Heron Lake Plateau when you told me i didn't give you enough

 @Floki of course <3

She walks slowly, her head lowered and her paws practically dragging the ground. She doesn't mean to be such a downer-- maybe even a bitch-- but she can't help it. There is nothing here for them. Donnelaith is barren, this land is barren, Casmir's land is barren. Casmir. He's okay-- more than okay even, and he hardly even bothered to glance her way. She couldn't get over the fact that he had someone now. So quickly too-- maybe she wasn't much better, but she didn't purposefully try to rub it in her face.

They wandered now through what should be a beautiful territory. It was a lake, with a handful of trees and a decent amount of dead shrubbary. She wished she could see it in it's prime-- not in this sad excuse for a spring. 

Suddenly, she stops, plopping her butt to the dirt-covered ground and shaking her head. "Floki this is it," she says, her voice shaking. "There's nothing here for us."

The atmosphere between them had changed after their encounter with Casmir. Floki had attempted to continue the light-hearted banter that had been a staple of their trip, but he could tell Aria was troubled. Eventually, he stopped trying, and they had fallen into a companionable yet uncomfortable silence. The young Beta replayed the incident in his mind, thinking about the expression on Aria's face when she first saw Casmir and trying to figure out why it bothered him so much.

The miles slipped away, and he hardly noticed their surroundings for the latter part of their journey. It all looked the same, anyway -- no grass, no leaves, no flowers. Only when Aria suddenly came to a halt did Floki glance up, his brow furrowed in mild confusion as she abruptly sat down and proclaimed that they had reached the end of the line.

He hesitated before answering. "Yeah, you're probably right. We haven't found anything," he replied. Except for Casmir, he thought bitterly, but the statement startled him and he shooed it away quickly. "Should we turn back towards home?" It would take some time to make their way back to Great Bear Wilderness, but his paws and his soul were growing weary; although he hated to think that he would disappoint Charon and Amekaze with his lack of news.

She shakes her head slowly, chewing her cheek with irritation-- mostly with herself. "Home," she repeats quietly, her head shaking again. "I... I don't..." she hesitates, stumbling over words in her mind and unable to get out a full, coherant sentence. She looks to Floki with wide eyes, choking back tears of failure and dissappointment. 

"I can't," she then says, her head shaking once more-- violently this time. "I can't go home, I can't return," she repeats, her head still shaking as it turns to her feet. She repeats herself a handful more times, eyes squeezing shut. Whatever mental stability Floki may have thought she had had was surely was questioned now.

Before Aria could put together a complete thought in response to Floki's suggestion, she dissolved into tears. The silver yearling was surprised, to say the least. He stared at her, eyes wide and mouth agape. He had known that she was upset, but hadn't expected such an abrupt change in her mood. And, like any teenage boy, he had no idea how to handle it.

Between sobs, she attempted to explain herself. Floki was at a loss for words, so his first reaction was to reach out and gently lick a stray tear from her cheek. When he withdrew, though, his brow was knit with consternation. "What do you mean? We have to go home. Unless --" He paused, frowning at her. "Do you -- are you going to go find Casmir?" he asked, unable to stop himself from jumping to conclusions.

He handles it better than he should of. They were close, but still new to one another and learning the quirks and histories of one another. Her mood change was something that occured often during times of distress-- and she could never really control it. He moves to comfort her, and she accepts it whole-heatedly. She leaned towards him gently, her head shaking again. "Casmir?" she almost spat at him, "No," she replies stiffly, her sweet voice roughened with anxiety. 

"I've failed my alpha--" she shakes her head. "I've failed my pack. I can't go back empty handed... I can't do it," she tells him, her blubbering now more controlled and clear. "If I go home without... without anything there will be no hope... no-- I can't do that to them." 

She shakes her head again, almost like an uncontrollable twitch, "I can't go back Floki, I can't go back."

She accepted his comfort and he was encouraged, but there was another swift change at the mention of Casmir. Her tone sharpened and his ears fell back slightly, simultaneously relieved and frustrated. If Casmir wasn't the problem, then what was?

