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taltos knew better than to arrange himself in such a cliched manner, but his heart fluttered within his ribs with anticipation. he had found a little gully in the centermost part of the kingdom, one that surely would be ripe with fairy-violets in the springtime, but for now was protected from heavy snow by virtue of interlocking pine-branches overhead.
the scent was heavy with the fragrance of the crushed green-needles, and at late noon he lifted a shuddering muzzle and called the silver man to his presence, compelling him with promise of the admission he had withheld before.
Lasher's voice carried to the silver alpha as he dozed, though in his light sleep he made out the call's intentions and awakened quickly. With a wide yawn and curious tilt he tried to decipher what the summons may be for, but his mind did not bring to the forefront their previous conversation. Thus, he failed.
So it was once again with unsuspecting pleasure that Dante beheld his friend, and he came forward to nudge the man's cheek affectionately. "Lasher!" The laziness his nap had brought about fell away as he spoke, mind sharpening. "What's up?"
the silver alpha emerged with proud elegance; lasher's breath hitched in his throat, but he drew strength from dante's presence, from the earth and the trees roundabout. for a long moment he was silent, and then his throat grew parched with lack of confidence; he must speak now, before his nerve was lost.
i have a great deal of affection for you,
taltos spoke softly into the air between himself and the other. if it is not reciprocated, and if it never shall be, that is all right. i merely thought that you should hear my thoughts.
for a short moment, lasher feared dante's ire, but in the next he had calmed; the man was a logician, and gentle. he would not act so.
He was rooted, anxious surprise causing his mouth to run dry. For a moment he did not speak. Never could he have dreamed that the dark beta would feel that way, for never could he have that any in the pack did. It just... Didn't make sense. And despite the admittance, he still could not help but think he was wrong in his assumption.
"Of course I feel a great deal of affection for you, Lasher," he responded, though doubtless the offhand manner of this would show he had taken the words in a way not meant. Because for them to mean anything else was not something he could ever assume.
lasher was quite surprised at dante's revelation — he had not suspected that his intentions would be well-received, let alone returned. trepidation gnawed at him, and the niggling sensation that he was wrong wormed pervasively into the back of his mind, but a glance into the warm face of his alpha dispelled the haughty doubts and he found pleasure and validation in dante's eyes.
so joyous was he, quietly, that he did not analyze the tone with which the silver male spoke; he was not careful in his next gesture, which was to reach out tentatively with the edge of his muzzle, to brush the sterling fur of dante's shoulder, should the other accept.
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Though Dante was still completely mystified that Lasher would need validation in the affection and presence of their continued friendship (lols), the happiness and thankful gesture (double lols) showed his response had been correct. Thankful he had assumed no more, he smiled, accepting the brush happily as a sign his response had been well recieved and appreciated.
"Where did this doubt come from?" He asked, curious if he had done something to make Lasher believe he was angry at him. He could not recall. If he had, he would apologize for it profusely, for obviously it had been a huge misunderstanding.
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dante did not pull away; the gilded male seemed to welcome lasher's touch. the beta realized then how starved he had been for masculine touch. with the willow, he had found his manliness easily come by; he was her virile and passionate lover. with one of his own sex, taltos found surrender in allowing the other the reins of their interludes. it was why he sought such men as peregrine, as dante.
dante. he felt the fiery clasp of the name upon his tongue; lasher could not answer for a moment, so aswim were his senses with the alpha's nearness. you did not strike me as one who appreciated such affections,
came his quiet answer, a smile unfurling upon his maw.
"I know that I do not... bond, as easily as some." He replied, somewhat subdued, "but that does not mean I do not wish for it. I just do not know how." Lasher seemed amused rather than upset, but Dante thought a bit more serious of the matter, for he did not like the idea of his packmates thinking him unfeeling towards them.
he spoke of his uncertainty, and lasher found himself headlong usurped by the expression upon dante's vision. his heart cautioned him to be careful, but taltos was past the danger impressed by his psyche. so vulnerable was the silvered one! the beta was quite flattered that it was him to whom dante spoke of such things, and presently his words flew from him, breathless and low.
i could show you, if you like,
the man proffered, standing back from the other now. giddiness pounded in his belly, but he managed to show none of this upon his face; who knew if the man would accept?
"If there is some secret I would love to know," he said, happy that Lasher seemed understanding in his admittance rather than dismissing it as stupidity. "I'd appreciate it." It was true Lasher seemed much more adept at connecting and forming lasting relationships with others. There were very few that Dante could profess the same to.
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but accept he did; and thricely lasher found himself stunned. it is no trick,
he breathed, tentatively gliding closer to the silver male. had he known that dante was innocent of knowledge regarding his intentions, lasher would have been racked with shame, but his alpha seemed receptive, curious; good qualities to the earthen servant.
and so ever so softly he reached out to preen the opposite shoulder before him, but this time his caress lingered, sweeping upwards toward the hollow of dante's throat.
