Horizon Ridge Remind us to do better

The cinnamon wolf lifted his head and let out a howl into the fresh morning air. It was a request for a meeting to his alpha, Pump. This call was in its nature one that did not need to be responded to with urgency. The teddy bear made sure his call let that out. If she was doing something important he could wait but Gavriil wanted to talk.
 The moment he had awoken from his deep sleep and gazed onto the sun rising the cinnamon pelted wolf knew today was the day. With confidence he rose and didn't bother himself with eating, that would come later. Sitting upon his favorite rock on the beach the teddy bear waited silently for the female to come to him. The conversation with Ragnar earlier in the week had given him confidence, which it was something he was lacking. The male hoped he could keep up this air of manliness when his alpha arrived.

Pump had been lucky this morning - she raided a pheasant's nest, which she had found by accident, and enjoyed a meal that was quite different from the usual scraps and pieces her diet consisted of. Eggs were something of a delicacy to her, therefore she kept sniffing the ground and picking the last bits, long after she had consumed all of the bird's hatch. When Pump heard someone calling for her, she let out a disappointed sigh. Do I have to? She murmured to herself, but got moving, since she wasn't that far away from the place, where the call had come from. Otherwise she would have ignored it, letting someone else deal with it.

Pump arrived at the shore few minutes later and was a little surprised to see Gavriil there all alon. She cast a glance to right and left, double-checking that he wasn't in any danger, and then approached him. "What's wrong?" she asked.

His alpha replied to his call rather quickly, he appreciated that. The sun was just starting to lay itself in the middle of the sky. It was a rather pretty day out. The sun shined against his thick pelt and left him warm to the touch. The ebony figure of his alpha set across his eyes and Gavriil grinned. Leaping off the rock and landing on the sand he walked up to meet her. After glancing around she promptly inquired if everything was alright. "Everything is fine, actually everything is great. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment about something that's been on my mind for quite some time." Gavriil paused and waited to see if she would respond before going on. 

"I know I'm not the strongest or the smartest male around the ridge. And you're well, strong and independent. I wouldn't be hardly anyones first choice if put into a pool. I really like you Pump, as well more than a friend. And It's totally fine, perfectly okay actually if you don't want to, but I was uhh wondering if you would uh like to be courted by me? I'm not asking you to be my mate- not that I wouldn't want to because I do but I want to get to know you more before taking that big of a step. " Gavriil inquire simply. His air of confidence was still somewhere but now nervousness was at the front of his mind. He anticipated her answer with a mixture of fear, and joy. 

Pump had been put in a lot of awkward situations lately - people complimenting and actually liking her, and now this was so unexpected and hilarious that she kept staring at Gavriil long after he had finished his very long and emotional speech. Evenutally she collected herself, sat down and cast her gaze away from him to look at her paws. She was thoughful.

Truth to be told, she would rather face another bear than be right here and now in front of Gavriil, whom she had promissed nothing in the beginning and eventually, much to her reluctance, he had become her friend. She liked him, because he accepted, what he could get and didn't push her to give more. Unlike Ragnar, in whose presence Pump always felt the need to work harder and better.

Gavriil was simple, easy to understand and get along with. He had a lot more to him than he thought. Yet... all of her decisions in life were made because of practical and rational reasons. From an evolutionary stand-point of view - Gavriil was a good match. Tough, healthy and with many good qualities. His progeny would be strong and his bloodline would flourish. If she had been the same cold and unemotional being she had been few months ago, she would have accepted his offer, because it would make sense.

Yet Pump was different with a softer edge and more regard for other people's feelings. Gavriil would have the picture perfect family eventually, yet she wouldn't be the one standing by his side as the loyal and loving mate. That role was reserved for someone else. "What is that you want to have eventually?" she wasn't used to asking people about their future, because she was more of the "living the moment" kind of person. Yet this seemed important for her to know, before she made any decisions.

The long stare that Gavriil received from his alpha after she looked away from him made him even more anxious to hear her answer. This was more difficult than facing a bear like they had earlier.

