Blackfeather Woods kid, you'll move mountains

not sure what happened to our other thread but here's a new one for whenever! :D @Kendra

So much had happened. For one, she had gathered the conclusion that she was indeed, pregnant. It seemed all too obvious now. Her stomach had swollen marginally, and between the hormones and the constant peeing, there was no other explanation for her current state. She wondered how to tell Kove. She had not told anyone. This was to be her first litter, and her nerves for their arrival far exceeded her worries for the aftermath of their birth. There was no telling weather or not she was mentally prepared for the endevour, but that was the cost of her actions, and she did not regret them. Before, the thought of children would have made her scoff, for she was no parent and had no right to be one. But, with time she found her family was not complete, and now, it would be.

As she walked, emerging from the whelping den for what seemed her first breath of fresh air in forever, her thought's became trapped on one thing. Rather, one person. She had not seen Kendra in some time. The girl was no longer a girl, for she had entered the adult ranks a few weeks ago. Yet, it seemed such a short time since she was first born, and even shorter, her brother's death. Yet, their loss of communication was not all her fault. Kendra had become withdrawn, silent, and with Burke's departure, there was no telling what entailed. So, she sought out the girl, moving as fast as she was comfortable enough to do so, though adamant. "Kendra?" She called, first checking the entrances to the Web.

The girl didn't live in the tunnels anymore, that was something Kendra did, but not... her. She stuck more to the shadows, used the tunnels only for traveling, not to hide anymore. The girl was still very angry and upset with what happened. She still liked to hurt people but it was less now she talked to Cicero. Still her attachment to anyone in the brotherhood was gone. Frankly she didn't even believe in Mephala anymore. It was just some stupid thing, and she found everyone a fool who believed in it.

She had not been in the tunnels this time. Nemesis was looking in the wrong place. The only thing where she used the keep for was to dye her tail, and today was another day that she wanted the purple back. She needed to redye it. She was mashing the lavender and blueberries together into a paste, along with a bit of water and spit. Once it was done she pressed the tip of her tail into it. Submerging it in the dye for a few moments.

As she neared the girl, she could not help to feel that something was wrong. Kendra did not carry herself like she did before, but radiated something more dark than she had seen from the girl. What had happened? Surely Burke's abandonment hadn't been that catastrophic to the girl. Kendra herself had hardly been one to depend on others. Burke was simply the father that had moved on, taking his new family with him. Obviously, Kendra had not meant that much to him and therefore she should be grateful she was de-attached to the fake father. Kendra had been stronger than this; Nemesis only wondered what went wrong.

"What's up with you?" She did not try to console the girl, she figured that was the last thing she needed. In fact her tone did not carry a concerning tone, a simple inquiry for she knew Kendra could handle herself. Nemesis did not try to act like her mother, she was simply someone who had been there, no more; no less. She also did not expect the girl to talk, she only inquired for the sole reason if that Kendra's health was at risk, that would be avoided. But otherwise, she was curious to what the girl had been up to all this time.

If the female didn't know what was 'up' then Nemesis was dumber than the girl thought of her before. She had spoken to Cicero, and whom she had started to believe. He even called them 'fake'. The girl wanted to curse at her, call her out. Because what did she think what was wrong? Yet, she knew better. Her pale eyes glanced up into hers before the girl cased them away, conveniently to her tail.

She had lost everything and everyone. Nemesis was not one of those close ones, one she has seen as her inner circle. She had been a pack mate at the time, a fun pack mate, but not much more. She lifted her tail a bit out of the dye, and then moved to the other side of the hole in the ground and pressed it in again for an even rim around her tail.

why Kendra why *sobs*

 

When she seen her words made no affect  upon the girl, a slight frown tugged at her lips. This was not Kendra standing before her, it was something else, born from bad experiences and hurt. What Kendra didn't see was that not everyone left her. Pietro died, yes, but wolves die. It happens, even though it was unwarranted. Burke left, not because he was forced to, but because he told himself there was no other option, and most likely only wanted a new family to contain when he realized Blackfeather was slowly slipping away from him. They had not told Burke to leave, they had not commanded him to step down. He did so on his own terms, and while they had certainly pushed for it, his actions were his own. His leaving Kendra was a decision he made for himself. Perhaps he did not  want a reminder of Meldresi following him with his new family, Nemesis would never know. But what she did know was that Kendra was a selfish brat for not realizing what she had, a whole pack that cared for her. She hid away, not realizing that not her only family was dead or gone, but she had cast away others that did not deserve her hate. She could see the way Xan felt, abandoned. If Kendra wanted to feel isolated and alone, she could so, but it would be by her own actions. Others would not come begging at her feet for her to pay attention. 

