i am not your autumn moon

@Hawkeye! <3

He'd been gone a while.

His brother's ascension to Alphaship and the abrupt, careless way it had been handled with him and Crete had been too much, too soon. The mental and emotional wounds inflicted upon them by their elder brother Tyrannus were still livid and fresh, burning and painful and damaging. That Peregrine could be so thoughtless and arrogant as to presume that Atticus and Crete would simply venture back down that very same road again with a smile was completely incomprehensible to Atticus. He was still angry with his brother, furious with a simmering heat that would take a long time to dissipate. The thought of leaving the pack lingered constantly on the fringes of his thoughts. The only thing that kept him here, really, was Crete. He didn't want to leave Crete.

It'd been a week or two since he'd left. He had told Peregrine he needed some time away, but he couldnt' help wondering if he even still belonged here. He wondered if Peregrine would run him out like Tyr had. He certainly was a valid threat, considering what had been between him and Hawkeye, however brief it had lasted. He wondered if Perry knew about all of that. Walking through the quiet packlands, he didn't feel at home. He felt like a stranger, and the plateau felt cold to him.

Hawkeye examined the male from far off. It had been a while since she had seen him — not since the pack meet, where he had seemed pissed. And he was pissed now. But she could tell that underneath that anger, he was hurt; she had used anger many times to cover her pain, and it never helped any.

So, she moved slowly, quietly toward the male. When she came close enough, him noticing her many moments before, she stopped before him. "Hello, Atticus" were the soft words she spoke, showing array of emotion. She was worried about the dark male. His eyes were sad, though they still sent something through her body.

He smelled her before he saw her, and immediately a pall of dread washed over him. He wasn't ready to face any of this bullshit just yet. Wherever Hawkeye went, it was a safe bet to assume that Peregrine wouldn't be far behind. He grimaced.

Might as well get it over with.

When she came into view, though, she was by herself. He didn't detect his brother's scent anywhere nearby, though that didn't mean he wouldn't be along shortly. Atticus's pale eyes watched Hawkeye's approach warily before falling to linger on a bush nearby. He was tense, rigid, though not from the same emotions that had made him that way when last they had met. No, those feelings weren't there anymore. This was his brother's mate now. Hawkeye was a good-looking wolf, and a strong and desireable female, but Atticus had no desire for Peregrine's sloppy seconds (and, perhaps, thinking of Hawkeye in these terms was an indication that some of the anger that he felt for Peregrine spilled over onto Hawkeye as well). "Hello," he said, his voice stiff with cordiality.

Hawkeye let out a huff.

"Look, Atticus. I am not here to fuck around or be fake pleasant with stiff words. Where the hell were you? I was worried about you; something could have happened! I don't know what I did to you to deserve this, but it isn't fair to me. What is it you are thinking? What can I do to help...?" A desperate call came from the Alpha, but she kept her voice gentle, even if the words held some panic. She worried more than he knew, and probably more than was necessary — and not just due to the fact that he resided in her pack.

Atticus felt a spark of anger flicker within him. His frosty gaze flicked to her muzzle as she spoke, unintentionally noticing the movement of her onyx lips as she fussed at him. He remembered those lips on his skin…

He blinked. Flattening his ears backward in ire, he looked away. "I told your mate I needed some time," he responded flatly, pointedly avoiding saying his brother's name. "Did he not bother to tell you?" It wouldn't have surprised him if Perry had considered that unimportant too, like everything else that didn't directly involve himself.

It struck her that she didn't remember whether Peregrine had told her or not. She would have liked to think she'd remember if he had, but it's possible that he mentioned it in passing or during a time where she was distracted by her mate. "I - I don't recall — I just remember the look you had during the pack meet and then not seeing you. I - I looked for you..."

Hawkeye dared to take a step forward, her light key-lime eyes pleading with the icy blue of the male before her. "What's wrong, Atticus...?" Hawkeye's spoke genuinely, her tone almost begging.

