Redhawk Caldera Hope that tomorrow brings us our butterfly wings

Somnia was sulking. It was something she had been trying to not do, but was always lured back to wanting to do it. The results of wallowing in the negative feelings were inconsistent. Sometimes, letting yourself wallow would result in the negativity going away. Other times, it was like throwing yourself in a hole you couldn't get out of by yourself. Eventually, Somnia had submitted to the urge.

She was laying in the shadow of a tree on the Caldera's slopes, but mentally she was elsewhere. Somnia went over the information Peregrine had given her. Ashton had come back, then disappeared. It made her sad. She wanted to see his golden face again, hear his unique lingo, and bask in his warmth. She rolled onto her back, emitting a whine. It wasn't fair! How badly she wished she'd never ventured out of the Caldera that fateful day she went missing. Why? Why did she have to have been held captive in some strange pack while Ashton reappeared? How could he disappear on her again? Life wasn't fair.

Restlessly, she rolled back onto her stomach. There was the urge to cry. Usually, this occurred when Somnia felt hopeless, which she did. There was nothing she could do. She had searched for him the first time he disappeared and never found him. Why should this time be any different? Besides, she wasn't quite ready to face the world outside the Caldera just yet. The only thing Somnia could do would be to wait and see if he came back... Again. But that could be a while, if he came back at all. There was truly nothing to do, she accepted, which only made her feel much more hopeless. She rolled back onto her back, not even quite aware that she did it. She really wanted to cry, but her pride wouldn't allow it. Instead, she made some weird, guttural sound of distress in the back of her throat.

I had used this as a thread starter but decided to recycle it here. Hope that's cool. :)

He plodded around the borders, sweeping his surroundings with his one good eye. It was a cold, gray day and the air was still and quiet. The world felt strangely motionless. Peregrine suddenly found himself imagining that he was the last living creature left on earth. Better yet, he was walking alone on the moon. He wasn't a particularly imaginative sort, though he got caught up in the strange daydream, finding it much more interesting than this routine patrol.

Suddenly the wind picked up a bit and the Alpha wolf snapped out of it, instinctively tipping his muzzle to catch the scents it blew past him. Strangely, he detected almost nothing on the crisp, biting breeze. He blinked slowly, wondering if the cold had rendered his nose numb. He lifted a paw, rubbing at it as if that would do anything. He then hoisted his peppered snout into the air again, nostrils flaring as he drew in a deep breath. He picked up some traces, though nothing of particular interest.

He exhaled and turned, heading back to the rendezvous site. It was time to return to Fox's (back)side again. The muscles in Peregrine's abdomen tightened in expectation as he made the climb. Only as he reached the farthest fringe of the open clearing did her perfume strike him. Was it fading? Frowning thoughtfully, he hastened to join her, eager to wring out every delicious moment of her cycle before it ended and their minds and bodies moved onto other things.

But before he could take more than three steps, a whine somewhere off to his right drew his attention. He halted in his tracks, jade eyes narrowing and ears pricking as he tried to pinpoint the source. It came again, though this time it was more of a strangled cry. It immediately tripped an alarm in his head. Peregrine pivoted and began running toward the sound, wondering if one of his pack mates was hurt. He tipped his muzzle into the air, yet he didn't smell blood. He didn't smell anything.

But he found her, with his one good eye. "Somnia?" Peregrine shouted as he rushed down the slope, digging in his heels to avoid skidding. "Are you okay?" he barked. Before she could even answer him properly, he was upon her, thrusting his nose toward her scruff and trying to sniff out injuries. Again, he smelled nothing. The Alpha's brow furrowed quizzically.

It's perfectly fine. :)

Someone shouting her name dragged Somnia out of her thoughts, and she managed to roll back onto her stomach and catch a glimpse of Peregrine charging towards her before he was on top of her. It felt suffocating as he checked her out to make sure she was alright. She wasn't exactly happy that someone had noticed either. Truthfully, she found it quite embarrassing.

Once Peregrine gave her enough room to breathe, Somnia answered. "Yeah... I'm fine." She said with a grimace, before elaborating. "Just a little sad about all the things I missed. I'll be fine." She wasn't really sure what to do next. Should she try to smile, and insist everything really was okay? What about changing the topic? That usually worked in changing the direction of the conversation.

Not really sure what to do, Somnia simply stared at Peregrine blankly until he replied.

The fuck? he thought inanely as Somnia's fur tickled his nose. He was happy there was no sign of blood. However, the fact that he couldn't make out any other scents either was throwing him for a loop. Perhaps rudely, he thrust his snout against her neck, inhaling deeply. Normally he would have picked up a thousand little threads of fragrance. But there was nothing. Had she just taken a bath or something? Even then, she should smell like something...

His pack mate's troubled voice caused his focus to shift from himself to Somnia. He took a step back, brow furrowed. "You're here now," he said a bit gruffly and absently, still a little distracted, before catching himself and adding, "You did miss a lot, Som, I'm not going to lie. But there's a lot more ahead of you than behind you. Try to focus on that."