"I guess you do not want an explaniation then," She shrugged, though she did not care wether Kendra heard it or not, the girl probably made up her mind about them now. But somewhere, she felt that Kendra would be cause for destruction, something she could not have near Qilaq or the children to come. Kendra was a time bomb, bound to explode sometime, she only hoped she knew the truth before she did so.

The girl battered her pale eyes up at the female when she spoke once more before focussing her attention back on her tail. She lifted it and deemed it a right color, and the right amount. She pushed herself to her feet and kept her tail lifted from her hindlegs so the paste could dry. She did not feel like she could talk to Nemesis, though she was surprised that the female and her sharp tongue were not lashing out at her.

The girl noticed that Nemesis looked heavier. How badly she wanted to snap to her face that she wouldn't be a replacement for her mother either. How she was not any different from Malice or what she made her out to be. She felt hollow, and she missed her father. Her eyes were not as bright either. She decided if she just could walk out now, and leave Nemesis here without another word? She turned her face away from the other and then turned to the bed of mosses and leaves she made. She slumped on it with her back to Nemesis.

She is a bit unstable I am afraid...

She sighed, for she could never say a hateful word against the girl before her. Sure, Kendra may hate her guts or plot her death or want to maul her dead body, but Kendra was as much broken as the rest of them. While they did not deserve her hate, she did not know the truth. Or she just didn't want to face it. But she did not want to be the one to cause Kendra to blow up. Hearing of Burke's story would best come from someone more close to her if she did not want to hear it. Not Damien, for he would sway any story to fit his desire, to bring Kendra to his side. No, she would tell the story truthfully, or someone else would. If Kendra wanted the whole truth, someone unbiased would need to tell her. 

But for now, she needed to know what Kendra held against her. "Say what you need to say, I will not hold it against you," She was patient, for she knew when it came down to it, she did not care what a girl thought of her. Kendra believed what she wanted to believe, it did not meant she knew anything about Nemesis. Nor did anyone, for a matter of fact, or the title "fake" would not have fit her role. Nemesis did what was best, even if others did not approve of her methods. In the end, it did not matter. What matter was how her family would benefit from her actions, not that Kendra would stop her fuming to listen to that.

The girl squinted her eyes a bit at Nemesis her words. Like she knew she had hateful words toward her. Kendra instantly quirked up her lips in a disturbingly sweet smile. "Why would I want to tell to you Nemesis? I have been practicing 'the silence' for my inner peace," she spoke smoothly. She inhaled deeply and relaxed her face.

"I also have been practicing on my scowl. Did it work? I think it did because you thought I was mad at you," she let out with a light air in her tone. It was creepy how quick she could switch. Let her think nothing is wrong with her, yes, that was good. If she was silent and scowling it was clear that the others were going to notice that there was something wrong.

The girl had to wear a mask, had to change and adapt quickly to even fool the ones that she lived the closest with. How perfect.

Nemesis was no idiot, and she knew for a fact that Kendra did not have an "inner peace". That was the stuff for losers in denial. She slightly scowled at the girl went on, lying to her face like she had not been conned the same way before. Nemesis lived with wolves who made up lies as their job, a girl could not fool her. Afterall, Nemesis was not born yesterday, she had been around long enough to separate truth from fact, no matter how hard someone tried to suppress it, the truth always shone out. While this con would work with others, Damien, Potema, Kove, Xan; she looked at Kendra like she looked at herself. Deceiving but smart, unstable, but for all the right reasons. Or so Kendra believed. The girl had no idea how lucky she was. 

