We Must Carry On

[size=x-small]OOC: set immediately after Heart Weighs a Ton[/size]

Koda followed @Kesuk into the woods after he noticed she was no longer at his side. She'd gotten a bit of a head start on him, and he soon lost her in the trees. "Kesuk, wait up!" He called out to the black she-wolf. Peregrine had just dropped on Hell of a bomb on all of them. He knew Kesuk was upset by the news, but he wanted to make sure she understood that they'd be just fine without Peregrine and his followers.

Kesuk heard Koda's call and slowed her pace slightly, giving him a better chance at catching up to her. Tears blurred her eyes as she ran, almost causing her to run into something twice. She could hear Koda's pawsteps behind her and stopped abruptly, letting her body fall limp onto the soft moss below. She buried her head in her paws, trying to hide from the world.

Koda finally caught up with Kesuk as she fell to the ground in tears. He hung back for a moment, stunned. At first he didn't understand why she was so devastated, but then he remembered that she had been a loner for a while, just like he was. She thought she'd found herself a stable home where she could finally belong again. Now her life had been plunged into chaos and uncertainty by the very wolf who'd promised her that new life. Koda had been indifferent before, but now he felt resentment toward the former Alpha. He realized Peregrine didn't even care who he hurt with his actions.

"Oh, Kesuk," Koda said softly, his heart hurting for the quivering, sobbing mess of a wolf on the ground. He laid down beside her, his fur brushing against hers. "I know it looks bad now, but we're all gonna be okay," he said gently. He tenderly licked her forehead. "I promise."

Kesuk had never really let anyone see her soft side before, but this felt right. She curled up, pressing her side to Koda's his warmth comforting. She let her tears flow and when they had finally dried she started to speak, her voice shaking and her body trembling.

"I really thought that this was it. That this would be the place I would find a mate, have pups, grow old. But no. Boy was I ever wrong." her voice grew stronger while she spoke until it was normal again. She lifted her head out from under her paws and looked at Koda.

"I can't do it anymore. I can't keep giving my trust away just to have it taken for granted. I am going into the mountains. I know you were a loner before you joined the pack as well but I'm not going to make you come with me. I was hoping we could work out but if you want to stay here I totally support you. But I can't. I have always wanted to live in the mountains, so I guess this is my chance..." Kesuk trailed off, a look of sorrow filling her crystal blue eyes.

Kesuk got to her feet, still trembling a little bit, and turned towards the mountains looming over the forest. They seemed untamable by any pack, and Kesuk found that amazing. She turned her eyes back to Koda, the one she had wanted to call her own, and gave him one last look before she started towards the mountains.

Koda listened without interrupting as Kesuk spoke. He could relate to much of what she said. He shared her dreams of finding a mate and having pups. He'd started to think maybe he'd be sharing this future with Kesuk. But then she made known her intentions of leaving the plateau.

"You're leaving now?" He asked in disbelief. Just the other day, he'd been excited about his future with the plateau, with Kesuk. Now in the space of one afternoon all of that was about to be lost. It felt as if the ground was crumbling beneath his feet, and he was about to be plunged into a deep dark hole. It was a scary feeling.

He stared after Kesuk for a moment, torn. He didn't want to turn his back on the plateau when they were already reeling from the loss of their Alphas, but he couldn't bear the thought of Kesuk leaving him behind. He rose and trotted after her, hoping he could change her mind. If he couldn't, well, he didn't know what he would do.

Koda blocked Kesuk's path. "This can still be your home. You can still have all those things." He told her. His pleading gaze sought her crystal blue eyes. "Please, don't leave now. Just give things a chance to go back to normal. When the dust settles, if you still want to leave, I'll go with you."

Koda ran in front of Kesuk, blocking her path away from her previous life. His offer to come with her if she decided to go startled her. She didn't think he cared about her enough to leave his life behind just to be with her.

"I really want us to work out, but I just don't think I can do it here. I know that this is a great place, but without Peregrine, I don't really feel like I belong here anymore." she licked Koda's cheek to make sure he knew just how much she cared about their future.

She looked down at the moss and started scraping at it with her paw until it was just raw dirt. "I just don't know any of the other pack members and I feel all alone here. And what's the point of being in a pack when you feel alone? I just think I might be able to have a better life up in the mountains."

Her icy blue eyes, frozen with sadness of the choice locked in their depths, met his own pleading gaze. She had made up her mind, and no matter how much she wanted to be with him, she knew where she needed to be, and the plateau was not it.

"I know you want me to give it a chance, but I have made up my mind. I'm sorry." even though she didn't physically say the words, the question hung in the air like thick, choking smoke. 'Are you going to come, or stay?'

Kesuk had her mind made up, and couldn't be persuaded to reconsider. Koda's heart sank as he realized this was where they'd part ways. As much as he wanted to go with her, he couldn't justify leaving the pack behind at a time when they needed him.

He lowered his gaze to his paws, unable to bring himself to look Kesuk in the eyes as he spoke. "I guess this is it, then," he said, his voice strangely hollow. Even as his heart was reduced to rubble, he tried to maintain his macho facade. He could almost hear the condescending voice of his father, calling him weak for even thinking about leaving his pack for his little girlfriend.

Koda lifted his head and met Kesuk's eyes, keeping his expression void of emotion, as he always did whenever something was too painful. "Goodbye, Kesuk," he said.

Omg!! I didn't see it back open till now!! Im sorry for not replying sooner!! And this isn't the end because I want exp for this lol

Kesuk's whole body sagged and her heart dropped to her stomach. He chose the pack over her. I guess he really didn't love her. And if he didn't love he, then she didn't need him.

"I guess it is." She stated sharply, her voice coming out rude. It was her way of hiding her sorrow. Just disguise it with an easier emotion to deal with.

Kesuk looked Koda in the eye, pleading for him to change his mind. His mouth remained shut and Kesuk glared at him before turning starting to walk away.

Kesuk's sharp tongue made Koda flinch internally, but he was strangely relieved by her reaction. If she had instead broken down and started to cry, as he had expected, he would have surely lost his composure and started bawling like a baby. He stood still, dumbstruck, as Kesuk turned and started to walk away. He wanted to call out to her, ask her to stay with him one more time, but his brain wasn't communicating with his mouth.

Koda let his yellow eyes linger on her a bit longer, then he too turned and started to walk away. His legs felt so heavy, he could only shuffle at a painfully slow pace. 'I'm doing the right thing,' he told himself. Maybe if he repeated it enough times, he could brainwash himself into believing it was the truth.

Kesuk knew she would start crying if she didn't do something fast, so she did something she knew she would regret. Turning around she saw Koda shuffling his paws away from her and called out to him.

"Koda, wait." She knew this would get his hopes up and then rip them away again, but she did it anyways.

"Just tell Dante it isn't his fault." she snapped, emphasizing one word to indicate it was someone else's fault. Someone with yellow eyes.

Kesuk turned quickly on her heels and bounded away from her love, tears breaking down the flood gates and pouring onto her face. What a crappy goodbye.

She was right, Koda's hopes shot into the air when Kesuk called to him. The gray wolf stopped and looked back at her over his shoulder, reddish ears perked up expectantly. Maybe she would still change her mind, after all.

Koda thought he could protect himself by shutting off his emotions, but he was wrong. Kesuk's parting words sliced through his very soul like fangs through flesh. Her retreating form blurred as his eyes welled up with tears, which were quickly blinked away. He knew she was angry with him, but he wished they could have at least parted on good terms.

Now alone, Koda shuffled back into the trees and looked for a quiet place to eat his heart out. In the morning, he would find Dante and tell him she had gone.