Fairspell Meadow swarm the belly, swelling to a blaze

relief washes over scarab as maegi responds positively to his request that regardless of what they find that he can stay in blackfeather. to say that he hadn't feared that she might not want him to stay would be a lie. in lieu of what she's suffered in such a short time he wouldn't have blamed her if he was nothing but a painful reminder of what she's lost and, in truth, there was a part of him that had expected to be rejected; but with the matter of him staying settled the conversation shifts naturally to the 'what's next' phase.

the thought of searching for his missing and potentially dead family sends his heart fluttering in his chest and a small bought of nausea to creep up his throat. he blanches ever-so-slightly, heart rate spiking and dread pooling in his stomach like ice at the thought, still a firm believer that he was only going to find sorrow and disappointment. come on, scarab, he scoffs at himself internally. you can eat the corpses of wolves without blinking an eyelash but you can't even face the fact that you might find the sun and stars of your life dead?

eating the corpses of strangers was a whole different ballpark. he didn't know those wolves and why should he feel remorse for tending to his own survival? it wasn't like they were going to rise from the dead. they didn't need their bodies anymore and what was the sense in wasting perfectly good meat? but coming face to face with the demons of his likely dead family? being told what he feared to be true? that his loved ones were lost to him forever? that terrified scarab.

it takes scarab a long moment to realize he's begun zoning out on maegi and nearly missed what she's said. if — the emphasis he puts on the simple word implies that he thinks its a pretty big 'if'. they are alive they may not believe you or someone else alone. a small, shallow breath is drawn betwixt his lips. one way or another, he has to face this. dead or alive, he has to know. for if what he fears proves to be true then perhaps he can mourn them as he's been avoiding and work on healing. i will go. he decides, whether he was emotionally capable of it or not.

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