Back in Reality

This is it, Ayana. There is no going back. This pack will be your home, your family. You will love them and defend them, you will be a true member of this pack. You will succeed. You have to.

The ground underneath her paws was different now. She felt different. Being a lone wolf for some time changed her. The first thing she noticed was her scent, which changed from the woody smell of her old pack to a fresh, clean scent, mixed with grass and soil. She smiled, Burke would be proud of her. Nothing made her look suspicious, especially not her coat, one of her biggest insecurities back in Blackfeather. Here, she was normal. She had seen many wolves with light coats like her, which made her feel good, yet scared. What if she liked Redhawk Caledra  better than Blackfeather? No, they are your family. Remember your dark secret? Nobody will share this with you in the Caledra. They are perfect wolves with a beautiful history. They don't hide in those black, cold woods. You belong there, do not hope to find any love or appreciation in this pack. This is a job, after all. You needto succeed in this, so do not get feelings in your way, ever!

After a while of trotting through a forest, which reminded her of her old home, she reached a different terrain. Ayana raised her nose in the air and tried to get the scent of the Caledra so she could follow it to meet the Alphas.
There it was, she clearly smelled other wolves. Ayana started trotting in the direction where the scent came from. Her heart was beating as quickly as when she joined Blackfeather. She needed to calm down, or otherwise the Alphas might notice her restlessness and get suspicious.
The golden female sat down, a few meters away from the borders of the pack. She decided to howl for an alpha, so no random pack member would see her as a threat and try to kill her.

The next few minutes were one of the worst minutes in her life, she did not know what to do or what to say as soon as the alphas would arrive. She tried to remember Burke's words, which calmed her down a little. She smiled, she missed Burke. But this was reality now, time to finally let go of dreams.

@Peregrine @Fox Whoops, sorry, forgot to tag you x

Peregrine seemed to be doing better, despite his recent handicap. Fox knew that his hunting abilities would never quite be the same, but he was functional, and Nightjar had stepped up to contribute to the pack's caches. That did not mean that Fox did not worry. To take her mind off of things, she brought herself to Redhawk Caldera's borders to mark and patrol. Thankfully, they had not had any recent incidents involving trespassers, but she knew better than to let her guard down. Intruders tended to come in waves, and she was already bracing herself for the next batch.

A call rose from the north eastern edge of Redhawk's claim, and after a pause, Fox started toward it. She wasn't too far off, and it would only take her around ten minutes to meet the unrecognized voice. Fox approached with her tail high in the air, ears pushed forward, and her shoulders squared. Depending on how the stranger responded to that would determine Fox's next actions.

A wolf appeared, it held it's tail high and Ayana believed that the approaching wolf was a female. She looked down onto her paws and carried her tail low, indicating the respect she had. This time, she actually did have respect as she knew how important this joining was. Ayana's heart was racing and she felt adrenaline rushing in her veins, but the golden wolf tried to keep calm and subservient.
Then she decided to speak to the wolf. "Hello. My name is Ayana. I am here in peace", she said with a trembling voice. Stop being so scared and convince her. You need her to accept you, at least let you stay for a while. Tell her how much you want this.

"I am a lone wolf and in the need of a pack. It is hard out there, hard to survive for a female. I have heard many good things about your pack, and I wish to be a part of it.", the female said. She told the wolf that she would defend the pack as if she had always lived there, and told her about her hunting skills, not mentioning her tutor.

Ayana made sure to not let herself seem too weak, although she did want to arouse a little bit of pity, while convincing the female of her strenght and the benefits of letting Ayana be in the pack. It seemed a little awkward, but Ayana felt good. The female seemed to know that the girl was no threat, which made Ayana feel a little more comfortable.

The girl introduced herself as Ayana. She let Fox know that she was "here in peace," although Fox had no reason to believe otherwise. The Redhawk did not really understand how being a female made it any harder to survive. She'd managed just fine, and she didn't see males as having any particular advantage. But it was the bit about "hearing good things" regarding Redhawk Caldera that caused Fox to give Ayana a quixotic look. The wolves of the caldera had many enemies and very few friends.

