Silvertip Mountain And You Let Her Go

Odette cried for her brother Solemn alone.  It was late at night and she had quietly snuck out of the den, feeling quite hollow inside.  Why did everyone she ever loved or wanted have to leave her!  Her brother Solemn, her Father and others too.  It was painful, sometimes to painful.  So Odette wept alone in the darkness about fifteen feet away from the den.

Odie began to the walk.  The fluffy brown pup, still sniffling, crying, wishing for a better life, began to just walk on the path that she had trekked with her Uncle Steady that one time, up to the place where she could see the stars.  Odette felt that it would be there that she felt safe.  The trekk was surprisingly much harder without her Uncle, but Odie managed on pure will to have some quiet time to mourn.  So after a long while she did reach the top, down below the stars.  So close, yet so far away.

The pup wailed into the night.  "Why di you leave me!"  She cried out into the starry night sky.  "I mys ou!  I wan tu bac!"  Odette mourned to all of the losses of Silvertip Mountain.  Then the pup collasped in a heap and was silent for a long while, just staying like that.  Then quietly she carefully pulled herslef back up to her fluffy paws and stared up at the sky as if it would reveal everything... but of course nothing to that effect happened.

The late night had called to Steady, and willingly obliged. He strolled through the forests, noting the returning foliage. It would be a few weeks, but now at least there was proof that things would return to normal. If the pack could hold out just a little longer, he was sure they would have a feast as soon as the large prey came back.

Odette's yell reached his ears, and he scrunched his face in confusion. Why was she out so late? Was she alone? Quickly, he made his way in the direction her voice came, noting quickly it was the same path he had taken her on just a few nights ago. He made his way up the bank to the ledge, finding her there. Odette, he said worriedly, going to her and attempting to nudge her shoulder, part in greet, part to make sure she was okay. What are you doing up here alone? he asked.

Odie was surprised to see her Uncle here, very surprised.  She turned to face him.  For a long while the pup stayed absoulety silent, unsure of what to do.  She wanted to demand to Steady to bring them back, bring them all back to her, but that was greedy, cruel and selfish.  Odette didn't do it.  Instead she just stood still for what seemed like minutes and then she leaned forward and attempted to burry her head in his soft chest fur.

"I wa dem all bac."  Odette cried muffledly as sobs began to rack her little body once more.  "I wa dem bac."  Odie repeated once more in the quietest of all tones, then she contiuned on to tell her Uncle more back her troubles.  "I wan dem all bac!  My daddeh, Solemn, everyone!"  Odette cried out.  Then she flopped back onto her haunches and stared at the ground deppressedly.  "It should have been me..."  She then whispered at the softest of sounds and then sobs contiuned to tear through her.

His niece was quiet for the longest time, and Steady worried that she wasn't talking. Normally, she was an open book to him. He sat back on his haunches, giving her the time she seemed to need. There had many losses as of late, and the adults hadn't kept them from the pups- couldn't have. He could understand what their little hearts were going through, long before they were able to understand it themselves.

He lent her the support he could, allow her to snuggle into his chest, bringing his head down to press against her outside shoulder in a wolf hug. Eventually, she spoke in a pleading voice that made him feel like his heart was in a million pieces and he was the size of an ant. He lifted his head as she counted off the ones they had lost, and exclaimed it should have been her. His ears flipped back in discontent. No, Odette, he said firmly. It shouldn't have been you, of that I am sure, he added, attempting for his gaze to meet hers in an effort to show her how much he needed it not to be her. Odette, we can't pick and choose who goes and who stays. Things happen, sometimes things that can't be explained, but while you miss the ones that are gone, you need to focus more on the ones that are here. We love you, and I don't know what I would do if I lost you, too, he said softly, nosing her, trying to make her feel better. He knew, though, it was something she would ultimately need to work out on her own.

