Neverwinter Forest i wonder where that young boy has gone

because i believe i promised you a thread on sunday. <3

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Coming to the terms of Scimitar's death was ...easier than coming to terms with the fact that in little more than a month he would be a father. But ...Kjalarr knew how to deal with death. He knew how to process it, how he should approach it. It helped that in his culture it was known that death led to one of the sixteen Halls of the Gods. In this sense, death was a celebrated thing. Yet, it was hard to celebrate when the departed left a hollow absence within where their presence had lingered. Stepping up alongside his aunt Kaskara gave Kjalarr something familiar to focus upon. He poured his grief out on hunts, on patrols of the borders and allowed his fears of fatherhood to fester. Surely there was nothing more terrifying than tiny, squirming newborns so fragile and utterly dependent! Coupled by the knowledge that he was charged with raising, providing for and protecting them. The fear rose up and seized his throat, causing him to struggle to draw breath for a moment as if fear had become a palpable entity and it's wretched jaws had wrapped around his throat, teeth slicing into his wind pipe. Being strong for the Frostfur's he could do, leading he could do. Fatherhood? Was such an unknown element to the Viking.

The paternal instincts that had begun to awaken the further into her pregnancy Ondine grew were utterly foreign to him. Kjalarr held onto the foolish hope that his instincts might just know what to do but somehow he doubted they worked like that. Instincts were not an outlet of knowledge — they were precursors to preserve and create life and little more. Desperately, he wished that Scimitar lived still so that he might turn to his adoptive father for advice. He supposed that he could ask his aunt Kaskara but as he was not sure how different being a mother was to being a father Kjalarr hesitated on it, though likely at some point it was likely he would express his concerns (that was putting it mildly) even in the hopes that she might be able to assuage some of his anxiety and trepidation on what was to come.

His grip re-adjusted on the fawn he'd managed to take down, fortunate that it had managed to lose it's mother in the catacombs of trees and coppice as he drug it towards the den he'd settled in with @Ondine — his mate which was a whole other matter. He had claimed her as such on their journey here from Ankyra Sound without much thought and only for the sake that it would make their unsanctioned union sound much better. Was it a lie? Not truly. They had mated and he had no choice but to try to be a father to their children — thus logically Ondine was his mate. Not out of love but out of duty and loyalty which was something, at least; and as Kjalarr understood it exactly how Ragnar and his mother had begun their own mateship (under the same pretenses even). He dropped the haunch he'd been dragging the fawn by when he reached the mouth of the den hoping that Ondine might still be within and let out a low chuff, taking a few steps back to allow her room to exit and to take what she wanted from the fawn ...if she was hungry.

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It had begun in the first few days in her new home. What was first just often needing to empty her bladder and throw up her food every now and then had become worse and worse. She had nursed to-be mothers, and somewhat knew these things were signs of pregnancy, but she was in denial. Surely it was just the excitement of a new home - away from the sea, in a forest much like the one she used to rule. Surely it had nothing to do with the countless times Kjalarr had mounted her in the days she had been at her weakest. Surely the gods knew better than to give her a child to care for - to give it a home, the love and attention it desired.

But alas, when the bump had been spotted in her own reflection, she could deny it no longer. She had thrown up much of the food she had eaten, so her just getting fatter was not an explanation for the bump. Nothing but children could make her look like this - the fur on her belly that had been thick due to the thick coat she had inherited for the cold winter days had become thinner and her nipples felt awfully weird. She had a headache, was done with almost everyone in this bloody forest and was getting tired of getting up all the time to pee or to seek the desired food she was craving. Everything in life seemed so much worse, and yet she felt too tired to be cranky.

All that was keeping her head up was knowing that Kjalarr would not leave her be - not even with the loss of his adoptive father or the new (yet familiar) title he had gotten here. A part of her loathed him for putting her in such a low spot, but she knew not to complain. Yes, she had been his gamma for what seemed like ages, but this was not home. This was not Saltwinter - not the place that she loved so dearly and wished to return to, even with all the bad memories of Maude.

