Broken Boulder the end should be a good one

Then he came, and Zamael felt like a worm. Dirty, unworthy of such affection. He swallowed, struggling to meet his brother's champagne gaze. Knowing that when he spoke, it would be forever. Not the goodbye, but the knowledge of it. Just another grievance Alarian could hold against him until the end.

"When I found you. . .in your den. . .a part of me died," he whispered, throat so tight it ached to even speak. "I had failed. Failed to keep you safe from harm. Runion--Runion wasn't the only douchebag brother that hurt you. Maybe I hurt you even worse. Bad enough to. . ." Die. The unspoken word lingered like a mosquito, buzzing angrily in his ear.

"I'm who you've had, for at least part of your life," Zamael continued. The tears in his eyes blurred the image of his brother; perhaps it was better not to see him, lest the sight do him in more. "I've tried my best to take care of you. But Alarian. . .I failed. I'm who you've had, but I'm not who you deserve. I am chaos, I am pain. I've completely fucked things up at every turn. And it's fucking killing me inside, Alarian."

He broke down then, narrow shoulders trembling as his head sank low. "God, I'm sorry for it," he sobbed, eyes and teeth both gritted shut. "I'm so sorry for what I've done, and what I'll do. I'm sorry for it all." Fucking pathetic. Fucking worm. Where was the bird, to snap him up? It should have come by now; if it were a merciful creature, it would arrive soon.