"Do not mistake me for a fool, Kendra," Her stance turned hard, her eyes narrowing with a hint of disappointment. This was not the girl she was watched grow up. "Continue like this and you will never find the happiness you deserve, after all you have thrown away," What pained her the most, but made her equally angry was that Kendra sulked by herself while many other's were surrounding her with so much love to give. If she did not appreciate that, then Nemesis could only see her as a lost cause. "I will leave you now if you do not have any interest in hearing about what happened with Burke and why he left," She would not stick around and be lied to her face by someone she had trusted, even if she had believed her for a second. She had seen something in her eyes when Kendra had looked to her, something that was distant but hateful, the polar opposite to Kendra's current attitude.

The girl's face fell instantly when her trick didn't work, instantly it was replaced with anger. She was done with all of these fake wolves. She couldn't understand how Cicero could love them. However Nemesis had peaked her interest that she wanted to talk about her father. Kendra was pretty sure she was going to keep up a lie. "My life doesn't contain happiness, Nemesis, if you haven't noticed. I wish I died by that cougar instead of my brother," she let out a venomously.

It was clear that she was bitter, angry, sad and very confused. "Cicero already told me about my father. I'm not sure if you can bring even more light to what happened," she huffed, though the pain was so clear on her face. So much pain. She had been close to Nemesis once, and she was not sure what happened. Maybe she was just pushing Nemesis away because of her hurt. She wanted everyone away from her. They were going to hurt her, and she could not handle that.

She listened as Kendra let down her facade, for once. But she was met with something other than she had expected. Hurt. It was everywhere, etched into the girl's features, her eyes, her absent smile.  "No, I have not noticed because that is a lie. We all wished we were dead instead of Peitro, but we can't make that happen. Your life has not been easy, yes, but it is not without happiness. You are making it that way," Her tone was strict but it was not merciless. She would never understand exactly how Kendra felt, but she knew the hurt she faced. Maybe Burke's abandonment did hurt her more than any of them expected, and the trials of her life before then had not helped. She did not blame the girl for feeling isolated, but she did blame her for not doing anything about it. "Life is shitty. But pushing everyone away is only going to make it shittier," She was blunt about it, no lie or fib to her tone. It was the way it was. Things happened that no force could forsee, and no effort could stop it but things still happened. It was the way life worked, no going around it and no escaping. 

She was somewhat relieved to hear that it had been Cicero that had explained things to her, yet he had not been around to witness everything. "Burke was a good Alpha, but after a while, his focus was not the pack anymore. He took Malice from her pack, fed her our food while we starved and expected us to agree with him. Many others did not agree with this, and Damien confronted him. I will not lie, we were more harsh than we should have been, but we must do what is right for the pack even if it doesn't seem fair at the time. Burke was getting old, he wasn't as ambitious as we needed him to be to bring this pack bigger than it was. But I promise, I never ever wished to see him dead or gone the way he is now. In the end, Burke stepped down by his own terms. That was enough for us. That was enough for me. That was not enough for.. another," 

"One day, we found Burke gone. He left, by his own will. I expect Malice persuaded him, or he simply did not wish to be without his Alpha title. I'm sorry he did not come to you, Kendra. I would not have stopped him. But his choices are his own, something that I or anyone expect to happen. If he were here now, I would apologize, for it should not have gone down the way it did. If I could go back and change what happened, I would," Her eyes cast downward, genuinely upset. It had not turned out the way she wanted it. Burke was supposed to stay, stay with them, but he had not. She had been so angry when she found him gone, but mostly sad. Sad that he had finally chose Malice over his family. To this day, she still did not know why he had left. She had no idea that living in the den was as bad as they made it out to be, for she had only assumed that was what Malice did anyways. Now, she realized, Damien had only wanted it for his own gain. He had conned them all, tricking her into believing Burke was worse than he was. He had tricked them all into supporting him so that he could for once, be King. Perhaps Kendra was right, they were fake. But that did not mean Nemesis would stop making choices that would benefit Blackfeather Woods, though she did not carry the same respect for Damien as she did before. 

"It is not only your life that has had pain. It is not only you who has lost loved ones and felt betrayal. But it is only you who is choosing to do nothing about it," Nemesis had struggled to get past her family's abuse. She still had not, even when she reached Blackfeather Woods for the first time. But she had found a will to overcome the pain, and ultimately find Kove. She was not a success story, and would never be, but at least she had something to call her own. She had a family, because she made one. It did not come to her. 

