Nova Peak i'm just a girl

For @Scimitar !

For the first time in what felt like centuries, Bazi took the time to have a real bath.

She favoured a wider stretch of river near the edge of the forest. There was less tree cover here, and it was exposed to the sun. It was the very spot where she and Danica had dozed that one afternoon, mere days before the woman had met her demise at the hands of unknown assailants. Bazi pushed the memory from her mind. Danica was gone, and there was no point dwelling on what might have come of their friendship.

The mountain water was cold and refreshing, and Bazi spent a good hour scrubbing every inch of her fur, rolling in the pebble-strewn shallows in place of asking a pack-mate to clean her ruff. Soggy tufts of white fur floated downriver, gathering in little nooks along the way.

Finally, she was feeling like herself - independent, in charge, and strong. Along with feeding, frequent trips up and down the mountain was eating away at the pregnancy fat, and she did not have so pronounced a pouch as she had expected.

Maybe it was time for more?

Bazi grimaced at the mere thought, even though her body would soon tell her otherwise.

There was a quiet rift between them – one that had etched its way there when they had allowed their children and exhaustion to overtake them. Scimitar, as much as he loved being a father, no longer felt like himself.. the rugged warrior who was willing to conquer. Now, he wanted to hide – and while it was to eep his family safe, it left a bitter taste in his mouth.
 
He found her in the water. She was as beautiful now as the day he had met her, and he recalled with a sense of pride that Shadow had seemingly wanted her at one point. She had not wanted the silver wolf in return.. no, she had wanted him. And he her. Chakra, Fox – other women who had entered his life in the realm of ‘what ifs,’ but none could compare to her, and while he stepped lightly, given her depression and the loss of Danica, the cinnamon wolf uttered a low bark to gather her attention, his own paws playing along the edge of the banks. “Is there room for one more?”

The last time the parents had stolen a moment alone, Bazi had coloured it with a random burst of attitude. Today she was calm, and it showed on the smile she levelled at her mate. "There's room for you," she clarified, and slopped her tail against the water by way of invitation.

His grin was casual as he strode forward, needing no more invitation than that. He tried not to splash her too much – and as the dark agouti wolf reached her side, his muzzle tipped down to gently graze her cheek. “How are you?” He attempted to keep his tone light – touching upon the subject of Danica without wanting to sound like she was fragile.
 
The creamy she-wolf had never been a friend to him – nor even an acquaintance. She had seemingly avoided him, likely because of his connection with Bazi, but it had been good to see the two reconcile their differences. But apparently, life had a twisted sense of humor.

Bazi snorted with laughter - why was it that she could be miles into feelz territory with Reek in a matter of seconds, but barely reach embers with Scimitar? Only during her heart had they really connected - and that was over now.

She leaned against him, watching the water struggle around them. "I'm.. grieving. Hard, actually, " she told him, her bright voice a poor fit for the words. "Did you know that she liked me, once?" She presumed so - the results of her outburst could not be hidden.

Uh.. sorry for length. Don't feel obligated to match!

One ear twitched at her snort of amusement – yet he had clearly missed the pun. He regarded her quietly, but said nothing. She leaned in to him then, igniting his love for her, and yet they remained disconnected. His muzzle bent down to wrap over her shoulder as he took in her scent, holding her in a wolfish hug of sorts. She was honest with him, and he knew she was hurting from their loss. Yet had it been their loss? He had held no love for Danica – perhaps indifference at best, given her cold hostility toward him in the past. Bazi had been the centre of it unknowingly to both he and his mate for awhile, and he could only conclude that the pale she-wolf had been jealous that Bazi had chosen him.
 
“I know,” he offered quietly. His lover must have forgotten one of their first fights – when he had reprimanded her during his days as her Beta on kicking Danica out of the pack because the woman had held romantic feelings for her Alpha.  Danica had always managed to bring Bazi down in her emotions – whether indirectly, from Bazi’s guilt at what she had done.. or now, in her death.
 
Had he known of Bazi’s piqued interest in the she-wolf during her final days, it likely would have shook him to the very core. He could not imagine sharing her with anyone – from the moment he had laid eyes upon her, he had wanted her.. and never in his wildest dreams had he imagined she could ever love him back.
 
And now, he wondered quietly, if she even loved him any longer, or if she stayed with him out of mere loyalty to their children. “I love you,” he murmured then, moving his muzzle up to gently whisper the words in her ear. It was not something he said often – and yet the very fear of losing her was enough to bring raw emotion to his throat.

"I love you," he whispered. The fragile words took flight next to her ear, flared bright and scattered ghosts of themselves into the wind. Something popped inside Bazi's skull, far away and much too quiet. She turned towards him, eyes averted, staring pensively into the river. Their bodies had caused a traffic jam, and water was rushing fast around their hindquarters. Someone with the concept of traffic jams might have imagined horns and curses.

She was pushing him away. She knew it - perhaps not consciously, not all the time, but the signs were not hard to read if one peeked out of one's own ass. The solitary trips to the Emberwood, the unnecessary busyness - "the children need me", "the pack needs me", "I need time to myself". Bazi winced inwardly. She could not recall the last time she had given Scimitar any recognition for the hard work he put in to keep them safe, and happy, and together. Guilt squeezed her heart.

Bazi touched her cold nose to her mate's, seeking his eyes. "I know I've been.. off," she told him quietly, pitch rising. "And I'm sorry."

The silence that stretched between them was almost unbearable for the Frostfur. Bazi  turned to him, but she did not look to him, and he could almost feel a tremor working its way up her legs – she was about to inform him that she no longer had feelings for him.
 
But she didn’t. Yet, nor did she confirm her own feelings for him in return. Instead, she offered that she had been ‘off,’ and then apologized. He could almost feel the shatter of their mateship further – the crack continuing to work its way down until the both of them completely split apart. It was these very moments where he wondered if they had made a mistake.
 
“Me too. We’ll work on it,” he offered, not yet pulling away from her fully.

"We'll work on it."  Bazi nodded and smiled, but both lacked conviction. She recognized the beginning of the end as well as Scimitar did - the closed faces, the reluctance, the cryptic words. This was the father of her children, her partner in crisis. But here, in their sheltered forest with nothing but happy days ahead, what did they actually have in common?

"We will," she agreed, nudging his cheek roughly before moving up and out of the stream. "Someone probably needs feeding," she said over her shoulder - the very opposite of an invitation to come - and wandered off in the direction of home.

Concluding!

Neither were ready to admit the oncoming end of their relationship. She nudged him, reassuring him, and before he could wrap himself around her with affection, she was gone from his side. She moved up the water, calling over her shoulder about how the pups likely needed feeding.
 
And then she was gone.
 
He stood, alone in the creek, his features unreadable as he stared after a woman he no longer knew anymore.
 
And he did not follow after her.