Phoenix Maplewood Look at all of these tears I've wept

There’s a part of him he’d never admit to that wants to fully put himself on the ground, and when she starts to speak, makes it even harder.  He bites back the urge to immediately jump to his defense but he waits until she’s done, giving him the chance to speak for himself.  He pieces together how little Saena had a hand in Reek’s decision, bristled up and angry now that she knows.  He swallows a lump in the back of his throat.

“You were gone,” he tells her.  “You were gone and he didn’t say anything.  And we could have—” Ukko struggles to find the words when he realizes he’s treading the fine line of excuses, of the shifting in blame and wants to bite his tongue.  Reek had been so willing to give up at his feet, he’d only reacted without thinking it through.  What would he have done any differently? What would Ukko have done if he’d actually won? 

Ukko clenches his teeth, turning his nose away and stares at something to collect himself.  Reek may have the power to give him the title but Saena has just as much to take it away. He doesn’t deserve it, she knows that, she’ll take it back. “I thought I’d—” He shakes his head, trying to right the wrong he really wants to get past.  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”