"Who told you that we were good?" asked Fox, bristling. There may have been a few wolves in Teekon Wilds who might speak well on Redhawk Caldera, and it may have even been one of Fox's own pack-mates. If that was the case, she'd happily hear Ayana's story. If it was somebody else... well, that would change Fox's mood ten-fold.

Ayana smiled on the inside. The wolf did not tell her to leave immediately, which Ayana understood as a good sign. However, Ayana's words did not seem to please the female a lot, although she did seem interesting. "Other lone wolves, of whom I unfortunately do not remember the name. But a big pack like yours must be rather popular, right?", Ayana said, with a little more strength in her voice. She was not as nervous anymore, her mood was better now. She smiled at the female and signalled that she was still waiting for an answer.

It was tough to talk to an Alpha, but Ayana tried her best. She wanted to tell the female everything about her hunts, how she and a few others had killed a massive deer, how she played the role of a counselor several times and how she took care of her friend's puppy when it was in need of rescue. Or when she saved a pack member from a serious desease. Calm down, superwoman. Don't make yourself seem too interesting, you don't want her to be suspicious for no reason, do you? Just calm down for goodness' sake. Seriously, if you fail this, you do not deserve anything anymore. No family, no friends, no feelings. So you better concentrate and make her want to be part of their pack. Her mind was right. She needed this. Being a lone wolf was no option for her, she hated being lonely althogh the voices in her mind never wanted her to find friends. Being a loner as a young girl was enough time spent alone; she really wanted to live in a pack. And for now, Redhawk Caledra should be her new home, Ayana hoped.

She looked at the female. "I understand that your pack is very big and it is hard to take care of such a huge pack, but this could be the beginning of something big. We would both profit from it.", she said, hoping the female would open up to her.

Fox scoffed at her response and ignored the second hopeful sentiment. "We are far from popular. What did these lone wolves look like?" She wanted answers. Redhawk Caldera was not hurting for members, as Ayana seemed already to know. Fox figured she had either smelled the variety of scents here or she had heard them howling together one night. They were not a pack to be trifled with, that much was true. Even with one of the Alphas somewhat incapacitated, Redhawk Caldera had plenty of able-bodied wolves who were ready to defend their friends and family.

One bonus of having so many wolves at her disposal was that Fox could be pickier about who they accepted. The pack was nearly packed full to the brim with excellent wolves whom she trusted. She had no intention of overcrowding her home and causing a steep decline in prey. They only had so much room here, and Fox would ensure that none of it went to waste.

If it had not been for the Alpha standing infront of her, Ayana would have rolled here eyes and asked "Seriously? Why so nosey?", but she was taught to show more respect, so she did. Honestly, why does she not accept that you do not want to reveal anything. Just tell her you have let your old life behind and she will have to understand. For goodness' sake.

"One of them was rather small, with a dark coat. A male, I believe.", Ayana said, hoping to please the female."You know, I do not have the best, nicest past. I come from a pack nearby, a dark, bloody pack. They were nothing like me. All of them had dark coats, dark stories and they were not afraid to kill. I seek for something new, something better. So I am here, because your pack seems to be more like me. I saw some of you one night and I missed being a member of something big so much, I just had to come up to you and ask. I need this...", Ayana said, looking down onto her paws. What she said was the truth, she did want to live in a pack and be a member of a unity. Hopefully the female would understand and let her in. She did not have to trust her right away, but Ayana would try her best to convince the female of her innocence and she would fight hard to gain her trust.

Fox could think of nobody with that description, save Jaws. But he had been gone for a long while. Wasn't he dead? Was it bad that she couldn't recall the details of his departure? Fox huffed. Again, the girl played up the pity party, which wasn't really helping her case. Redhawk Caldera did not house wolves that couldn't take care of themselves and give back to their comrades.

"So what are your strengths? Weaknesses?" the Alpha asked. She would not allow just anybody to waltz in and become a part of their tightly-knit pack. Even those who had returned from being away were not given that much freedom. Fox and Peregrine had seen to it that only the most trustworthy wolves were allowed within their borders. And only those who had proven it were allowed near the children. Well, they were growing quickly into adults, but that was beside the point.

