Redhawk Caldera Oh, darling

Re-post.

He knew, deep in his gut, that something horrible must have happened.

Peregrine slowed to a stop, abandoning his late morning patrol and padding slowly toward a bent pine near the caldera's foot. He sat, holding a sigh in his chest before letting it out in a long, low whoosh. His chest still felt tight afterward. His single working eye swept the horizon, yet he had long since given up hope of seeing a white speck in the distance: Pan coming home.

It had been weeks. Considering that their last rendezvous had gone so well, the Alpha couldn't imagine Pan would just ghost him like this. That left the less favorable of two possible outcomes: somewhere, somehow, his lover was either hurt or dead. And with winter upon them, there was no way Peregrine could spare the manpower to conduct a search.

An ache bloomed in his chest. Peregrine slid forward onto his belly, feeling suddenly boneless with grief. He closed his eyes, thinking back on their last hours together. They had been happy for the first time in a long time. Everything had been looking up. In time, he would be grateful for this final, pleasant memory, yet presently it created a poignant ache, reminding him that there was no way the Gamma would have left willingly.

Oh, Pan... the Alpha male thought painstakingly, warm tears oozing between his eyelids as other memories of their five months together played out in his mind's eye. What happened to you?

While Somnia had no way of knowing it, the Gamma position seemed to be cursed. She herself had occupied that rank for so long, she still considered it hers even though she had to start back at the bottom. What else had she expected? That she would come traipsing back after her eight-month disappearance and be renamed Best of the Commoners? While Somnia didn't always like to face reality, she boldly faced it this time. It would only be natural for her to start at the bottom and prove herself again. However, she was determined to eventually recover the position for herself. Going back to it being cursed, it seemed to have many downfalls that she couldn't recognize at this point and time. It seemed to have links with disappearance. Somnia had occupied the position before disappearing, and in the near future there was the possibility of her learning about the latest Gamma's own disappearance and death.

That aside, today Somnia sought out Peregrine. It had been something she had been procrastinating, for to her it seemed the equivalent of facing the boss after skipping work.... For eight months in a row. There had been so much stuff she was involved in before she had left, and then she hadn't been around to help be a part of it. She had missed the upbringing of the Alphas' children when she was supposed to be a caregiver, and help take care of them! Even if it had been against her will, would Peregrine and Fox be as forgiving as Elwood when it came to her disappearing from their lives?

Somnia had a valid excuse to keep to herself the first week, with all the resting, eating, and grooming she had to do to bring her as close to peak performance as she could. The next couple days was spent with a guilty conscience on eating as much food as she did the days before, and hunting to try and restock it. She had procrastinated a few days, but now she was ready, with a rabbit in hand (er, jaw) to face the Alphas. While she didn't have a problem with Fox, and quite liked her, Somnia felt like she had had more of a connection with Peregrine, so she tracked him.

Somnia spotted him laying near a tree. At first, she thought he was sleeping. She had the idea of leaving the rabbit near him for when he woke up, and at least he would know she had the thought to seek him out. But as she approached to carry through with her plan, something didn't seem right. Was Peregrine... crying?

She forgot her previous dilemma with her disappearance and his reaction as Somnia confirmed that he was in fact crying. Dropping the food, she went to Peregrine's side. "Are you all right, Peregrine?" She asked before settling down on her stomach beside her friend.

He scented her long before she appeared but Peregrine did not open his eyes until he heard Somnia's footfalls announcing her imminent approach. She had vanished for eight months. Suddenly, his misery was washed away by a wave of hope. Maybe Pan would turn up after all, weeks or even months from now. Maybe some crazy errand had taken him away. Peregrine never would have thought Somnia would be capable of deserting them, yet she had. And now she'd come back. It was possible Pan's story would follow the same pattern.

Blinking the hot, wet tears from his jade eyes, the Alpha male pushed himself upright even as Somnia settled beside him, the rabbit between them. He looked at her speculatively. He didn't forgive easily when it came to wolves disappearing wordlessly. Yet there must have been a good reason, if Elwood had granted her reentry into the ranks. Still, Peregrine wouldn't accept it at face value. He had questions for Somnia—lots of them.

He began by querying quietly, "What happened to you?" He ignored her own question, his half-blind gaze weighing heavily on the top of her head as he looked down at her. There was definitely part of him that was happy to see her back and in one piece, though there was unmistakable scrutiny in those jade depths.

