all I want is what I had

>>

It was a wraith of a figure who ghosted through these lands once more, steps unsteady and form wasted. Her coat hung patched and dirty, and tired eyes spent more time trained on the ground between trembling forelegs than paying attention to the lands traversed. Still, some sort of beacon had carried her this far, a pull that she could not explain. When she had first embarked, all those months ago, she had intended never to return. As time passed, however, she found herself glancing back more and more, until one day she found herself no longer running away, but towards. Even that decision seemed a lifetime away to the sorry creature who stumbled along now.

She'd failed, wholly and miserably.

Her plans, initally, had been to connect with another group, find another place to winter where she could form a new start. It was soon apparent, though, that none were interested in taking on a lone wolf. Chased out of every pack she attempted to exchange greetings with, she was forced to hunt on her own, a trying task. Though she was hungry, she'd managed... until she'd come across that damn moose and decided to try her luck. What had possessed her to do so, she had no idea, but she cursed the decision countless times since.

A solid blow had cracked both shoulder and ribs, effectively ending any hope she had of hunting from that point on. For weeks she'd wandered, living off what little she could scavange, but it wasn't enough. Though her bones had since mended some, she was too far along. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten. She could feel her mind beginning to drift, stretches traveled and memory not recalling how she'd done so. She knew her body would soon follow, and it was this desperation that had led her to the lands she stood before now. Memory had carried her back to another day, when Bazi, in a similar state, had come to Duskfire for aid. When Kaskara had come to fetch her, she'd offered to return the favor should it ever be needed, and it was this salvation that she had sought.

Only to find that hope in vain.

They were gone, the traces of Scimitar, Bazi, and Kaskara along the borders faint enough to tell the story plain. Instead strangers stood in their stead, and she knew that any hope of gaining aid based on previous agreement had fled with them. She made it only a short ways away before a shuddering sigh left her, and she began to tremble, so much so that she sat, unable to stand any longer. She had known she would not make it to Duskfire, and even if she could have, she had not known what sort of shape she would find it in. Pride would not let her be a burden, but it would have allowed her to collect on a favor.

It was unmistakably clear to her now; she would die here.

It was probably the first time in a few months since he had left the Bypass in good moods with the intention to only explore, not solve any of his love problems, not on some mission, not to make a truce with fucking Swiftcurrent Creek. No, this time it was purely for exploration, and to see if his former pack had left Creek grounds already and moved north. Shadow had left his son in his Betas's paws for it was dangerous for the boy to come on the journey with him. He would be safe back in the Bypass and the Roman was sure he would not make a fuss, after all, he knew both Flash and Crëyr, they were not strangers to the pup.

Spring was coming and Shadow knew soon prey would begin popping out and feeding the pack, but at the sametime some wolves might be leaving. Winter was a dangerous time for loners. Spring was not quite as much. He wasn't really worried for he knew most would stick to the Bypass and he knew whatever happened, he would still have two trusted friends, Betas with him. And a wayward son.

It took him sometime to reach the borders of Swiftcurrent Creek, almost a week in fact but the scenes on the way were worth it. And now he knew his pack was in safe paws. Not in some random newcomer, not some wolf who he doubted even knew how to lead a pack. No, Nightfire Bypass was in good hands.

The scents were fading, and Shadow knew his rival was gone from the Creek. He did not know whether to be happy or to be sad about it, perhaps remaining neutral was indeed the best way around. The scarred Praetor strode forward, intent to travel to Wapun Meadow, then turn back but he caught sight of a wolf, was it even a wolf? Her pelt hung wasted on a thin frame, patched and dirty and injured. The Roman was torn between turning away and approaching, then he caught the scent. Long but not forgotten.

So Shadow approached, and gazed at the distance, his newly scarred left side of the face facing her direction and he drawled You know, when I didn't stop you leaving by yourself to wherever your paws took you, I thought you would manage to return in like a good shape, if you ever returned at all. Didn't know why I expected that.

<style type="text/css">.Shadow{width:400px; margin:0px auto; padding:250px 25px 20px 20px; border:3px double #fff; background-image:url('http://i62.tinypic.com/2v29shw.png'); background-position: top; background-color:#1e6b3f; background-repeat:no-repeat; text-align:justify;} .Shadow-in {width: 385px; padding: 10px; background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0.35); text-align: justify;} .Shadow q {color:#bad2ca; font:13px/2 georgia bold;} .Shadow p {text-indent:30px; color:#2e3f3f; font:11px/2 verdana; margin:0px;}</style>

As her mind drifted, many emotions flashed through the golden girl's mind... Foremost fear, closely followed by disgust that such a feeling would disgrace her. This was not how she wanted to go, alone and shamed on some stranger's borders. But inner strength had been used up long ago, most of it expended towards getting her here. This had been her Hail Mary, a last ditch effort, and it had shattered like glass.

