Bearclaw Valley Toughen me up!

@Raziel

Scarlett came to the realization that she was too soft. She had basically humiliated herself when Azaria joined their ranks. Scarlett had been looking at her from a point of view that was more caring and a worrying mother rather than a critical Beta. She really liked this spot, so she should make herself better at it. Become more ferocious like a raging bear. They were in Bearclaw Valley after all! Her red eyes looked over the valley and decided that if she wanted to keep this place as perfect as it was now, well then she had to toughen up. She had to learn a new way of thinking.

Scarlett trotted through the valley in search for Raziel. Her babies didn't need to know of her trying to learn how to fight and be meaner. Scarlett howled for the male in a non urgent way, more of a locating howl rather than a summoning one. She trotted to the alpha and then greeted him with a lick over his cheek. Then her red eyed grew fierce and more strict. "You need to toughen me up!," she let out to Raziel. She never felt weak, but she did feel incompetent as a wolf. She just wanted to get rid of that worrying mother type. She left like this toughening up course would make it easier to talk to Kove too.

There were times when Raziel wished to have company but everyone was too busy to chat; then there were other times when Raziel wanted to be alone and with his thoughts and suddenly everyone came rushing towards him wanting to talk with him. Okay. He'll endure it...most of the time. But that day....the gods and the Fates were too cruel. He had just woken up from a nap, found himself in the deepest part of the forest, almost died, just managed to get back to open ground (if he was human and could sweat, he would practically be drenched by now) and was regaining his breath when Scarlett arrived and licked his cheek in greeting.

Thankfully, he was looking normal now instead of a wolf suffering some heart attack and therefore Scarlett wouldn't be suspicious or worried. But of all times she could come and talk to him, it just had to be after that happened. Seriously. Raziel was about to tell her to GTFO when he recalled a faint howl in the air when he was running through the forest; he hadn't really noticed it as he was kind of dying as he did so but now that his head was clearer, his brain called forth the tinier details a few minutes before. Raziel resisted the urge to scowl, instead regained his stoicness and met Scarlett's gaze with faux calmness.

"Toughen you up?" Raziel repeated with a cant of his head, his heart still thudding in his chest at an abnormally fast pace; it was slowly going back to normal. "You really want to do this?" he asked, fixing his fierce turquoise gaze at her. "I don't even know how to toughen you up..." Raz sighed and shifted his weight, tail flicking thoughtfully behind him before he sat down. "First things first, strangers are not your children nor are they worth caring about. If you wish for your family and you to survive, then you must let them go and not help them, be nice to them, etc. Sacrifices have to be made."

Scarlett approached Raziel and sat prettily before him. "Of course I want this otherwise I wouldn't have come to you in the first place," she explained and then frowned a bit. Her frown turned even deeper when Raziel was ... complaining about that he didn't know where to start. She wasn't sure if she should be offended by that or not. Scarlett decided to brush it off and listen to him. She nodded shortly, that was what she was already planning on being like that. Or well trying to be like that. The light color wolf nodded slowly.

"Okay, so... how do I look more intimidating?," she asked. She had no idea that she looked intimidating once, when the tornado was so close to their home and she snapped at Kove. She never really did show her angry side, but she could be really angry. She usually just bottled it up or hid it from public. She always wanted to come over as kind and good natured, but not anymore. She needed to learn how to protect her babies and how to show more ... authority to them. Yes that was it.

Raziel wasn't complaining. He was merely stating what was on his mind in a mildly exasperated manner. Not at her; she hadn't done anything wrong. He was simply angry and irritated at himself for behaving in this manner, he would rather die than let his condition be exposed to the world. At that moment, the Roman made a decision: he would have to take poppy seeds on a daily basis if he didn't want to have his problem to be exposed. There was no other way; this was the only path Raz could walk. He had told himself there were other ways, but now he could see...there was only one way.