Somnia's question was ignored as the scenario shifted. Peregrine was now sitting up, analyzing her as he waited for a response to his own question. She stayed in her position, letting her closeness to the ground be a metaphor to her rank below him. She turned her head to look at him, give him her full attention. Her gaze strayed to his eyes for a moment before settling on his nose, as looking a wolf in the eyes while speaking was not viewed as courteous, but rather bold.

Today would not be a friendly conversation about emotions and comforting between friends like she had thought earlier, but rather, her original thought of a serious conversation between a boss and his employee. So, Somnia retold her tale. "I was originally exploring. I was planning on being back within the week. But, I fell and hit my head, blacked out. The Alpha of another pack with nomadic tendencies found me, and healed me, as she also had some medical skills. When I came to, she explained this. I thanked her, but told her I should be returning to my pack. She laughed at me and told me that because she saved my life, I owed her. To pay her back, she said I'd have to be of service to her pack for some time. I protested, and tried to flee quite a few times, but in the end, I wasn't a match for the whole pack when they suppressed me. Eventually they let me go, and I tried to get back here as quick as I could.

"Long story short, I was made an indentured servant against my will." Somnia concluded. She risked another quick glance at his eyes, trying to see what he made of her tale.

He did not react when Somnia met his gaze, then quickly dropped her own. His expression remained attentively blank as she began to explain what had happened to her. His gut clenched as Somnia described her injuries—he couldn't help but think of Atticus—and her subsequent experience with indentured servitude. His lips parted, though he said nothing. Peregrine couldn't help but wonder if something like that had happened to Pan. He was exactly the sort of wolf who could be overpowered and enslaved all too easily. The Alpha's mouth clicked shut again, his lips pressing together in a thin line.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you're okay," Peregrine said quietly. "Next time you decide to go exploring, let someone know or, better yet, take a friend," he added, voice stern but beginning to warm slightly. "We really missed you. One wolf in particular," the black wolf continued in a thoughtful tone before elaborating, "Ashton went missing around the same time. He reappeared a while back, saying he went looking for you, then disappeared again." He wondered what Somnia would make of this news. It would probably upset her, though she ought to know what her disappearance had meant for those left behind without answers.

"You missed the Firebirds growing up," he said a moment later, changing the subject. Again, his words contrasted slightly with his tone. It was a sad observation, though there was a tinge of warmth in his voice. "That's all right, though, we plan to make more," Peregrine quipped dryly, glancing off into the distance.

Somnia nodded when Peregrine said to tell someone before exploring next time. She still wasn't sure if she was ready to go venturing out anytime soon after what had just happened. The idea Peregrine presented of taking a friend seemed like a good idea though. While the idea of going out was still repulsing at this point and time, maybe she would utilize the buddy system in the future.

Next, Peregrine let her knew they had missed her. This simultaneously made her feel good and bad. Good that she had impacted them enough to be missed, but bad because of the trouble she put them through. He quickly followed it up with mentioning Ashton. Somnia had a sharp intake of breath as he announced that Ashton had come back since disappearing. She had known of his original disappearance, as it was before hers, but she hadn't known that he had returned and disappeared again. She had missed his return... It made her sad, but she said nothing. She felt the desire to go hide in some dark place and sulk, but the flow of conversation brought her back, out of her thoughts. Somnia pushed her feelings aside to bring her full attention back to Peregrine.

Somnia grimaced for a moment as Peregrine reminded her of other things she had missed. She was supposed to be the designated caretaker of the Firebirds, for when Peregrine and Fox needed a break. They had to be close to adulthood by now, and she hadn't seen them since they were a couple weeks old. Somnia was supposed to have been there to help influence who they were and be a good role model, but she hadn't. This made her even more sad, and brought back the desire to sulk that she had just buried. But then Peregrine mentioned plans of making more Firebirds, and sparked a hope that pushed the desire to sulk away for a few more moments. 

"I'm really, really sorry about missing the upbringing of the Firebirds. I feel really bad about it, as I was supposed to be the caretaker and all. Do you think I could make it up to you by helping with the next batch?"

She apologized for missing the litter's childhood and he said nothing. It was her loss, though of course he now understood she hadn't left willingly. Somnia wanted to know if she could make it up to him by helping with the second batch. His gaze returned to her and he paused a moment, then bobbed his head. That's why he'd mentioned in the first place; it was his hope that she could make up for lost time by throwing herself back into care-giving.

"We'd appreciate the help. We've still never had a formal sitter." The Alpha had proved himself as a capable caretaker but he had given up the role to focus on other things. It would please him very much if Somnia (or someone else, for that matter) became the pups' formal custodian. "I understand that it wasn't your decision to leave, nor really your fault... but if you want to redeem yourself anyway in the eyes of the pack, that would be a good way," he encouraged.