Odette sat still listening to her Uncle Steady speak.  He basically said he needed her.  He said he couldn't imagine life without her.  Something about that small speach made Odie feel better, just the tiniest bit.  It also felt pretty good to know that someone knew now and that someone in this world claimed to need her.  Yet there were more reasons for why she missed Solemn and her Father most of all.  She felt guilty.  They had been there for her, but she had never been able to return their kindness and it hurt.  It just hurt so much to the point where sometimes she felt like her heart would burst.

"I wa noover der fo dem though, Uncle Steady.  Dey wo der fo me dough."  Odie whispered softly, then began to stare sadly at the ground.  "Soomtimes I feel like it my fault."  Odette contiuned with another sob and began to tremble.  Why could the world be so cruel?  Odette wished she knew the answer to that.

He wanted to take her pain away and into himself, and cry for her. She made his heart break in a way that the dead never could. Here she was, heart beating and breathing, and feeling more than any pup should have to, and he felt so useless to help her. 

She admitted she felt like she was never there for them, and he had to think before he spoke, so fearful that he would say the wrong thing. But, he didn't want to lie to her, feeling that would just worsen things later. Odette, you're just a pup. You've been doing exactly what your responsibility is- which is learning pack life, exploring, meeting other members and bossing them around... And apparently wandering away from the den unescorted at night in the middle of a famine where anything and everything can and would eat you... He sighed, knowing he was getting off topic. Your responsibility was to play with your siblings, and build bonds with them. It was your mother and I's responsibility to make sure you all are healthy. Did she understand what he was saying? I know for a fact that you took food that was given to you and gave it to your siblings. You did your best to try and feed them. She was so young, and he knew there would be things she'd miss, thinking it was something insignificant. As smart as she was, she couldn't know everything just yet.

Odette just hung her head as her Uncle Steady spoke.  It seemed very much out of her power that she could not do anything to save anyone that she loved now.  It all made sense, just because she was a pup, a little, scrawny, useless pup.  The thought made her want to sob, but she didn't... not yet at least.  Instead she slowly raised her gaze and head a little bit higher.  "So I'm... usless den?"  Odie whispered quietly, horrified by the fact that it could very well be true.  After all her Uncle claimed that she only gave orders, never tried to do any saving.

Odette sat still, for a litle while longer and then she contiuned to speak with a small sigh.  "Sowem used ta giv me his shares.  I never repied him."  She told her Uncle quietly and rather absently with a sad droop of her tail as she stood back up.  "I sha go bac ta da den.  Mommy migh be worried if I not dere."  Then Odette took a few steps forward in an attempt to leave the scene.

He shook his head side to side quickly. You are not useless, Odette, he said firmly. He was obviously not saying the right things, but he refused to give up. Every pup goes through this period of adjustment. You're old enough to understand what's going on, but you're not old enough to stop what's going on. It isn't your fault, though. Nothing is you're fault, he said. Was he ever going to get through to her?

Realization dawned on him when she confessed that Solemn would give Odette his shares. That's why he hadn't been getting enough food. It sounds like your brother sacrificed himself for you and your siblings... He made that choice. You couldn't force him to eat, he explained. 

We can hang out longer, if you want, he said softly. Or I'll walk you back if you're ready, he added. He figured this was a very difficult conversation for her, and it was a lot to take in, especially when he was trying to change her mind on something she obviously felt very deeply about.

As her Uncle started to speak again, Odie paused in her steps and listened.  She wished that she could be a hero like Solemn had once been, but she wasn't, she was just... timid... or at least it seemed that way to Odette.  Suddenly she didn''t want to walk away now, realizing that she might not get anotehr chance to actually sneak out and get away with it.  Odette sat back down slowly.  "Tay a bit longer."  She whispered quietly, staring at the ground.

Then Odette began to think and think and think.  She thought about Solemn and how much she missed him and she thought of the Father that she had never really gotten to know.  She was silent for minutes, before she finally spoke again.  "Wah was ma daddeh like?"  Odie asked in a quiet murmur, then glanced up at her Uncle waiting for an answer that she was unsure whether she wanted or not.

