Sheepeater Cliff I got troubled thoughts

Set before his thread with Raissa. Sorry for the delay @Nochtli I forgot that my browser had eaten my original attempt >_<

FitzDutiful was taking a break from the mountain, he needed to clear his head and figure out what he wanted. He knew what he had said he wanted to do but now he needed to decide if it was still the best course of action. If he did this then he was condemning his children to a life of potential turmoil. Was he just holding onto a grudge?

His meandering feet lead him towards Sheepeater Cliff, the bottom of it, and he stared up - looking at the top of said cliff. He wasn't contemplating throwing himself off it, that was far away from his mind but it could appear that way to an observer. Ironic that this was exactly the situation he had come across with Raissa when she was looking at the river. He had assumed the worse there.

Was it all his fault that she had attacked her beta so viciously? Could it be forgiven and allow Raissa to lead by his side. Did he want her to? The questions were building and building but the answers were no where to be seen.

yayayay! Thanks so much for starting!! <3

She'd been watching him for a bit, observing the torment that seemed to cross his face. Briefly, the dark Amazon wondered what caused it, interested in the wolf almost solely for that fact. The female had never experienced such turmoil herself, she had never had such a pained look on her face that was caused by anything other than aches and pains. The look in his eyes was different than the glint physical pain put there and it intrigued her. 

She moved forward, towards him until she was within hearing distance. "Is this where I say "Hail fellow, well met", or can I forgo the formalities?" A slight smile, a wag of her tail to reflect her amicable disposition. Whether or not this wolf would be in the mood for such talk remained to be seen but Nochtli had never had a problem with taking chances to see how things turned out. She paused in her approach, waiting for a response to determine whether or not she would move past and away from him.

A voice echoed to him and he pulled his vision away from the cliff that had entrapped him. It took a moment for him to process her words and, for the moment, he just stared blandly at the dark stranger, taking in the fire of her eyes. "Sorry, no, no formalities needed." He physically turned himself away from the cliff less its grandeur capture him again and faced the female instead.

"FitzDutiful of Silvertip Mountain, can I help you?" The questions still ranged from behind his eyes and inside his mind they ran round and around. He wasn't really in the mood for conversation but he would do his best to keep things civil. After all, Silvertip Mountain needed members and this female didn't have a scent of a pack upon her. As the alpha he had to ensure his pack was well represented with those that may one day want to call it home.

Her humor had taken a running start and promptly careened off a nearby cliff. Welp. So much for that approach. Maybe he was one of those super serious types. Maybe he was just having a really shitty day. Either way, she spoke again to answer. "Nochtli. And nope. I was actually gonna see if there was anything I could do to help you. No offense, but you just seem kinda... down." Her smile, still present, took on a more encouraging quality, posture in one of good intentions and kind nature. Just because she was an Amazon didn't mean she always enjoyed fighting.

"I don't want to step on your toes," She wiggled her own white ones, "But sometimes it helps to talk it out. And not to brag or anything but I'm a good listener." Her smile widened a little, ears adjusting to give him her full attention. If he wanted her to bugger off, she would, but she was a counselor damnit and he kind of looked like he just needed to talk without having someone pass judgement on him. She could do that, if he'd let her.

She introduced herself with the name Nochtli. It strangely suited her in a way that names seldom seemed to do any more. She seemed friendly enough and had picked up on his emotions well enough. It was enough to make FitzDutiful laugh in exasperation. "Indeed it does. I'm a counsellor by trade but sometimes we make the worse patients and fail to realise when we have to talk to others."

Lately he had been wary of letting others know of how his pack was doing but, especially in this circumstance, it wasn't at the forefront of his mind. She was a lone wolf, who was she going to report this to? True, she might seize upon the challenge, but this was personal anyway.

"A few month ago my mate was carrying our children. She seemed to want to kill herself and I had to stop that from occurring. Later she attacked the beta, a wolf higher ranking than herself, and I seriously wounded her. I didn't think I would ever be able to forgive her but now my children are almost old enough to fend for themselves."