A smile tugged at the left corner of his lip as Scarlett asked him how she could look more intimidating. "Stand up," he said quietly, rising to his own paws and beckoning for her to do the samething. "Straighten yourself to your full height, raise your tail to a position that befits your rank. Empty your features of emotions and make your eyes cold and fathomless." Raziel instructed her calmly, demonstrating it himself. Immediately, he shifted from a kind looking wolf to a regal, stoic Alpha.

WHAT IS RAZIEL'S PROBLEM TELL ME

Scarlett watched her alpha and slowly nodded. He explained to her how to stand. She kind of knew this already, but she would have to really try it now. Being alpha and Beta hadn't learned her to take that position regularly. The white female raised her tail. As a young wolf she was beaten into submission so her self pride wasn't that high, but she could always act like it was. Plus she was doing better with choosing for herself instead of someone else. At least Scarlett found so.

She raised her head too and tipped her chin up a bit. Her ears falling back as she had seen Burke do that one time. She lifted her whole body, compared to how she held herself before it looked like she wanted to be invisible. Her warm red eyes stayed warm, until she opened that door of anger she locked up so well, she let it set ajar and slowly let her anger, hate and frustration fill her heart. Her eyes drained of her warmth and replaced with the darkness that came from that opened door. The warm blood color her eyes had before now looked more like the blood that had stained a floor after a fight.

*cackles evilly* Stay tuned to find out...lol. Maybe if Scarlett plays the right card, and maybe if she catches a glimpse of him when that happens....

Raziel watched calmly as Scarlett stood and copied his movements, she raised her head and tilted her chin up, her velvety snowy ears falling back onto her crown as she lifted her body like she wanted to be seen, and not to be invisible. "Wow.." the Roman commented quietly, all thoughts of his problem vanishing at once. A grin graced his normally stoic features and a gleam lit up his bright turquoise eyes. "Brilliant, Scarlett! Brilliant!"

He quieted when her eyes began to change..obviously not literally..but you know what I mean. Gone was the warm and inviting crimson eyes that Raz had gotten so fond of, it was replaced by a cold, terrifying and uninviting red, reminiscent of the blood on a corpse after a burder. Raziel stared at her, entranced and not in a good way by her outstanding performance. He shook himself out of his reverie and grinned, "I wouldn't want to be your enemy now," he told her with a gentle smile. "You're a natural at this."

Damn. I wanna know.

It was dangerous for Scarlett to open that door, she only did that because she didn't want to fail again, she was always failing. She didn't want that anymore but once that door was opened just a little bit, she had to use all her strength to close it again. She had been hurt a lot during her three years of life and instead of dealing with it she always laughed and smiled and hid it away in a room with a locked door. She only opened that door twice, once at Duskfire and now because she wanted to do good. Somehow the praise meant nothing to her. The anger and frustration was numbing down every other emotion she could possibly feel.

Her face fell into disgust when he saw the gentle smile on the male before her. She started to inhale and exhale more sharply. Her jaw gritted and locked as it looked like Scarlett wanted her control back. But it didn't work, the door was open more instead of closing. Her mental muscles were trained to keep the door keep that door locked but it wasn't trained to repeatedly open and close it. Or worse, keep it open. All the negative energy made the door pushed wide open, something that Scarlett was very afraid of happening. Just a second after that a smile popped on her features, though it wasn't even close to a warm and kind one. This one looked sadistic and mean. "Then don't become my enemy," a very cold tone deadpanned at him.

:D

The smile vanished immediately when Raziel noticed that her face had contorted into disgust, something he rarely ever saw. Something was wrong, the Roman knew, though what it was was something he did not know yet. She began inhaling and exhaling sharply, causing his velvety silver ears to flatten against his sterling crown in worriness and fear. What was wrong? He stood there, frozen for a moment before he took a tentative step forward just to stop in his tracks once more. Confused and unsure. What could he do now? A healer he might be, but Raziel didn't know how to heal if he didn't know the problem.

