Blacktail Deer Plateau All I ask of you

Although he saw her every day, several times a day, Peregrine hadn't really spent time with Hawkeye in the nearly six weeks since the birth of their daughters. He accepted this as part of parenthood; they were both so busy raising the girls and helping rear Pied's pups as well that there simply wasn't time to focus on their relationship.

Yet Peregrine felt that, if they didn't make time at some point, and soon, they would never be able to sustain their mate-ship over time. They would become nothing but co-parents; there would be no romance and theirs would be nothing but a friendship or, maybe even worse, a business partnership.

This morning, long before the pups roused, Peregrine stirred and saw that Hawkeye was gone from the den. Seizing the opportunity to catch her alone, he stepped out of the den, stretched in the cool pre-dawn darkness, then set off into the woods. He would track down his wife and hopefully get her alone, all to himself, for the first time in what felt like forever, even if just for a few sweet moments.

I saw your request for someone to jump in here. Hope ya don't mind meeee!

Atticus had been up with the sun this morning, hunting small game not just for himself, but for his Alphas and their kids as well. Prey had been somewhat elusive this time, though, and all he'd managed to score was a fat squirrel for himself and a rabbit for the pups. It was better than nothing, though. He still tasted the squirrel blood in his teeth and it made him drool as he carried the limp rabbit toward one of the caches near the Alphas' den.

Over the scent of the rabbit, though, he caught his brother's scent strongly on a whiff of breeze. Perry was close by. A quick look around revealed Peregrine moving with purpose not far off. Dropping the rabbit, Atticus called out, "Hey bro. Everything okay?"

Glad to have ya!

And, yet, he couldn't seem to find her. Perhaps Hawkeye intended to be elusive; maybe she wanted this time completely to herself. Although this thought sent a sharp pang through Peregrine's chest, his walk slowed and he rolled to a stop, biting back a sigh. He felt suddenly very far away from his mate and not purely in the physical sense. And he felt cold inside, like there was a wind blowing over the proverbial canyon between the Alpha pair.

A dark shape caught his eye and, for a wild moment, Peregrine thought it was Hawkeye, after all. He took a half-step toward the dark shadow, his heart suddenly beating fast, when he realized it was Atticus. His lips pursed as he watched his brother turn toward him, drop a slain rabbit on the ground and make his approach. Disappointment tasted bitter on his tongue, though he was happy to see his brother.

"Yeah," he fibbed, "I was just..." Peregrine almost said, taking a walk. Instead, he paused, looked Atticus in the eye and admitted, "I was looking for Hawkeye. The two of us haven't had a second alone since before the pups were born. I thought I'd nab some alone time today... but I can't find her. Maybe," he finished glumly, voicing his previous thought, "she doesn't want to be found, even by me." And that possibility badly depressed him.

Ever since their last meeting several weeks back, Atticus had mostly just tried to stay away from Hawkeye. He was long over his lustful feelings for her by now, but their parting had just been so messy and negative that he felt being around her would be too awkward and uncomfortable for both of them. Of course, it was impossible to dodge her all the time, given his frequent visits to their puppies. But even so, he too had noticed how scarce she was of late. He'd seen very little of the Alpha female at all, and he felt a pack wolf's concern for that. Peregrine's words only deepened that concern.

"I haven't seen much of her lately," he commented, moving a little closer to Peregrine. Delicately, he ventured, "Are you guys…okay?" If the Alpha pair were to split up, Atticus wasn't sure how it would affect Peregrine. On one hand, he knew his brother was a strong and capable wolf and, if nothing else, his devotion to his kids would keep him centered. But on the other hand, he knew there was a very sensitive side to his brother that could be severely wounded. He hoped it never came to that.

The softness in Atticus's voice tempted Peregrine to admit his thoughts and feelings, his uncertainty. No, he answered mentally, I'm not sure we are... But there was another sentiment, which was just as strong, that stayed his tongue. He remembered too well the tension caused by their mutual crushes on Hawkeye, as well as the fallout following their official pairing. Even more than he wanted to lean on his brother, he wanted to avoid harming their repaired relationship.

"Yeah, we're fine," he said as lightly as he could, wondering if his brother would see right through the fib. His eyes met Atticus's, quietly begging him to leave it alone, for the sake of their peaceful rapport. Peregrine never wanted to be at odds with Atticus again or risk opening up old wounds. He felt that discussing his issues with his mate was simply in bad taste. "Being parents is hell on a mate-ship, though," he quipped, still trying to sound offhanded.

After pausing and waiting for the feeling of vague awkwardness to pass, Peregrine cleared his throat and joked, "I was really hoping to get some nookie to take care of this morning wood." At least he sounded more more genuine with every word. "Guess I'll just have to go hump a tree or something. Or, wait, is that rabbit still warm...?" he joked crudely, wiggling an eyebrow.

"A rabbit?" Hawkeye spoke as she quietly walked through the trees. "Be my guest. It's better than your own brother." The dark female fondly recalled the time when Atticus, Crete, and herself had joked about the small size of Peregrine's... "area". While it was far from true, Hawkeye still had a silent urge to bring the old joke back to light.

Shifting her eyes toward her brother-in-law, she greeted him with a "hello, Atticus, how are you doing?" Hawkeye felt almost the same as Atticus, despite the fact that a small twinge played in her heart when she looked into his blue eyes. They weren't as beautiful as Peregrine's, but they were still amazing.