So, when she heard the soft footfalls of her mate from outside the den they had found, she returned a soft chuff. She had been waiting for him, perhaps for him to see how she was indeed pregnant and so he could tell her everything would be alright - that she wasn't doing this alone. She dragged her thicker body out of the den, eyes friendly and smile soft. She made sure to show off her pregnant body (for she knew he was the worst at taking hints) before sitting down. Surely this was not all for her? Thank you. She spoke softly, lowering herself to pluck away some fur and to later take a bite of the meal she had not even hunted herself. Why she felt bad for being a burden was obvious; she did not feel worthy of this kindness, nor of the beings growing inside of her.

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Kjalarr's ears twitched forth atop his regal crown of angled bone and wiry sinew and platinum silver fur as he heard Ondine stir in the confines of their den. For a moment, the northman worried his bottom lip as if it were a bone, wondering if the den he had chosen would be big enough for her to give birth in. She was welcome to renovate it as needed to accommodate the extra life that would be joining them in weeks — a familiar feeling as if he'd swallowed a stone and it stuck in the strong column of his throat where, if he were human, his adam's apple would have been located — as he assumed she would wish to. It fit the two of them comfortably, despite the similarities of their builds but would it fit children, too? He wasn't sure. His salmon pink tongue drew against his jowls as she exited the den, showing off her body to him. He almost drew in an appreciative hum (because of course he appreciated it ;-) ) until he realized that she wasn't trying to entice him but instead draw attention to the roundness of her abdomen.

Coupled together: the sweet scent of mother's milk as her body prepared for the little vikings ones within her womb to come into the world and the roundness that he knew to be pregnancy was the official confirmation of it. Still Kjalarr feared it. And yet...yet... there was a bizarre thrill of pride blooming within his breast plate as he studied her with appraising eyes. His seed was strong and he did not doubt that his children would, too, be strong. That was a good thing...wasn't it? As he did not have a direct answer to that internal question he did not linger upon it long. She thanked him as she took to the meal he provided for her and the unborn babes within her. “You carry pregnancy well, Ondine,” Kjalarr complimented her because it was on his mind and he'd always favored the lack of filter between brain and mouth approach. The scarred norseman's gaze softened as he looked upon her, a small blossom of affection stirring in his heart for her. Regardless of how much the idea of fatherhood paralyzed Kjalarr with terror it changed nothing: he had created life with her and she was the mother of his children and that had created a bond between them.

He could see it, could feel it and wondered, with no ounce of idleness, what might become of that bond they had forged if explored.

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While their den was not the one Ondine was used to, she had not much to complain about. In the colder months, she was sure she'd even grow thankful to have but an average sized place to sleep in with her mate and possibly children. They could cuddle warm against each other, sleep through blizzards and icy winds coming from the sea. Perhaps it would carry the faint call of their lost siren queen as it traveled over the lands - letting them know they were not forgotten, and remind them of the time they had had with her. Ondine wondered if Caiaphas, if she were to ever return, would find them here. Would she have approved of her and Kjalarr's coupling? Or would she have been the one to receive the viking's children? Perhaps Maude would have gone up against her, too. The pirate was completely mental, after all.

Her smile grew warmer as her mate took her in - at first his expression more lustful, but slowly it became... prideful? She was getting better at reading his expressions, she found, especially now he was the only wolf she conversed with on a daily basis. Many she had yet to meet, but she did not feel in the mood to talk with others besides Kjalarr. For the next month, she wanted it to be just him and her. If only I felt as well as I looked. She chuckled softly, not knowing how to respond to such flattery. It still felt more like a dream. Only a few months before this all had happened she had promised herself to never take a mate - live life the way she wanted, without a partner by her side. Now she realized; this was life. This was what taking risks was, what she had needed and perhaps what she had wanted deep within. With her life, she would create a new generation, who would in return do it for themselves. And so it continued - the blood of the viking and the siren forever mixed in a vessel, perhaps how it should be.

Perhaps leaving Ankyra Sound was a good thing... She said, in between her bites as she motioned for him to take some of his own. I'm afraid it would've been a hell of a lot colder at the sea for the little ones...

