Redhawk Caldera I'm a mess

Bonding moment it is!

Sebastian was roaming rather aimlessly. He was still thinking of leaving the pack even though he wasn't sure why. There was something that unsettled him. The large tank of a male worked hard and it was seen in his higher ranking over the weeks he had been staying in the caldera. Probably the most common reason why he didn't feel at home was because he hadn't made any friends or social connections. Somehow Sebastian was quite social but he refrained from it. Maybe it was his troubled past that made him believe that he wasn't fit to be a good friend, or maybe it was a combination of that and the genes he thought he had gotten from his father. 

He still had to confront his father, but ever since he knew where his father was holding himself it felt like his life long mission to find him ended. He felt like his purpose in life was gone. The big fire that was once burning inside of him had smoldered down. The need he once felt to tell his father what he did wrong, and the want of proving himself was gone. Probably the meeting with Burke's other son was what got his spirits to die down. He seemed close with Burke, a closeness he never had with him. What had he done so wrong that his father would never have spend any attention to him?

Bitter as Sebastian was he started to stomp his way through the Caldera, unhappy with himself only because he let someone dictate his life. And that someone didn't even want to be in his life. He would need some advise. But with who was he even comfortable enough to tell his story? Muirgen seemed to innocent and he hadn't seen her after their last meeting. She was probably at the seashore being happy. Finely might be too... Finley. Peregrine was probably busy and Wildfire would be too young to understand. Maybe @Elwood would be the one that could give good advise. Sebastian wasn't sure, he didn't know the male that well. 

Their numbers had dwindled, but it appeared that loyalty was a common trait among their members. Elwood still thought of Somnia often and missed his dear friend; there was little hope that she would return or that he would ever see her again, but she crossed his mind on a frequent basis. Presently, he was remembering their elaborate play schemes as he floated in the shallow end of the caldera itself, enjoying the feel of the lukewarm water against his skin.

After a while, he emerged from the lake, pausing on the shore to shake his fur out. He sent droplets of water flying every which way and left a puddle beneath his paws. Leaving the sun to complete the task of drying his coat, he began to make his way down the mountainside, enjoying the warm spring weather and the fact that there were no pressing matters to attend to at that moment.

Ahead of him, he heard the pounding of paws, and a flare of his nostrils identified the owner as Sebastian. Waving his damp tail at the opportunity to get to know one of the newer members a bit more, Elwood accelerated until the other wolf's imposing frame came into view. "Sebastian!" he called, noting the air of frustration that seemed to surround his packmate.

Sebastian was still thrumming his paws against the ground when he heard his name. "WHAT?!," he growled and turned around. He cleared his throat when he saw Elwood. He had been in thought so much that he let out his frustration in that one word. His body deflated a bit, which didn't mean he looked smaller. It was almost impossible with his size. His ears fell to the size and then casted his pale eyes up at Elwood since he was holding his head lower. "Elwood. I'm sorry..," he spoke more quietly. Sebastian frowned, not wanting to be rude towards someone higher in rank than him.

Sebastian fell down on his butt looking a bit defeated. Even working hard didn't work anymore from keeping his mind together or focussed. He would probably have to deal with facing his father if he ever wanted to get over it. He kept hearing the annoying voice of his half-brother... Damn it. How Burke would have hunting trips with them. Just being an overall great dad. He had looked up to his own father far more. Why didn't think his father he was good enough. "Elwood, do you think I am good enough?," he asked.

When Sebastian spun to face him with a single bellowed word, Elwood ground to a halt. His head lifted in surprise, ears pressing towards Sebastian as he read the other male's body language. Sebastian's anger quickly receded and Elwood could see him physically shrink, as though there were a weight on his shoulders bringing him down. The Gamma was quick to rectify the situation with an apology, sinking to his haunches and looking nothing less than defeated.

Elwood's brows knit together with concern and he stepped towards Sebastian. Before he could make a query and ask what was troubling him, Sebastian posed a question of his own. It was a peculiary inquiry, and was so subjective that Elwood found it would be difficult to answer. In what capacity?, he wondered.

"What do you mean?" he asked, lowering himself into a sitting position so that he could converse with Sebastian. It was becoming clear that there was something troubling the subordinate, and though Elwood didn't know him well, he wanted to help.

