Swiftcurrent Creek why so serious?

In hindsight, maybe it hadn't been the absolute best of ideas to wander away from the Empire just a week? had it been a week already? or a month? she couldn't keep track - it was as if the days had melted, liquified and blended into the each other until Saar could no longer distinguish sunrise from sunset and drifted around like a silver ghost who refused to travel to the Underworld until all their grudges had been settled but had forgotten who they held a grudge against and was now condemned to an eternity of existing but never really existing in the world of the living. 

Some days she woke up and felt nothing and existed. Other days she rose and the sky was awash with a thousand flickering stars and she felt like herself. It never lasted long. Standing by the edge of the creek, Saarthal stared at the reflection in the water. She looked different: older, more solemn - damn what happened to me? no wonder I haven't had a girlfriend in ages. Or maybe it's your fear of commitment? Whatever. Well...there was someone new but Saarth doubted Reiko, or the Reiko-lookalike would go for her. Nah. She stared at the water and wondered if she should go to the sea. She'd always had a premonition that she would die drowning.