Meadowlark Prairie Broad-Shouldered Beasts

Nathaniel used to be full of morals, just like his naive little brother, believing that he could remain good, untainted by the influences, and that in spite of all the challenges he knew he would face, he would come out as the better one. But things changed when Burke left, when Darius started stepping way out of line, when his mother died, when his brother left, when his life fell apart. Nat was faced by the dark, cold truth of the world, hit by the icy stones of life, stabbed in the back by his own morals and humanity. He realised that his previous hopes and dreams were just that, hopes and dreams. He was weak, he couldn't be the good guy. Nat fell back first into the cool arms of the shadows and was lost in the maze forever. In truth, while it was easier that way, he never forgot how it felt to care, to try to be good. He remembered how good it felt when it worked, but never had the courage to follow through with changing. 


For that, Nat admired Sebastian and deep down, wished he could be just like his brother. Wished he wasn't so weak, wished he was braver, stronger, had more determination and persistence. Wished; but never followed through with the plan. Pain stabbed his heart; he could actually feel the pain by his chest when those old thoughts and emotions surfaced once more. Outside, Nat remained stoic though. He'd gotten so used to remaining strong on the outside that it was now second nature, even in front of the wolf he trusted the most. 

He remained silent when Seb replied though, listening as his brother spoke. A sad smile traced his lips at his brother's last words. "I care too much, Seb. That's the problem," Nat said quietly, stepping forward to appraise his littermate sadly. "It bloody hurts."