Blackfeather Woods Advice for the young at heart

Waking from her well deserved nap, she stretched, deciding that today was the day for exploration. She had discovered the Grove, as well as the Web, but there were many areas of Blackfeather that she was eager to investigate. In the northeast was a grotto, a special one at that. She had only taken a glimpse before being on her way before and was intrigued even more. Before, in the corner of her eye, she even thought she saw a pale blue light before she shook her head and it was gone. Running towards the marsh, she took in the surreal surroundings. Where she came from, there were no wetlands like this. 
Instantly, she felt like a child, getting her paws sunk in the mud and rolling around on the moss covered ground. And for a second, she was happy, before she fell back down to earth and halted her childish play. If anyone had seen her.. the thought was hard to bear. Shaking herself, she noticed that clumps of vibrant green moss still clung to her back among dirt. Her feet and most of her legs were caked in dirt, as well as most of her snout. Ultimately, she looked ridiculous. She only hoped nobody noticed her in this moment of perpetual weakness and absurdity. 

Set in Wispmothers Grotto. Can't put the prefix in..

Just going to jump in here for our thread. :)

The grip of her first trimester was slowly fading as her second one began. This was the lazy part of her pregnancy. When she gained more control over her hormones and could actually walk around for once without the fear of vomiting. She could regain her position as Queen Consort (it sounded so very strange in her mind), and High Priestess of this Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary.

She started by observing the recovery of the swamps after the storm. A month had passed since the storm, and the waters receded slowly but surely. Parts of the Web were still damp, however, as well as the outskirts of the swamp, but it would dry out soon with the fading heat of the summer.

She passed into Wispmother's Grotto, hoping to return to the Temple she once found, moons ago, and make it into a permanent meeting-place for the pack and the Dark Brotherhood.

But that would be put aside for now, as she heard the mud being squelched nearby. The Night Queen (Consort), stood still, as the sound slowly approached her. She relaxed when she saw the culprit, one of Burke's pupils. Nemesis, was it?

At the sight of Burke's mate, Meldresi, she instantly ducked behind a tree in attempt to conceal her now muddy looks from the dark Queen. She shook herself, managing to get rid of most of the mud and moss but many of it still clung to her dark pelt. Emerging from behind the tree, she neared the priestess. 
She nodded her head with a slight bow of submission, "Meldresi. A pleasure meeting you again" She said with all the kindness she could give. She had been meaning to talk to the healer, a matter of great urgency. Lately, she feared for her mental health as well as the safety of her packmates. Her temper had increased, slowly driving her into dreaded bloodlust. It came to the point where she saw things, particularly as certain past Alpha and blood on her claws. In the end, she would suppress these thoughts and feelings to the point where she could not longer control herself. She didn't trust herself anymore, and she needed help. The urgency to commit her revenge was... unpredictable. If he wanted to live here, among others in a functional pack, she couldn't hide this anymore. If she didn't get better, they needed to know. Preferring to save herself the embarrassment, she chose to save herself from.. herself. 

"I hope you don't mind, i've been meaning to speak to you. It's of personal urgency" She spoke, almost hesitantly. But as she caught the breeze, there was a new scent, faint. It smelt like Meldresi but there was something else.. Her eyes widened, realising the fact that the priestess could be carrying pups. Nemesis was glad for her Dark Queen but was nervous for herself. One more reason to get better, she thought.

She smirked slightly at the girl's attempts to shake off the mud and grim of the swamp off of her. It barely had an effect on her looks at all, mud was hard to simply shake off, after all. She would need to take a trip down to the Web and wash off in the river if she wanted to truly be proper and clean. Not that it really matter, anyway.

"What is it?" She asked, looking into Nemesis' eyes. She did not look physically sick from Meldresi's viewpoint, but not all sicknesses had outward effects. Or perhaps, this wasn't a bodily sickness at all, but a mental one. Those were very real, and often much more damaging than anything a virus or illness can do.

Taking a deep breath, she confessed. "I think i'm going crazy".
She honestly did, not to extent of hearing voices and seeing things on a regular basis but it was still something.
"Things happened in my past, horrible, abusive events. And it was carried out by my last Alpha and his pack. It wasn't just physical torture but mental too." She took a breath, getting caught up. The subject was painful to talk about, and even now she wasn't telling the true extent of their words and actions against her. 
"Sometimes, every few weeks, I get really angry, it's rage. I can't sleep, I heard their voices taunting me and I think, why not take your anger out on something else. And I do. I wake up with blood on my hands and now I believe it's the only way to stop it. " She said, almost expressionless. She didn't want to show she was weak, because she wasn't. 

