Lost Creek Hollow Should I revise or rewrite

she had not been noticed, the other wolf's attention trained on the deer herd. and then all at once she had been sussed out; she stood helplessly still, tail moving affably at her heels. this one, the abrupt wolfess who had made her one and only visit to sunspire unpleasant. but that meant —
"bearclaw valley, not far off," the mayfair offered, her focus upon the she-wolf. "did sunspire move down?" she inquired pointedly. her tone was friendly, though wary; mona was on the borders of a potentially large pack. each word must now be chosen with care.