A sadistic and terrible smile touched her unusually cold face now and she told him not to become her enemy in a very uncharacteristically icy tone. He steeled himself, eyes narrowed and stepped forward until his face was only half an inch away from her's, if she moved backward, he would move with her until he got what he wanted to. "Snap out of it," Raziel growled softly, nudging her cheek with his nose, not caring what she would think about it, involuntarily licking his lip as he did so.

Meaaaaaan. PP'ing Desna because I can >D

Scarlett stood there, her tail had risen higher and curled on her back, which never happened before. Raziel stood closer and closer and Scarlett's lip rose to bare her teeth. Slowly she started to shake her head to try and close that door again but there was so much anger and so much hurt from only her life before Teekon. There was even more hurt added with Duskfire Glacier and the recent event with Kove not being a good mate to her. The nudge did barely a thing. She let out a vicious growl coming from the inside of her body.

"Mamma!!!," a happy yip came from under the bushes which soon showed a plump pup charming towards her. In the moment of distraction Scarlett could slam the door close and let out a long sigh. That was disastrous. Instead of doing it right she let herself go too much and made Raziel see how much anger she was hiding. Desna was jumping up against her. She licked the top of the girl's head, but Scarlett looked miserable. Her red eyes looked ashamed. "I can't be mean," she spoke to Raziel. Most probably thought she couldn't be though because she was just so kind, but technically she couldn't be tough because then the monster appeared.

Raziel disregarded the fact that Scarlett's position currently befitted his rank and not her's; now was not the time to argue over these petty little things. He ignored the curl of the albino's lips, and the sharp edge of her teeth when he walked over to her. She growled an uncharacteristically vicious growl and while Raziel heard it, he did not listen to it, meaning that it passed right through his left ear and out of his right; the noise did not register in the Roman's brain. However, when a familiar voice rang through the air, Raziel's left sterling ear flicked towards it and his heart sank immediately, looking wildly between the dark, fat pup and the currently crazy albino.

Thank the gods that Scarlett became normal once more when the pup arrive, which meant he didn't have to grab the pup and do some kind of superhero saving. He allowed the relief to wash over him for a moment as Raziel watched the mother lick her daughter's head, his keen eyes noticed the miserable and ashamed look in her crimson eyes but he did not comment on it. The Roman inclined his head slightly when she told him that she couldn't be mean. "Do you have PTSD?" he asked her, voice filled with concern as he reached forward to plant a reassuring kiss on her pale cheek. "Post-traumatic stress disorder? You know, because of your...terrible and messed up childhood?" Raziel's face contorted into a dark scowl when he said the word 'childhood', he knew that her family mistreated her but he didn't know it was enough to cause this kind of thing. After all, Raziel himself had a pretty messed up childhood too: regular beatings, starvation, murder, torture etc. He knew all that, he'd been through all that. But he didn't have PTSD, or he didn't have that severe a case of it.

Had Scarlett gone through the samething? Was it because she chose to hide it away instead of embracing it and getting over it like he did?

Scarlett tugged Desna close because she was her anchor now. She reminded that she was a mother, not a monster and that made her able to close that door she always kept close. She inhaled Desna's scent and closed her eyes for a moment. The red eyed girl was always called a monster because of her looks, and now she just behaved like one. What was she doing?! She opened her eyes when Raziel spoke. A frown settled on her face mostly because he used 'childhood'. But she had been mistreated until past her second life year. Then she had enough and left. She came to Duskfire where she ended up being rather mistreated too.

"No I don't," she spoke stubbornly and looked at the male. She ignored the kiss since it made her feel weird. "I just have to keep that mental door closed and I will be fine," she explained to him. It was all very simple. She shouldn't have used that anger and frustration to do something good, she should have known it would have backfired. "Please don't start about my childhood because it was far more than that," she returned. Remembering that Desna was by her feet she wanted to make sure the little girl would have the best childhood.