"I just want to know what's happening to me. At first, I could control the anger but now, what's stopping me from hurting someone else?" She asked, in anguish. A part of her would always hold on to the rage and misery she felt, as fuel for her temper. But she couldn't have it getting out of hand. She didn't trust herself. At least, not right now.

Sorry for the wait!

Meldresi was silent for most of Nemesis' confession, only speaking when the girl paused, her breathing almost painful as she recalled the memories. "Take your time, Nemesis." She murmured, stepping closer to the younger woman and nudging her gently, to calm her and ease her confession. She described uncontrollable rages that seemed to come from no where and controlled her when she least expected it, often with disastrous effects. Meldresi considered herself lucky that Nemesis came to her, instead of finding about this mental problem while the girl was possessed by rage.

"You're lashing out in retaliation for everything that was done to you in the past," She murmured after a brief pause as she absorbed and diagnosed the information. "Your subconscious, your inner self, wants to hurt the ones who hurt you, but since they are not here, you substitute with others." It was her best explanation for the problem; while she had not seen a case like this before, she had seen others similar to it, especially with Bane. "I have a few remedies for it, but it will take time to see the effects..."

Nemesis's ears flickered at the dark queen's sympathy. It was unlike anyone to comfort her, much less approach her in harmony, but it was a good feeling. It led her to wonder who it felt to be treasured and cared for on a regular basis, such as Meldresi's and Burke's relationship that seemed to be unbreakable. But she knew it was her fate to be alone, and truthfully, she didn't mind. 
Though when the priestess mentioned something of a cure, her heart sped up, only to slow once more. A cure was what she needed, but she didn't have time. Her years were still vast and unclear, many moons awaited her but that could not materialize if she was not herself anymore. Everyday, a dark overcast seeped deeper into her bones, her mind and she could feel it. It was a hallowing feeling of emptiness at first then the fulfilment of something wicked replacing the last shreds of light. 

The stygian dame paced once more, unsure where her heart lied. Apart of her wanted to keep the darkness and let it shroud her heart, like destined. But she also wanted to control it, if it went on the way it was, the chances of her returning to command were nothing but a shimmer in the distance. No, she would not endanger anyone further, especially with a new litter on it's way to Blackfeather. 
"Anything. I will take and do anything to restrain the urges. If even, control them. If I take these remedies, I don't want to lose the malevolence, but put a handle on it" She spoke, finding her voice. "Without my maleficent nature, I am nothing" She murmured.

"It is simple — simple enough for you to do on your own." She began when Nemesis agreed to follow her tactics. She had done something similar for her former packmate Sitri long ago; whether or not it helped she did not know. But she had seen it work on others before, so it must work on them. "It involves taking a certain mixture of herbs — chamomile, juniper berries, lavender, thyme and poppy seeds — that will help you sleep and calm you down. Taking it with or without poppy seeds will calm you down; it's the seeds that make you drowsy." She would have to give her small doses, as winter was coming soon, but the small doses should be enough. Poppy seeds were addictive as well, and she didn't need an addict raiding her stores in search of a fix.

"There is meditation that you can do as well, especially if the herbs run out." She made a mental note to check once she returned to Ilinalta's Keep. "You have to build the will to resist your urges. To clear and calm your mind."  

Nemesis readily listened as Meldresis explained the remedy, made up of many herbs that she knew. It seemed easy enough, taking the medication. What she wasn't sure of was the resistance she needed to build up. She had tried once before, but to no avail. She was not the type to sit back and meditate, nothing of the sort. To her, it was a way of avoiding the inevitable stress, and in no way helped anyone. But if the priestess recommended it, she would try. Clearing her mind would prove to be difficult, she knew. There was always that one thought that led into so much more. Once the thought of bloodlust overtook her mind, it was almost impossible to escape but to fall into the temptation. 

Despite her unsureness, she nodded her head once more. "Thank you, it is exactly what I need" She spoke in sincerity. "Clearing my mind of the thoughts may be a challenge, though" She sighed, voicing her worries. "But I will most definitely try" Came her response to her own words. She didn't want to seem weak, anything but that. And she wasn't. But she was no fool and would accept help when she truly needed it.

