Phoenix Maplewood #Not All Beards

Guillotina hummed as she waited for Milton. She was really itchy, she blamed the rabbit. It probably had fleas as well as worms. Great, now she had to deal with grooming her flawless fur more often becaus Milton was inconsiderate and didn't even get her a flea free rabbit. She sighed. It was a sign of the times, it really was, because it was so hard to get competent help these days. All these millenials wantinf free hand outs and free handjobs and eating too much avocado toast. No wonder they were homeless, just like Milton. Typical stupid millenial making the rest of the world look bad with their terrible haircuts and even worse fashion choices. Really she had met sewer rats with better taste.

Guillotina looked up because she got a tingle in her back like someone was watching her. Someone was watching her too.  At first she thought this guy was Mildred but he was quiet. Mildred was like Milton and couldn't even keep her mouth shut for two seconds which was exactly how long Guillotina had noticed Mahler staring at her like a creep. This guy looked a little different than Mildred too so couldn't be her. He honestly looked like a sad sack.  Like a bag of potatoes left out to rot and someone ran it over a few times and forgot about it and then it rained a lot. He looked like the kind of guy that was in an antidepressant commercial, warning you that you weren't living life to the fullest and that if you just ate a pill you really would be better and you'd instantly be attractive despite your shitty personality,  and you'd have a cute girlfriend and a nice designer dog that never pissed or shit in your house that was always neatly kept like no one ever lived in it, tastefully arranged and decorated by some single white mom that had devoted all of her passion into designing because her marriage was a joke and her kids were living dumpster fires.

Honestly he just looked like a soggy cigarette that someone discarded in a filthy New York street puddle. That made Guillotina feel a little sad for him so she smiled sweetly. His eyes weren't bad. Not as sad as the rest of him. "Like what you see?" she smiled a wolf smile. Of course he liked what he saw, because she looked like a goddamn fairy princess next to Cigarette-Sadsack.