Larksong Grotto Standing still in your past

being vague because the thread with Thuringwethil is still going on, but this is for @Tavi

As soon as Reek had the chance after meeting the wolves of Sleeping Dragon, he hobbled for the grotto in search of his dissapointed co-alpha. He traveled as fast as his mangled forelimb could carry him and by the time the scent of her trail became strong, his wounds had reopened and his limp had become far more pronounced. Pushing the pain back to be ignored for the time being, Reek felt he had more important things to attend to. Tavi was far more important to him.

His life was spiraling out of control and Reek felt as if he was scrambling to pick up the peices. His strong desire to fix overwhelmed him. Limping into their cave with eyes downcast in shame, he called for Tavi.

He need not have called out, because she had not gotten far herself. Tavi had left Reek with the rival Alpha and sought out the grotto, but she found the more she moved the more discomfort she felt. Eventually her purposeful escape had become a meandering one, and then she had stopped and taken solace in the look and feel of the territory rather than how she felt about it. She was staring off a ledge when the loud summons rang out behind her, and with a tsk, tried to make up her mind on what to do next. Ignore him? Go to him? Reek was probably in quite a lot of pain — but so was Tavi, and her anger won out in the end.

She didn't respond to his howl nor did she turn to meet him, not yet. It took her a lengthy twenty minutes just to work up the nerve to turn around, and then another half hour to find her way to him. When she came upon his resting figure, her anger had only partially abated. Her eyes settled upon him and the sensation flared up again, tempered by her raging hormones and the desperation of a soon-to-be mother versus things outside of her control.

Tavi did not get too close — she regarded Reek as if he were a new recruit vying for her approval, but she knew better than to think he cared about her opinions at this point. What, Reek. What do you want.

The sound of his call echoed through the cave, reverberating back in waves like a residual whisper. No response came from the grotto's depths apart from the sound of Reek's panicked voice. Tavi, it seemed, was elsewhere. Resigned to wait for her here, Reek found himself unable to sit still. Pacing in a neurotic, nervous fit, he moved from one end of the cave to the other until the air was saturated with the scent of the blood from his reopened injuries.

His breathing grew heavy and Reek settled against one of the grotto's cool walls. The panic attack that began to ensue was far beyond his control. He rocked back and forth in a fit, much like the night he had returned to the grotto -- but this time, he did not have Tavi to bring him back. His mental state was rapidly deteriorating. Without conscious thought, Reek began to gnaw on his already mangled foreleg, pulling the scabs away until he bled freely. As he shook on the cold cave floor, Reek's leg left streaks of blood in its wake.

It must have been an hour, but eventually, his panic subsided, but he was left with a splitting headache. He tried to close his eyes, but each time he did, it felt as if the room was still spinning. He felt sick his stomach. His pups were going to die -- and there was nothing he could do about it.

Eventually, Reek spotted Tavi's silhouette caught in the light streaming in from the cave. Her voice was harsh, but Reek felt he deserved every ounce of anger. Once again, he had added to his steaming pile of blunders. "Tav," he whispered between sobs. In the wake of his most recent mistake, Reek wanted nothing more than to explain himself, be he did not know where to begin. The fault lay completely with him. "I'm so sorry." Of course, even his most sincere apologies fix this predicament, however, it was a start.

Tavi blocked the light, and when he spoke, it flared up again simply because she was moving in. Nothing he said could remedy the anger that she felt, the betrayal, the flat out, bitter disappointment. Despite her condition she moved quickly to intercept him, her teeth bared in a grimace as if it were possible to snap at the very words falling from his mouth. She cut him off with, You shut your mouth, and realized she felt no guilt for her reaction afterwards. Reek had put them all in danger by allowing the Dragons so close. He put her in danger — and the children inside of her — and Tavi couldn't help the motherly instinct that drove her next action. She refused to let him have any say in what came next.