He noted her frown calmly and did not speak, if he had a redeeming trait, it was his ability to stay calm and focused even in the most terrifying, unexpected of moments. Well, except when that thing happened, then he would just spiral out of control and practically die. Die. Yeah. If that got out of control, he could just die. Anyways, other than that, he was usually calm of mind and dealt with situations with the brain of a military leader, so when Scarlett stubbornly insisted she didn't have PTSD, Raziel simply inclined his head in a nod, muttering almost inaudibly under his breath, "Too bad. I thought I would have a partner in disease by now."

It was meant to be sarcastic, but the moment the words left the Roman's lips, a new thought entered his head. He did have PTSD didn't he? It was where his condition came from, it was why he could die any moment now...if he was in the right place. In fact, one could say that the silver Alpha's version of post traumatic stress disorder were in a way, worst than Scarlett's. Raziel's breath quickened ever so slightly, his gaze no fixed on something in the ground before he caught himself and looked up at Scarlett once more, just in time to catch her say something about keeping the mental door closed and that she would be fine.

"Okay," Raziel replied simply, a calm mask settling over his battle hardened features. But when she told him not to say anything about her childhood because it was more than that, a dark shadow crossed his face. Far more than that, huh? If only she knew....

Scarlett could be a good listener if she wasn't absorbed in her own thoughts, this moment she was not and what Raziel told her was concerning her greatly. Her red eyes squinted and stared at him. "What do you mean, 'partner in decease'?," she returned with a frown. She wanted to know if something was happening to Raziel. What was he hiding? Why? From her? She wanted to know if Raziel was ill or not. Not that she could help but then he had something to share that with. He wanted her to be his mate right? And he didn't even trust her to tell her something personal?

A silence grew since she didn't want to talk about childhood and Raziel was clearly hiding something from her. Or at least that sentence implied it. She focused herself on Desna and licked the top of her head. The dark pup was clearly pleased to be sitting with her mother and snuggled against her. Scarlett was surprised that she wasn't begging for food right now. A soft hum came from her, Desna was cute and she would have no mental problems because she would have a /great/ childhood.

Raziel's eyes widened when Scarlett spoke, asking what he meant when he said 'partner in disease'. He turned his head slightly away from her, so she could not see his face and immediately began to have a mental panic attack. What should he do? He wouldn't be able to explain what he meant without revealing everything to her. And even though Raziel trusted the albino female with his life, he just couldn't bring himself to tell her about his condition. He knew he would have to trust her with everything if he was to be her mate...but, sometimes, you just couldn't reveal everything. 

His breathing quickened as his mind began making absurd excuses about what he just said. There was no way he could reveal everything; at least, not yet. It was hard enough for Raziel to accept it himself, but to reveal it to another? Damn it. He would rather have that happen right here and now to save him from the lengthy explanation, but the conditions weren't right, and he'll be damned if he purposely triggered it to happen. 

Instead, Raziel turned to her and tilted his head slightly, a sombre look taking over his formerly carefree features. "I have PTSD," was what he told her quietly. Then he waited to see her response; PTSD wasn't his exact condition, really, it was just the thing that had given him this condition.

Scarlett watched as the male looked visibly struggling and frowned slowly. What was the male hiding, was it that serious. Scarlett was surprised when he finally answered. Raziel, having PTSD? She looked at him and then trotted closer, she didn't know what event had caused it but never the less she was sure to support him. "I didn't realize. How it is triggered?," she asked curiously. "I will be there for you, Raziel. You know that," she offered. Scarlett looked up at Raziel with big red eyes. She felt bad for him.

The female moved closed and snuggled against him. She even licked over his cheek and then rested her head against his chest. Her mind still wondered what made Raziel get PTSD. What she didn't think was that she might have a bit of PTSD herself. Nope, she was just hiding her feelings. The girl just had to keep that door with feelings close. Desna looked up curiously and snuggled herself between the two adults. She wanted cuddles too!

He watched nervously as she came closer, gazing at him with warm crimson eyes and dipped his head down to lick at a patch of ruffled sterling fur just to avoid eye contact with her for a moment. His...condition was something he held close to his heart, keeping it from others. It wasn't because he liked it and was too selfish to share it; hell, it was the opposite of that. Raziel feared that others might know; he was supposed to be the fearless and strong leader, the light for them in darkness, they might lose trust in him when they realised how vulnerable he truly was, how his stoicness was just a shell for him to hide under. 