When she went on, he tilted his head to one side, regarding her with a bemused look as he tried to understand her words. She spoke of failing her pack, her Alpha in particular, and he opened his mouth to ask why but was cut off as she collected herself and attempted to give a better explanation. Gradually, he began to understand that she was upset about the damage done by the locusts; they had been so hopeful that they would find greenery and prey that she was devastated to have to return to Donnelaith without any good news.

But he was still puzzled. "It will be okay, Aria -- it's not your fault. It's not like you ate up all the grass yourself," he said, making a poor effort to joke. "I'll have to tell my Alphas the exact same thing. It's not ideal, but it's still important information that will help them decide what we need to do." The last thing he wanted was for his pack to leave Moonspear, but if it came down to it, he would.

<< sad headshake of failure

She appreciated his joke, and smiles slightly when he makes it. But she is still uncertain. "But what can they do? They can't go anywhere... I can't bring anything back-- I was hoping we'd at least find some sort of plant to return home with," she tells him, standing up and staring at him.   Her tail waves anxiously behind her, and her feet shift uncomfortably beneath her. Stupid stupid stupid, she scolds herself, trying to find the words to make Floki see that she is indeed as she thinks she is. She thought she could go on an epic journey and find everything they needed and more-- but she didn't. She would come back empty handed. 

"This was my first big decision-- I thought this was what was right for the pack. I've failed them, Floki. I left them behind to fend for themselves and have nothing to bring them."

;_;

He wanted to have some clever response, the answer that Aria needed, but he came up empty. She had a point -- what would their Alphas do? Their options were severely limited by the state of the wilds, and other than leave the area entirely, Floki didn't know what the future would hold. They couldn't even be certain how long it would take for the plantlife to grow back, and then for the prey to return.

Feeling stupid, he could do nothing but shrug his shoulders. His gaze dropped, watching the anxious shuffle of Aria's paws. His own stomach gave a nervous flip as he imagined the expressions of Amekaze and Charon when they realized that the west had nothing to offer them -- and neither did the coast, according to Aria. It was a safe bet that the northeast was the same. Fighting a feeling of panic, he looked up and into Aria's pale eyes.

"But at least you tried. They can't fault you for that. And if you're nervous about it, we can talk to them together -- you can meet Ame and Charon with me, and then I'll come talk to your Alphas with you," he said.

Suddenly a thought rolled into her head, and she shook her head slowly, lowering it slightly. Had she discussed this with Floki before? She couldn't remember-- she certainly wasn't sure of his rank, and it seemed he wasn't fully aware of hers. Telling him probably wouldn't help him see her side more-- if anything it'd be a bigger reason for her to go back. She swallowed, rolling her shoulders and dipping her head once to each side. 

"I'd love to meet your alphas..." she begins slowly, "but-- you don't understand... I am... actually... a co-alpha, of Donnelaith," she tells him, her voice growing softer each word. "This was a decision I made-- I failed... I can't show them, they won't accept me," her head shakes again, and her figiting forces her to sit back down. "I'm so young-- if I come back with a failed mission it'll only prove that I wasn't ready."

Somehow, this most basic piece of information hadn't been shared by either side -- so when Aria admitted that she was Donnelaith's Alpha female, Floki's eyes rounded. It hadn't been what he had expected to hear, but it was, perhaps, a blessing in disguise. He shook his head, still determined to convince her that she hadn't let her pack down.

"Well, I didn't know I was in the presence of an Alpha all this time," he teased, then lowered his voice and adopted a more serious tone. "I may not be an Alpha, but I am Moonspear's Beta male -- so I know how you feel. It's a lot of pressure, and we're both really young. But I think it would have been worse if we had just stayed at home -- instead, we came out here, we learned about a whole new world, and we at least have that to share with our packs."

He paused to take a breath, then added, "Besides, what are you going to do? Stay here by yourself?"