He sighed and looked at the floor, playing with a stone with his paws. Ashamed, his next words came. "The beta and myself planned to send my mate away when my children were old enough. Now I find myself not wanting to. I want her to lead the pack with me and for my children to have a stable home. I don't know how the beta will take that, the two of them have never got along and how do I know if my mate regrets the damage she did."

Another sigh.

"Anyone else would have been expelled the moment the attack occurred but she carried the pack's future with her. My future. Now it seems so long ago, I can forgive but I can't forget."

A nod; she understood, often bottling up her own emotions instead of talking them out or doing anything that would actually alleviate that inner turmoil. The face of her Prince surfaced in her mind, her feelings of abandonment and disappointment drawn up as well before she shoved it all away, compartmentalizing so that she could listen to the wolf's plight.

And what a plight it was. A tale was spun, one of violence and strife, things she was not unfamiliar with. He had planned to send his mate away for her transgressions, likely fearing the worst. What if she displayed aggression towards her own children? Her friends? Followers? But, she assumed, he loved her, and the thought of sending her away wasn't quite as strong as it had been before.

She took a deep breath, bright eyes watching him for a moment before looking to the workd beyond the cliff near which they should. "Forgive, but don't forget. It's a good method to stand by. I learned it a long time ago and sometimes, it's a struggle to hold to." As a child, she'd been left behind when her mother had stolen away with the male who had sired the litter. That hadn't been the first time either, but each time she was abandoned, each time she was tossed away with no more than a thought, the Amazon moved on and learned from the situation. Should those particular creatures came back into her life, she would welcome them, though not without her own reservations. 

She had questions, probing ones designed to elicits thought and perhaps help him obtain clarity with the situation. Her eyes turned back to him, calm and inquisitive. "You mentioned that your mate attacked your beta. Before that, she aimed to throw away her life. Did you find out why, in each instance, she felt such things were necessary?" There was no way to glean whether or not he had from what he'd said so far but it was an important question. If she had done so with simple malice or was ready to commit suicide over little more than a while, perhaps she was unsuitable for leadership. 

The notion that she and the Beta didn't like one another was set aside for the moment. It was irrelevant until he determined what he wanted out of this. 

It was a good question, one that he had refused to acknowledge. Her question forced him to now. Why had she tried to take her life, why had she attacked Bindi? He had put it down to the crazy hormones for a pregnant woman but maybe... maybe there was more to it.

"Oh god." he breathed, as the potential reason came to him. "Maybe it was me. Maybe I caused it. We started our pack and she got pregnant so soon after that I devoted more time to the pack than to her. I got close to the beta, felt attraction almost, though I never admitted that to myself or them."

The shame caught him up and the inner turmoil that he was already facing bubbled up and came to the surface as fear gripped him and his eyes widened in alarm. "What if it was my fault. What if I caused all of this. How do I fix that?" his counsellor training fled, he had no answers. He hadn't even admitted this point until now so how was he supposed to know how to fix it?

apologies for the icky post. I'm at work.

Edit: o.o omg wall of text I'm so sorry 

His demeanor changed quite suddenly, switching from explanatory to rather panicked. Easy there, FitzDutiful. Don't jump to conclusions. That would do them no good at this point in time, though Nochtli made sure to not sound condescending. 

While it was true that appearing to get close to another could have caused all this (hell, it was more than likely), there were still avenues to take to correcting the issue. If you did, in part, cause her rash actions, then this will not help. But I believe it's possible to correct what's happened and move forward. Her tail flickered behind her, waiting for him to calm.

I assume, since you and your beta had plans to send her away, you've spoken with your fellow leader about your mate's behavior. Unfortunately, doing this does not alleviate the source of the problem. I think if you sit down with your mate and have a clear conversation about how you've felt, and your worries, she would likely meet you with the same calm. Talking to her is the only way you can get to the bottom of all this, even if it means admitting your passing... Attraction.

It was easy to forget to receive counsel yourself when you did so for others but the dark Amazon did not mind being the one to extend this offer to him. Mates. Love. Children. They were foreign things to her, but... It's obvious to me that you care about your family, despite their transgressions. You owe it to each other, and to your children, to talk this out and see where it goes.

