Something more than just knowing better.

For @Crëyr if you have time. :)

Since the appearance of her former mate on Swiftcurrent outskirts, Paarthurnax had not ventured far from her home. She instead busied herself within the territory by adding the finishing touches to her now tidy densite and preparing the necessary herbs to be used nearer the deliver of her pups. Soon she would consult with Scimitar regarding having an assistant on standby should something go wrong with the birthing; she wished for privacy throughout the labour, but should she lose her life to it she did not want any living children to die with her. Their father would not be there to assist, so she could only hope that an aspiring medic would be willing to willing help her.

With plenty of time until her time came, Paarthurnax Frostfur ventured across Creek borders and into neutral land. She tracked a small herd of elk across the plain until they stopped to drink from the river. The crimson wolfess observed them for a short time, picking out the number of weaklings from a distance to report later to her leader before she retreated and moved away upstream.

The Lower Arrow Lake lay before her, the waterfall roaring in the distance and tiny droplets of rainrain disturbing what would be a still surface. Doing her paws in the shallows, Paarthurnax lowered her crown to crow lap at the crisp liquid before lifting her lovely crown and sauntering along the shore, lost on her wary thoughts.

i'll be delayed from posting for the rest of next week. sorry in advance :)

The past two weeks had been something of a blur to the small grayscale girl. Ever since Paarthurnax's departure, Crëyr had constantly been drifting away to her thoughts, rarely back down on Earth unless there was the presence of others.

She was suddenly struck with a strong urge to explore, which she decided would be helpful to her continuous daydreaming. She wasn't far from the trade of Outrider, so Crëyr picked up her pace and padded out of the borders of the Bypass. Part of her wondered if it would be ideal if she sought out Paarthurnax, but the other argument won, telling her that it would be best to consider that option if Paar actually wished to see her.

She didn't even know if Paarthurnax did, anyway. But Crëyr didn't take her chances.

As the petite Welsh walked, she caught sight of the mountains where she'd met the tan pelted male from the Sunspire, Cuan. A distance away before her was a lake, a large, blue bed of water, glittering in the sunlight. It wasn't where she'd met Cuan, but she knew it was close.

She padded towards the lake, catching sight of the figure of another then. As she slowly drew closer, the all-familiar scent entered her nostrils. It was only then she stopped short, her heart flipping, her azure eyes coming to rest upon the crimson healer that was her pack-sister that was a small distance before her.

"Paarthurnax", She breathed.

Paarthurnax did not know how to respond when she rose her lovely crown and settled her bright eyes on the form of a painfully familiar Noctisardor wolfess. She paused at once in her tracks, gaze wide with surprise and uncertainty as she struggled to piece together something to say. "Crëyr," the crimson healer muttered softly, barely a whisper, and tentatively made to close some distance between herself and the ashen she-wolf.

"I am sorry," for leaving you, not for leaving him. "Shadow and I, we... we're too different." Paarthurnax didn't have to give her reasons to Crëyr, a woman who had no business or involvement in she and the power-driven Alpha's brief mateship, but she felt that she owed her at least some sort of explanation for the unfair way she'd handled the situation.

an apology for the delay!

Noctisardor Bypass was now painfully empty, with its half-dead trees, yellowing leaves falling from its branches. The layer of thick ice atop what was once her lake didn't offer much company now every time Crëyr sought for it. Instead she had spent the first few days of Winter working, doing whatever she could to strengthen the pack, working alongside Flash to fill the pack's caches and direct hours of border patrol.

She hadn't seen nobody else. Everybody seemed to have suddenly disappeared, and without Shadow and Paar, the only wolf that seemed to exist in her world was tawny-pelted, green-eyed Flash.

It didn't help that Paarthurnax was gone. The Welsh girl was aware that she now resided in a pack Shadow had mentioned as "Swiftcurrent Creek", though she didn't have a filled-out knowledge of the pack. She'd heard of a few from the locals, though she hadn't really had the chance to go out and thoroughly explore.

The two-toned healer, her sides swelled with children, had heard her voice. Her response was a soft call of her name, her voice drifting through the frigid air, and her paws lifted the beautiful wolfess up from her haunches and carried themselves towards Crëyr.

She stayed silent, as she knew an apology and an explanation would follow. A brief one, something the silver-grey wolfess could comprehend.

Too different. Crëyr was fully aware of her ashen Alpha's origin and culture, which she had to admit she entirely knew nothing about. She had requested to learn more, though she didn't know if she was sure to fully become a member of his culture and legion. She was Welsh, after all. Though it didn't really seem to be possible, if she was ever asked (it would be inevitable, anyway, as to her residence in the Bypass), she would possibly have to abandon what little was left of her home.

She shook her petite head, knowing perfectly well what Paar was talking about. And Shadow— Paar did not like his ways, his culture, part of who he was. She wasn't able to adapt to it. Adapt. What had Shadow been doing? She hadn't even gotten the chance to fully know Noctisardor— there was no judging Paarthurnax's decisions or what Shadow had done.

Crëyr shook her silver crown once more, her expression complete with a faint, bittersweet smile. She wasn't exactly sure what Paarthurnax was saying sorry for, though she continued. "I believe an apology is not needed, Paar. Perhaps I was truly being selfish back in the Bypass by myself. They were your decisions, and decisions... they come with good reasons at that. It isn't my business to pry into the reasons behind your leaving..." She had started to stumble, and stopped herself for a mere second to catch her breath before speaking again, calmer, quieter. This time her dark blue eyes fell upon her sides once more, the stomach which carried the Angelus Mortis children. Briefly she wondered if Shadow had yet came to see her or had made arrangements for the children. "Your children, Paarthurnax."