His heart lurched at the tone of her voice, the way her bright verdant eyes pleaded with him to spill everything that was on his mind to her. It wasn't just because of the brief, fleeting romance they'd had in passing on her way to becoming Peregrine's mate; it was also because she was his Alphess, the one wolf in whom all other wolves placed their utmost trust, love, and loyalty. When she asked, he answered. When she begged, his body, his heart, his mind, all yearned to give her what she wanted.

But his anger was unmoved. He still remained walled off, guarded and carefully controlled, tension running through his body like a live wire. "It doesn't have anything to do with you, Hawkeye," he said in a slightly softer voice. He didn't like that she thought it was because of anything she had done. This was all Peregrine's fault.

Hawkeye looked toward the ground. "Just because it doesn't have anything to do with me, doesn't mean it doesn't affect me," She spoke with sadness in her voice, and depression consumed her.

She raised her eyes again and took another step forward. They were close now. "Do you think that your brother would do what Tyrannus did? I know Crete thinks so. He hates me." She paused, looking down once more. "I don't want anyone to hate me." Her breath caught, tears filling her eyes.

It was interesting how different Hawkeye was in times like these, when she was alone, from how she was at the pack meeting. The stoic, imperious, and dominant Alpha female from the meeting sat here now, wavering on the edge of tears over the thought of people not liking her. Either she was a master of manipulation and he was being seriously played — a thought that did cross his mind — or Hawkeye was far more sensitive than she let on.

For a brief instant, he met her gaze. There was no challenge in it, though, but only tenderness as he said softly, "I could never hate you." For a moment, he had to fight the urge to touch her, to nuzzle her, to reassure her. She was his brother's mate now.

Like so many times before, he wished Crete could speak. He wished he could know what was on his brother's mind. "And yes," he continued after a moment, his eyes moving away from hers again. "This has everything to do with what Tyrannus did to us."

He resisted the urge to nuzzle her, but she did not. Another step and she pushed her nose into his neck and buried it deep.

After a moment, Hawkeye backed up, key-lime eyes glassy. "Peregrine would never do to you what Tyrannus did. They are two different wolves, and you have no idea how highly Peregrine thinks of you and Crete. He would never do anything to hurt you two, and if he did, he'd have to answer to me anyway." Though she did not particularly like Crete, she wouldn't let Peregrine treat him like crap.

Her gestures touched him. Not just the touch of her as she nuzzled into his neck -- a motion which kindled a different sort of fire in his heart, more an affectionately companionable candle-flame than the lusty inferno that had raged there in times past -- but also the way in which she subtly implied that she would defend and protect him and Crete. That touched him. Nobody had tried to defend them from Tyrannus when the elder brother had banished them. That Hawkeye might be willing to do so -- and against her mate, no less -- meant a lot to him.

Her words rang true to him, and he knew she was right. But it was still so hard to put aside the anger in his heart for how his brother had gone about it. Peregrine's Alphaship was unnerving, yes, but he could get used to it. What really rattled him was in the way his brother had handled it all, allowing those who would be most impacted by it to be the last ones to find out. He looked into her watery eyes, sorrow briefly blooming within him for being the reason they were so. "I know," he admitted, his deep, rumbling voice low and soft. As before, his eyes only lingered on hers for the briefest of moments before falling back downward again. There was a kinship between them, yes, but she was still his Alpha. "You're right. I guess what festers in me so much is that he didn't think to talk to Crete and me before announcing his promotion. He had to know how that would affect us. It's hard to explain, but it was just too soon. I mean…just a short time ago, a brother we loved got promoted to Alpha and turned our lives upside down. Now here we are, putting the pieces back together and getting on with our lives, and again -- a brother we love gets promoted to Alpha. It was just…too soon. The wounds hadn't healed."

Hawkeye let out a whimper, both in sorrow for Atticus, but also in an apology. "It's my fault he didn't tell you. I threw it at him after I had called for the pack meeting." She took a step forward, almost pleading. "He had no idea, and was just as surprised as you all — and even myself. It was something that just fell from my mouth in that moment. It could have been you I said that to." Hawkeye was barely shocked by the words that spilled from her mouth. Deep down, she knew that inviting Peregrine to her side was a split second's decision. It could have been Atticus that was at her side right now if the moment had been right.

