Firefly Glen some place we called home

@Rannoch and @Cypress: if you guys want to pop in, that's fine! Otherwise I can make it a RO. Wanted to do some late emotional!Rian writes before they left the Glen. Music inspo: click

The creeping fingers of dawn were slowly beginning to illuminate the sky presenting itself first as a swath of turquoise which outlined, in vivid detail, the savage cut of the mountain range to the east. A smattering of stars, visible between the tears in the featureless cloud cover, glittered like precious diamonds set into the inky blue of the night sky. But they were quickly retreating into the coming day as the sun crept higher and higher into the sky. Soon all manner of color would seep into the brush, and cast their mark upon the canvas. 

As the rest of the pack slumbered, Rian lay upon the loam with both his eyes and ears turned out towards the Glen. He watched for any sign of movement amongst the tall grasses and shadows. Sleep had, for the most part, eluded him since the decision was made to make camp here. Their relative proximity to Neverwinter, and the paranoia he felt at being so exposed in the open field was a bit too much for him to process with any measure of success. So he slept in short bursts, catching a nap whenever his mind quieted enough for it, but spending most of his time observing, thinking, and worrying.

But there was something in particular that hadn’t left his mind since his walk two days prior: his family was gone. The details were nondescript, but the fact remained that both their scents were conspicuously absent from the borders, and no sign of them remained in their usual haunts beyond the borders. They were simply gone. No indication of foul play. Just... gone.

As the sun crawled higher, the clouds began to take on a pinkish hue, and the  turquoise from before had transformed into a soft gold. Rian rose as the first rays of light peaked over the crest of the mountains and set off towards the streams, which were undoubtedly swollen with the recent rains. When he arrived at the nearest, he lowered his head and lapped at it to quench the sudden dryness in his throat. His heart thrummed in his ears, and his eyes slowly drifted north to the familiar timbers. 

The sight of them, shrouded in early morning mist; the tops gently kissed by the first rays of the morning sun caused his heart to lurch with a pain he’d spent most of his late childhood running from. It returned, and the feeling was amplified tenfold. Loss. Guilt. He swallowed thickly, and drank faster while the knot in his throat twisted uncomfortably. 

They hadn’t come with him. In fact, they hadn’t even come to say goodbye when he called. He’d never gotten to kiss his mother goodbye, or hug his siblings. All he’d wanted was a chance to tell them just how much he loved them all, despite their difference, and that he would make them all very proud. That maybe he wouldn’t be able to bring back papa, but he would found a pack that they could all live and grow together in. Hope for a better tomorrow.

But instead, standing there beneath the dappled rays of the rare spring sun, Rian felt only one thing:

Inadequate. 

A choked sob was wrenched from his lungs as his rear legs gave out, and his rump hit the bank. His forelimbs trembled, and he pinched his bottom lip between his canine and bit down, hard, to silence himself. He didn’t want them to hear his shame.