Focus, he mused. He found himself sipping in little breaths through his nose. It was like the damn thing was dead. Panic pulsed in his chest but the Alpha shoved it forcefully aside. It's just the cold. Your nose has gone numb. Don't lose your shit. It'll come back, he silently coached himself.

In an effort to distract both himself and Somnia, he said, "Fox should be plenty knocked up by now. So if it helps, you can start counting down. You ready to be an aunt?" She wasn't related to them by blood and hadn't yet earned the Redhawk name but purely based on the fact that she was part of the pack, she was family.

Somnia felt a little guilty for dragging Peregrine into her problems, but he mentioned focusing on the future instead of the past, and it helped. "Thanks." She said quietly, pushing herself to her feet. There were more Firebirds to come, and she could help with them. Plus, there was still a chance in the future that Ashton could come back. He'd returned once, so why couldn't he do it again?

Her attention was drawn back to Peregrine. Something about him seemed off. Somnia stared at him for a moment while he was distracted with focusing on his breathing. He seemed distracted, as if he weren't really there. Was it just her imagination? Probably. Even if it wasn't, it would be natural for him to be this distracted if any important Alpha duties had popped up recently.

Somnia blinked, and Peregrine seemed to be back normal, as he brought up another topic. "Yeah! How can one not be excited to be an aunt?" She threw back at him with a joking sarcastic tone. "You ready to be a father for the third time?" She reciprocated with an enthusiastic wag of her tail. Wow. This was going to be his third batch of pups. Was it Somnia, or did Peregrine suddenly seem much older?

Abruptly, he caught a scent. Peregrine jerked in the middle of Somnia's reply, trying to grasp it. It was so... thin. He couldn't think of another way to describe it. But it was there. He felt relief wash through him. Then his pack mate's question registered with him and he snapped back to face her, blinking his jade eyes a bit owlishly and pulling a guilty face.

"Sorry, I just... my nose is acting funny," he told her, then cleared his throat and said, "Most definitely. It's been so quiet around here lately, I could use the noise. Although... I don't know if you remember but Wildfire was a bit of a banshee at first. Funny to think back on that now." He chortled. "I'm not keen to repeat that but I think pups will breathe some life back into this pack."

It was mostly a joyous occasion, though of course there was that gaping hole in his life. Peregrine found himself quietly confiding, "I'm very sad Pan won't be here for it. He was very excited about them." The pale Gamma had also been the Alpha male's confidante as well as his lover. Now Peregrine found himself sharing intimate things, like his feelings, with wolves he otherwise might not, like Somnia here. Athough he couldn't say that was an entirely bad thing.

Confusion and a bit of worry warped Somnia's face at Peregrine's sudden jerky movement. It quickly disappeared as Peregrine apologized for it, saying his nose was acting up. She didn't make much of it. After all, body parts had the tendency to act up every now and then, especially in the winter. Even the younger, healthiest wolves experienced it from time to time. Although, had she known his situation, Somnia might have noted how usually there was an apparent reason for body parts acting up, such as having a stiff back after sleeping on an rough, jagged surface.

It was surprising to hear Peregrine describe the Caldera as quiet. Somnia quite distinctly remembered enthusiastic snowball fights with Elwood, Finley constantly keeping things interesting, the excitement of successful hunts, and even the game that she made. It did seem as if the Caldera was in sort of lull while she was getting back into an everyday routine, but Somnia just thought things had been slow for her while readjusting to being part of the pack again.

While Somnia did not remember Wildfire doing that, she laughed with him anyway as he said it. Whether she distinctly remembered it or not, the concept was still amusing. "Yeah. Children did seem to have a way of doing that." She responded. While she hadn't been around enough to have much personal experience, Somnia had seen enough pups to recognize the imaginative and goofy characteristics they seemed to have before growing up. It could also foster a sense of connectedness between the pack as they came together to help care for them.

The mood darkened when Peregrine mentioned Pan. Somnia had thought about asking him if he had learned of any new knowledge of his missing friend's whereabouts, but had decided against it in fear that she would cause this to happen to Peregrine's mood should nothing have changed since their last conversation. But since Peregrine brought it up himself... "I'm guessing nothing's changed since we last talked? That sucks."

When she asked, he sighed quietly and shook his head, "No. I knew it wouldn't, though. Pan isn't..." He paused. "Wasn't, I guess..." Peregrine paused again. "The type to abandon his pack. He was loyal to us—to me, in particular—to a fault. He would die before he turned his back on us." Those words weighed heavily in the air. He was now convinced that's exactly what had happened. He wish he knew the whys and hows. The lack of closure was a special kind of torture.

"But Pan wouldn't want me moping around forever. He would have been so thrilled about the pups, so I'm trying to focus on them and the joy he would have felt." That sounded cheesy as hell, yet he was being entirely genuine. "Maybe I'll even name one after him," he suddenly thought out loud, glancing at Somnia as if to see what she thought of the idea. "Wifi and Rave were named for lost loved ones."

In fact, he and Fox had only given their daughters middle names, not their son. It was now a tradition of sorts, just like naming them after birds or another animals. He assumed they would follow suit with the second batch. Wouldn't it be poetic if they named one of their little girls after Pan? The thought warmed the cockles of Peregrine's heart and he slowly began to smile again.