Sunbeam Lair i found [m]y beat, it's in your sound

wanted to get this up before too much time passed but we can hold off on it until you're ready <33 backdated to the 28th. welcome to the world polaris, starlette, and fable! birth order can be left up to the pups

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: tw: light body horror for the particularly squeamish, references of past sexual assault

yakone had spent days past preparing endlessly for the time which she knew, with some inexplicable wordless certainty, would come soon. @Merrit surely saw the change in her, his lover reduced to a creature of single-minded instinct. at times even his presence seemed to inspire a skittishness in her, and though she never turned teeth against him, the ghost of a snarl would often flash across her features whenever he startled her.
such opportunities were few and far between, however. the snow-furred wolf spent much of her time digging, carving her den to perfection and gathering soft dry materials to layer over the damp, loose dirt floor of it. any contributions by her mate were accepted with silent satisfaction. there was no space for gratitude in any of this; she had her role, and he had his own. the only thing they could do now was see it through.
she knew from experience that it would be an ugly process, and wondered in her few moments of peace how she might convey this to merrit. in the end, instinct decided for her. as the first lancing pains arced through her abdomen and her hips, she drove him away from her den site as kindly as she could.
this part was for her, and her alone.
for a time she suffered in that den. she wept as the pain unearthed memories long-buried, the day she'd lost her voice forever. stop, she'd begged that day. screamed. and coldly he'd continued, as if she hadn't spoken at all.
it hurt. it hurt and she hated it.
stop, she wanted to beg. stop stop stop STOP
please stop, a broken sob in a broken voice unused for too long. and then it truly began.
her body strained with muscles she'd never known existed, hurt in places she hadn't known she could feel anything at all. it wasn't the same at all. the day she'd lost her voice she'd been violated, her soul torn as deeply as her flesh; this was different. this was...
the thought fell away before she could grasp it, lost in the tidal wave of change that was washing over her. there was no more time to think. it was happening, in blood and shrieks and waves of force from the core of her body.
...
and then it was over, and three new lives rested quietly at her flank, impossibly small and fragile in their first moments. dazed, she wondered how she had avoided hurting them. she thought of her mate. she thought of speaking to him for the first time, of showing him their children with the same proud words as any new mother.
merrit, she wanted to call to him, soft and sweet the way she often thought she would speak to him. like a miracle, like a storybook, she would be healed by her children's birth. and they would be happy.
and maybe she would have felt shame for her inability to do so. but if her wild, beautiful, scarred mother had taught her anything in those horrible weeks after the attack, it was that healing was not linear. they were, all of them, creatures far too complex for that. the heart was a thing easily wounded, and so difficult to mend.
but not so easily broken. she would mend. she had been for years. maybe it wouldn't be today, or tomorrow, or even a year from now, but one day merrit would hear his name from her lips. one day her children would know her voice. that was enough for now. it had to be.
yakone woofed softly, a quiet request for merrit's presence. she was careful not to startle the children, unaware that they could not hear her at this early stage. her own mother had been protective of each litter in those first days; she'd never even attempted to breach that boundary. this part would be the hardest, with no experience to rely on, but yakone knew they would be okay. all of them.