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Settling down in the sense of a partner and children had never truly been a consideration of Kjalarr's. Perhaps that was the ultimate goal in the end but it hadn't been any goal of his. His ambitions had driven him for ...all of his life thus far and he realized when he'd became Beta under Caiaphas' rule that ambitions were dangerous if not put in check. He did not seek power because he wanted it. For months he'd been a leader and the climb down from that was jagged and treacherous. He had not seized power of Neverwinter Forest like some hungry warlord. He'd offered to step up alongside his aunt because he had experience (as did she) and he felt that he owed it to Scimitar. To prove to his adoptive father in death that he would not dishonor his memory: that he would carry his legacy as he carried Ragnar's: with honor and pride; because his shoulders were broad and strong and built for the burden that came along with leadership. Not everyone approved and this, Kjalarr understood. In the eyes of those that were not his family he was a usurper even though ...he had stolen nothing. If he were to ever usurp he would have more sense then to lead beside another member of the pack that had been apart of it's conception.

Power was very dangerous but he was no longer ill-equipped against it.

His refocused his attention back upon Ondine who admitted that she did not feel as well as she looked. Kjalarr frowned slightly at that but was helpless to offer her any assistance with that. He was no medic. Her statement brought his ears to rest at half mast atop his skull, twitching towards her as she finished her statement. It was true. The Sound was cold during the winter, the salty breeze off the sea was pleasant in the summer but in the winter months was near enough to freeze the marrow of one's bones. “That is true,” Kjalarr murmured in quiet agreement, glimpsing at the vast forest around them. “The forest will buffer the worst of the winds.” He glimpsed down at the fawn when she motioned for him to take some. He drew in a deep breath but did not move from where he had came to stand. “It is for you and our children. Save what you do not eat.” Kjalarr declined. It looked delicious and the saccharine scent was tantalizing but he had to put her and the babes within her first. He was in no danger of starving anytime soon.

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Silently she wondered what her family would think of this. Breeding a siren - a witch, was not accepted there, but here it did not seem to bother anyone (save for Maude, but that was because of different reasons). Not even her mate seemed wary in her presence, and that startled her every now and then. Every day she woke up, she was expecting hurtful words, but had gotten nothing but kind ones. She belonged now, she was needed, she was loved. Was that, besides bearing a man's children, not the greatest gift of all?

She knew Kjalarr could not do anything against the aches and annoying symptoms of pregnancy, and her words had been more of a joke than anything. Still, he seemed worried. She knew he was a sweetheart deep within - or perhaps he felt guilty for planting his seed in her. She hoped it was not the case. After all, she had willingly let him do it, multiple times, and these were just the after effects that one could expect from a coupling. She, nor Kjalarr, nor nature could do anything about it but prey the children would be healthy. She swallowed. Her children would be born in the coldest months - would grow up in winter to then experience the warmer months... what if they could not survive in the cold? One, she knew, she could feed and nurse and keep warm, but a litter? She was not sure...

It's lovely here... She breathed out, looking around. But it has yet to feel like home. She added with a hopeful glint in her bi-colored eyes. Even though the trees provided shelter and would block the cold winds, they were not home. They were not the Grotto - not the sea, nor the sand that tickled her nose as the salty, cold winds danced around her. They were not the waves that sung, not the smell that was even now still present on her stark white coat, even though they reminded her of better times. 

She nodded slowly, yet uncertainly as she took another bite. for her and their children... but without him, there would be no children. He was just as important to this family as her and their to-be babies. But, surely he would not let himself starve for her sake. That would be selflessness to a foolish level, and she did not take her mate for a fool. Do you think they have a herb store here? If I am to give birth to our young, I need something to dull the pain that would come with it, dear. She asked softly, explaining her reason behind it not late after. It was the first time she called him something loving - something a loved one would say, and it felt foreign but good in her mouth.

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His gaze lifted to follow the path of her's as she glimpsed around. It was not his first time setting eyes upon Neverwinter but it was his first time exploring it for what it was worth. There was little good in an Alpha that did not know the lands he ruled. Luckily, Kjalarr had a ranger's knack for remembering the lays of land and making the mental maps to recall easily and was not all that worried about his ability to learn the lay of the land like the back of his paw. His ears slicked back to rest atop his skull at half mast, icy, caribbean gaze flickering to take in her face as she admitted that while it was lovely it failed to feel like home to her. Kjalarr felt a stab of guilt. Perhaps, in some ways, he had it easier than she because he was family to the Frostfurs while...she was a suddenly introduced in-law. The resistance he faced as Alpha male was likely tempered by Kaskara's own ascension by his side. He understood their anger and their hesitancy to respect him. He wasn't a usurper but he understood how close the line was toed. He remembered how he'd felt so out of place at Moonspear and wondered if that was how she felt here and Kjalarr knew instantly that he didn't like the idea of Ondine feeling like she didn't belong.