Aria listens silently, her cheek stuck between her teeth as she chewed on it silently. He made good points, but she just couldn't understand how he didn't think he'd failed his pack. She couldn't get around it. Lasher had trusted her with being his alphess-- he'd even told her he loved her-- and she'd gone and left with hardly even a warning. It wasn't truly all her fault, she had good intentions, but to leave when they were in such dire need and then not return with anything but an empty stomach? That was pitiful. 

She shakes her head. "A world that is useless to our packs. Donnelaith has no home here. There are no resources here," she tells him, frowning. His next question catches her off gaurd, and she shifts her paws in silence for a moment.

"I guess, yeah. I'll find someone."

No matter what Floki said, Aria had a response. He was beginning to feel defeated; his ears fell back as he gazed at her, his expression troubled. An awkward silence fell between them, perhaps the first of the whole trip. When she did finally speak, he shook his head but was unable to reply for a long moment.

"Who?" he finally asked, the single word echoing with incredulity. He couldn't imagine how she could resign herself to a punishment that she didn't deserve. "Won't it be worse to abandon your pack?" he implored in a softer tone. He stared at her, torn; they had spent the last few days together, with almost no one else for company, but he felt like he was looking at a stranger. Maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought he had.

He sighed, shoulders slumping. "I can't convince you to do something you don't want to do," he said. "But I don't want to leave you here alone." Because even if she planned to find someone, that didn't change the fact that she would be by herself the very minute that Floki left.

Finally, his words broke through to her. She shook her head a few times as he spoke and let out a long sigh, almost seeming to have given up. "I guess you're right," she says, her gaze turning away. "I don't know who I'd stay with, I don't know where I'd go... I guess I don't have a choice," she tells him, frowning. 

"I just... I'm sorry-- you didn't need to hear all that, you hardly know me," she tells him, shaking her head. "I just don't know how I'm going to go back. Lasher will be so disappointed."

He hadn't imagined that she would give in and was surprised when she did. As he watched, he could almost see something change within her, and he couldn't help but feel bad. Maybe he should have offered to stay here with her -- but what good would that have done? They would have been two naive young wolves fending for themselves in unfamiliar territory in the middle of a famine. He just couldn't see that ending well for either of them.

Despite that, he felt some measure of relief as she relented. He took a tentative step towards her, gently pressing his nose against her cheek for a long moment. "Don't apologize. We might not know each other that well, but I'm here for you," he said, meeting her icy gaze. "My offer still stands -- I'll go to Donnelaith with you, if you want backup," he reiterated in the next breath.

"No," she murmurs softly, her head shaking. Aria closes her eyes briefly at his touch, bathing in his warm touch as she thinks over the situation. She does not want to go home-- she is very adament against it, but she has nothing else to say. "I have to do it alone," she says. 

She avoids his eyes as she speaks, but finds them after she falls silent. She stares at him for a moment, her ears twitching as she does. She is unsure of what to say-- if she should thank him or offer to leave or maybe start to argue again. She can't decide, and ends up just holding his gaze for as long as she can.

He had to admit that he was disappointed when Aria turned him down once more. He opened his mouth to argue, to insist that he accompany her to Donnelaith, but closed it again without saying anything further on the matter. Instead, he gave a nod of his head, showing her his understanding.

Time stood still for a few seconds as they gazed at one another, neither speaking nor daring to look away. Floki was abnormally aware of the sound of his own heartbeat drumming in his ears, and when the resonance became overpowering he was the first to break eye contact. "Should we get going, then?" he asked, now looking past Aria at the barren landscape that stretched onward from the plateau. In the distance, he could see the spire of Moonspear and knew that it would serve as his guide to lead them back towards Great Bear Wilderness.

The girl nods, nudging Floki gently before giving him a dry smile. She stands and looks out over the barren landscape, disappointment washing over her again. She heads out with him, and they walked in mostly silence for the rest of the trip. Ocassionally their usual jokes would start up, but somehow silence always seemed to engulf them once again. The pair split up, saying their goodbyes and promising to meet up again. Aria made her way back with a heavy heart and an empty stomach, unsure what she would do when she returned.