Then a voice from the past, perhaps the last she ever expected to hear, came from beside, and she lifted her head to appraise him. A hot wash of shame came first and foremost, for she knew how pathetic she must look. Couldn't even take care of herself, could she? How many loners had she scorned for being in the exact same position? She deserved every bit of teasing and scorn that she'd encounter. So she laughed, the sound a bit broken from her raw throat.

"You and me both, brother. " Bitterly spoken, but none of her ire directed at him, one of few she still deemed a friend. "I'd say we're 0 for 2 in that guess. It looks like you've had a time of it yourself." She'd taken note of the scars he now carried. Despite her predicament and teasing, she was glad to see him, a fact which showed, if not clearly.

He laughed when she spoke once more, calling him brother and was reminded of the first time he met her, catching ducks, teasing each other to no ends. And Shadow looked at her now, ragged and gaunt, and knew he would not leave her to die, no matter what. He did not know if she would pick him up and care for him if he ever fell into the same chaos she had, but the Roman knew he would not leave his friends for the dead.

"Hahaha. These scars are nothing compared to what the bicolored crimson woman devil did to me. Ran away when she was pregnant with my children to Swiftcurrent Creek. Then died and ran away with my only daughter. Then my two sons turned against me. Only my firstborn came with me." The Roman smirked and shook his head, "Looks like another kind of devil ripped you apart, eh?"

Shadow gazed at her, platinum orbs absorbing her form. "You look like shit, sis. Perhaps you'll let me help?"

So Paarthurnax was dead. Though she knew that she should probably feel some sort of emotion following that revelation, instead it brought nothing. Perhaps they had been packmates once, but the healer meant nothing to her now. The news of Shadow's children was regrettable, but any sorrow was out of sympathy towards him. She had truly thought he would find happiness in his new role. "True. I guess neither of us found what we hoped," she observed. She did not say she was sorry for what had befallen him... He likely wanted pity no more than she did. At least he'd gotten one.

"As much as I hate charity, I don't think I have much of a choice." She gave a wry smile, a tad sour but her gaze softened a little. "Thanks. Consider it a loan, one day to be repaid." She would owe him a favor, one he could collect on as he saw fit. Despite their friendship, in her eyes, he still had no responsibility towards her and therefore no duty to help her. She would not expect him to put himself out and receive nothing.

"My life is much better without that pretty devil," said Shadow with an eyeroll, though a smile touched his features at Danica's reply to his suggestion of letting her help him. Saying as much as she hated charity, she did not think she had much of choice and then thanking him and telling him to consider it a loan, one day to be repaid. He wanted to tell her there were no debts between siblings but decided against it, he understood why she said that and did not want to ruin her pride.

That is if she had any pride left.

"Alright sunshine, I'm not going to tell you to stay where you are because you don't look like you'll be going anywhere by yourself anytime soon. I'm going to get you something to eat first," Shadow quickly made his way to a nearby temporary cache he had made sometime ago and dug out two hares which he brought back to where Danica hopefully was. "You should come to my pack,"

He wasn't wrong... she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.  Though her body wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep, she knew the dangers in that, and therefore kept seated through force of will as he left.  It was only a short time before he returned, and the food he carried was one of the loveliest sights the desperate wolf had seen in a long time.

She wanted to tear in immediately, but knew to eat too much too quickly would put her shrunken stomach through hell.  This was embarrassing enough, she wasn't about to make herself sick on top of it.

"Thanks," she responded, making her way partially throufh one of the hares before his invitation sunk in.  She paused, tongue probing at rabbit between her teeth as she thought.

The idea was attractive.  She would need time to get to 100%, and while her initial goal had been to see what was up at the glacier, she still could.  She liked Shadow, regardless of how she may find his packmates to be, and it wasn't a bad plan.

"Alright.  Least I can do is stick around, at least a while."  How long that while was depended, and she wanted to be upfront about that.  Things changed, and while Shadow was a friend, Danica was forever loyal to herself first and foremost.