Moonspear five

life has been nothing but upheaval, interrupted only occasionally by flashes of warmth and happiness. it has brought far too many cruelties, and the girl can feel herself stretched thin at the seams. but among the queens words, there is one phrase she grasps for, desperately. whoever hurts me, I hurt back.

that old anger is returning, threatening to overwhelm. there is fierce gratitude for hydra's affirmation, but that is one emotion she can not express, not now. she hates, burns, but finds it directed just as much toward her as the woman on the borders. "I want to hurt her. I want to kill her." she vows, breath still coming fast. she wants to hurt herself. she wants to hurt just as much as the looming realizations tear her apart, but to admit that feels wrong. weak. she wants to know why; why a woman would bring life into the world only to abandon it. she wants to know why she's failed to gain her mother's love. but she is just as terrible at articulating this as Hydra admits she herself is. and so she settles for her vow.