Meldresi was glad that she agreed — she didn't have any other choice, really. Who else would she turn to? Meldresi had control over the herbs and the most knowledge of medicinal practices. She had the most experience overall.

The priestess nodded, then turning, gesturing for Nemesis to follow. "Come with me, I'll give you enough herbs for a quarter moon." It would eliminate the traffic coming into her herb store, picking through the carefully organized and catalogued herbs that she and her children painstakingly stocked after a year of living in the Woods. "I shall instruct you to make the dose for each night."

Nemesis nodded in silent thanks as she followed Meldresi, supposedly to a place the priestess hid away her herbs and other ingredients to make ... whatever she made. Medicines of all kind were strange to her, at the least. She had never visited any pack healer before, but simply heal on her own without the use of these special ingredients that made you feel better. Something about it made her feel uncertain, almost sceptical. But she wouldn't question the Dark Queen, by what she had witnesses, Meldresi knew what she was doing. 
But she couldn't help feel a little bit guilty. Winter was approaching and the trees were fading, yet she was taking Meldresi's resources that would be needed when the land provided none for the cold days. She wouldn't be the one to deprive the rest of what they needed, nor plumish their stock for such a silly cause as her. 
"Thank you, but is there some way I can do something in return, it wouldn't feel right accepting your help without offering my services in return" She asked, sincerely as she followed the priestess.

Meldresi strode with the regal confidence a ruler had in their lands, though she waddled slightly as the weight in her womb grew. She barely looked back to see if the younger female was following; she knew for a fact that she was. They walked together in silence as they closed in on Ilinalta's Keep, her medicine store and infirmary, only broken by their footsteps. As the Keep's outside entrance came into sight, Nemesis spoke, asking if she could repay her for her remedy.

"This is my job, Nemesis," She said without pausing, slipping as best she could into the entrance. Getting in there would be troublesome with her growing size. "You can repay me by doing your job and helping the pack and nothing more. That is all I can ask." The Night Queen gestured for Nemesis to sit down in the small cavern that she designated as the infirmary, the cave floor covered in soft bedding: moss, fur, and the like. She walked into her store, easily picking out what herbs she wanted without pause, taking enough to sustain the female for a few months, perhaps enough to last the winter.

She wrapped the herbs in a thick, waxy leaf before she headed back to the waiting female, dropping the parcel in front of her. "Chamomile, juniper berries, lavender, thyme, poppy seeds." She pointed to each stack of herbs in quick succession. "Tear off a small bit, no more than a quarter, of each of the leaves and put them in a pile. Smash them into a pulp, then place one or two poppy seeds into the pulp and swallow it." With the stack she gave her, she should be fine until late winter, and even then her dosage may be reduced. "Do this every night until you feel a change in your state of mind. Then do it every two nights. If you are having trouble sleeping, take three poppy seeds. If that does not work, come to me." She hoped this would work for her, though she trusted in her own remedy, her earthly powers were nothing compared to the Daedric. "Do you understand?"

Though she still did not understand, she respected Meldresi's decline for something in return. True, it was the priestesses job, but she wouldn't feel right just taking without doing in return. She would do something to show her gratitude, even if it wasn't directly to Meldresi herself. 

Nemesis stood back, listening to the instructions while her eyes surveyed the bundles of herbs throughout the room. It was  impressive, all the hard labour required to collect so much, another reason to give back. It came clear to her how important the other trade's were to the pack, not just Warrior and Warden like she had deemed most important before. Instantly, she regretted bothering that girl, Abelinda, while she had been collecting for the stores. But yet, this remedy would solve her problems, hopefully get a few other to actually like her then want to spill her guts. 
She refocused her gaze back to Meldresi, her cold eyes peering into the healers. "I understand, really though, thank you" She said, with full meaning. 
Leaning down, she picked up the leafy parcel in her mouth, turning towards the exit.

As Nemesis took the bundle and exited the cave, Meldresi realized how hard it would be to keep an eye on her with her young soon coming into the world. She pondered it for a moment, but came to the conclusion that she would not neglect this litter as she had her first. Her children deserved her attention first and foremost among wolves, then Burke, then the rest of the pack. The Night Queen rose and strode to the store, looking it over, seeing what she could send Potema and Cicero to find before Winter fell upon Teekon. With a sigh and a final conclusion that she could send Burke to keep an eye on Nemesis as she nursed, Meldresi wandered off into the tunnels of Mephala's Web, leaving the infirmary still and quiet as if it had never been inhabited at all.