“It will, in time.” Kjalarr reassured her, taking advantage of her pause in eating to stretch his muzzle towards her's to give her's a light brush with his own in reassurance if she let him. “Things are hard for them right now, but I am sure they'll make an effort to get to know you when ...when they are not hurting so much.” He struggled to imagine the Frostfur's not making an effort to include Ondine as apart of the family because they had made him feel as if he were flesh and blood (but he did not take into account the fact that he'd been a helpless child). “We can't waste our time looking back. We're not going that way.” He missed the Sound. He missed Whittier and Caiaphas. But their future held more merit than their pasts. Saltwinter had fallen and there was naught to be done about it. They couldn't have stayed. Not with her pregnant and winter closing in on them. Not for a second did Kjalarr doubt that he'd made the best decision he could have in leading her here.

Despite that he took her question as serious as she meant it, he couldn't help but laugh. “I think they're going to come out whether you have dulled the pain or not,” He chuckled, before he sobered up. Right. Impending terror of fatherhood and all that. “I don't know. I can ask around, but you might want to start making one just in case.” He inhaled deeply and let it out, dwelling upon her use of the word 'dear'. Dear. Was he dear to her? At the very least he was her Alpha Male and the father of her children ...and he supposed that made him something more. Yet the endearment did not sound like something someone older than him might call him. It had held a unidentified level of affection that even Kjalarr (as unperceptive as he was around women) could not deny. “Am I?” He asked her suddenly. “—dear to you, that is?” He clarified.

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She had always been a creature of habit. Why had she gone to the coast? Because that's where she had grown up. She had not tried settling somewhere else, for she knew adapting to a new home in a totally new environment would be hard for her. The coast is where she belonged, she felt, even though neverwinter was much warmer and now somewhat family. The word still sounded foreign. She would have a family, one she had never dreamed of having. This was a new beginning - or, rather, a new chapter. Finally she had her life under control, and she'd do her very best to keep it this way.

Kjalarr was right. She just had to give it some time before she felt home here - even though her low rank did not help her sleep easily. She would not plead for a position higher, knowing not to be that pathetic. Only because her mate was an alpha did not give her the right, she knew. She had to prove she was worth it - that her future child(ren) were worth it. I know... The coast is just all I've ever truly known. She sighed. Her appetite was gone because of all this, and she felt like puking. I wished the sea would be the first thing our children would ever see. She said softly, letting her eyes trail over Kjalarr's body because she had nothing else to look at without getting dizzy.

Her ears perked when he begun laughing. Had he ever laughed before? Her mouth made a little "o" as he said what was perhaps quite cruel. Of course they were going to come out, but Ondine, just like every normal wolf, did not like being in pain. I don't know if the herbs I need have not died yet with the cold and gloomy weather. She said with an exaggerated frown. Soon the conversation turned more serious, and Ondine had to swallow before speaking. You are all I have left - of course you are dear to me. She said softly, cheeks a bright red under her thick fur.

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Kjalarr supposed that the move was easy for him in some ways, and harder in others. His ascension to leadership shortly after Allure had invited them in had rendered the task (which would have been so very far from easy) of re-integrating himself as a subordinate unnecessary. On that Kjalarr got lucky and half of the battle was over before it had even begun. He realized, now, as she spoke it, that it wasn't so easy for her. He'd been taken from Stavanger Bay, from Nova Peak to Jade Fern Grove, from the Grove to Moonspear and then Saltwinter. Then again, being a vagabond was in his blood: Vikings were travelers (and conquerors) by nature. He also realized simultaneously that there was so much he didn't know about the woman who was now his wife. “I was born on the Sequoia Coast, in a territory called Stavanger Bay. I think it's claimed now by another, else I would take you there to share it with you.” But there was little that tied him there. His father's grave had long since been defiled and his bones scattered to the four winds. It might have suited him to take the religious relics his father had carved with his teeth that had once decorated the grave but likely they were gone too. “We'll take them to visit when they're old enough.” He promised her, drawing his salmon pink tongue over his nose. “We'll make a family trip out of it.” A mini vacation.