He was a little glad that she had decided to stay. He would have worried if she went back to the den still feeling like things were her fault. He wasn't sure what to say to convince her that it wasn't, and that made him feel bad. He shifted his body to lay on his stomach as they settled into silence. He wondered what she was thinking, but he didn't intrude. She seemed able to ask questions when she needed answers, and he didn't usually have to pry if she acted like she wanted to say something.

After minutes of quietness, Steady's ears perked and his gaze turned to Odette when she asked what he father was like. FitzDutiful was... Well, he was great, to put it simply. As a brother, as a friend, as a leader... He took care of the wolves around him. It was difficult to talk about his late brother, but not so much he wouldn't do it. Odette deserved to know about Fitz. If I'm half as good of a leader as he was, I'll call it a success. Steady knew he had big paws to fill, and it was hard not having his brother to guide him in this. He was really excited when Zaria said she was pregnant. I think he loved you even before that, he said softly.

FitzDutiful.  Her Father's name.  She wanted to cry out to the world as her Uncle Steady spoke.  Her Father just sounded perfect... so beautifully perfect.  Just like Solemn.  Why did the world always take the best ones away?  The pup gave a little sniffle as her Uncle finished.  She wished that she had gotten a chance to know him.  To really know him.

"I wih dat I gaaat ta know him."  Odette sighed, then the fluffy pup raised her gaze to the stars, as if they held all the answers to everything for a few seconds,  then Odie flicked her greenish blueish eyes back to her Uncle with a small sigh.

He didn't know what else to say about his brother. It was hard to describe someone when every memory was so hard to deal with now that they were gone. I wish you had, too, he responded to her. I also wish he could have known you, and your brothers and sisters. He would be very proud of you, he added genuinely. You have his big heart. Steady could tell that Odette felt things deeply, and the worry she had for others ran straight to her heart. While he knew that trait was a positive one, he also knew it would be a hard one for her to handle.

He hadn't given much thought to where wolves went when they died. He figured death was a part of life, and they were given back to the earth when they were done living. He hadn't put very much stock in the afterlife, or whether the dead were really watching over them. But, if they were, he hoped Fitz was happy with the way they were handling things.

Once again Odette was completely silent as Steady spoke.  Her Uncle's words touched her when he said that her Father would be proud of her, but when he told her that she had a big heart like her Father, Odie was very confused.  A big heart?  Was that... dangerous or good?  Confusion started swept over Odie's features.  "Is haaving a big hart daaangeris or gooood?"  Odette asked her Uncle Steady a little bit nervously and stared up at him with big, wide, questioning and nervous eyes as she waited for an answer.

Odie sure hoped that having a big heart was a metaphor or something, because having a literal big heart just didn't sound right... but who knew?  Maybe having a literal big heart was something really nice and special.  Odie would just have to wait and see.

His niece asked if big hearts were dangerous or good. Steady wasn't thinking like a two month old pup, though. He was thinking in more of an emotional way. Well, it can be a good thing and a bad thing, he admitted to her. On the plus side, a big heart allows you to love and accept wolves when others might not. The Alpha knew there were some that others wouldn't accept, like hybrids, or wolves that simply weren't born to the right parents. But, it also opens you up a little more to being hurt. But, he added quickly, you learn to get through that. Everyone gets hurt, and we all have to find our own ways of dealing with it. Steady did his best to explain this to Odette, though he had no idea she was thinking of literally have a big heart.

Was she understanding what he was saying? Was this too much for her? He really hoped he wasn't overwhelming her. It was such a mature topic for a young pup, and he wasn't really sure if this was time to teach her about the realities of the world. But, she had asked, and he didn't want to lie to her.