When first Lasher leant in for contact once more, Dante thought nothing of it, for surely that was part of the lesson. The warm, chocolate male had seemed more comfortable with such casual physical gestures than his gunmetal friend since first they met. In Dante's birth pack, physical contact was not something often done cept in sparring, though why he was not sure. Perhaps it spoke of weakness, a need for the presence of another rather than stoic independence.
As the gesture brushed upwards, tracing towards the hollow of his throat, the alien nature of it caused him to quickly withdraw, regarding Lasher with obvious question on his countenance. Though not unfriendly, there was obvious confusion behind the tilt of his ears and the surprise seated in his gaze.
While even this his mind could put off with reasoning, doubt was beginning to fill him as to his interpretation of this situation.
he lids, which had fallen to half mast, widened to display the brief confusion writ in his murkwater eyes, but suddenly he understood: the other was nervous. from his throat came a low and reassuring croon, but the doubt that had subsided beneath his delight surged to the fore, and he did not press his affections upon dante again.
instead, he eyed the other with consternation, the expression spanning a moment before he spoke: is this not what you wish?
"I do not think I take your meaning, or your intentions." It wasn't an answer, per say, but an unspoken request for clarification. The tone was still quiet, and a little chagrined. Anxiety flooded at the thought of what might be presented in the next few moments, and he hoped fervently that Lasher would come back with the answer that kept things simple. This would likely not be the case.
ah! and here was the rub; lasher retreated a wounded hamlet, though not yet reeling from deception, for there was none here. the swampwater of his gaze found and held dante's — he drew a breath that shook only slightly. i suppose i was vague, my friend. for that i am sorry.
and so he straightened, drawing himself up to his full height, and squared the line of his slender shoulders. i have developed feelings toward you that ... are not platonic,
he clarified, rather stiffly, and though he hoped dante would not react badly, taltos braced himself for the rejection all the same.
He apologized, which Dante almost opened his mouth to refute, for surely it was he who missed the mark.... but the confirmation that came kept him from doing so. Instead he reeled, the words out in the open not ones that he had ever expected to hear. He would not lie and say that he had never considered the notion... before Lasher and Peregrine had officially begun their own pairing, he had toyed with the idea. But that had been hypothetical, never to enter the realms of reality. A passing fancy. This was a far different beast to contend with and Dante hardly felt himself up to the task.
Lasher was full of love, able to have room enough in his heart for Peregrine, for Blue Willow, for the countless other lovers that had likely fallen to the gentle Beta's magnetic charms. But Dante... he hardly felt he had room enough for one. His affections were hard pressed to be given and, once they were, he knew that they could not be shared, at least not with two at the same time. It was not Blue Willow's presence that stopped him, not so long as he would know the woman was ok with the arrangement. It was obvious Lasher did not share his limitations, and that was no bother to the silver Alpha. It was instead his own uncertainty. Were his feelings towards Lasher strong enough to be deemed unplatonic? The lack of assurance on the matter troubled him, for he felt the fact that he even had to ask was rather... telling.
"And if I do not have an answer for you.... is that unacceptable?" He could not tell him the feelings were returned, because to do so would be a lie of uncertainty. But neither could he say for sure that they were not. He felt that the internal struggle showed plainly upon his face, so he fought to hide it beneath composure, not wishing to upset. "I am not good with such things." He had no experience from which to draw, and no clue as to how to proceed in finding out. He had professed before to be quite lacking in terms of forming friendship... this was tenfold true when it came to affairs of the heart.
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it was not spurning that came; it was the gentle uncertainty given to love's overwhelming clasp. while part of lasher wished for dante to have given an answer, so that they would not hang in some purgatory of unrequited affection, but this .. .this was enough. i will take whatever reply it is you have to give, dante. i would not demand such an answer from you.
and it was true; he would not. taltos recognized that he was quite an oddity when it came to romance; he had the capacity to encompass several with his love, while others clung to the tried and true way of single pairings. but he had never been compelled in such a way, and thus he would not manipulate the silver man standing so bare before him to choose. he had spoken out of an inability to keep inarticulate, keep silent, the depth of his affections.
at length, he smiled wanly toward his companion. he wished humbly, in his heart, that they could remain close in friendship, despite the pallor that his admission had cast over their relationship. however, if dante could not, or would not, maintain the facade, lasher knew he could accept such gracefully, if not with a degree of quiet pain.
it is not a skill, to love; there is nothing to perfect. it is only a feeling, one free of denial.
and lasher was silent.
Lasher was gracious and understanding, to Dante's relief, and did not press for an answer. He did not know how much time he would need, but until then, he knew he would act as though the admission had never been given. Again, a selfish action, but Dante had never claimed to be anything less.
He disagreed silently with Lasher that to love was not a skill... if only to give himself some hope of improving in the future. If it were not, he thought, then his own prospects were pretty hopeless. "I will think on it." His silver eyes met Lasher's own, and he held them a moment, conveying his sincerity.
i will seek to finish my patrol,came his soft rejoinder, and, after a moment in which he waited for dante's response, the earthen beta slipped into a smooth trot that carried him swiftly away.