Kjalarr hadn't meant for his words to be cruel — and in true Kjalarr fashion he was oblivious to the fact that she might have taken it as such — he was tempted to ask her what she needed but then hesitated because he likely wouldn't remember. He did not have a healer's mind or any interest in the arts. He was the healer's worst nightmare, admittedly, stumbling home from battle still high on the berserker rage and bloodied and torn up but utterly jovial about it. Scars were marks of a berserker and the more he wore, the more respected he was. He wasn't the world's best patient either (no contest of where he got that from enter smirk here). His lack of patience made him insufferable. He was extremely lucky that the scars upon the bridge of his muzzle had healed without infection and incident.

She admitted that he was all she had left and that of course he was dear to her. He drew in a contemplative breath and let it out. He felt the obligation to say something but he wasn't sure what he was meant to say. “I'm not much good at this,” He admitted slowly, looking down at her paws before his gaze rose slowly back up to her face. “I don't know the first thing about being a mate. I've never been...in a relationship before,” He admitted wondering if she would think less of him for it. His confidence was deceptive at best; and he knew that he had to be honest with her. That was the first step to a healthy relationship, right? “...and I'm scared of fatherhood.” He'd known it was a possibility, and knew in the marrow of his bones that each time they coupled during her estrus that they were just digging their hole deeper (though it might have been too late after that first time). He hadn't cared when he'd taken Potema because he knew that he'd never see her again. If she wound up with his bastards then it wasn't his problem but he could not just walk away from Ondine.

And now that he faced the truth of what they had done and created together — which was kind of miraculous when he thought about it in a way untainted with fear (that wasn't often) — his inexperience left him paralyzed with terror of all the things that could go wrong, and everything that he could do wrong. He didn't think he was ready to be a father but of course that was too little, much too late.

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He talked now of where he was raised, probably expecting her to do the same, but she would not. The place she had grown up was not a place for her anymore, and she had thrown away any relation to the hellish coast long ago. He did not need to know where she had come from, for what difference did it make? What was important was where she was now - where she was going with him and their children. The past was the past, as she often let it rest so she alone could carry its weight. Not even Slancio had she told, and he had been with her for the longest of times... Even though he was now gone. Do you know anyone at this "Stavanger Bay"? She asked a little curious. If they knew him, and they were not angry with each other, she was sure they could go visit some time (if Kjalarr wanted to). And if not - there was a lot of coast to explore, if they ever felt the need to do so.

That sounds lovely. She said with a warm smile. It was as if he had reached into her mind, and had said exactly that what she wanted to hear. She could not wait for their child(ren) to grow up so they could see the sea for themselves. For now, Ondine would think of stories she could tell them about the water and all its wonders - maybe even Kjalarr would want to hear them.

She frowned when he saw conflict behind his pools of silver and blue, and she grew concerned before he had even said a word. He sounded... Nervous to tell her? He confessed that he had never been in a relationship before, and she glowed. Being ones first lover was quite an honor - did he know he was her first too? Surely he did. She placed her front paws over the carcass and leaned forward to reach his face. If he would let her, she'd give a nuzzle to his cheek. It is not something I'm very familiar with either. She said softly. That means we don't have standards - which means we can figure it out all on our own. And wasn't that what life was all about? I never pictured myself as a mother... She admitted even softer.

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“No,” Kjalarr admitted to her when she inquired as to if he knew anyone there. He had not been there in so very long ...not since he realized his father's grave had been desecrated. There had truly been no need for him to return. Once, he'd made regular trips to maintain it but that chore had been lifted from his shoulders in one of the very worst ways. “The last time I was there was before it was claimed.” Many months ago. Too many months. “There's really nothing there for me and I have no desire to meet the wolves that claimed the territory of my birth.” Kjalarr offered her a shrug of his broad shoulders before he let it rest. They could not visit and he was entirely unwilling to meet the wolves that had claimed the Bay.