Sebastian sat down too, and then looked at Elwood. "I mean.. I am valuable to the pack, right?," he then asked. He knew he had recently talked to Fox that he wanted to leave but then he decided against leaving. He just had to invest more in friendships. So that was what he was going to do. He needed to at least tell someone. 

"My past. It isn't very good. Or well. My whole life I looked up to my dad, when I was little. I look a lot like him and I was sure that he... he would love me or pay attention to me. But he never did. And... Then there was my horrible uncle, father's brother, he was like the worst alpha. My father just... left to prove his point. He never as much glanced at me.. Like I didn't even exist. And then he left. My uncle didn't do anything only liked to play boss, and he got everyone killed. Also my mother. I was so mad, I killed him and went to look for my dad. And now I found him but he is in a dark forest and I met his new.. alpha or mat or whatever she is. They had young. I met one of them. A dark one and he said that my father was an amazing father to him," Sebastian just rambled in one go, probably not very easy to understand for Elwood.

"Why didn't my father be my father? Why did he leave my mom and me? And the others? And why is he raising that brat of a pup--- And .. I shouldn't have said that I went to his pack..," he then admitted, too honest for his own good. He didn't want to create any trouble after all, he had just been curious.

The other wolf clarified his question, and Elwood immediately bobbed his head. From what he had seen so far, Sebastian had done a good job integrating himself into the pack. He hunted and filled the caches, and Elwood had detected his scent along the borders. He was making an effort to get to know his packmates as well as the Alphas' pups. Elwood saw no reason as to why Sebastian would doubt himself.

Before he could formulate a proper verbal response, however, Sebastian launched into an explanation. Elwood pressed his lips together and pricked his ears, showing his companion that he had his undivided attention. The story was a lengthy one, but the Beta surmised that Sebastian's past was what was bothering him. It sounded as though he had been treated poorly by his family, and that was why he was concerned with his placement in Redhawk Caldera. His self-esteem had likely been damaged by his father and his uncle.

It was a little concerning that Sebastian's father lived nearby, but it sounded as though he had started a new life for himself. The chances that he would cause trouble for the mountain wolves was slim. Elwood could understand Sebastian's consternation, however, and reached out with a forepaw to touch his friend's shoulder in a reassuring manner. "I can't answer those last questions for you," he said with a sad smile; there was no way he could reason as to why Sebastian's father had treated him the way that he had. "But I can tell you that you are a valuable member of our pack and I, for one, am happy that you're with us."

Sebastian really was making himself insecure only because he found the approval of one wolf so important. He would really need to realize that he didn't need his father's approval. Sebastian had been so confident in the beginning but all this uncertainty made him insecure. Talking to one of Burke's other young , his half brother didn't help. A shiver went over his spine. The pale eyes off the male fell into Elwood's. A grateful smile tugged on his lips. "That means a lot," he choked out. Clearly affected. 

The charcoal male inhaled sharply and then let out a big sigh. "Do you think I should confront him? My father I mean? Do you think it will bring peace if I get to hear how he things about me?," Sebastian wondered. But then he thought about the fact that his father might tell to his face how much he hated him. Would that be easier to deal with than make assumptions? Since those assumptions were what troubled him the most. The uncertainty. He hated his father for making him feel like this, yet he also wanted that recognition. He might hate his father for what he did but what Burke did the first year of his life had been incredible.

Elwood suddenly found himself wishing that FitzDutiful was still a member of the pack. He was a counselor by trade, and would have likely been able to give Sebastian the guidance he so needed. But despite his inexperience, Elwood dug deep within himself to search for an answer. He didn't want to just tell Sebastian what he wanted to hear -- while that could make him feel better temporarily, it wouldn't be a long term fix.

Truthfully, he couldn't imagine the situation that Sebastian had grown up with. Elwood's family had been whole and in one piece, with very little drama or strife. After coming to the Teekon Wilds, however, he had learned that the world could be a cruel place, and many wolves had been dealt a bitter blow at some point in their lives. He chewed his lip thoughtfully as he considered Sebastian's question, trying instead to see both sides of the coin in order to allow him to come to his own conclusion.

"So you have gone to your father's home and met his new mate and child, but you haven't talked to him yourself?" he asked first, simply for clarity. Once he understood, he continued. "This is a decision that is completely up to you. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It really depends on what you feel in your heart. Talking with your dad might bring you the closure that you want, whether it's negative or positive. Or you could put him out of your mind -- as hard as that may be -- and focus on your own life. You are in control of your own destiny; you have the power to make something of yourself here, without any input from him." He blinked, giving his head a gentle nod to accent his words. "What's your gut feeling right now? What do you think would make you happiest?"

