Golden Glade welcome to hell

His breathing was irregular as he knelt by the edge of the river, trying to get his thoughts together. There was a certain darkness that invaded the soldier from time to time, and occasionally, it broke through the barriers Nico had built inside his head. When that happened...let's just say that either all hell breaks loose and everyone dies, or all hell breaks loose inside his head and he dies. Either ways, the situation wasn't pretty at all, and it would be an understatement to say that the once strong and stoic soldier was scared.

He was bloody petrified.

"I wish you were here now," he muttered to no one in particular, raising his gaze briefly to stare at the darkening sky. He swallowed and bowed his head, his eyes watering as he attempted to hold his tears at bay and calm down. This was too hard.

hope you don't mind me here

Aspen trailed in the direction of the river she needed a drink and she wanted to relax, though not so hidden as to not have company. Hence, she was going to the river and not her special place. Her special place was perfect for alone time but not if you intended to socialize with your pack. 

She padded through the trees her pace slow due to the growing weight of her belly but eventually she reached the clearingby the river, though to her surprise someone was already here. Nico. The last time the Queen had spoken to the male their conversation hadn't ended that well. Perhaps today would be better, though her expression grew a worried expression as he something seemed to be bothering the baron.

She approached with caution and should her company not be well recieved then she would leave but perhaps Nico just needed someone to talk to. She let out a friendly chuff as she approached.

thanks for joining <3

So lost, was he, in his troubling thoughts that he found himself growing startled when he caught the sudden whiff of Aspen's scent. His muscles stretched taut beneath his sterling pelt and the fur along the base of his spine prickled and bristled. He forced himself to relax when his ears caught the noise of her friendly chuff and he squeezed his eyes shut, his back still facing her, wishing he could collect himself and give her the confident soldier she was looking for, the confident soldier that this pack needed, but Nicolas found that he simply couldn't.

So, the Baron kept his head bowed, his mouth shut, and his muscles taut as he tried to figure out his next move through the puzzling fog of thoughts that dominated his mind. He could feel his alter ego's presence breaking down his mental barriers, brick by brick, tearing it down as it attempted to forge a home in Nico's mind once more. But this was it; it was Nico's mind, not his mind. This was his, and his only, and he refused to let his alter ego take possession of it.

Not again.

He didn't care if he was being selfish. This was his body, and this was his mind. It was his, and nobody else's.

And that was that.

Aspen tilted her head slightly as the wolf did not acknowledge her presence. Something was wrong Aspen could just sense the tension hanging in the air. She was determined to find out what was bothering the male, and if by any means she could somehow help then so be it.

Aspen trailed closer shifting to sit beside him as she took a quick drink from the water before speaking. "Nico...Is..Is everything alright," she questioned the same curious tilt to her head as she had when she walked in though her gaze remained one of concern and worry. This was not like the male. He wasn't one to sulk, or stare off into space. He was one to work hard and to guard and protect his pack.

His ears twitched as her voice floated closer, but while he heard her, the words did not register in his head until a full few seconds later, and it was then where he squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe normally. Nico could feel his alter ego pushing at the barriers in his mind, and he could feel his mental walls trembling, ready to break and fall. It had been a long time since his other half came out and play, and Nico was scared, terribly scared of the consequences that would ensue should that happen. He was terrified of it; petrified of the consequences that might happen.

He was so scared that thoughts of drowning himself began circulating through his head, and the soldier was pretty sure it would take less than fifteen seconds for him to start hyperventilating and eventually, well, die, he supposed. 

Aspen drew closer, but Nico was still struggling to gain control of himself.

In fact, he was losing himself.

Very. Quickly.

Aspen, unaware of any potential danger, or past troubles Nico had faced she continued to search for answers. She nudged him trying to snap him out of whatever land he was in. "Nico..?" she said once more concern ever growing on her maw. 

What was going on with the male. This was not the Nico she remembered, this was just a shell of a wolf that once was. What happened to him... she frowned slightly gazing briefly at the water but remaining ever alert as she watched Nico for some sort of response. Nudging him a second time hoping for some sort of reaction.