Her admittance that she wasn't familiar with the whole “relationship” thing eased some of Kjalarr's uncertainty despite that it surprised him. He remembered that she'd confessed that he'd been her first (though she was not his, heh) and connecting the dots now as he did, it should have been obvious that she'd never even been in a relationship before. Kjalarr was not ignorant of the fact that Ondine was older than him and while this fact didn't bother him in the slightest (age was but a number, after all) he just kind of assumed that with age came experience. That he might have been her first sexual partner that surely she'd had relationships before him. He did not draw back nor recoil when she stepped over the fawn carcass and welcomed the touch of her muzzle to his cheek in a nuzzle.

Ondine broke Kjalarr out of his reverie when she made the point that with neither of them having experience it meant they had not yet set standards. She was right. This was a clean, untouched slate for the both of them where they could figure it out on their own ...and together. “Do you want them? The babes, I mean?” He asked her, eyes beseeching for her honesty. “In my culture parents have nine days to decide if they want their children after their birth and if they do not they are in moral and religious rights to kill them, unpunished.” He vaguely remembered telling another pregnant woman the same thing except this time Ondine was carrying his children, but he thought it was important to know all options, just in case.

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Her tail twitched, quite cat-like, as he said he knew no one there and did not wish to meet them either. Peculiar. Ondine knew that if her home was taken, she would at least want to know if the wolves upon her former home were pure of heart and would not bring shame to any traditions. Of course, for now it would be foolish to do anything that involved possible conflict for the sake of her children. She did not look forward to getting fat - but she liked dying far less. You are a leader still, here. Perhaps it would be wise to have connections. She voiced her opinion sweetly, as an adviser would do. She knew naught what Kjalarr thought he could gain from her besides children, but on the area of politics and healing she could advise. You never know when you might need help - not that I doubt you. You had connections here, family, and without it you would not be assured of our safety.

Ondine was not a creature to be loved by many. Sure, she was pretty, but she found herself to be either too dramatic or too boring to keep around. She had nothing in between, safe for her bitchy, selfish traits. Why Kjalarr had stayed with, she wasn't able to lay a paw on. Somewhere, she hoped Kjalarr did love her, for she was pretty sure she had grown to love him. And without Maude in the way, there was nothing wrong with it. Maude had been nothing more than a minor hiccup - filth wiped off from a clean window. Now, Ondine could focus on making her home here without the fear of the pirate tearing into her flesh while she slept, taking with him the lives of Kjalarr's children. The nuzzle placed on her mate's cheek had been another hint of her love for him, and partly something to reassure him that he did not have to be afraid of being a father. It was not the same as leading a pack, but Ondine was sure they could do it.

Of course. She said, abruptly  freezing as she moved back. It pained her that he said so openly that they may kill their babes if they did not want them. That was cruel for both the mother and the innocent that would be spilled. Only if the pups were not healthy did Ondine want them killed. You... you don't want them? She asked a little concerned. Panicking slightly, she asked herself if now was the time to confess her probable love for him, but her lips did not open.

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She pointed out that he was a leader here and spoke in a sweet, suggestive tone that it might be wise to have connections. “I have heard that Scimitar had something with Donnelaith, and maybe ...maybe we can forge something with Moonspear.” Something besides Kjalarr's death. Kjalarr had been ready to put the past behind him with Charon but the death threat on his head had kept him at bay. “I don't know. There is much I need to discuss with aunt Kas,” He told her, as if to remind her that he was not the sole leader and he did not want to assume that he could just do those things without Kaskara's input.

She spoke that she did want them, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and drew back from him when he told her of the custom of his culture. Yes. No. I don't know. His head swam as he took in her question, noting the way she stuttered over her words. The look in her eyes made him feel resolute in his guilt, biting his tongue lightly wishing he would have kept his mouth shut. “I just — I was just saying that we have an out if we want it,” But if he had any intentions of taking it he wouldn't have went through all the trouble to take her as his mate. He drew in a breath and let it out. “If I didn't want them I wouldn't have stopped Maude that day and I wouldn't have taken you as my mate. We created them, together, and it's our job to raise them. Together.” It wasn't the babes fault that neither of them showed any real restraint during her estrus cycle and he didn't want to take it out on them. He wasn't ready. He was terrified of them. But he had no choice but to try to be the best father he could be.