Atticus abruptly stared at her, shocked. "Damn. Seriously?" It wasn't her comment that it could've just as easily been him that startled him -- though he did notice that, and filed it away in his memory for later consideration -- but rather that a mateship and promotion could actually be established in the span of mere minutes. He just couldn't see how such a momentous thing could happen so quickly.

"That…changes things," he said, sitting back and furrowing his brow in thought. Damn. If this were the case, then he was the asshole here, not Peregrine. His mind flashed back to that heated moment between himself, Peregrine, and Crete, after the meeting, when Peregrine had submitted on the ground before both of his brothers and Atticus had turned away and left. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Thanks for telling me that, Hawkeye." He looked at her then, pale blue eyes full of gratitude and fondness.

Looking down in shame, Hawkeye pushed her ears to her head. "I am sorry. If it weren't for me, none of you would have fought. And especially if it weren't for me, Crete wouldn't hate me." The Alphess slowly lowered herself to the ground, orbs still focused on the floor all the while.

She then wondered if her feelings for Peregrine were true. Every time she was around Atticus, fondness for him flared up, no matter how hard she tried to keep it dormant. Did this mean that she truly did not love Peregrine? Shouldn't one not have feelings for another when they loved someone? Hawkeye was confused and saddened by all of this, realizing that there could be pain in the heart from other things besides heartbreak.

A sinking sense of horror and shame crept through him like poison as his Alphess, his queen and his friend, took the blame for the brothers' quarrel upon herself. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't about her. It never had been. Sure, there were some hard feelings where her relationship with Peregrine was concerned. It could just as easily have been him, as she'd said, and it sucked to lose her to his brother. But even that wasn't her fault. The timing hadn't been right for them, whereas it had been for her and Perry.

She seemed to slump a bit, wilting like a great black flower where she stood before him, as though the guilt of it all pressed down upon her shoulders. Atticus had restrained himself previously, avoiding his desire to rush to her, to touch her. His will crumbled, though, when he saw her sadness. Stepping forward, he gently placed his nose beneath her chin; the sweet scent of her throat tickled his senses as he tenderly lifted her head, as if to physically say, chin up! "Shhh," he rumbled softly in his deep, calming voice. "None of this is because of you. You were just caught in the middle. You couldn't have known that all of this would happen. It's just a bunch of stupid family drama." He stepped back from her then, connecting gazes with her for a brief moment. Warmth for her shone in his arctic eyes. "I'll talk with Perry and get all this shit straightened out. I promise." He flashed her a silly smile, hoping to lift her spirits a bit.

The comfort that Hawkeye seemed to think that Peregrine couldn't give, came from the one standing before her. Where Peregrine could not reassure her, this male could. Yes, her mate could be sweet, but Atticus somehow took that to an even deeper level.

And she wondered if she had made a mistake. She was always deciding things before she truly thought them out; was this one of them? Shouldn't her time with Peregrine been enough to show her what she wanted? Yet, she still did not know.

Key-lime orbs looked hesitantly into light blue eyes. A whimper stuck in Hawkeye's throat as she moved forward to lick under Atticus' chin, a sign of respect. A sign that she was his for the moment.

Sorry for the slowness. I'm in the middle of changing jobs and college craziness, so I haven't been online much/at all. <3

He felt a lurch as her brilliant green eyes touched his fleetingly. His feelings for her were so confusing. She had gone into her first season not long after he had joined the pack and he, having never experienced the intoxicating power of a female's heat before, had been confounded by it. He was hooked on her now, like a crackhead is hooked on his drugs, and there was no way he could turn away from her. He didn't understand his feelings or how far down into his heart and soul they ran, only that he had very little control over them.