Raziel had never in his life told anyone about his condition other than his family and his personal shrink. Actually, strike that — only his family and his former personal shrink had ever known about his condition; he hadn't shared it with anyone else for more than a year, and truth to be told, the Roman wasn't sure he even could. The sterling male trusted Scarlett, but this was something else.

He nodded, unable to form words, when she told him she would be there for him and that he knew that. "It's different," Raziel began, wondering if he should explain this. "It's.....it's like....it's not..it's not really PTSD." He scowled, furious with himself. "Sorry," he mumbled, hanging his head like a boy who had been caught doing something bad. "It's hard to explain. It's not really a flashback of what happened, or nightmares or anything like that. It's more like..." the Roman paused, raising his head once more to look at her.

His eyes widened as she licked his cheek and rested her head against his chest; somehow, the action of her comforting him touched him deeply. But the moment was ruined when Desna moved between the two of them; Raziel resisted the urge to push her away and simply let it be. "It's more like...after a particularly...terrible? Traumatic? Nevermind. After that event, something happened to me, making me unable to..."

Raziel blinked and sighed heavily; he knew he would have to tell her, he just didn't know how.

Scarlett looked up at the struggling Raziel. She looked at him with so much admiration, because she was truly honored that he would tell her. She didn't want to let him down. She wanted to show the male that she did care. "It is okay you don't have to tell me if you are not ready," she spoke softly and licked under his jaw again, to his ear. "It is okay. I'm here!" She wasn't sure if that was helping. Scarlett wished she could help, but she was not a shrink or very good at medicine that affected the brain or types of mental issues like that.

She sniffled a bit when Desna tried to suck on one of her teats that were completely dry by now. She nipped her in correction and even nipped her butt to share her off between her an Raziel. "Home now,"she spoke seriously and watched the dark pup leave with a heartbroken expression. This was not the moment to be here right now. She turned her attention back to Raziel. "I'm just glad you told me. Then at least I know that there is at least somewhat going on. If you don't wan to tell the Origin that is okay."

I'm so mean lol. Maybe a thread after this one? Last post from me <3

Scarlett's gentle words floated through the air, Raziel's velvety silver ears lifted and he gazed down at her, wondering if he deserved such a pure, good and innocent creature. He was the opposite of what she was. He was a soldier, a ruthless general, he adhered to his wild nature and ruled his pack with an iron fist. He was cynical, suspicious and extremely territorial. He was merciful, but Scarlett was much more than that. She was good, and he wasn't. Raz bit his lip, eyes flickering around him cautiously.  

"It's not just the origin that I'm......unable to tell you right now," the Roman began, staring at Desna's retreating back. "I....I'm sorry. Me paenitet." he murmured an apology in Latin and with leaden steps, moved away from his Beta Female's comforting embrace. Raz cleared his throat and met her gaze as evenly as he was able to, "I don't think I can tell you my condition yet," he told her quietly. "Maybe...next time." Then he walked away, lost in his thoughts.

Scarlett watched as Raziel backed up from her embrace and telling her he couldn't share everything with her yet. For a wolf as private as Raziel she was already proud that he shared something. The female smiled kindly. "Don't be sorry," she hummed and wagged her tail. "I'm glad you told me one part." Scarlett honestly was. She smiled at Raziel and let him go. She was going to follow Desna home. It still was on her mind though. She was thinking about the real cause even though she didn't want to speculate too much.

The pale lady got to her feet. "Whenever you are ready, Raziel," she spoke to him before nodded him goodbye and going after her daughter. They would need some education, and Scarlett would need to learn them that. She wasn't keen on them learning how to swim yet, because if they would know that then the pups might also explore the boulder path to the exit. She didn't want to have that, no they were safe on this side of the river.