"To answer your earlier question, Som," Peregrine said in the next moment, once again nudging the conversation  in a different direction, "no, I'm not okay. My dear friend, Pan, recently vanished. He said he was going to visit a friend and we haven't heard from him since. Hearing your story, I'm not sure whether to be afraid that he suffered a similar fate, or hopeful. Because I'm pretty much convinced that nothing would keep Pan away from me, except for one thing..." He didn't say it out loud but it was clear in the dark flash of his eyes. Death.

Somnia's tail wagged a little as Peregrine expressed his consent. A bob of her head indicated she would do just that. She had never actually managed to earn the Caregiver trade either, but she planned on working towards it as soon as there was an opportunity. Thinking of it sparked another thought. Where exactly were Peregrine's children? She hadn't run into them yet, but definitely had plans of finding them within the Caldera as soon as she could catch their scent. It shouldn't be too different from their puppy scent.

The positive mood that had been set only moments ago shifted, darkening until there might as well have been figurative rain clouds over their heads. "I'm so sorry Perry." Somnia said, letting out an empathetic whine. "Try to be hopeful. It might hurt more later, it might not. What if you're wasting your time worrying about him and he's alright?" It was easier said than done, but the logic behind it was sound in Somnia's mind. It didn't hurt nearly as much to be hopeful until something proved your hopes wrong. But, there was still a chance that Pan was alright.

"There might even be a few things you could do," Somnia said, starting to brainstorm. "If you have enough wolves here, maybe you could send out a search team? Maybe contact the said friend and see if they have any knowledge of the situation? In any case, no news could be good news, depending on how you look at it." The dreaded could've happened, but without confirmation, there could still be hope.

He knew her sympathy was genuine and that Somnia wanted to help. She suggested a search party, a thought which he had entertained countless times. But Peregrine didn't have enough wolves for that. He couldn't spare any warm bodies, especially not at this time of year. It was a pretty idea but when it came down to logic and rationale, it just didn't hold water. Besides, if he sent a search party after every wolf that vanished into thin air, the pack might as well become nomads, because they would never be able to stop looking for their missing kin.

"We just don't have the resources, unfortunately," he murmured, a painstaking look in his eyes. He wished things were different in that regard. But even he knew Pan wouldn't want him putting the entire caldera at risk for him. Even trying to contact said friend was risky and likely futile. He was pretty sure he knew who it was (Reek) and he and Peregrine were not on friendly terms. Besides, who was to say Reek would know anything about Pan's disappearance? Again, the odds just didn't work.

"I can't help but hope, especially now..." Peregrine admitted, looking at Somnia speculatively. Then his eyes dropped to the ground. "But I've just got this... terrible feeling." Like I know he's not coming back because he's not here—not anywhere—anymore... He swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head lightly, still making eye contact with his big black toes.

After a moment, he raised his eyes again. "It was good catching up with you, Som, and I'm glad you're back, safe and sound. I'd like to catch up more with you later. For now, I think I'm going to head off." He didn't mention any specific duty or activity because there wasn't one. Peregrine just needed the solace of solitude right now. He needed to work out this awful ache in his chest. Mostly, he just wanted to be somewhere quiet, alone with his thoughts, so he could work on preserving his memories of Pan's face in the event that he really never saw it again.

I just remembered there was some random rabbit laying around that Somnia originally brought. The idea of them forgetting about it and leaving amused me. :) 

Somnia nodded her head solemnly as he said there weren't enough resources for a search party. While it was nice to be an idealist at times, there was also a time to come face to face with reality. It seemed the most they could do was hope. However, Peregrine then continued to talk about a terrible feeling. It was a terrible situation all the way around, and Somnia wanted to help, to try to make Peregrine feel better about the situation, but she just didn't know how. It might not even be a situation she could help him with.

She watched as Peregrine looked back up at her, just long enough to utter some departing words. "Same to you. I really hope it turns out alright." Somnia replied. Then, she turned her back on him, as well as the forgotten rabbit. There were just too many feelings to sort through to find it important among the other things they talked about. "See you later." Somnia said, walking off in some random direction. Maybe she would stumble upon some interesting scents that could dictate what she did next.

Haha, we can't have that! *archives* :)

She offered some parting words of consolation and Peregrine simply bobbed his head to acknowledge them. "I wish you could have met him," he said inanely, even as Somnia began to turn away. He made to do the same, shuffling slowly in the opposite direction, though not before quickly remembering to grab the rabbit she had brought.