I'll go ahead and duck on outta here so Hawkeye and Perry can have some much-needed time together. :)

Something in Peregrine's face and in the dejected tone of voice he'd had moments before told Atticus that things most likely weren't okay. But it was the silent plea in Perry's eyes, the unspoken please, not now that passed between them, that kept Atticus from pressing further. Whatever was going on, Peregrine didn't want to talk about it right now, and that was okay. It also occurred to him that Perry might not want to talk about any issues with Hawkeye because of the feelings Atticus had once had for her. He was long over all of that now, of course, but he could still see why that might be uncomfortable for Peregrine.

He chuckled at his brother's mention of morning wood and joking inquiry after the rabbit. He opened his mouth to come back with some smart-ass comment when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hawkeye appeared. It was remarkable how a wolf her size could move so quietly. She made a joke about the rabbit, which brought a small smile to Atticus's face, and then asked Atti how he was doing. "Not too bad," he replied, his manner and voice polite but lacking the warmth that had once been there for her. "Good to see you. I'll get on outta here and let y'all handle that morning wood. I'll bury that rabbit in the cache near your den, if you need a post bone-job snack." He grinned wryly at Peregrine as he turned to pick the rabbit back up in his teeth, and before trotting away through the trees, he cast a meaningful gaze back at his brother. He hoped Perry understood -- I'm here for you if you need me.

As much as he'd been looking forward to seeing Hawkeye earlier, her sudden appearance made him jump and his heart burst into an unexpected sprint. "Babe, hey," he said in way of greeting, the tension reaching an acute point before breaking as suddenly as it had come. He turned toward her, stretching out his dark muzzle to touch the side of hers. "I was looking for you when this bonehead came up and tempted me with the rabbit, I swear," he quipped, running with the joke.

After exchanging a few pleasantries with Hawkeye, his brother pardoned himself and Peregrine met Atticus's eyes and smiled a quiet, Thanks, bro. His attention then returned to Hawkeye and a happy little grin twitched the corners of his lips. Whatever mood he'd sunk into when he hadn't been able to find her initially had evaporated like a drop of water under beating summer sunlight.

"I miss you," he said softly but emphatically. "This is the first time we've been alone together since before the pups happened," he mused almost gaily, even though that was actually a rather depressing fact. "I was just telling Atti that children are the basically the death knell for a marriage. I was kidding, of course, but... Hawkeye, babe, I miss you," he repeated, pausing tentatively before caressing her cheek with his tongue.

He almost told her that he felt giddy and nervous, as if they were two young lovers on a first date, but something stopped him short. It was a cute thought, perhaps, but deep down, Peregrine knew that there were some serious issues to untangle here. And that feeling this awkward around his own mate was not actually charming or endearing; it was a red flag. He would enjoy the sweet bliss of reunion, of privacy, for a moment, but Peregrine knew they must seriously address the issue of their waylaid love life.

Hawkeye felt a little sad that Atticus had to leave in such a hurry, something she was skeptical of, since it had been so long since the adults had had a word alone that wasn't all about the pups. Then again, she was also happy that she could be alone with her mate. She nodded and voiced a goodbye to the male, only watching him a moment before turning toward Peregrine.

"Hi," she said almost breathlessly, something that could be seen as quite out-of-character for her. "I miss you, too. It feels weird, us being alone after all of this time. I didn't realize that pups would drain me so much... maybe we could ask Blue Willow and Atticus to watch them more so we can be alone. I know you know that I don't hate the pups in any way... but things feel off with all the focus on them. There's always a flurry of pups and wolves around, and it's killed the intimacy. We never have privacy, alone time. I-I don't know how to fix it." Hawkeye's key-lime orbs welled with tears and she turned her head to blink them away, hopefully before Peregrine had noticed. Hopefully.

His mate concurred with him almost breathlessly, speaking honestly and even a bit tearfully. Those tears frightened Peregrine. Since when did Hawkeye cry? He'd never hold it against her if she did, of course, but it scared him because it was suddenly so clear how much they'd changed in the past month, entirely separately, and how different their relationship already was. It bothered him even more because, back in the day, he might've questioned those tears but he would've kissed them away; just now, he hesitated for several discomfited beats before reaching out to her.

"It does feel weird," he agreed in a whispered voice, much as he hated to admit it out loud. "I don't like that. It..." Peregrine trailed off, trying to search for the right words. Then, slowly, he said, "I'd never trade the kids for anything. But if we want to make this work, we both have to try harder. We can't neglect each other because of them; that won't work out well for anybody in the end. They deserve to have loving parents who love each other."

He thought of how he'd joked with Atticus about getting some and thought of asking Hawkeye if they could seek out a more private place and get intimate in the hope of rekindling their comatose romance. In the past, he never would've hesitated to try to get into his wife's metaphorical pants. But something stayed his tongue. He looked at her, strong but vulnerable, large but beautiful, and he just didn't feel that spark. That scared Peregrine more than anything else so far.

He didn't know what he should say instead but it turned out it didn't matter. Right then, a shaky, sharp howl rose into the air. It took Peregrine only half a second to place the voice. "That's Junior," he said quietly, his body going rigid. Osprey was no crier, so if she was calling out, she might have legitimately injured herself. Kisu was back there but they were her parents and Peregrine would never ignore the cry of his child.

His cool eyes sought his mate's and they exchanged a look. Peregrine's gaze looked torn, regretful and apologetic all at once. "I guess we'll have to discuss this later," he said in a thin, dry voice. He then turned from her and began to race home. He assumed Hawkeye would follow him, though perhaps not. Either way, their moment alone had been taken from them. They would just have to steal another some other day.