to love is to destroy

*Shadow* · November 10, 2014, 10:56 AM

There was silence for a few minutes as Crëyr processed the information he had abruptly thrown in her face, but Paar didn't care how hurt, how much grief she would put him through when she left did she? But he still loved her, even if she didn't love him, and she had taken away his trust for anyone now. It would be even harder than before to get him out of his protective barrier, the shell that shielded him from hurt, that blocked others from getting close to him. He'd let Paar close and she had walked away, taking his heart with her and ripping in in pieces as she did so. Shadow wondered if Aku had loved once, like he did but had his heart torn apart too and had changed into this cruel wolf he was nowadays. But the silver boy swore to the gods to never be the man his father was, and the gods strike him down if he broke his word.

He continued to rock back and forth like a mental patient, and it was her gentle voice that broke through his thoughts, "It is not your fault that she is gone, Shadow,". That was exactly how he felt, it was something he did wrong, obviously, or why would she leave in the middle of the night, without consulting him or even talking to him? Did she fear him? Or hate him? "But it is my fault, Crëyr. Perhaps if I was a better wolf and asked her about what was bothering her, she might still be here, and I might still be whole. Its all my goddamn fault.". The gods were still good to him though, for he did not know of his unborn children's existence, if he did, it would've been a lot worse and he would probably have been reduced to a raving maniac.

The welsh wolf moved closer then and he lay his head on her shoulder, glad for the support. "Thank you." he murmured, almost inaudibly. Shadow coughed and looked at her with bright silver eyes, filled with grief and pain but without tears. "The Bypass will need strong wolves like you, and Flash." he coughed again. "She might not want to be found, but I'll go to the edge of the world if I have to see her and speak with her for the last time, but I cannot go as long as the Bypass has no other leader." but he had already had some wolves in mind, wolves he planned to promote to Centurion on the next pack meeting where he would announce his intentions. It was much too soon to have another pack meeting, but it was needed.

Finally, he sat back down again, bright platinum eyes gazing at Crëyr, "There was once a boy, a wolf who lived in a pack with his father, mother and siblings. He loved once, cried, played, did everything a normal kid did. But he grew older and things changed, his father taught him to fight, to kill, to hunt, to survive, to torture, to heal, everything." he paused. "One day, one of the wolves in the pack caught a pup, small thing, couldn't even speak properly and it was to become the boy's apprentice. He was to teach him to use all he could do, and become the best wolf he could be. And the boy did, the pup was playful and healthy and loving, like all kids should be. But a month later, his father came and watched and killed the pup. His father told him that he hadn't taught the pup to become the best wolf, best warrior he could, but had taught the pup to love him. That the wolf nature in the pup had not been trained, but broken. The father left and the boy cried over the pup until his father forced him to go training again." a sardonic smile now spread across his features. "The boy never cried again and he never forgot what his father taught him, that to love something was to destroy them and to be loved by someone was to be the one that was destroyed." He left it to Crëyr to figure out what he meant, it was pretty straightforward enough though, the moral of the story. And it was true, this lesson that his father taught him was true, it was real and the ashen outrider sighed, wishing he had took his father's words to heart.

Shadow scooted closer to Crëyr, and leaned against her, hoping she wouldn't push him away. He wanted the physical comfort of another wolf, something that Paar gave him often, but now she was gone and she was the cause of this, he needed to find a substitute didn't he? And Crëyr was one of the nicest wolves he knew, one of the most loyal and intelligent ones. He was glad she would stay, that she was still loyal to him despite the firm friendship she had with Paarthurnax. Because sometimes friendships were stronger than pack loyalties, he should know.