strongest force on Earth— all of a sudden there will be a twist of fate and it'll bring you to their grave." She paused. "My opinion, I think? I've never truly experienced strong, true love before but, well... I feel strongly about it. In time I'll grow to think more about the emotion, maybe."

*Shadow* · January 06, 2015, 04:35 AM

Concluding this :)

She relaxed as he leaned on her, for that he was glad. It meant she did not entirely hate what he was doing to her, speaking sarcastically and throwing his problems in her face. The Roman was muddled up, grief clouded his mind and he did not know what he was doing, or thinking. It was as if the gods above sent a bolt of gray grief into his head and it was much stronger than he could endure. But even that theory didn't make sense. None of it made sense. Nothing ever made sense. Nothing ever worked out for him. The gods gave him happiness, then threw him more grief than he could manage.

"He would have been willing to?" her voice brought him out of his thoughts, and tilting his head so he could meet her eyes, he nodded. "Yes, he would. Perhaps I see it now." Shadow lowered his head, the faintest shadow of a smile touching his lips. Yes, it seems she figured out the boy was him. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. But it did took a lot of brains, trust and understanding and Crëyr possessed all of them. Hadrian thought Paarthurnax was a blessing and a gift, she was, but turns out the gods gave him two more. Flash and this silver female. They stuck by him for so long, Adair, Tiberius, Enya, everyone else was gone except for them.

"Both." she replied and he sat up, suddenly intrigued, wondering what her answer could be. "Love makes you strong, builds you up, fills you with the... well, strongest force on Earth— all of a sudden there will be a twist of fate and it'll bring you to their grave." Shadow chuckled softly but did not comment, deciding to listen to the rest first. "You are intelligent, Crëyr, I was right to accept you into my ranks that day. The gods blessed both of us." a soft look entered his usually icy platinum eyes as he got to his paws and retreated into the den, I'll see you later, was all he offered the girl before he curled up, hoping for Somnus to whisk him away into his domain.

Slowly, Shadow drifted into sleep.