Ayana sighed when she heard the Alpha talk. It was not a secret that Ayana was not very welcome, she had to prove herself first. So what were her strengths? She knew she had to be careful and wise now, as this would shape her character in the eyes of the Alpha. Her manipulative skills? No, the female would believe she was not trustworthy. Her constant need to succeed? Would probably make her seem too success-orientated and selfish. "Loyalty.", Ayana said eventually.
She spoke the truth. She was loyal. Never had she betrayed anyone, not even her father who made her become the two-faced person she was. "Look, if you can't perceive my strenghts then I am sorry. I'm here to fight for your pack, to hunt for it, to guard it. I'm also training to become a counselor soon, which definitely shows how trustworthy I am. But if you can't see my potential, maybe this has no point!", Ayana said, looking at the female. She was angry and sad at the same time. The female hated her, she knew it. She wasn't interested. Ayana would fail.

Are you bloody kidding me, you freaking stupid cow? Stop being such a chicken and convince her for goodness' sake! Otherwise you can go and jump off a cliff. You will succeed, you joined a pack before without having any idea of your skills.
Her mind was right. Ayana would be beneficial for the pack, in every way. She was somewhat of a multi-talent. She was not the best hunter, but good enough to succeed in a pack hunt. She was not a healer, but saved several young adults and puppies. She was not a counselor, but advised Alphas and her friends before.
"All I am going to say is that your pack will profit from me. I might not be the most powerful wolf out there, but I know how to hunt, I might not be the best caretaker out there, but I saved two lives in the last few moons. I might not seem like a perfect wolf, and maybe you don't trust me yet, but I can assure you that you will discover my potential once you give me the chance to shine.", the golden female said. She was tired of convincing a stranger of her qualities, which made her rather impatient. If the Alpha had no interest, she could not change that anyway.

Sorry omg she can be so rude <3

It's all good. :) Sorry it didn't work out with Ayana!

Perhaps if this had been somebody else, not a stranger, Fox would have continued to listen to her tirade. Fox had asked only for strengths and weaknesses, not a speech. Ayana got to "maybe this has no point!" before the Redhawk Alpha lashed her tail and snapped at her. She would not make contact, for that was not what she intended. But hopefully it would stop the girl's incessant talking. Even if she was still talking, Fox wasn't listening. They were done here. The last thing Fox wanted was some chatty whiner amongst her ranks.

No words were needed for what was clear in Fox's body language. She thrust her ears forward, raised her lip, and her tail curled over her back. Any amount of talking past this point would fall on deaf ears. The girl had lost her chance.

Thanks for your time <3

Ayana was numb.
Like a machine she left the setting without a word.
Something inside her made her move, she did not know what, but she felt herself leaving.
It was quiet, no birds, no deers, no wolves. Silence.
Silence in her head, silence in her mind, silence in her body.
Slowly, she felt something coming back inside of her.
She felt the ground underneath her paws again, heard some birds singing and felt her heartbeat:
She failed. Failure.
How could she ever return to her home, knowing that she failed. She failed joining a pack.
There were wolves out there, who trusted her. Who had faith in her. Who believed in her.
And she disappointed every single one of them.

I hope this makes you realise how unworthy you are, and this female knew it. She looked deep inside your soul, beneath the hate and criticism, beneath the power and will, she saw your deepest secrets, your dark side. And she rejected you, because that is what everyone should do. Leave.
Go away, Ayana. Leave this place, leave the Teekon Wild, leave. Disappear. Burke hates you now, he does not want a failure in his pack, let alone in the Dark Brotherhood. Nobody wants you, Ayana. Nobody.

Ayana bit her tongue and moved on. She walked through woods and passed by lakes.
She needed time to understand what just happened. She failed.

Last post for me xx

Hopefully it'll turn into some fun character development for Ayana. :)

By some miracle, the girl stopped talking, and Fox eased off as Ayana walked away. So long as she retreated—which she was doing—the Alpha would not give chase. She had no reason to, and it was not worth the effort. Instead, the Redhawk lingered for a time, settling on her haunches as she confirmed that Ayana was out of sight. Once that happened, the girl was also out of mind, and Fox resumed her daily duties.