Sebastian shook his head. "Before I even knew about my father's location I ran into this dark female. She had blue eyes and a black coat. She had mistaken me for my father. She tried to lure me into their dark woods but I was smarter than that. Meldresi she was named I believe. She talked about how loyal and perfect my father was," he spat, growing bitter again. "Only once I went to look at their borders. I was respectful, not crossing it, just looking to see what it was about and this... pup came up to me with her black coat. He spoke about Burke, my father being his father and... how a great dad he was." They were playing a trick with him. His father wasn't a good father, why would he otherwise ignore Sebastian for his while life?!

Sebastian slowly nodded, calming down when he heard the advise. He wasn't sure what he wanted, what he did know was that he didn't want to bring any of the Caldera members in danger and he might call the wrath of his father directed towards his new home. "I-- I don't need his approval. He never looked at me anyhow. I don't want to confront him.. I think," he spoke. "I don't want him to come here. I don't think he knows I am here, but I don't want to risk it. He will know when he smells me, probably. I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to a fellow pack member."

I had a nice long reply typed up last night, then my browser ate it. D: Have attempt #2!

It wasn't the first time that a caldera wolf had expressed a fear of a family member wreaking havoc on the pack. Elwood thought of Amon and his brother, then of Tempest and her father. Both had worried that their respective kin would bring harm to their packmates, but luckily neither occurrence had come to fruition. Therefore, Elwood did not feel particularly concerned about Sebastian's father. Besides, it sounded as though he was quite involved in his own pack -- which seemed to be simultaneously a good and bad thing for Sebastian.

"I don't think we will have to worry about that," he said with a gentle shake of his head. "And if he does show up one day? We'll stand behind you. You're part of our pack now; we take care of our own." Here, he paused, looking Sebastian square in the face to make sure that he understood. He then continued, "But you're right, you don't need his approval. You are in charge of your own fate, and if you put your mind to it, you can become an integral piece of Redhawk Caldera. When I first joined this pack, I had been recruited by Peregrine -- I didn't know him, or Fox, or Finley. And now, just a few months later, I have a family." He smiled. It was true; though he wasn't related by blood to any of the caldera wolves, he wouldn't trade them for the world.

I hate it when that happens. Uch.

Sebastian was slowly feeling more confident. Fox had managed to keep him in the pack, or well, she said the right things and now Elwood was doing the same. Maybe this was what a family should feel like. Sebastian was touched for a moment and looked at Elwood with a grateful expression. He could only agree with the Beta's words. "Thank you. You don't know how much this means," Sebastian returned. His idea was to join a pack that would become his family and maybe he was too blind to see it all along.

"Oh yes, and look at you now. Being Beta and everything," Sebastian smiled with a hum in his tone. "I think I am just too dramatic at times," the young male then admitted. He did had a flare of the dramatics at certain times. The pale eyed male then slowly wrapped his mind around the fact that his father might never have liked him. Sebastian had admired him for all the work he was doing for their pack, maybe that was why he was so bitter, since he left. His father gave up and he wanted to know why. Sebastian didn't want to be like his father so he couldn't give up. He would just live without his father being in his life. 

Elwood smiled at Sebastian's words. It was true; the last thing he had expected when he met Peregrine was to become his second-in-command. Beyond that, he had found love at the caldera as well. He was pleased with the way his life had turned out, and he hoped that Sebastian would find the same peace in time.

"There's no such thing as too dramatic," Elwood said with a laugh, and he truly believed his own words. He was dating Finley, after all, and she was arguably the most dramatic wolf in the pack. Guiding the conversation in a different direction, he then chose to ask, "Are you pursuing any trades? You seem to be well on your way to becoming a gamekeeper." He and Sebastian had hunted together not too long ago, and he had seen the grey male's skills first hand; there was no doubt that it would be easy for him to secure that job.

Sebastian hoped he would find the peace he needed to settle down. That the could ignore his father and his judgement. Sebastian was all making things up in his head. He was worried about his father's assumptions but little did he realize that he was making assumptions for his father too. A smile cracked on his face. "Oh really?," he returned with a cheeky grin. It slowly turned into a more serious expression when the male asked about his trades. Good Question.