Don't think for a second that I'm about to forgive you. You went behind my back and let those Dragons come here? To our doorstep? It's like you have no sense what-so-ever, Reek. What the hell is wrong with you? Her voice filled the grotto, hitting the walls and echoing in to the depths. Still she would not give him a moment to respond - or to even think - as she pressed on with her haranguing. You've doomed your kids, you've doomed Saena — but worst of all you've doomed us. All of us. The Dragons want to wipe out the wolves in the maplewood and then they'll come for us. You know they will, her anger did not abate, but her energy level seemed to wane by the time she came to this abrupt verbal halt.

Her face darkened, and her gaze rested without fear upon Reek's tired features. I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore. I can't try to care for you and for myself, and for this fucking pack all by myself. With that, Tavi withdrew a few paces, bracing herself against the grotto's rocky entrance with her shoulder. We were supposed to be a team, Reek.

It had never been Reek's intention to bring the grotto harm, nor endanger his litter that was steadily growing inside of Tavi. In fact, his intention had been the opposite. He had sought out to protect them in striking a deal with the dragons, but in following his noble cause, he had orchestrated their own undoing. In searching for security, he had brought danger to the wolves he so hoped he could keep safe. He had failed them as a leader... and he had failed Tavi as so much more.

Reek curled tightly and made himself small in response to Tavi's anger. His breathing returned to it's ragged, disjointed rhythm. "I don't," he replied -- wheezing. In no way did he expect his co-alpha to forgive him for taking action without coming to talk to her. At the time, he felt he had made the right call for the both of them, but now, he could see what he had done. "I just wanted to keep you safe Tavi, but I fucked it up. Everything I try to do -- nothing ever turns out right." It always ended in some catastrophic blunder.

She was right, he had brought doom to his pack, himself, and his unborn litter -- and it broke his heart. He knew the dragons would return, and now, there was nothing Reek could do to stop it. The best he could do to protect Tavi was to let her go... but Reek was still to selfish. As soon as she mentioned leaving, Reek felt his heart physically tear in two.

"Please no" he pleaded behind heavy, broken sobs. "I'll step down. The pack, it's yours." They were supposed to be a team, and deep down, Reek felt he could somehow salvage things. "I'll do anything you want Tav... just don't leave me." His voice sounded smaller than it had ever been before. It was pathetic, but he had broken in two before her very eyes.

She held herself in the spring light, hesitating for just a moment before departing, and he latched upon that moment. His begging voice broke what was left of her own heart. She turned to regard him, the light creating a halo of gold around her gray face.

Stop, Reek — she tried to hush him as he spoke but he continued, perhaps because she was practically whispering. I'll do anything you want Tav, He droned on, his voice breaking in to silence thereafter, and she just stared at the ground - until the abyssal end. Just don't leave me.

At this, she lifted her gaze to match his. Tavi witnessed the sadness in his eyes but concluded hastily that it wasn't her problem, not anymore. They're your wolves, Reek. You recruited them. Do with them what you want — but I am not yours. This child is not yours. I'm leaving, and that's final. She felt nothing. A numbness swept over her in place of the rage, and she stepped out in to the light — but called over her shoulder, Goodbye, Reek.

If he wanted any part in her life - their life, she thought suddenly, feeling something inside of her shift of its own volition - then he'd have to earn that right. With that, she was striding away from the grotto without further comment, and without looking back. To look back now would only hurt.

Goodbye Reek

With those words, Reek felt a striking finality. He felt as if a spike had been lodged directly into his heart with Tavi twisting at the other end as she pushed deeper. Having previously thought he couldn't sink any lower on the emotional spectrum, Reek was effectively proven wrong -- and as his companion turned away to become a lingering echo in Reek's life, his sobs increased in amplitude until they completely consumed him.

He flailed and thrashed, letting the blood from his reopened forelimb streak acroos the floor. "Don't leave me," he repeatedly whispered, over and over as he writhed on the cold cave floor. His life was unraveling far too fast, and this, this was the final strand.

But now, Tavi was gone. She had likely not heard him as he repeated, don't leave me, over and over, to no one in particular but himself. It wasn't like would matter if she heard anyway. Nothing mattered anymore.