His anticipation turned into confusion before him. Pump hadn't given him a straight answer to his courtship request. He tiled his head and replied to her inquiry about what he wanted. "I want to die a happy wolf beside those I love." Gavriil answered matter-of-factly.  He was curious on why the female chose to ask him that question. "What do you ask Pump? What do you want?" The teddy bear inquired softly.

Love was a very dangerous word to play around and yet he did it with such ease that it left Pump amazed and feeling sorry for him. For he thought that once you said "I love you" the rest was a happily-ever-after, that nothing could go wrong, that the love would survive everything, but this was not true. To love is to destroy - she had learned it the hard way, been left broken and it had taken a lot of time to heal, to find purpose in living. When she had done that, she found out that it was easier to live without feeling anything of that kind.

Therefore Pump fled commitment, responsibility and close relationships. Yes, since becoming a leader, she had opened up a little and let some of the people she had befriended closer, yet never too near. There always was a safe distance between her people and the person she really was. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you," she said with a little smile, because that was, what Gavriil was - the nice, kind and gentle fellow - the better person. Everything she was not. "I want my freedom," she told the truth. Freedom from pain, sorrow, suffering, heartbreak - everything that came, when you decided to love someone.

"I want my freedom" The ebony female replied. What did she want freedom from? The responsibility of ruling a pack? Or freedom from life. Gavriil was puzzled on why the female wanted freedom. As far as he was concerned he was free here, and so was she. "Freedom from what?" The cinnamon wolf inquired. 

Freedom from loving someone is not a way to live in Gavriil's mind. What's the point of living if you're only trying to survive? "Not to badger you or anything Pump but you never answered my question." Gavriil interjected softly. He kept his head down staring at his paws. All confidence had left the male after the female's inquires.

"Freedom from that kind of commitment," Pump explained. She didn't reject Gavriil because there were any flaws in him, but because she believed that he deserved someone better. He was a good person, too good for this cruel world, but that's why there were people like her to balance it out. "My heart died a long time ago and I left it burried within the lands of my birth-pack," as she said with sadness in her voice. Her expression changed and for a moment she reminded a person, who was very vulnerable and afraid of something. Whatever had happened there, ran deep and this was a side of her no one was ever meant to see.

"When you joined, I told you that I may or may not become your friend," Pump said. "I became your friend and I could become your mate, yet you would ask me to love you, which I can't. Love the way you imagine is not for me," she explained. "You will be miserable by my side and I better see you happy without me, then feel responsible for you being unhappy with me," she spoke from heart. As much as she would hate to admit it, she cared for Gavriil's well-being both as a leader and as his friend. Yes, he would be disappointed with the outcome of this conversation - she could already see that - but what was little pain in comparison to a ongoing misery.

He tried. And that's all he could say to defend himself. It was more than he ever thought he could do. If the conversation with Ragnar wouldn't have happened he would have continued on with his life. He would have left his feelings about Pump alone and buried deep. 

He was crestfallen. Putting himself out there for Pump to mess with took a huge leap of courage for the male. He wouldn't hesitate to show kindness to anyone who deserved it but allowing others to hurt him was a scary step. He ultimately was disappointed that she said no but he would never hold it against the female. He understood where she was coming from even if he didn't agree with her logic. She didn't want to feel guilty and he got that. "I understand Pump, thanks for being my friend and I'm sorry for putting you in an awkward situation. You can go back to your normal duties, that's all I wanted from you." Gavriil spoke softly.

 The cinnamon wolf paused before injecting one of his views on life. Ultimately his view on his feelings for Pump. "But before you go, i do have something to say. It's all right to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they're worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it"

The situation might have been awkward at first, but over the course of the conversation it had helped Pump to understand, where she stood regarding relationships with others in general. She was sorry to see the usually cheerful and happy giant sad and didn't like to be the reason for it. Yet being honest always came with a price. The only thought that consoled her was that Gavriil would get over this eventually and, if fate would have it, woo another girl in the future.

She got to her feet, closed the distance between them and with a brief look in Gavriil's eyes she said: "Then I do wish that you find one that deserves it." Pump gave a light kiss on his cheek, offered one last smile and left him on the beach alone.