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While she knew her mate was not the only thing in command, she had never been good at teamwork. She hardly understood why someone would even want to work with someone else if they could do it better alone. Yes, there was less work, but Ondine was quite the perfectionist - and she only trusted herself with doing something perfectly. Moonspear? Where is that? She asked, quite interested in where other packs may lay. She never had the chance to fully explore the Teekon, and now she had even less freedom in that with their children on their way. If you need help, I'll gladly volunteer to do so. We're a team now. She said, seriously but sweet, a smile on her blank muzzle. She had yet to receive a comment on why she was not wearing her usual make up, yet she did not mind the silence. All that was left unsaid could not hurt her, after all.

With big eyes she stared at him, her heart skipping a beat a few times as if expecting him to tear into her womb himself to get rid of the babes. No, she told herself; Kjalarr wants them. You want them. You have nothing left. The last part hit her hard, but she kept it all inside. Silently she let a sigh slip, his words calming her. Together - yes, they could do this together. I'm sorry - I'm just afraid of losing... you - I-... She swallowed. I care for you. It was as close as a confession of love as it could get at this moment.

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“To the south of us,” Kjalarr gestured in the spear's direction, with an errant cant of his muzzle. He deliberated for a moment, then, unsure, gnawing on the inside of his cheek before with the steadfast thought that relationships should bear honesty he spoke, “My twin lives there. He's the only biological family I associate with,” He admitted. He still did not remember Ragna and at one pointed the less he had to do with Charon the better (even though Charon wasn't his brother by blood). Even Kjalarr's own mother had disassociated herself from him. “As you know I'm not the easiest wolf to get along with,” Kjalarr admitted with a low chuckle. The problem was he had too much of Ragnar in him. In the end, Ragnar had died only with the confidence of his half brother (as far as biological siblings went) and it seemed Kjalarr was fated to follow a similar path. “The end game is I was insubordinate and basically a giant douchebag. I left them for Saltwinter and they it was made clear that if I was to return they had orders to kill me. Before Caiaphas' death I sought to speak with Charon, maybe draw upon a truce but that never happened.” Kjalarr was fortunate to have the Frostfur's and Floki but he could not help but think that he was fortunate for Ondine as well (and even Maude).

His heart sank and he struggled to swallow against the lump that formed in his throat as he took in her large, doe-like eyes blinking up at him. She spoke that she was afraid of losing him and he contemplated that. Losing him? That was ridiculous. He'd gave her his word that he wouldn't abandon her or the babes and everything he'd done thus far had worked towards solidifying that, on building a foundation of them and their babes. His ears slicked back to rest at half mast atop his skull, “Ondine,” He breathed her name, only to bite lightly upon his tongue when her confession came before he could utter redundant words of assurance. Her words hung in the air between them as he processed them, feeling that he should say something in return. Something just as meaningful. The truth was he hadn't worked that far ahead in the mess that was his head and heart. Everything was overshadowed by his fear of the babes that grew within her. There was a warm bloom of affection for her, certainly, as he saw her in a way he never had before. Not as a subordinate but as a woman. Her womb bore the fruition of their hormone fueled passions, making her round with his seed and thus he was able to see her as the mother of his children. This was all new to him, and the viking found it to be a bit overwhelming. Their intimacy and the conception of their children had created a bond that he did not have with the other women he had bedded.

“I'm not going to leave you and I'm not going to leave them, Ondine.” He promised to her again, deciding to address her first concern. “Taking you as my mate was not just for show. It was my promise. That I won't leave and that I will take care of you. All of you.” Until the day he drew his very last breath. “I'm not sure I'm worthy of your affections,” He was selfish, and cruel. Vain and stubborn. But he did not doubt that with time he would grow to care for her, as well. Perhaps he already did but he was drowning in a sea of grief and fear to recognize anything else.

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Ondine followed his gesture, of course not seeing the actual mountain for the forest was way too thick. A silence hung between them after, and Ondine felt she should say something. Well, that was before Kjalarr spoke something she had not expected. He had a twin brother? How had he never told her? She supposed it was because they barely knew each other (and even now she was certainly in love with him). Oh... She accomplished to bring out, not sure how to react. Ondine could see an even younger Kjalarr as a douchebag, but luckily he had bettered himself. Now she found him somewhat gentlemanly. Perhaps with his reformation he could prepare the bond between him and his twin brother, but she would not give him advise about family. After all, she had no one beside him and their unborn children.

