my heart is caged

Ein hadn't ever connected the dots that were subtle yet hidden that he and his siblings were not Ragnar's. Especially him. He didn't resemble Ragnar in any shape or form, instead favoring much of his DiSarinno lineage resembling Aether and Crete more than he did Thistle Cloud. It wasn't like Ein looked at his parents and then looked at himself and made the slash through the dots of “oh my god I'm adopted” (half adopted). He just assumed that Thistle or even Ragnar himself had some dark furred relatives that Ein happened to receive the recessive genetics of, on the rare and nearly non-existent times that Ein actually thought about things as shallow as fur color; and because Ein was not looking at his mother he did not realize that she was under any kind of distress. He was too busy being caught up in his own world of anxiety to worry about anyone else's anxiety.

The urge to look away, potentially in shame, was strong but Ein resisted figuring he didn't deserve anything if he couldn't be man enough to look his mother in the eyes as he asked her to let him leave. As far as Ein decided to see it if he couldn't do that then he wasn't man enough to tackle the potentially life threatening adventure he was asking her permission to go on. “Because,” His talk with Junior kept back and he drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I don't want to be a Viking.” The eldest Lodbrok mumbled under his breath, part of him hoping that she heard it and he wouldn't be forced to repeat himself, but another part of him hoping she didn't hear so he could say “oh nothing, nevermind” and go on with his spiral of lies.