Caught up in her own world, there were many things the little red wolf had missed and took for granted. Had she known that he checked on her during the night, that it hurt him to see her hurt, that he was balancing not only her needs but also those of his pack and leader, she might have empathized. And really, she should have known all of these things given that she knew his feelings towards her, his circumstances, even knew a little of his character, but they were lost in the white noise of her static-filled heart. She was as inconsistent as could be, but she was not aware. Or rather, she was in denial. She refused to believe that her own character was more questionable than everyone else. She wanted to believe that she was still different, still unique in who she was, but it was slowly dawning on her that she could be just as debased as the next sinner over. Hadn't she caught a glimpse of this in the forest when this boy whom she so loathed had saved her life with his own skin? The thought, paired with his painful reaction to her words, humbled her. Black lipsticked mouth pulled tight in a snarl retracted quickly and relaxed to a tremble. She listened to him with her face still turned away from him, wanting to hear but hating herself for it. "I know," she squeaked almost inaudibly as he spoke of taking care of Magpie. She believed him, but did not want to betray these beliefs to her pack mate. Sidling up in order to garner some more privacy, she laughed despite herself at his words. It was a cross between a scoff and a cry of pain. "Big Black Wolf," she began affectionately with eyes dry and yet glossy with insecurity, "Why didn't you take me in? I would have followed you, b-but you didn't want me." She was simplifying the situation but cared not. Inching forward with a lurch, she reached to nip at him. Her pale green eyes looked at him pleadingly. "I'm sorry I keep hurting you. Please forgive me. I'm really not trying to." How strange how words could be so true and so false at the same time. |