On her departure, Noctisardor Bypass had been flourishing. Its wolves had been fit, healthy, strong. More than capable of banding together to challenge Swiftcurrent which, although held advantage with numbers, would have made a formidable opponent. The land had been lush and green despite the approaching cold season, abundant with prey and life. It had been beautiful, just as it was in the beginning when the territory was claimed. Paarthurnax ignorantly assumed that the pack had continued to thrive in her absence.

The sleek two-toned wolfess shook her head, dismissing any need for apology, but it was something that Paar knew she'd regret not saying. This meeting was something of a goodbye, after all. She looked pitifully upon the wolfess who'd been a good friend to her, the one who'd believed in her when the others could not, and in her grief she felt emotion tighten her throat. "Thank you," she managed, "for understanding."

It was not that she hated Shadow, but she did not approve of his cruel ways of managing his wolves. He saw fit to strip innocents of their freedom; he ran their pack with an iron fist; he couldn't trust her. If there was no trust between an Alpha pair, they faltered. Paarthurnax could not stand to stand at his side, where there could be no pride for her in knowing what he'd done.

Crëyr shifted her attention, turning her azure gaze to linger on the swell of her abdomen. With approximately a month to go before her due date and with a physique as dainty as hers, Paarthurnax was very rapidly beginning to show. She sought the gaze of her graphite companion, and smiled sadly. "He knows," she said at once, "I wanted to tell him - and you - before I left, but... I didn't know how."

Paarthurnax had been the one that had made her life in the Bypass less lonely. Though they hadn't met for too long, Crëyr had felt a click, a perfect fit in resemblance to two puzzle pieces. Friendship-wise, of course. Now that she was gone...

Paarthurnax's avid copper orbs came to fall on her, emotion masked behind her eyes. Crëyr's azure irises were direct mirrors of hers. She did not know how to speak then, but broken was the silence. The two-toned wolfess opposite her managed a thanks, grateful for her understanding.

She understood. She wasn't angry. She knew how steadfast relationships could go astray just by a mere mishap. This probably wasn't only a mere mishap, but the Welsh girl could guess what had made Paar leave Shadow and the Bypass.

Then came the reasons. She told her about her children, how she had tried to tell her before leaving— but couldn't— children, Shadow's children she bore, and in this moment Crëyr wished for truly nothing but the safety and happiness of both the soon-to-be pups and her mother. She wished Paarthurnax a happy life, no matter what route she took.

"It doesn't seem to matter now, Paarthurnax, in the grand scheme of things. I... I wish for the very best of both your worlds." She said softly. Though she didn't want to rush things, she couldn't help but let another question slip off her tongue. "How is your new home, Paar? Is it well for your children?"

The guilt of walking from Shadow and Noctisardor Bypass was something that would weigh heavily on her for the rest of her life. But she did not believe her decision to uproot herself was a bad one, not like the way she felt following the departure from Swiftcurrent Creek. Truly, her heart had longed to love Shadow as wholly as he'd wished her to - but he'd changed. He was different. His heritage and real personality had been hidden from her in the beginning, revealed only when they'd made their home together. A part of her wished she'd turned away then, but the good in her had wanted only to give him a chance. Paarthurnax had done so, and Shadow had blown it.

And yet she loved him still. He would be the father of her first litter, after all, having given her the greatest gift that had once been what her dreams were made of.

She exhaled a sigh, and shook her head in a poor attempt to rid her troubled mind of its thoughts. "Crëyr," Paar started, her voice heavy, "you accepted and believed in me from the very start. You stood by me with my rise to Alphess when others did not deem me suitable. I don't know that I could have survived as long as I did without your support." She would miss her fiercely, that much Paarthurnax knew. But there were new friends to be made on both of their parts, and they would only be a few days' travel apart. "Swiftcurrent was where Shadow and I met. It was our home throughout the early stage of our relationship. Disagreement between he and our leaders was what drive the Alpha to exile him... and although it felt like the right thing to do in the beginning, I have always felt some regret for leaving it. I'm still settling, but I'm not unhappy there. We will thrive there, in time."

concluding this!

The crimson wolfess exhaled a sigh, and before she knew it, the graphite-silver girl was moving towards her, her paws closing the last of the distance between them swiftly. She didn't know if Paar cared for physical contact right now— but she enveloped her with a gentle hug. ”I don't see why others didn't have faith in you, Paar, what you said. In this short period of time that I've came to know you, I saw you were an amazing wolfess.” The petite Welsh paused. ”We will see each other, right? Maybe not regularly, but we will, right? Though you'll be taking care of your pups.”

Crëyr drew back from her friend, momentarily shocked. Exiled? Swiftcurrent Creek, former home of Shadow and Paarthurnax? Now that was interesting. ”Shadow was exiled? Explains why Creek wolves seem to be at unrest with him. But again, I wish for the best for your children," The girl spoke ”Howl for me somewhere and I'll be there. I'll be there for you, Paar. But for now, I'll say goodbye.”

She gave her friend a smile, one that was a mixture of sadness and fondness, before turning away and departing.