Blacktail Deer Plateau i'm pulling down stars just to make you glow

saarthal tried not to, but the craving for affection, for contact, for touch from anyone was too strong, and so she gave in to the urge without much of a fight, leaning into mallaidh - even if the lick lasted less than a few seconds, far less than she would've liked. she swallowed, and along with excess saliva, desperate words spelling out her need for closeness, affection - love - were forced down her throat to be destroyed in the acidic pool of her stomach, suppressed until its inevitable resurrection.

saarthal supposed she was being a bit hasty, moving into the realm of sincerity and honest intentions a little faster than normal but, well, normal was overrated. as far as she was concerned, she wasn't normal, either. she was broken - born broken, born with a love for her own gender far stronger than any other. she was lucky, she supposed, the thought lined with reluctancy and bitterness but rang true as the earth itself, lucky because in a way, she had a choice. she could fall for a wolf of another gender, supposedly, a choice many did not have. a lump rose to the back of her throat and saarth felt an urge to throw up, to spew her guts out onto the floor for the world to see. to choke on her bile and convulse...it was not uncommon for these urges to arise when such thoughts crept to the surface of her mind.

saarthal could avoid it all and find a cute boy and settle down. but, she was born to satan's plaything, anyway, and nothing she was going to do was going to change that. she wasn't going to stop staring at girls or wish she was with them or whatever. if she was going to hell, if she was really an abomination...she was too tired to fight back she'd prove them right, more than right. so right they wished they were the ones choking on acid. 

so, she swallowed the urge to vomit as well, swallowed it down along with everything else until it all felt numb and just the same, and mallaidh's eyes glowed a little more than they had before, comforting in a way that burned a sweet ache into the pit of her chest. "i need to figure some things out, too," saarthal responded quietly, unusually subdued, "i think we all do. but, just - there's no need to rush, take all the time you need. i'm not-i'm not going anywhere and i don't-" she sighed, muscles giving away to the strength of gravity as she slumped quietly to the ground closer to mallaidh. "i'm not going to ask anything of you. whatever you want to do, whatever you want to be, whatever you want to give or not give - it's your choice. i'm not going to-. being by your side right now is good enough for me."

it's not it's not it's not the muscles in her face worked and then relaxed. "let's cuddle," saarthal declared instead, her trademark impishness taking over as a desperate need to move on from this topic washed over her in a wave of bruising pain the size of a tsunami. "i'm craving affection," she said with a straight face and an utterly serious tone, "and it's too romantic a place and night to not cuddle, especially when the cute girl is teasing me by pressing her nose against my leg," mirth seeped into her voice, dancing through the soft muted embers of her eyes as she regarded mallaidh uncharacteristically softly, playful and expectant.