my heart is caged

Ein wasn't prepared to do this, he knew. He had no idea how to approach her about it and his conversation with Junior nagged at the back of his head like a wasp trapped in a jar. Her words of wisdom didn't go unabsorbed by the eldest Lodbrok child but at the same time he felt that he needed to do this. He needed to do this because he couldn't stand the thought of disappointing Ragnar because Ein could never be the son that the scarred Scandinavian wanted. Though Ein had a deep appreciation for the Norse language, he did not feel nor did he want to be a Viking. He found his father's gods facinating but it was more of a thirst of knowledge as opposed to a blind faith in them. He couldn't force himself to continue in the spiral of lies and he couldn't face Ragnar because he would have rather died than see the heavy disappointment that he knew Ragnar would show. So it was time for Ein to bow out and let Gunnar have the glory because out of the two of them he was the one who had the most potential to be everything that Ragnar wanted in a son, and rightfully it was the recognition that Gunnar deserved.

Ein 's heart was heavy as he looked around, avoiding looking in his mother's face, until guiltily he fixed her in his imperial green gaze. For a moment the boy of shadows couldn't speak, the emotion too thick where it stuck in his throat and for a second he considered backing out, but he was tired of living in the web of lies. He didn't want to lie to her and keep up the charade that wasn't making him happy. “I,” Ein started, his voice cracking embarrassingly. “I wanted to ask you for permission to leave the Bay.” The words were incredibly painful as they left his lips and no relief rushed to greet him as they hung in the air between them, anticipating pooling in Ein's stomach like ice as he waited.