A soft whimper guttered out in her throat as she edged forward to lick his chin. It was a show of respect; such a gesture from one as lofty in rank as his Alpha made him acutely uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do. Should he put some space between them now? Step back and reassure her? Pull her close and comfort her? He knew what his heart wanted him to do, but his mind told him it would be a bad idea. Still, the temptation was too great, the caustic emotions he felt for Peregrine still too close to the surface. So he did what his heart dictated. He put an arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her close into an intimate, wolfish hug, resting his head on the soft, plush fur of her mane. He didn't know what to say, couldn't find the right words, so he just kept silent. His heart pounded in his chest, his blood sang with fire for her, and around him, the sounds of the wind and the squirrels and the birds seemed louder than they should have been.

ooc: noooooo problemo! no worries

If Hawkeye were not deaf, she may have heard the rapid heartbeat from the male that hugged her. She rested her head against his chest and let out a sigh. The female wondered what things would be like with Atticus as a mate and not Peregrine. Would they have problems together? Hawkeye would surely dominate with her presence, but she knew that Atticus would be a gentle and caring mate (not that Peregrine wasn't, Atticus just had a softer nature).

"Run away with me," she mumbled so quietly that she herself could barely hear what she was saying.

omg Hawkeye <333

He, too, often wondered what it would be like if Hawkeye had chosen him rather than his brother. He wondered if he would have been as hasty to take the mantle of Alpha as Peregrine had. Truly, he had no desire whatsoever to lead -- particularly as Alpha, given his past and his sensitivity to how his brothers might feel about it (Peregrine's lack of which had been the whole reason this recent drama had begun in the first place). He imagined himself being a gentle and supportive mate, content to remain in the background at a lesser rank and quietly support Hawkeye.

He squeezed her gently with his arm and his tongue caressed her cheek in a gentle kiss. "Don't tempt me," he rumbled in his deep voice, a faint smile playing on his face. His heart swelled with affection for her, and he found himself wondering if she and Peregrine were having problems or something. She didn't seem very happy with him. If she was happy in her relationship, he found himself thinking, she wouldn't have been here in Peregrine's brother's arms.

Guilt rose up in Hawkeye's chest. She gently pulled away from Atticus. "We can't do this anymore..." she spoke to the ground. I love Peregrine. Maybe I felt it was rushed or I wasn't getting enough from him, but he cares for me. Perhaps Hawkeye was running away before Atticus could. She was always running when situations arose that she couldn't handle.

Gonna go ahead and wrap this up here, love. Great thread!!! I LOVE writing with you. You bring out so many interesting and complicated emotions in Atti. :)

Atticus didn't know how much more of this shit he could take. As she pulled away from him, her brilliant verdant eyes lingering on the ground, Atticus abruptly got up and moved away from her. A frustrated growl rumbled in his throat and he cast irate, accusing blue eyes back at her. "Dammit, Hawkeye, quit opening the fucking door for me if you're just going to immediately slam it in my face again." His ears were flattened and he glared at her for a moment longer, before he decided he really didn't want to look at her anymore. He was sick of her crap, sick of being strung along and played for whatever cheap thrill it gave her. His voice, that of a flustered and angry lover spurned moments before, was hard and flat as he added, "I have things to do. Have a nice day." Without another word, he turned and trotted briskly away.

Hawkeye frowned, a small protest coming from her mouth. "Wait..." she cried, disheartened. Either way she turned, she felt guilty. She had feelings for both males, admiring each of their qualities, but Peregrine prevailed. Hawkeye was not one to deny her feelings for Atticus, especially in his presence.

The female sighed, watching Atticus storm off for only a moment before saddened eyes diverted her gaze to the forest floor. She wondered why Atticus would be okay with stealing his brother's mate, when he had been so angry with Peregrine becoming an Alpha. Hawkeye did not want to believe that Atticus was a selfish wolf, but, from his actions, it seemed so.

Looking back toward the direction that Atticus left, Hawkeye, reluctantly, let out a sigh. She thought maybe it would dissolve some of the pressure on her chest, but this was not the case. Maybe I should travel back home to visit my family... she thought to herself, thinking that her mother and father's advice might help her situation.