Steady's answer thrilled her and then scared her.  A big heart could hurt you, as her Uncle had said.  Could it possibly kill her?  Odette wasn't sure whether she wanted to know that answer or not.  There was also another question starting to brew in her mind.  How did her Uncle Steady even know that she had a big heart besides her actions.  Had he performed some secret surgery on her or something?  The thought really scared her.

"Caun a big hart kill me?"  Odie asked fearfully, eyes wide and bright with nervous terror.  "Alsa ha da ya evan know dat I have a big hart?  Besides mie auctions."  Odette then asked him, pretty sure that her Uncle was speaking in literal terms and not metaphoric ones.

Steady was talking in metaphorical senses, unaware Odette was taking it all literally. He shook his head side to side. No, it can't kill you, he said, his features showing some of his confusion. Why would she think being good-natured could kill her? She looked terrified, as if she really did believe that would happen.

Before he could question that further, she asked how he could tell. He thought for a moment before answering. Well, actually, it's all in your actions, he confirmed. The way you're concerned about your siblings, trying to make sure they eat, he explained. You feel more at your age than some adults do their whole lives, he added. 

His thoughts went back to her previous comment, and before he could get distracted again, he asked, Odette, you don't think I mean your heart is big, do you? Like, the one in your chest? He was beginning to wonder if she didn't. He figured if she knew he was speaking in metaphorical phrases, she would know it wouldn't kill her.

Odette was beyond relieved when her Uncle Steady told her that a big heart couldn't kill you.  Although she was glad that Steady acknowledged the things that she did and how some adults didn't get close to that their whole lives.  Soon after the praise though Odie found herself very confused as her Uncle asked her if she was thinking and talking about her real literal heart, like the one in her chest.  She narrowed her eyes.  Wasn't that what her Uncle Steady was talking about.

 

"Ah course I tinking aon taalken abut da rael hart in my chest... aren't you?"  Odie asked him with a little cock of her head.  Then Odette waited for an answer, staring up expectantly at her Uncle with big, wide, questioning eyes.

Yes, of course she was. Steady felt like a complete ditz now that he knew they weren't on the same page. He shook his head side to side. Not exactly, he replied. I mean, I think the heart in your chest has something to do with the emotions you feel, but what you do, and how you act, has more to do with your brain. The expression of having a big heart just means that you're a really good person and you care a lot about others, he tried to explain. 

He touched his nose to the side of her chest. I'm sure your literal heart is just fine, he added, hoping to reassure her of that. He knew he was no medic, but Odette seemed to be in good health. She was bright, active, and didn't have any problems that he could see. 

Sensing the conversation had taken a better turn than when it had begun, Steady rose from the cool rock ledge. Come on, sweetie, let's get you back, he said softly, waiting to see if she would come of her own accord or if she would need some coaxing.

Odette was so happy to hear that her Uncle Steady was not speaking literal.  A soft, quiet "ohhhh" fell from her mouth as her Uncle explaned that he was just saying that she was a good person, that she cared a lot about others and that her heart was fine.  Although Odie thought that this big heart thing, was a wierd way to say that someone was good and cared about others.  It just sounded kinda... strange.

Odie's eyes had began to droop when her Uncle had finished speaking and said that it was time to go back.  Odette nodded and padded up closer to her Uncle Steady's side.  The pup yawned, forgetting for now about the losses of Silvertip Mountain for now.

Odette seemed ready to go, and Steady nudged her to go ahead of him. With her sleepiness coming on, he didn't want her falling behind, or worse, getting hurt. If she was ahead of him, he'd have an easier time of keeping an eye on her. He walked slowly as to not push her faster than she could go. He had no where else to be, and time was limitless right now. 

 When they reached the den, Steady waited until she went in, then settled down outside the entrance. His eyes went to the glistening sky, wondering if Fitz, June, and Solemn were really up there. It seemed a little far-fetched to him, but some days it would be nice to know they went to some other place and are doing good. Sighing, he laid his head down on an outstretched foreleg and began to snooze.