She still knew of his promise - of all he had done to prove he had meant it, but it was not him that bothered her. It was the ones around them she was afraid of. While Ondine was pretty, and cared deeply for him, who was to say another prettier, younger lady wouldn't sweep him off his feet? Her gaze was directed at him and nothing else as he spoke her name, something that made the tingle of the butterflies she felt inside intensify. Silently she awaited more, seeing fear above all else behind his pools of silver and blue. It was not that she was not afraid of being a mother. Oh, she was definitely afraid, but also very happy. They would place more of the living on this earth, and she was honored.

She nodded slowly at his first words, implying that she knew that but that it still scared her. The next bit made it feel as if she was just paranoid and obsessed, but she knew she was neither. At least, she hoped so. You are. She breathed out, never taking her eyes off of him. Trust me.

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Kjalarr wasn't so sure that there was anything left to fix with Charon for they had burned their bridges to the very ground and anyway the viking wasn't so sure he sought to fix what he knew to no longer be there. Charon and him weren't brothers and they never would be and that was the truth of it. All Kjalarr wanted was a tentative understanding and truce of peace. They didn't have to be chums (because that probably wouldn't happen either) but he'd long since put down his arms and stopped fighting the immature and petty fight that had waged between them for so long; and the want was half selfish and half for Floki's sake. He rarely saw his twin though they were both busy with leadership duties. Now that they were closer to one another perhaps he could manage to see his twin more. And perhaps one day he could introduce his better half to Ondine and their children.

She sounded so entirely sure that he was deserving of her affections and yet still the viking remained skeptical. He was not so easily swayed by the thoughts of others (this wasn't necessarily a bad thing, per-say) and it would take time before he could confirm for himself that he was, indeed, as she believed him to be, worthy of her affections. Kjalarr was silent for a long moment before he drew in a deep breath and let it out in a slow exhale, shifting his weight. “Before you completely convince yourself of that,” Kjalarr's smile was a twitch, a terse thing that did not touch his eyes. The few seconds it had tugged at the edges of his muzzle it had not been filled with mirth. “and because I believe that a strong foundation for any relationship whether born out of love or ...otherwise... should be based in trust and honesty you should know you were not the first woman I've taken in heat,” His ears fanned back as he admitted it to her. Before it had never mattered because his actions the first time had no consequences tied to them given his inability to produce children at the time. Now, however, everything was different. “The first time I was too young to have sired any of her children,” That was the easy one to tell her about. His salmon pink tongue drew across his chops.

“The second one was a week or so before your estrus cycle. She'd had males before me. I could smell them on her, so she probably had males after me. I do not know anything about her. Not where she was from, not even her name. Likewise she knows nothing about me. We didn't talk at all during our...tryst,” That dressed the carnal act performed between two strangers prettily but did not change at all what it had been. “She could bear me bastard children or a bastard child. I mean, it doesn't matter. I'll never know but I thought you deserved to know of the possibility all the same.” So if you see a child that resembles me and isn't ours don't kill me. Even now he didn't really think the consequences would come back to haunt him even if one of the ivory woman (Potema)'s children ended up being his.

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Short because AAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Ondine let out a pure, perfect laugh despite the seriousness of the topic. She just couldn't take him seriously now that she saw him as a scared, young daddy. He was too cute - even if he wore scares and acted all alpha boy. She calmed down though, to give him an honest comment. Of course you did. She giggled. She swallowed. Yes, it hurt, but it was expected. Being an alpha at such a young age, it was bound to make him... arrogant to a degree. Well, she didn't know if arrogant was the word she was looking for. 

The second one did worry her a bit. Bastard children... If they ever sought out their dad, could she accept it even with knowing it came out of another woman? Could their future children accept that? Did the bastard deserve that? She was overthinking this, yes, but she felt it necessary. I'm not... I'm not necessarily fond of the idea of you having bastard children, but I'm not mad or anything. She smiled at him with closed eyes, perhaps even cutely now the blood wasn't on her pretty face.