"I will not try to sell you a story, or change you, or treat you like a child because I know you are smarter than that. But I will tell you this, you will never be happy if you keep going the way you are going,"

And with that, she would give no more effort to make the girl see. What Kendra decided to do was up to her, to cause her destruction or to end it. It was her choice, right or wrong.

The girl was quite overwhelmed with all Nemesis had to say to her, yet, she listened so that was one thing. She didn't feel like she had any happiness because all she had had been taken away from her. The girl's main source of happiness was her brother and after that it was all down hill from there. No one was like him, she trusted no one as deeply as him. Next came her father that left her making her feel even more lonely.

If she would push everyone away then it was so much easier. Then she couldn't get hurt again. She didn't trust anyone because they were going to hurt her. However the girl was surprised to hear the regret in Nemesis tone the more she spoke. She slowly nodded. "My father is a very prideful man, and what I knew from him, he lead this pack for a long time. I think you hurt him deeply, deep enough that he would want to leave," she spoke,though this was mostly what she was feeling. She was really hurt and wanted to leave too.

"Though I don't believe his ambition died down, he never had time to spend too long with me. Always he was working for the pack, and the times we had together I took close to my heart. Please don't say that his ambition for the pack died down, because that would mean he didn't even want to spend time with me. I don't think that is true," she spoke, tears lining her own eyes. Her life had been so unfair. She disliked it. The might need a break, just to get out of here for awhile, to prove that she did belong here, because now she felt like she didn't.

The girl casted her eyes up at Nemesis who indirectly called her selfish by telling her that everyone had to deal with pain. Not her pain though. Nemesis didn't understand. She had a feeling that Cicero understood her better. Still, the female went out of her way to explain the whole story. Her father had left by his own choice, though, how angry Damien and Potema had been at the time it was clearly a choice to hurt them right back.

"I know," she spoke quietly, her eyes casted away. The young girl had a lot to think about. "I just don't feel like I belong here anymore," she stated to Nemesis. She was having a family, and she felt so distanced, that she couldn't even find a care in the world for the young in her belly. Not for Kove and not for Xan. Not for the other's in the pack. Perhaps now a bit more for Cicero, but she was cautious that she was going to be hurt by him too.

She stayed silent, even as Kendra progressed to disagree. Even still, it was not Nemesis's place nor intention to tarnish the image Kendra had of her father, no matter the misguided perception Kendra had about the older male. Perhaps Burke had been hard working, yet, he had not been the kind of leader they truly needed to excel. He had left them dormant for too long, and it was no secret to her that she had become disappointed in the Dark Brotherhood's lack of a resume to even call themselves dark. Burke had let them slip away, even if he did not see it himself. 

Yet, she did not argue. The last thing she wanted was to challenge the girl's option about her own father, and regardless of what Kendra would like to believe, Nemesis was not a power hungry, manipulative person willing to bend the girl's ideology of Burke to fit her best interests. No, she cared too much about the girl to become like Damien. Instead, she nodded, casting her gaze aside so that she may not agree nor disagree. 

But as Kendra revealed only what she had suspected before, she sighed, returning her eyes to the girl. Yet, she was right. Perhaps, Kendra did not belong in the dark woods anymore; and there seemed no reason for her to stay tethered to the woods she was born to if she did not wish to be there. "Then, perhaps it is your time to find your own place in the world," Regardless of what Kendra chose, Nemesis would only be content once the girl was happy, even if that was not in Blackfeather woods. 

Nemesis didn't repsond to her words, which she was grateful for in a way. She didn't want to keep defending herself, because part of herself wasn't sure if she still believed it. However the female did talk about her finding where she did belong. Kendra looked surprised and then thought about it.

"I will," she replied to the dark female. Maybe she did need to find her place in this world. The young female thought about it and then nodded. With that in mind, and basically a free ticket out of here, what was still stopping her? She could always go 'explore' and return later. It wasn't like her power hungry brother cared.

"I think I am going to do that now," she spoke to Nemesis and then nodded her goodbye. Kendra hadn't been feeling at home here, and maybe she should look around and see if there was something more than the brotherhood, or something that explained that she belonged in a dark pack.

-Kendra Exit -