"Well, I was going for Gamekeeper, yes. And Warden, maybe even Warrior. But after talking to Fox she spoke about the pack needing more intellectual wolves she needs. I like to think I am somewhat intellectual. She talked about counselors and healers. I am not sure if I am quite the healer, but I might be calm and logical enough to be a counselor. So I dropped pursuing Gamekeeper actually," he admitted. "But if I am a healer I could help Tiger out...," he didn't mean to say that out loud. "And you know.. I spend some time with the pups but Caretaker sounds so... lame," he quickly talked over it.

It sounded as though Sebastian's mind was full of thoughts on trades, and Elwood listened attentively. There were plenty of options and he had many qualifications. Although Fox and Peregrine valued hunters and guardians over others, the pack was in dire need of a counselor and a healer. Sebastian seemed to be a thoughtful and articulate wolf, which Elwood believed would make him a good counselor.

"I'm glad to hear that Tiger is becoming a medic," he said -- he hadn't caught the hidden meaning behind Sebastian's mention of his sister-in-law -- then addressed the other options. "We do have plenty of gamekeepers, and honestly, most wolves are great hunters anyway without the title. But Fox is right -- counselors and healers are in short supply here. I think you'd make a great counselor, and you and Tiger would be a good team in the medical department." With a quick glance over Sebastian's frame, he then added, "And it would be kind of a shame for you not to be a warrior or warden, with your size and strength." Although he wouldn't judge him if he chose not to add either to his repertoire.

Sebastian nodded about the fact that Tiger was becoming a medic. A very pretty medic. Sebastian scolded himself for thinking that. He shouldn't.. He would especially try and stop himself from crushing on her if he would know she was Finley's sister. She might approve of him. If he would get together would that mean that he and Elwood would be brothers-in-law? Sebastian quickly stopped that thought. He and Tiger only talked a few times. 

Sebastian smiled briefly at his compliment about his height. He was indeed quite large. "Well as a warrior I might not be fit. I tend to be a bit more slow and that can be a disadvantage. Warden Perhaps? Because my looks can sometimes intimidate others," he admitted. At first he disliked it but when he was a lone wolf he realized it came in handy. Others would often leave their meals because he was twice the size of some wolves. "Maybe that is it then. Healer, Counselor and Warden," he spoke with a hum on his lips. 

If only Sebastian had mentioned his budding crush on Tiger! Elwood would have loved to gossip about Finley's sister -- in a positive way, of course! -- and could have provided some insight into the way those Blackthorn girls operated. Alas, Sebastian avoided the topic, so the Beta's mind remained focused on trades.

He nodded; he could see why Sebastian thought his size could be a disadvantage when it came to sparring. He would put up a great defense, but likely wasn't too quick on his paws. But that meant that he was suitable as a warden, which was just as good, in Elwood's opinion. "Warden would be perfect, then. I'm a warrior, but I'm not very skilled yet. Fox trained me some, but I definitely could use more practice," he said, mentioning his own tertiary duty in an off-handed manner.

Next time they will talk about girls xD

Sebastian nodded in agreement. "I know for a fact that my size can repel other wolves," he confirmed. "And then I wasn't even snarling or in a vicious mood," he added. One didn't want to anger Sebastian because one would have a very bad enemy. He might settle for Warden then and maybe the healer one to do together with Tiger. Who knows what would grow from it! Sebastian liked to think that might spark something on. But a girl that pretty might not like a guy like him. He was freakishly tall and rather... fluffy on the inside. Plus he could be the most awkward goof.

"Well, great advise Elwood. Thank you," he spoke and bowed his head in thanks. His tail wagged a bit. "I might practice for Warden then," he spoke with a hum and gave a nod in goodbye. Sebastian then trotted off, with barely making a noise, compared to before it seemed that a lot of that heavy load had been lifted of his shoulders. 

Absolutely! I totally want them to become brothers-in-law, haha!

Elwood found it easy to understand why wolves could be intimidated by Sebastian. He was certainly large and imposing physically, but he was really quite a friendly guy. The Beta had enjoyed interacting with him on a handful of occasions now, and after this most recent conversation, he hoped that Sebastian would stick around the caldera for a long time.

Glad that he had given his companion some food for thought, Elwood waved his tail as Sebastian excused himself. "You're quite welcome. Let me know if you need any help," he offered readily, then turned to go. "See ya around, bud," he said over his shoulder, and then he, too, departed.