Broken Boulder seething

she hadn't intended on returning so soon — or at all — but her discussion with aditya had her worried.  as much as she resented her brother at the moment, this was the one experience they shared now.  she lamented for him.

she came to the borders and noticed immediately his scent, interwoven with that of zamael's.  her lip tightened and her throat closed, and in silence she pushed through the territory to disappear in her den.

He didn't know how it happened, but Zamael had this uncanny ability to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or more specifically, he just happened to be the wrong person in the wrong place, at the wrong fucking time. Any other being crossing Eris's path might have been fine--the devil himself could have waltzed out with no complaints--but it was Zamael who ended up by the Broken Boulder as she approached it, and god help him.

His ears perked curiously to see her. It was kind of like looking in a mirror; the same fiery eyes gazed back at him, at least. She'd grown into a beautiful young woman, and carried herself well; how long had it been since he'd seen her? He'd lost count of the seasons, honestly.

"Lanawyn," he greeted, dipping his muzzle to her. Then-- "Shit, sorry. 'Eris,' now, right?" Way to go, Zamael. Not like he really cared if she hated him, but he at least could have made a better first impression than that. "Long time no see," Zamael remarked, the ghost of a smile blooming over his muzzle.

everything that had been churning in her gut culminated at this moment.

sharply, she went to correct him but she scarcely opened her mouth before he had corrected himself.  she wondered what else he knew.  she wondered if there was anything that he didn't by now.

probably not.  young lanawyn could only trust herself with her secrets, and it was likely the same now for eris.  

he wanted to make nice, but she was simply too exhausted to pretend.  zamael.  coolly she regarded him as she reclined onto her haunches with an exhausted and vaguely annoyed expression.  he had already taken her place as alarian's confidant — or maybe it was the other way around and she was the temporary one — what else did he wish to take from her today?

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her obstinate body language, totally resistant to anything between them. He knew it was his fault, mostly. He'd put all his effort into shielding Alarian from Arnlith's wrath, had spared barely a thought for the girl. But she had Celia, and their other sisters. Why hate him so? It stuck in his craw.

"Look, I know there's no love lost between us," Zamael said, voice bordering on a sigh. "But I am happy to see you again. These last couple years have been fucked up. For everyone, it seems like. It's just, you know, good to be with family. That includes you."

So Lanawyn--sorry, Eris--had found Alarian once again. How so quickly? He was envious of her, for a brief moment; she'd gotten more time with his brother than he had. Than he ever would. All those days, those moments, just gone. He hoped she'd served as an adequate confidante and friend to him, at least. Kid was on the verge of falling apart, it sometimes seemed.

wait — no, what?

she wanted to be an amazonian woman, she wanted to not let his words pierce through her armor but they did, and in that instant her posture melted into something both confused and much more amicable.  are you?  her brow was furrowed as her ears flattened on her head, and the tight line of her inky lip was contemplative.

i tried to help him.  but he needs you.  her voice cracked and tears began to well in her eyes but she would not let them spill over so long as she had the self control.  i just don't want you to — to take him away from me now.

He'd taken her aback--that was good. Her shield had fallen, and the chances of this conversation being productive were suddenly much better. He nodded at her question, the smile still on his face. It fell away when he saw the tears well up in her eyes, and he shook his head infinitesimally, not at all prepared to deal with this.

Fuck, don't cry. He couldn't handle any tears but his brother's; he felt underqualified to deal with anyone else's emotions. Zamael blinked back at her, not making any move to give her physical comfort, but trying to soften his gaze.

"Only he can make that choice, L-- Eris," Zamael explained gently. "I don't know what the nature of your relationship is with him. How close you are. What he thinks, truly. But I'm not taking him away from you. I wouldn't do that."

No, I'm taking you both away instead. Together. Isn't that what you want? To run away?

her heart was beating hummingbird fast now, caught in her throat.  it wasn't zamael's fault, truly, but his presence was enough — alarian would always choose his brother over her.  always.  frantically she tried to rebuild the walls that he had toppled down with shaking fingers; once more she became closed off, blackened.

how many times had she comforted alarian about what they'd been through, and he'd just run away instead?  how many times had he consistently chosen anything else over her?  even without zamael.  he was just an easy scapegoat and even though she was privy to this information she was not pure enough to ignore it.

he already has.

"I can't change his mind," Zamael countered, coming off more harsh than he intended, clipped and curt. "He has to decide whether or not to let you in. I could steer him in the right direction--" Though would he? That remained to be seen. "--but I can't make him do anything. I can't make him need you."

He sighed again, closing his eyes tightly shut, as if battling a headache. "I can't change the past. I can't undo the way I treated you, before." They opened again, a burst of orange, like the sun blooming over the horizon at dawn. "Having to deal with. . .with Carvel's death really put things in perspective for me. Made me realize I can't take shit for granted anymore."

He gave her the faintest of smiles, though the edges were watery. "I wasn't lying, when I said I was glad to see you again," he said softly. "But you can't blame me for anything Alarian chooses to do, or think. It's his choice." Cold, perhaps. But he had never been one for sugarcoating things before, and he sure as fuck wasn't going to start now.

so zamael had loved someone so briefly, only for a month, and arnlith had ended him swiftly and without remorse.  lanawyn had loved them all for her entire childhood (and part of her adulthood), and she had to watch them choose each other over and over again.

but this time, it was zamael who was being amicable, and she who was closed off.  maybe i don't blame you, she challenged with a tone just as harsh and reactionary as her brother's.  she blamed alarian, for not loving her enough when all she'd ever done was reach out to him.  most of all she blamed herself, for not being loveable.

but it doesn't make it not hurt.  i can't say i'll forgive you, or that i won't.  and if you want to know why?  she shrugged, wildfire gaze lingering upon the burnished copper of zamael's with a level, indifferent sheen, you'll either have to ask him what they did to me, or you'll have to get close enough to me to find out.

everyone had always thought that lanawyn had been the favored child behind runion and perhaps they were right.. but it was not in the way they thought.

Her words made his intestines twist uncomfortably, painfully, and he looked down, shame entering his gaze for the first time in, perhaps, forever, at least when his younger sister was concerned. "I don't think I need to ask," Zamael said softly, unable to meet her eyes. He didn't know for sure, but her tone made it clear enough. That son of a bitch, Arnlith.

"I'm sorry, a piuthar," he said after a long moment of silence, raising his eyes to her face again. It hurt to look, but he would be cowardly not to. "There's nothing I can do to be forgiven. But I promise that I'll be better to you, this time." Blood was blood, after all. And he'd have to win her over if he expected her to follow him halfway across the earth.