She nudged him, and Nico inhaled sharply, forcing his alter ego away while simultaneously composing himself for Aspen. Within a few seconds, his posture had shifted into one of confidence yet quiet respect and when he lifted his crown, it was a respectful expression that decorated his face. "Aspen," he murmured in his lilting accent. "Hey," he smiled, "I didn't expect to see you here." You couldn't see it, but his heart was beating rapidly within his breast, and his green eyes were shadowy, as if he'd gone to hell and came back, scarred beyond repair.

Aspen relaxed slightly when Nico inhaled sharply showing a sign of life and then lifte his head to speak to her. Despite that fact, she was still worried. Concern still in her gaze. Aspen nodded slowly. "Is....Is everything okay. You were pretty...out of it. I been trying to get your attention for a little bit now," she stated keeping the fact that she was worried sealed inside.

He hadn't been himself for a while now, she had picked up on that. She wished she knew why. 

Short post is short

She asked him hesitantly if everything was okay. Her hesitance gave him enough time to collect himself, so by the time he had to answer her, he had complete control over his facade and he simply blinked at her and smiled the best smile he could muster. "Yeah, I'm fine," he lied smoothly, lifting a shoulder in a casual shrug. "I was just...thinking. Nothing to worry about." The soldier cocked his head, and smiled once again, this one better than the one before, "Hey, seriously, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, 'kay? I've got everything under control."

Oh, how I wish I could believe myself, he thought wryly to himself, sighing softly. Damn him.

Despite Nico's attempts to reassure the silver queen. Aspen was not convinced. She shrugged it off though as something perhaps the Baron was not ready to talk about. "Alright..." she said pausing before continuing "But should you wish to discuss anything Nico, you know where to find me.." she stated before deciding to change the topic. "So what have you been up too lately, I haven't seen you around tht much," she stated with a tilt to her head before she placed her two front paws in the water. 

She couldn't decide if she currently wanted a bath or not and she probably looked stupid just standing there with two paws in the water but hey what could she do about it.

Nico wasn't blind, he could tell that despite her words, Aspen didn't really believe him and truthfully? He understood. If he was being honest, he was a pretty good actor, but even so, his act wasn't really believable given that he had appeared to.....well, almost die. Nevertheless, the soldier simply offered her a simple smile and a nod, "Got it," he said, giving her a small soldierly salute and yet another one of his small smiles. His eyes were shadowed when he met her gaze for a moment before quickly looking away.

"Just this and that," Nico answered vaguely, "mostly, I've just been by the borders patrolling, or out exploring the surroundings. I've decided to become a Scout as a trade, in addition to being a mercenary so...yeah." He cocked his head, eyeing her curiously as she placed her two front paws in the water.

The silver fae stepped further into the water deciding she would probably just stand and let the water run over her paws for now. Perhaps bathing was best left for her special place. One she had discovered a little while ago. The water was also deeper there.

Nico went on to explain he had been around but focusing on his work. Though Aspen was surprised when he mentioned the potential of taking on a scout trade. "Scout is an honourable trade Nico, spreading news of our pack would not be a bad thing, besides you get to travel and see more of the world than the average pack wolf does," she stated calmly.

"You have been working hard, remember to take some time for yourself from time to time. Have some fun or something, that never harmed anyone," she said smiling softly. He seemed like he could use a break though she could not force hm to do anythin. His decision was to work hard and nobody said that was a bad thing.

Nico allowed a small smile to slip onto his face, and he nodded, "yeah, I suppose," he murmured. He knew the truth though: while he did indeed love the idea of travelling a lot, nowadays, he travelled because he wanted some fresh air, away from the pack. He felt guilty however, because the Court had given him a home, a life, a purpose, something which he hadn't had for quite a while now. But Nico couldn't help feeling that he no longer fit in anymore. It wasn't their fault...actually, he didn't know anymore.

"Yeah," Nico smiled softly at her, before stretching. "I think I'll go on a border patrol now...would you like to join me?" he extended the invitation a bit hesitantly, but there was a friendly twinkle in his gaze.

At the offer of a border patrol Aspen had to sit and think for a moment before shaking her head politely.  "As much as I would love to join you on a patrol Nico, I think I ought to go home and rest," she stated rising to her paws and stretching as she did so her head spun but she tried not to let it show.

"I hope that the rest of the day goes well Nico and if you need anything, you know where to find me," she said with a warm smile before she dipped her head and turned tail heading in the direction of the tunnels where she would soon rest and perhaps take something for the nausea she was now dealing with.

Last from me :D