Ouroboros Spine now that i have survived the spectacle of my youth

cerulean didn't like it here.  it was a wet graveyard.  trees at odd angles.  rocks in shapes that didn't belong.  three little wolves that didn't belong.

after some time had passed, she sought out @Viridian.  if nothing else, she didn't want to be alone right now.  it didn't take her long to find her sister, and she announced her arrival with little more than a flick of her tail.

viridian kicked a rock as she walked, expelling air harshly through her nose. she hated this. part of her blamed lazuline, while another part of her knew she should blame her more, but simply... didn't. her sister had always been this way, and viri had always accepted it. so here they were.
but it sucked. and she was a little sore about how cerulean was treating her. as if she should just get over it, when her entire future had just been extinguished in front of her. viri had been well-liked at home, set to rise in the ranks soon. and now she had nothing, and ceri seemed to think it was no big deal.
it just. sucked.
so she was still a little sulky when her sister found her, although ceri's presence in itself acted as a sort of unspoken peace offering. viri was mad, but she was also hurting and lonely, so she accepted it. hey, she said, tone neutral, and left it at that. she was still mad enough to be a little petty.

she knew that none of them wanted to be here. 

that had to be the worst part about it.  she didn't want to be here, and neither did anyone else, and everyone was acting like this horrendous slog of a mountain was where she had dictated they were going to live out the rest of their days.  but was this... so bad? 

it kinda was.  actually.

they were a seafaring trio, and parting from the shores and its ambient noise left cerulean's mind ablaze.  she was furious with lazuline, who had put them into this position in the first place.  ciri cared less about her sister's misstep and the chaos that ensued than how shewas reacting to it.  after all, it was cerulean's idea to step back from the madness that had ensued.  the least liri could do was keep her tongue in check.

viridian's reluctant acceptance helped assuage her churning thoughts.  hey, she replied, without bothering to conceal the stress on her face.  this blows.

yeah, viri agreed a little absently, softening with the opportunity to voice her frustrations. there were so many of them, it was easy to put aside the ones that involved cerulean and vent about something else. i keep thinking... what if we don't find another pack that accepts me? it was hard enough proving myself at home, and they weren't even that bad about it. guilt tinged her voice. she hated being a burden on her sisters like that. she always had.

what?  it was hard for ciri to believe that her sister could have trouble anywhere.  viridian had proven her worth as a healer, gone above and beyond to do so.  then it clicked.  oh, she breathed, i...

swallowing thickly, she steadied herself.  viri, cerulean said in earnest, without allowing the tiredness to fray the edges of her voice, this is a chance for us to start over.  any place that would reject us over something like that is one not worth our consideration. 

and if that was everywhere, then ... so be it.  they'd always have each other.  they'd make something of their own if they had to.  but, she knew none of them would be up to the task.  certainly not now, at least.

i think we should head towards the coast tomorrow.  she'd initially pulled them all away from it, as she knew that on the off chance someone was looking for them it would be near the water.  but she didn't think anyone was, and if they were, the girls were far enough out now that there was little hope of finding them.  that'll make us all more comfortable, at least.

cerulean was right. she knew that. but the words didn't help, not really. she sighed. yeah, you're right. maybe we can find another place on the coast... another place where a healer was needed, respected. viri had a far away look in her eyes as she imagined what sort of home they might find. wherever they went, she just wanted to be respected. they could figure the rest out as they went. a sour thought cut through the daydream. i wish zuli would stop being such a bitch, though.

she didn't think they could manage without the water.  she imagined them somewhere like this, desolate, rocky, far away from movement and sound.  how their hearts would always pull them towards the coast.

i hope so.  and she did have hope.  it wasn't much, but — her thoughts are cut off.

you're right, but ... she wished she could drain the vitriol from their souls.  how could they take things out on each other like this?  how could she indulge in it, too?  i just want us all to get along. silence, defeat.