Talking. It was so easy to do, but so easy to forget at the same time. It was true what he said, that counsellors were often poor at seeking their own counseling. If you feel better about everything afterwards, talk to her about the possibility of her leading alongside you. If she accepts, inform your Beta that it is to happen. While she leads with you, she is still your subordinate and your word is law. 

A slight smile was given, warm and peaceful. This is fixable.

I don't think I've ever seen an icky Gina post :P

Nochtli was strangely calming. Her voice was steady and helped bring himself back to reality instead of running down the highway at top speed. No conclusions, "Yeah." he said, quietly but slightly reassured. She carried on speaking to him and his reassurance grew each minute. She had a lot to say and FitzDutiful sat by quietly listening to it all, taking in every word. He agreed that talking to Bindi maybe wasn't the best course of action but at the time he had been too angry to talk to Raissa - give her the attention she deserved.

He returned the smile and nodded again. "I suppose so. Do you not think alleviating my mate to position of alpha will show that —", he struggled for the words. "Well that I condone the attacking of leaders and that punishments will not be executed?" That was his primary fear. As much as he wanted to make Raissa the female alpha he worried about the message that would send. Was there a way around that? It had been a long time ago now but maybe there was a way to work around that too.

Hahaha You're too sweet. But thank you <3 That means a lot.

He calmed, his breath intake slowing considerably. A single word slipped from him, agreeable but more of something he said to himself. Her words did not slow but after it all, she let the silence fall and did not try to fill it. Nocta let him do so, ears twisting in his direction when he began to speak. These were, of course, fair concerns but instead of leaping to give him a positive answer, the female grew quiet, her mind chugging along to develop an honest answer for him; filling his head with only positive outcomes was not ideal with this particular question.

When she spoke, it was only because she'd determined what and how she would reply. "It could very well do that. It could drive away some members of your pack. However, you mentioned she was pregnant at the time. It's not an excuse but pregnant females can be quite violent if they assume that they, or their pups, are in danger. Any kind of danger." She'd seen as much herself. "If you approach it in the right way, I think that any dissension can be minimized. Approach your beta first and tell her how it's going to be. She may very well not like it but in the end, the beta is not your mate. And, correct me if I'm wrong, she was not your first thought to rule beside you. 

After that, it's likely as simple as just letting the pack know about the change in rank, since it sounds like only you and your beta knew what was going on." If he approached things objectively, FitzDutiful could very likely keep his pack and family intact. Nochtli simply applied an outside opinion and logic that could sometimes only come from an unbiased third party. Such things were what she'd trained for, though her instructors had always gotten onto her for how wordy she could be. 

He listened carefully, taking in all the words she said. She spoke sense, this wolf who was a loner and yet seemed so grounded in pack mentality. His thoughts were briefly distracted by the wish of having wolves like her in his pack, but it was not to be. He wasn't going to ask for he had seen no signs that she was interested. So his thoughts came back to her words instead as he mulled over the choice given to him.

The only pack member that would be affected was Bindi herself. He wondered if she would leave and yet, to a certain extent, he didn't care if so. He was over the scheming and the planning - if she wanted that then there was other packs that would likely appreciate that. He wasn't doing this to hurt her but - as Nochtli had said - she didn't rule beside him and that was for a reason.

"Thank you," he said and he made moves to go. He needed to go talk to Raissa and find out if she wanted to become an alpha in the same way that he wanted her to. Wouldn't it be nice for Bindi to find a mate and the two of them become the beta pair?

I'll wrap this up! Thanks so much for the thread! We should have another sometime <3

He visibly thought over her words, something she fell silent for as he withdrew into his mind. She was glad he was thinking, presumably, so thoroughly about everything. The situation, his mate, his children, his pack, and most importantly, he deserved to have time to dedicate to it. 

He made to go and the Fire sister made no move to protest it. "Good luck to you, FitzDutiful. Perhaps we will meet again and you can tell me how it all went." A last smile before she, too, moved on and went about her way, off to explore the cliffs and the landscape surrounding them. 

Thread end.